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 Theses are my thoughts and ramblings as I forge my way through this thing they call life. |
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These are my thoughts and ramblings as I forge my way through this thing they call Life. I blog with these groups:     "Blogging Circle of Friends "  [E] 
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| Today's blogs.... Blog City – Day 567 Prompt: When was the last time you wrote something by hand? Last night, or rather at 4:30 in the morning. I couldn’t sleep, so after tossing and turning and letting my thoughts tangle and weave, I got up and came downstairs for a mug of hot milk and my notebook and pen. I wrote almost three long hand pages pouring out all the stuff I had been thinking of and by the time I went up to bed I felt emptied and ready to sleep. I have been dealing with a cold and should be napping and resting but my body has other ideas. I woke up to use the bathroom at 3:30 and spent the next hour trapped in thoughts that would not rest. The milk and writing really worked for me. I think if I had of gotten on the computer to write I would have wired up even more... writing by hand puts you in connection with what is really bothering your body, mind and soul. I have also been known to turn to writing when I hit a block and need to go at something a new way... writing by hand provides that alternative way. Before NaNoWriMo in 2012, I tended to write everything by hand. I did not feel I was able to type fast enough to keep up with my thoughts... my typing has greatly improved... and NaNo forces you not to make corrections while you write so that worry was wiped away. Since then, I tend to do everything on the computer... it is so much easier to copy and paste and edit and revise when the writing is on the screen.  Welcome To My Reality - Week Ninety - Two 5. Recent studies have proven that colouring, shares the same health benefits as meditation. It is also highly recommended for those with Anxiety, Depression, ADD/ADHD and for general relaxation and stress management. In fact the Bestseller lists right now have a number of Adult colouring books on them (not the x-rated kind although there are those too!). What do you think of this latest craze? Have you or will you try it? I picked up a couple of these. My client loves to colour and he has autism. I think it would be a wonderful Christmas gift for him and be a little more age appropriate than the big superheros and princesses ones he has been working in.... he is 29. I checked with his mother to see if the fine motor would be too challenging for him, but she seems to think it will be great. I got him one with city scapes. I got another one with garden scenes... I may keep it for myself. Or it may become a Christmas gift for someone else... I haven't decided yet. I have only bought ones that are 40 % off as I find they are expensive for colouring books. |
Welcome To My Reality - Week Ninety - One September 14th - September 20th, 2015 1. What is the funniest thing you have ever heard a child say? Having spent a good deal of time supplying in Kindergarten I have gotten to hear plenty of funny bits. One that sticks in my mind came from a little guy in junior kindergarten - a mere four years old. The whole class was all ready to go at the end of the day, but this little guy was taking his sweet time. Being the only adult to get 22 children ready at the end of the day is quite the experience... but anyway.... I could not take them out for dismissal until everyone was ready, so I tried to hurry this little guy along. Well, he had a routine. First snowpants, then boots, then coat, then hat, then mitts.... and so forth, but I interfered and encouraged him to put his coat on before his boots. Well he did it... but not before propping his hands on his hips and saying in a very adult tone "I"m not very happy about this." I bit my smile back and turned away. I could swear this little guy heard this often at home... he was quite a handful. Priceless. 2. If you were all alone on a deserted highway, and your car broke down, what would you do? Hope for cell service and call CAA. I remember my Dad running out of gas once when we were on our way up to Timmins. He was prepared to walk us back to the nearest gas station.... we were lucky a family picked us up and dropped us off. Yes, my Dad was hitchhiking. Not something I would recommend, but it got us to the gas station and someone from there drove us back to the car. This was also during the mid-seventies. I would hope I would not be alone in this situation... but if I had no cell service and it was deserted I may be inclined to wait it out and get out my emergency supplies kit of blanket and snacks for the long wait. Someone would eventually come by.... I hope. I may also check and see if it was something I could fix.... but I am not very proficient in that. 3. What is your favorite contest on WDC and why? Now seriously this is hard.... to pick only one. I would probably pick.... Annette   ’s "I Write in August-September-October" and her other I Write contests. She operates 4 three month sessions – where you enter another contest of your choosing and then record it on her forum and then review the person who posted before you in the forum. It forces you to enter a contest a week and makes sure you write and review at least once a week for 13 weeks at a time. I have entered quickie contests, daily flash fiction, writer’s cramp, poetry contests.... I