%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
Blog started in Jan 2005: 1st entries for Write in Every Genre. Then the REAL ME begins |
|
It Hurts When I Stop Talking Sometime in Fall of 1998, when a visit from Dad was infrequent, and primarily at the mercy of his 88 Toyota making the 50 mile journey, I was being treated to lunch. The restaurant was my choice, I think. Sisley Italian Kitchen at the Town Center mall was somewhere my dad had not yet tried, so that was my pick. Either I was being treated to the luxury of lunch and adult conversation without my husband and 5 year old son in tow, or that's just how the moment has lodged in my memory. The more I think about it, they probably were there, but enjoying the Italian food too much to bother interrupting. Daddy and his lady friend at the time, Anne, came up together and made a day of it with me and the family. We were eating together and talking about some of my scripts, stories, coverages, poems and other creative attempts that really were not seeing the light of day. I think I'd just finished a group reading of The Artist's Way and was in a terribly frenetic mood over my writing. I think I'd just given them an entire rundown on a speculative Star Trek script. My Dad asked me point blank, “Why don’t you write it?? Anne agreed. It sure sounded like I wanted to write it. Why wasn't I writing seriously? It's what I'd set out to do when earning my college degree in Broadcasting many years earlier. Heck, I should, I agreed non-verbally. “I will.” But, I didn’t. Blogs can be wild, unpredictable storehouses of moments, tangents, creative dervishes, if you will. I'm getting a firmer handle on my creative cycle. My mental compost heap (which is a catch phrase from Natalie Goldman or Julia Cameron - I can't think which, right now) finally seems to be allowing a fairly regular seepage of by-products. That may be a gross analogy, but I give myself credit to categorize my work in raw terms. It proves that I'm not so much the procrastinating perfectionist that I once was. Still, I always seem to need prompts and motivation. Being a self-starter is the next step. My attempt to keep up in the Write in Every Genre Contest at the beginning of the year seemed like a perfect point to launch the blog. |
| I've said it before, my schedule's already a hassle, but compound it with my trying to keep to the East coast rollover of one day into another. Thus, my attempts at blog consistency are easily shot. After a month of no-shows (one entry and, no, I wasn't committed to NaNoWriMo), I had rather hoped I could hit every day this month. Luckily, I have hit a writing upswing. I am actively making notes for improvements to my portfolio. I have an idea for a novel that's just emerging. (Maybe my WriMo will be January). The only downside I've had in the creative flurry is that I feel like it's been sparked by an emotional low and a sense of abandonment. Other than family, I feel like every email is spam and none of my friends are answering their phones or responding to email I've sent. I'm not usually such a whiner. I know this is a crazy month and people have what feels like at least twice as much to accomplish. Once I'm done filing my Reality TV Calendar article, I'll probably give my friendship arena one more boost and write out Christmas cards. And to all a good night! |
| What can I say to be considered for the 30 days show? I thought at first, that the proposed show for spending 30 days as a throwing off of stress and corporate America for a zen release was too close to my usual approach to life. Now, though, I'm imagining that has been my problem. I think about living that way, but I have been unwilling to take the risk of acctually living that way. Could I lose my job for taking a leave to do a documentary feature? The reward could outweigh the risk - I may walk away with the internal resources to combat anything in my future (better than the daily work grind ever will). A small amount of advance could replace my normal income while the balance of the fee could be a nest egg to start over either here or in Texas. $10,000 impacted by taxes isn't a huge windfall, but it does represent a third of my earnings in a typical year. I know the universe can spew more my way. What price for giving myself space to know myself better? A door has opened, it's only a shot, but it could be a very straight, even logical shot that I can't just let pass. |
| I'm wearing a shirt that says Has Leido Tu Periodico Hoy - (sans the usual punctuation here) Hey, it was Free from a subsidiary of my employer because I'm lucky enough to win an occasional raffle. Giving of my own time (precious sleep time, I may add)I earn these opportunity raffle prizes Of course, working for a huge media conglomorate means I can't enter most contests, answer surveys...just a load of stuff I can't do. Sometimes makes me feel like saying, the big-wigs get huge Executive spending accounts and fringe benefits and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. But, truly, a free shirt is a free shirt. |
