\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/wiesblaize/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: ON
770 Public Reviews Given
789 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to find the WOW-factor in your writing. No in-depth analysis, just my thoughts. #19 PR June 2016. #29 PR July 2016. #10 PR August 2016. Newbies Academy Reviewing Classroom, Winner June 2016. First Place The Newbie Academy Review Contest June 2016. Second Place "The Newbie Academy Review Contest " July and Aug 2016. #9 PR Sept 2016.#20 PR Oct 2016. First place "The Newbie Academy Review Contest" November 2016.#22 PR Nov 2016.#36 PR Feb 2017.#67 PR March 2017.#56 PR July 2017.#41 PR Aug 2017. #77 PR Oct 2017. #53 PR Nov 2017. #53 PR Dec 2017.#96 PR Sept 2018. #38 PR Aug 2020.#26 PR Sept 2020. #56 PR Oct 2020. #80 PR Nov 2020.#76 PR Aug 2021. #47 PR Sept 2021. #69 PR June 2023.#53 PR July 2023. #45 PR Nov 2023. #55 PR Aug 2024. #30 PR Sept 2024. #59 PR Oct 2024. #79 PR Nov 2024. #45 PR June 2025.
Favorite Genres
short stories, some poetry
I will not review...
reads > 2000 words
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
101
101
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)



Hi Foxtrot Victor Author Icon, I found your writing ad random. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
The title is well-chosen and covers its content. A lovely flash fiction about a cat in the portal meadows before entering heaven? Lovely choice.

General impressions
A great little tale, very sweet and innocent. Perfect for children. I think this would do fine in a book with colored drawings: a children's book.

Favorite Parts
“Relax, kitten… We don’t do that here,” Angel says in a soft, calming voice. “In this meadow, there is no hate, suffering, hunger, or thirst. Here, you’ll receive only love from the other pets that await their human spirits before crossing into heaven.”


A lovely sweet twist to the story. This is a good place for animals to be. A message that kids will understand perfectly.

Suggestions
If you are an artist yourself draw those pictures to accompany this tale. It makes a perfect children's book. Big letters, a sentence or paragraph per page...you know the drill. Otherwise, find a friend to do it.

Final thoughts
A sweet and lovely tale of a small kitten with a handicap. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
102
102
Review of Vessel  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)



Hi No Sox with Sandals Author Icon, I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
The title fits its content, the byline is an addition. Because I myself wanted to enter both contests as you did I was intrigued as to what you came up with. I have yet to write my story, but what kind of vessel did you use? I wanted to read.


General impressions
But, alas...I didn't find out. You left me flabbergasted. I have read your story twice and I came up empty. Sorry, dear but I didn't understand your story at all. It's probably because I am an ESL writer and not as familiarized with the English language as a native is, but I didn't understand the Presence inside the singer. Therefore I totally missed out on your story. Leaving me a bit at a loss in this review.

Favorite Parts
Storywise I am at a loss, not understanding what the Presence is, what it did to the singer, etc. What I can see is that you are an accomplished writer. Your lines are smooth and well developed. You obviously know how to write.

Suggestions
Can you be more specific about that Presence? At the beginning of the story, there must be a way to explain what it is or to be more descriptive.

Final thoughts
My loss and probably my fault, but I couldn't make heads nor tails of this story. But with a few adjustments, it's probably a good entry to both contests. I wish you all the best. And thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
103
103
Review of Moving On  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)



Hi 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author Icon, I found your writing ad random. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
Moving on is a very good title for this exquisite short story. The child is moving on in his life and the train is moving on to another destination. Great find.


General impressions
Wow, what a lovely story. Very well written, very vivid images and a good, intelligent flow. Your writing style is very appealing. It is a coming of age story and I loved reading it. Really appealing!


Favorite Parts
Even the hiss as it pulled into the station was a hush.

What a beauty of a sentence.

Suggestions
I know this a personal story where you changed genders for the main character, but if you treat this as fiction it can be part of a longer story. A coming of age story where we follow the boy into adulthood. I would love to read more.

Final thoughts
What a lovely story with good conversations and vivid images and a good tone. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
104
104
Review of Lisa  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)



Hi Jacky Author Icon, I found your writing ad random. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
This title didn't satisfy with this short story. It's the main character's name obviously but it didn't resonate as a good title. The content of the story is a short excerpt from the Life of Lisa with her parents.


General impressions
It read like the beginning of a story. I felt it wasn't finished. There's hardly a plot and the ending is dissatisfactory. I understand it's a short Daily Flash, but it has to stand on its own as a story with a beginning, middle, and end. There have to be some mechanics in it, I couldn't find it.


Favorite Parts
She gave it a C. They rated an F when the words really hurt, an A when it was short and they made up quickly.
I thought it was rather funny, Lisa grading the conversations of her parents.