vary and enjoy the challenge of the variety. The best time of year for contests is September – more precisely, the Birthday Celebration contests. This year I did flash fiction and poetry as well as a 15 finger frenzy – which was a little of everything, 4. What is the kindest thing you have ever done for someone you have never met in person? Why did you do it? I have done shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. I have helped fill Christmas stockings for a family that had recently lost their mother to cancer. In both cases, I did it to bring smiles to these children who were having troubled times. Christmas is a time to be happy and to share the love. It feels weird telling you what kind things I have done... so I will finish this prompt by saying I do what I can for people I know and don’t know. Anything from a smile and a kind word to giving gifts and prayers. We are here to help each other and helping one another feels good... like a blossoming of goodness inside you. 5. What is your fondest memory from your childhood? What made it so special to you? Visiting my Grandparents farm. Whether it was a weeks vacation in the summer or Sunday night dinners and visits. Those visits were my fondest memories. Memories of love and acceptance. The only child in a circle of loving adults. A place where I could be myself and still be loved. Gramzie was my heart and I adored her. In her eyes, I could do no wrong. Every kid needs someone like that. I remember one visit. My mom and I... my father rarely came out with us, took out a small brick of vanilla ice cream. (You can't even buy that size anymore). It was my Grandpa's favourite. Gramzie cut the slab into four equal parts and we each got to enjoy the cold treat before it melted. They did not have electricity so it was a take and eat right away kind of thing. I remember sitting on Gramzie's lap in the warm glow of the kerosene lamps. I remember the smell of the wood stove and the heat. I remember the little pink pot I used behind the wood stove... instead of having to go out to the big fly infested outhouse. I remember the clanging chamber pots. I remember the smell of my Grandpa's pipe. I remember the long grass and the flowers. I remember the barn cat, Missy, who mom would bring in from the grainery every time we arrived. I remember the old wood swing wide enough for two. I remember the walks with my Grandpa and Laddy (His adopted dog) down to the creek and back in the evenings after the sun was not so hot... and the bees not so crazy. I remember the water pump and the baths outdoors at the end of the day when the water would have heated from the sun all day long. Hugs, kisses, stories my Grandpa would tell. To me it was a magical place. 6. What was your nickname as a child? who gave it to you? Was it a source of pride or embarrassment? I was an only child. That left me vulnerable to those bullies who liked to pick fun and tease. Not knowing how to ignore and let things alone, I became a target. I got called ‘Grizzilda” – witchy and ugly. I hated it and the more I reacted the more they teased me and called me that.... the thing is, when I look back at pictures of myself... I notice a pretty, tall blond girl and it makes me think, maybe they were just jealous or insecure in their own looks. Sticking out at me gave them power and they revelled in it. For me, my self esteem took a beating and I tried to be small and invisible whenever possible. I was an odd child in that I preferred my own company to that of my peers... who wants to hang around with idiots? I preferred being around adults. It was less stressful. No one challenging you to conform... and I did not want to do what everyone else was doing. Being an only child I tended to talk to myself on occasion and I think the other children thought that was really weird. I was never a social pariah.... but then I lived in a small town; when I moved to Guelph, I hung out for a time with a girl who everyone 'hated' and thought she was weird. I, sadly, ended my friendship with her, I was worried that her reputation would transfer to me and having moved to a new town I wanted a fresh start... not the one I had had. I understood her pain, but I still added to it... social pressures in grade six are huge. Growing up sucks. Children can be cruel and mean. Insecurities and lack of control fuel some to act out and hurt others. I remember that girl in Guelph as an individual amoug a conformist grouping. She stood out in her individuality. I did as well, when I lived in New Liskeard. Moving to Guelph, I chose to hide.... until I found friends, who liked me for me. That is when I met Michelle and then later Debbie... who are still my friends to this day. They helped me come out of my self imposed shell. 