| I can pick up the pieces again, as far as my writing abscence, yet that doesn't stop the beast from gnawing at my ankles. I've been in the midst of corporate cut-back hell. It's almost freakish to have co-workers sending spam petitions attempting to raise awareness on the improprieties of the very company for which you both work. I'm filling space here, not really writing anything of consequence on what is or is not happening here at the Los Angeles Times. ( I wonder if that's the same unspoken remark the remaining staff in editorial is murmuring to themselves?) I'm just numb. Maybe for once, I'm quite glad I'm not part of management - they're just better paid pawns. Still, I get the feeling they are even more jittery than the rest of us about job stability. |
| Haven't been updating the blog, but I will take a moment at the close of this day to respect the work of soldiers. Veteran's Day reminds me to give those few minutes – I might otherwise fritter away– in thought on my family and those families that are currently separated because one among them is a soldier. In my extended family there are family members and friends that are like family enlisted and serving away from America. I also note the past service of two grandfathers, a stepfather and a father-in-law. I have little to say beyond "Thank you," yet I say it. |
| Don't be fooled...the absence of this blogger is not an indication of slacking off. I have nothing pithy to say, but will note I am writing and being creative in other avenues. My latest update is at
|
| The essence of all art is to have pleasure in giving pleasure. - Mikhail Baryshnikov I had a hard day after having a kind of stand-off with my husband. I won't call it a fight, yet I know, for both of us, it was damaging like having had one. I regret making an issue of my needs at this point . I'm on the sexual upswing while he's exhibiting the nearing mid-life male counterpart. It's no wonder we don't communicate on the topic effortlessly. Even when I want to talk about it frankly, I cover with gobs of euphimism! So, is it coincidence that I find myself grabbing the Baryshnikov quote? Of course not. Like Harrison Ford, whom I adored in my teens and twenties, Mishka has reached an age that I wish I could abhor. Yet the charm, scoundrel-lovely looks of these fantasy men still work for me on a lot of levels. I'm getting older too. I was simply trying to point out to my husband that I wanted his attention on me. I think I had specific things in mind. He couldn't get my drift - I don't want to think he was but just didn't WANT. That's worse. Unfortunately, could be closer to the truth. *SIGH* |
| You always read: Do What You Love, Then Work Will Be A Joy. I'm a thinker, big time. I'd like to note that I've been thinking, in a long, let's say casually drawn-out way, all my life. I can tell you my strengths. So all the strengths I can attribute to myself form a clear picture of the ideal job - right? I've spent 21 years working. Nothing has been completely torturous, but no specific job function has brought ultimate glee either. Journey with me now on this path of reflection. My work generally has provided support to other people's work. Since Jr. High School, maybe earlier in unspoken ways, I've filled the old fashioned "Gal Friday" role. I like to help people. I do like finishing other people's sentences before they can, or come up with some fact that connects to their topic. It shows my intuitiveness, but sometimes it's just an eavsedropping skill. Along those lines, I've always been comfortable with those older than me. I communicate with maturity, I guess you could say. Hanging out with my peers or those younger than me has always taken more effort, and the desire to be "in" only exerted itself if there was a level of importance that older people were acknowleding in it. I'm a problem solver, but I rarely make snap decisions. I can be persuasive, but moreso through my writing than in talking. Yet I prefer to present my arguements one-on-one rather than to a crowd. I collect facts, or keep something with potential for someone in mind; then I try to think of ways to pass on the knowledge. This is one area where I imagine my "black gold" is just waiting beneath the surface. The thought of passing on the knowledge excites me, but I do not always work at implementing an actual forum for it. Many ideas stay locked away. I'm positively persistent. I'll always keep looking for an answer or an action long after I've been told to leave it alone. It may be annoying for some that I do that, however, I'll still count it as a strength every time. Surely