7. What is your most memorable experience, either good or bad, of an experience you had with an animal, and what kind of animal was it? Animals are a big part of my life... except for the last couple of years, I have always had a cat. Now I visit family that have cats to get my cat fix. A memorable animal experience was the time my neighbour rescued a White Samoyed that had been hit by the train behind our houses. Our neighbour was a nurse and did not think the animal was going to make it. We made it comfortable in the basement and my friend and I stayed with it while her mother made some phone calls. I don't think my friend's mother had access to a car that day. I knew from school, only two of these dogs had been adopted in the area so it was pretty easy to contact the owners. They came over to get their dog and took it to the vet. Unfortunately, the dog didn't make it. I know this is a sad experience. Sorry about that. I have many happy memories with my cats. I will tell a little funny one. When I was a child I used to play school in the basement. But... the basement was dark and scary. There was a huge oil furnace at the bottom of the steps and in the far corner of the basement the Canadian Shield rock cut into our basement - we lived in Northern Ontario. I used to pick up my cat, Kerry and carry her downstairs. I would hold onto her as I looked in every nook and cranny making sure no beasties were hiding down there. Only when I felt satisfied would I put Kerry down. She would usually stay close to me. It sounds cute, right, but one of my reason's for doing this was that if I encountered a 'monster' the cat with all her lovely claws would be my projectile weapon. I fully intended to throw her at my assailant. Luckily, I never had to do that! |
| Today's blogs.... Blog City – Day 556 Prompt: What do you think is the difference between a writing prompt and a polling question? To me a polling question requires a 'yes' or 'no' response or some semblance of short response geared to some aspect of a researcher's interest. A writing prompt is not bound to hold you to its response... you are free to go where your mind takes you. It is meant to simulate thought and get you writing... whether that is to respond to the prompt or to follow a different track, it is up to the writer. There is freedom within the writing prompt that is not there in the polling question. Deeper thought can be achieved as well with a writing prompt. Welcome To My Reality - Week Ninety September 7th - September 13th, 2015 2. Before you found and joined WDC, what did you do with your time that is now spent here? To be honest, I can't remember. I know I was writing more, thanks to doing NaNoWriMo in November of 2012. I joined in March... I think I had been seeking an online place. I found Writing.com and Writer's Carnival. Writer's Carnival was smaller and I was in on the ground level of a newly developed online writing community, but once I got more comfortable on Writing.com I began to spend more time here. I found both online communities on Facebook, so I know I was spending a lot of time on Facebook... probably playing those games that can suck hours of time out of your life. By the time bedtime rolls around you wonder where all your time went. I still read about the same amount... which is a lot... but now there is more focus to it, I think. There was no challenge to try other genres and styles of writing... Writing.com helped me with that. I probably watched more TV... NaNoWriMo cured me off a lot of that, but it was still something that would take a bunch of my time. 3. What is your favorite thing to do in your spare time? Why? How often do you get to do it? What besides writing and reading? Much of my spare time is spent here at Writing.com - reading, reviewing, and writing for particular challenges. I read to meet the Challenges I set for myself on the Monthly Reading Challenge that Fran 🌈🧜♀️  organizes. 4. If you had your choice between housework or something else, what would you choose to do? Please expand on this. Who would choose housework? When so many other things are out there. I clean because it is required, not because I like it. I would much rather read or write. I also enjoy taking myself out on 'Artist Dates' time by myself to recharge my creative batteries and refill my creative well of ideas. It is a concept put forth by Julia Cameron and her book The Artist's Way. You can do anything.... but you must do it alone. Being an only child, I have no problem doing things on my own. I've gone to movies, museums, shopping, trail hikes, even taken a 'picnic' at a park. Time with friends and family is also a great way to recharge and reconnect with the world around me... sometimes I spend too much time alone. 6. Share one of your favorite recipes, and why you like it so much. My father used to make the spaghetti and my mother the chilli. To me they are family recipes, in a way... I have put my own spin on them... to make them more palatable to Brett, though he still doesn't like my chilli so I haven't made it in eons. My family Spaghetti sauce... my modified version. Hunts Original Spaghetti sauce Add healthy doses of thyme, oregano, basil and parsley and two bay leaves. Cook ground beef with a medium onion and a medium red pepper. When cooked fully, add to the sauce mixture and stir. Then cook the mushrooms with a healthy dose of pepper. When they are soft, add them to the sauce mixture. Add in another cup or two of water. Simmer for two hours. Prepare you favourite pasta and add the sauce and any cheese you may like - I like Parmesan. My chilli recipe: Ground beef Canned tomatoes Canned Kidney Beans Tomato paste Green peppers Medium onion Mushrooms chilli powder salt and pepper to taste. When it comes right down to it the original spaghetti recipe is not that different from the chili. It had different spices and no red pepper. I have added the peppers to have more veggies in it and I cut the tomatoes and tomato paste to make it ready faster. It is possible to eat it in half an hour if I don't put all the extra water in it. 7. Relay one experience from this week as a poem, short story or vignette. I wrote this poem for the Construct Cup that tells how my week has gone... or how my relationship is going....
The First Week Back It has been the first week Back to school But for me A mere Supply Teacher I expected no work Yet Thursday A call, I got And in to work I went Half a day In a grade of two Just enough to let me know I could still handle Being in charge And teaching Elementary Children Now I know Summer is Officially over Teaching Has resumed. |
Welcome To My Reality - Week Eighty - Nine August 31th - September 6, 2015 2. What is the most daring thing you have ever done? How did you feel about it afterwards? Would you ever do it, or something like it again? The most daring thing I have done has probably been to ride a roller coaster. My uncle tried for many years to get me to go but I refused, but then when my friend Michelle asked me to, I went for it - there is something about Michelle that makes me trust that I can handle it. We did not do it in small measure. We went to Canada's Wonderland. My first coaster was a wooden one - and I managed to catch someone else's hat between my knees when we went through a tunnel. My second coaster was about a half hour line wait and it was on the standing coaster - a metal one. I liked it much better. Those wooden ones are pretty dumbly tumble. These days I stick to the metal coasters and I love them just as much as I did in my early twenties. I love the exhilaration. I don't like the initial climb. One of the best coasters is The Hulk at Universal Studios in Orland. It starts up the first climb then jerks you up - taking the build up of 'oh my God what am I doing'. out of it. 3. What is the one thing you are most fearful of, and why? Skydiving. You have little to no control of the situation. That is not my thing. I can't feel safe in that situation. Heights are right up there too. Looking over the edge of a cliff or tall building sends my butt into prinkles of nerves. I will look over but I will white knuckle it and hold on to something. Both are related to loss of control and the fear of falling. 4.When you were a teenager, what is the worst thing you ever lied to your parents about? Did they ever find out the truth? if so what were the consequences? If not, did / do you feel guilty about it? I don't remember lying to my mother much as a teenager. I got caught in a lie when I was six years old - telling my mother I was eating my sandwiches when in fact I was putting them in my toy box. I got found out because of the smell. Since my mother was fit to be tied, I decided not to push her. When I was a teenager, my father had just died so I tired to be a good daughter. I just wanted my space and my mother wasn't used to closed doors. I did drive home late one night when I told my mom I was going to be staying with friends - no biggy, except I hit a icy patch on the road and had to be dug out of the ditch by a kind man and his son. I never told my mom about that until I was 25. I was probably 18 when it happened. I didn't want her to worry or take away my car privileges. 5.If you could choose one location anywhere in the world to go to, to write, where would it be and why? Paris. I have always been fascinated with the expatriot writers of the 1920's - Hemingway, Fitzgerald, even our own Morley Callaghan for a short while. Writing in street cafés. Soaking up the atmosphere. Listening to the conversations of Ezra Pound and Gertrude Stein. That to me was the life. They are all gone now... but the ghosts of their past lives live there in the old foundations of the city. I would love to spend my days writing in those same cafés and haunting the aisles of the Shakespeare and Co. Bookshop. 6.What is the one thing that brings you the most joy, above all others? This is two fold. I love quiet moments when I can read or write on my own, but I also like spending time with my family - we have lots of laughs! This covers both sides of my personality. The need to recharge with quiet reflection and the need to be social and surrounded by love and laughter. 7.If you own a pet, what is it? Is it just a pet or part of the family? If you don't have a pet, why not? Would you have one if you could? Why? Until a couple of years ago I had a cat. When I was born we had a grey Persian. Beautiful cat. My dad thought she would need to go when I came along, but it turns out she loved to guard me when I played out in my sandbox. Whenever the dog next door got close she would chase him. She picked up some bad habits of crapping out of her box and my mother gave her away. Then changed her mind, when we went back she was gone - run away. My mom regretted giving her away. It was not to long before we went into the New Liskeard pet store. Mom said we were only looking, but $2.50 later we walked out with a new tri-coloured kitten and she was with us for almost 21 years. I made it a couple of months before I bought my next kitten. Another tri-coloured girl - she was a Whopping $69.95. Like Kerry, she was worth every cent. She was my baby. She used to sing opera in the furnace room. Crazy wee girl. I had her 17 years before she got mouth cancer and I had to put her down. That was hard. All of them were family and will be missed. My husband does not like cats. He tolerated Kelsey. I have also developed an allergy -which is so unfair. I get my cat fix when I go to my Mom's (she has 2) or my Aunt's (she has 2). I have also been know to go into pet shops and pet the cats there. |