there's more strengths I can demonstrate, just competencies in topics like English and math get questioned. We all have varying results (day-to-day) in how well any one of us can utilize the general knowledge provided to us. Pointing out these strengths is my excercise to understand my recent interest in training for a better paying job. I seriously considered appling for a job I have almost no practical background in - a Job Developer. From there, I started looking at the field of Occupational Therapy. I'm sorting through what statements I can make to validate my leap of faith that says it's possible. I always stare up in the sky and I can worry about the fall to Earth later. Maybe that's a start of the weakness side of it. |
| So, the last few days, I have jotted down incomplete thoughts. I either didn't note what began my train of thought, or I did not fully conclude. (I don't even guarantee I'll do it effectively tonight!) Post 42 "Talk About Scary," I think it is important to note, was prompted by my observation on a school playground. There I was, in my Cubmaster's uniform, standing in plain sight during recess. I was hunting for another adult leader who'd already arrived and whom I was to help in announcing our program. We'd make a round of the primary grades to invite them to experience my Cub Scout Pack (All background, not my point). What I noticed was the obliviousness of the kids to my presence among them. Mind you, I'm in the most obvious uniform in the Scouting organization - yellow shirt and blue skirt that some may remember as the standard garb of the classic "Den mother." "I am the stranger," I thought. As long as I am authorized and labeled "vistor" in the school office ahead of time, I have access to my destination on the school grounds. But not knowing my destination, I was in the open, looking for a sign of my partner's location. Does the "Don't talk to strangers" education now not include pointing out an unfamiliar person to an adult in charge? Not even a yard supervisor will ask if I need help. I guess I just look reserved and polite enough to just be a patiently waiting person. But, that visitor badge is not all that noticeable. Two possibilities crossed my mind, they feel comfortable with me there, or they've become oblivious to watching out for their own safety. (Yeah, they were busy having quality playtime, why pay any attention to the visitor in the yard?) I really do not know if my observation is troubling or not. I suppose kids should feel safe on school grounds. (Of course, don't you agree they should also feel that same comfort at home, at the park, store, chuch?) Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could be a trusted friend? We're all so restricted now in how we interact with each other. I know that I wouldn't approach a child in this situation, for example. On my own children's school grounds, I might, being a little more widely recognized there. It's a barely conscious distinction. Has society reinforced this disconnection. I think so, big time. Yet, I felt a little bad that the naive curiosity of children is so easily quelled. Like a police officer in uniform, I can get more interaction from a group of kids in an open park playground. They manipulate their environment more freely there, feel more empowered, and usually, are unsupervised. And isn't it those public places that should really be more supervised for safety factors. Off I've gone on a protection rant, when really my point was to say I felt bad being given the "stranger" cold shoulder. ----- The next night's post (43) I was concerned about being inactive, possibly worried about the same passive acceptance I was noting in neighborhood schoolchildren. I never know if my comments, sometimes intended to be ironic or humorous really come off that way. That post, I may have just come off as a bore. Yet, here I am analyizing my own posts, that's pretty borish too. |
| Ho-hum, I can't believe how passive I've gotten at home. I 'm just noting it here. Maybe I'm just not fully awake when I get on the computer at home (which is a scary thought since I am sometimes paying bills and tracking the finances at those times!) I have a burst of energy when I get to work, so usually I can put something down for the day's blog. If I'm breif here, that's the main reason. And usually I feel like I've been on the computer too long already when I decide to tackle the blog. Good ol' Mr. Computer and particularly his consort, the Internet, represent a main component to the passive factor, the overweight factor, the more than merely brain dead factor...what else can it be called? Public Service Announcements now encourage everyone to spend more time being active. It's really happening. It's not just me! I know, because someone made a PSA about it. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