30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 27 Pack a light bag, to take with you the wardens will transport the rest of your stuff to our next site. Toothbrushes, combs, and clean underwear for two days will suffice. We are leaving the park and going to the Shoshone reservation in Wyoming for a special celebration. Remember we talked earlier about the Northern and Eastern Shoshone (sheepeaters) well they invited our group, it's quite an honor. "Wind River Indian Reservation is an Indian reservation shared by the Eastern Shoshone and Northern Arapaho tribes of Native Americans in the central western portion of the U.S. state of Wyoming. It is the seventh-largest Indian reservation by area in the United States, encompassing a land area of 3,473.272 sq mi (8,995.733 km²), or land and water area of 3,532.010 sq mi (9,147.864 km²)."`Wikipedia They have native clothing for us to wear so we can participate with them around a huge bonfire on the reservation. We will be sampling many native dishes and sleeping in actual teepees during this festivity. ps. Charlie & Cinn the women wear more than the men do! I hope we will be warm enough. There will be storytelling from the elders about their history, they are hoping each of us will share something of our family history or nationality. So am I, we all have rich family histories/nationalities if we think about it. Some of you recently have written some lovely poems I am sure will be appreciated as well. So here's your chance to enlighten us about what makes you shine! My poem "Perseid Meteor Shower" won first place in the PDG Fun In The Sun Poetry contest. I hope to read it in the great outdoors staring out at the starry sky. I am looking forward to the storytelling of the elders. I was always curious about their culture. I remember writing away for an information pamphlet when I was a kid... I was intrigued then and I still am now. Sharing each of our family histories sounds like a great idea... a way to show our commonalities and our differences. I have a feeling there are more similarities than differences... |
30 Day Blogging Challenge – Day 26 You are spending my 59th birthday with me at Slough Creek for the night before we go to the Shoshone Indian reservation on the 27th. We have been invited to be their guests. We are hiking to Slough Creek from the lodge so we will be busy most of the day. "Slough Creek Campground is generator free with drinking water and vault toilets, and is best suited for tents and small RVs. Each campsite has a picnic table and fire pit with grate. Food storage boxes measuring 48 x 22 x 22 in. are available for shared use. Campsites are on a first-come, first-served basis. One of the most popular campgrounds in the park, Slough Creek is often full by 8 AM from its opening day through mid-September." We were lucky to have it reserved for just our group. It has some of the best wildlife viewing opportunities, the wolves can be heard very clearly at night and the stars are supposed to be breathtaking. Do the wolves howling make you nervous? Inspire us with some creativity...poetry, short story or even a tale of a time under the stars in your real life. Happy Birthday Lyn! What a great way to spend your birthday. What a beautiful area. I know the water will be cold, but I would be up for a quick dip after the long trek here. Get my tent up and stuff stowed then in I go... get the dust off me anyway. We are 8 miles from any serious amenities - only vault toilets and water at hand pumps.... just like at my Grandparent's farm. Howling wolves make me a little nervous, but I expect they won't venture into the campsite as a group. Their calling out will add to the wonderment of the place... just like the loons of Northern Ontario (those those are a great deal safer). How far is this hike... should take all day, I expect. I got my gear. I am hoping that our stuff has been sent ahead to 'reserve' our site; that way we can hike with a minimal amount of baggage. I will keep my camera close and my notebooks, pen and pencils close at hand. Any breaks, an opportunity to sketch, write or just breath in the lushness of the place. I also read an article by Ann Patchett from her collection, This Is The Story Of A Happy Marriage, called My Road to Hell Was Paved. It is about her trip in a Winnebago going through Montana and Yellowstone Park while doing a piece for a magazine about travelling in a Winnebago. Her initial thoughts were that it would be an awful experience... she found a great deal of pleasure out of it... particularly being able to drive and nap - the bed no more than 15 feet away. They did not have to set up tents or rent a room; everything was just there for her... after a bit of connections. As I contemplate swimming and trying to get warm afterward... she is able to take a shower in her own home away from home. She is able to stand up to get dressed, not scramble around in a tent... but not to worry. It is the experience that counts - virtual or not. |
30 Day Blogging Challenge – Day 25 "Calcite Springs This grouping of thermal springs along the Yellowstone River signals the downstream end of the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone. The geothermally altered rhyolite inspired the artist Moran; his paintings of this scene were among those presented to Congress in 1872, leading to the establishment of the park. The steep, columnar basalt cliffs on the opposite side of the river from the overlook are remnants of an ancient lava flow, providing a window into the past volcanic forces that shaped much of the Yellowstone landscape. The gorge and cliffs provide habitat for numerous wildlife species including bighorn sheep, red-tailed hawks, and osprey." Bring your binoculars with you today on our hike, we are going to studying the osprey and red-tailed hawks today. It would be really helpful if you brought your sketch pads as well. The ranger service is trying to find out what is impacting the two large birds in this area. So our eyes are very important today. Your keen ability for details is important. Tell us what you learned today? http://www.nps.gov/yell/learn/nature/osprey.htm http://www.nps.gov/yell/learn/nature/raptors.htm We will be here until early Wednesday so if you have things you need to get done before we conclude our trip in Yellowstone at another primitive site, I suggest you get what you need done. There is a part of me that thinks we are on another planet at times. There is a desolation to this area. Although this area is intriguing; I am almost seriously looking forward to going home and being able to go into a lake without worrying if I am going to freeze or melt. One video I watched had steam coming out of one area of the river, but it looks so cold. My sketchbook is probably going to have mini sketches of interesting things... kind of like this (if I can link the picture). http://static.squarespace.com/static/50215c6ec4aae1034986dff9/50215f1ce4b093ac8d... |
30 Day Blogging Challenge – Day 24 Hopefully, after all the hard work to solve the mystery at Roosevelt Lodge, we can get a good night sleep. We are going to Tower Falls today on a picnic, bring a book, your camera whatever you want to relax. There will be swimming as well by the falls, don't forget your sunblock. What's your favorite way to unwind with out Wi-Fi in the wilderness. It's a good time to recap all that you've seen because our time is almost up. The rangers are looking for suggestions on what they can do to improve the camping experience. According to the guidebook I looked at it is Tower Fall not Tower Falls, even though it is a falls. The name is given to the tower like formations around the falls. It is rather beautiful. I am going to enjoy this picnic and take lots of pictures. I have my book as well... Ann Patchette's State of Wonder. It is an odd experience reading about the amazon jungle while traipsing around Yellowstone Park... especially after yesterday's jaunt through the petrified forest. I also have her non- fiction book This Is The Story of A Happy Marriage. It is intriguing to read both fiction and non-fiction of the same author... at the same time. What's my favourite way to unwind without WiFi - reminds me of that commercial that has those teens turning and heading back out of the trail because they have lost internet connection. That is not me. I can read anywhere... and I prefer a real book, not a devise with an ereader. A picnic with fun converstions - real Face time with human is an exhilarating experience... even in a virtual world (he he). Swimming. I love to swim. I am going to enjoy getting into the water... though I am sure it will very cold. I have my hat and sunblock... it is water resistant and good for the environment. I also love to draw and this area is very inspiring. |
30 Day Challenge – Day 23 Everyone is really grumpy this morning, what a night... No one slept at all, the lodge was filled with such racket. We've all heard about the ghosts wandering around the lodge but usually the ghost does not disrupt the guests. Something happened... it's up to you to solve the mystery... weave us a tale with a probable answer. If anyone is up to going to the Petrified Forest that is where we are going to day. Would love to know your thoughts on what it looks like in your mind. Well, I must have managed to sleep (or been wedged into nerves of interview-itis) and missed the whole mystery. Now I have to read to catch up... that's never as much fun, but I am sure you all had a great time. As for me, I wandered aimlessly around the petrified forest thinking I had landed on another planet. |
Welcome To My Reality - Week EIGHTY-SEVEN August 17th - August 23rd, 2015 2.Where do you consider to be home? Is it the place you live now? The place you grew up? Where your heart longs to visit? Where is home? Home used to be my Grandparent's farm - I say 'used to be' because my aunt just recently sold it to a younger family. The people who were using the land have retired and decisions had to be made... Next week my mother and I will be going up for a 50th Wedding Anniversary and we plan on heading out to see the farm one last time... it will be sad. A neglected little homestead.... but when I was small, it was a place of unconditional love and acceptance. The place my Gramzie lived. It didn't matter how cruel or unsettling the rest of the world could be, the farm was off the grid - literally. No electricity, no indoor plumbing, no modern conveniences of any kind. It was wood stove and the little pink potty (I did not like using the big old outhouse - it was buggy and smelled horrid). I was free to be me and I was loved despite my little eccentricities. It will remain my home in my heart. My heart is still there in those memories... it will always be. If I really think about it home is my family. We are oddly similar despite our differences. And it is those odd similarities that make me feel 'normal'. My own house is not a home.... not with things going roughly, as of late. My childhood home burned down a couple of years after it was sold - the oil furnace gave up the ghost and took the house with it. Too many sad memories lived there. 3.Tell us about an issue or weakness that you have worked on or resolved. Maybe you were terrible with homework at school, but now you always meet deadlines. Maybe you always had trouble getting up in the morning but now bounce out of bed. Maybe you never ate your vegetables but now you do! Share something about yourself that you've improved over the years. As a child I was such a perfectionist that I would drive myself into a mad frenzy if I could not solve a particular math problem or do my homework just right. I would get so upset that my mother would ell me to leave it for a bit.... that would only make me more angry. Now, I am much more laid back.... Nanowrimo has helped. Writing without the inner editor there to foil your every word. I am not sure when I made the transition... maybe it was getting older and realizing that taking a break from something was a good idea. Maybe it was not being able to attain perfection and the realization that I was not capable of meeting certain standards. I never seemed to be able to make my mother happy when I was little.... what I did not realize was... it was not my job. I could make her laugh, but my Dad had made her very unhappy and only she could get over his betrayal. It was not my job. I think my perfection issues came to the surface around the time my parents separated... my eight year old brain internalized their separation as my concern.... something I had done. If I was perfect, they would be okay and get back together. Silly thinking, I know, but I also know children internalize their parents issues. Even this is a new revelation to me as I write this.... When did my perfection issues fade.... probably after those wounds imbedded themselves in my psyche.... or after my father died of cancer - no chance for reconciliation then. Now I take a healthier view of myself. I believe there is no such thing as normal or perfection. There are only varying degrees and doing a good job does not mean killing myself with anger issues. I let it go and reassess. Improvements can be made over time. I honestly believe I wrote myself into this view. When I was a child, my stories where about perfect children and families.... now my characters have flaws and eccentricities that make them human and still loveable. I have learned - a first draft is just that, the first draft - rubbish, with hopefully some redeeming qualities that can be refined and distilled into a good story.... over time and with loving attention. 4.Tell us about a teacher who has stayed in your memory, for good reasons or bad. Even better, tell us about one teacher you have good memories of, and one that you have bad memories of. This is easy. My favourite teacher was Mr. Key in grade 7 and 8. He had faith in me. Saw me as a vital member of his class. I felt special and important and worked to make sure I did not disappoint him. I am not sure what it was about him... he was just so real and approachable. He liked to tell jokes and often did at the beginning of class. He wrote in my yearbook that he could always count on me to let him know it was time to get on to the serious stuff. Another thing he did, and I am so glad of this, was he had us keep a journal. Given that my Dad had died the year before this was a great way for me to share my thoughts and ideas in a safe space. He respected my thoughts and read what I allowed him. He marked these, but only in how much he determined we put into them. I think this is what made him so special. He listened, he read and he understood... and for a t'ween going through a rough patch he was a guiding light. Many of my childhood friends name him as a favourite. Teachers I had issues with - also easy. Mrs. Moore. Grade 3. She once gave the whole class the punishment of writing out the first page of the dictionary because someone had disrupted class and nobody owned up to it. This did not sit with my sense of fairness. I don't know who it was but I doubt I would have said if I did, but I still thought it was unfair. I think she had hoped someone would confess if she did this. It only made me see her as a mean older lady. In my own teaching I want very much to shine like Mr. Key and let my students know they are all important to me. 5.Do you have a good luck charm? What is it? If not, have you ever found yourself doing something (like knocking on wood) regardless of whether you believe the superstition or not? I knock on wood. I avoid cracks at times - though when I was 13 I hit every crack because I was angry with my mother and her moving us to Guelph. I am not overly comfortable with the number 13 - if I look at a clock and it says 13 I will make sure I look again when it says 14 to feel better. Odd, yes, but what can I say. I also try to tell myself Friday the 13th is good luck, not bad. Before I answer question number 7 I want to do a back up just in case... |
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Sometimes I feel like a ghost... there but not there.