Suggestions
Now the contest is over, perhaps you can use this piece as the first paragraphs of a larger short story where you dig more into the Life of Lisa.


Final thoughts
The beginning of a larger story. I would like to read more because you have an appealing writing style. Thanks for sharing.


Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
105
105
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi S D Ballentyne Author Icon, I found your writing ad random. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
Very good title and byline. As a critic of the man, I was immediately drawn into the story. I had to read this. Was it a follower of this American President or somebody with genuine doubts? I wanted to read to find out.


General impressions
Wow, what a great, great piece this is. I laughed out loud so many times I nearly forgot to write a review. I almost hear the man speak. You nailed him up to a tee. Very strong indeed. It's so funny!


Favorite Parts
Everything is really good. The tone, the way the intonations are, the repetition, the craziness, the content of his ramblings, I can actually hear him say those things for real, they resonate in my ear with his voice.


Suggestions
There was one thing, as an ESL writer from the Netherlands I didn't know the abbreviation PMT (something sexist I presume?).


Final thoughts
I am no fan of the man, sorry for that. If I see him on television, I turn down the volume or I switch channels. I really think he is very dangerous to the world and to the States. But this speech was so good! I loved reading it. Very well done!

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
106
106
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Princess Megan Rose Author Icon Alzheimer's or dementia is an awful disease, I totally agree. I am living for 4 months now during Corona time with my stepmom of 86 years old. She has no dementia, fortunately, but suffers real bad from her short term memory failure. She forgets a lot within minutes. But her core is the same, she is a lovely and positive lady with lots of love in her heart. I mustn't forget that when I find it sometimes difficult to cope with her and her memory loss. Lovely entry! *Bigsmile*

Umbrella for blog
107
107
Review of Dear Me  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)




Hi Bryce Kenn Author Icon, I found your writing ad random. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Dear Me letters are a great feature of Writing.Com every year. This letter covers 2015 which is 5 years, a long time ago. Can you still remember writing it, executing it?

General impressions
Short but sweet. I liked the way you addressed yourself in this Year of Awareness. What a great goal to be more aware of yourself, your emotions and consequently your writing.


Favorite Parts
The middle part where you describe specifics of your writing goals is interesting. That part where you describe the traps of procrastination I personally can relate to. Goals are easily made, to execute them is quite another matter. How did you do? Can you still remember?

Suggestions
If this letter is still part of your portfolio maybe you can add a line or two describing how you fulfilled these goals of 2015, or not. It would be a nice gesture to both yourself and your reader how you did.

Final thoughts
It was a good letter to yourself and I enjoyed reading it.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

Sunglasses and name

108
108
Review of The Quills Group  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Not much, but with a kind heart! Thanks for all the work *Heart*
109
109
Review of The Road Ahead  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, jdarts Author Icon

I found your plug in the Newsfeed and since you're new and it is your first over 150 word write I thought to take a look. *Bigsmile*

A lovely short but well written story. It's a little bit sad, but I liked reading it. Especially the contemplation on his mistress Smoking hit hard, being a smoker myself. I definately should quit before it's too late. Your wonderful little tale told me that. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing!

Sunglasses and name
110
110
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Bob retired Author Icon,
Thank you so much for writing this poem. My uncle, youngest brother of my late mother, died while serving in 1961 (when my mother was pregnant with me). So, uncle Frits and Papua New Guinea have a special place in my heart. He stepped on a mine on the last day of serving for his country, the Netherlands. Quite ironic. Only 21 years old. Tragic.

You capture the image, smell, and heart ship of war very well.

Thanks again,
WakeUpAndLive Author Icon
111
111
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Tim Chiu Author Icon,

A lovely little poem on anger management. Well done! I loved reading it. It has a good rhyme and rhythm, the words were well chosen and told a clear story in 4 stanzas. I think it's your own experience, is it not? In that case, it's even better because you overcame your anger and analyzed it and found an answer to this predicament. Good for you!

Thanks for sharing, write on!
WakeUpAndLive Author Icon
112
112
Review of Pleasure Cruise  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Bob,

Fine story with a good pace and thrilling components. Good read! The dialogs were realistic and the descriptions made the story a wonderful write. Liked it a lot.

Glad to see you are back again!

Greetings, Petra
113
113
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)



** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Jack Henry Author Icon, I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
Great title, that covers its content, partly. The by-line is self-explanatory. Although the main issue is book reviewing. Perhaps you can add this to your title?

General impressions
A good and solid book review. More than that, half of your story is about e-books and self-publishing before you get to the actual book review itself. I liked that because it made the portrayed subject more profound.
Your writing style is very good, factual but not tedious, with humor and wit. The facts came across because of this, which is very difficult because telling about numbers can be difficult. You nailed it because of your refreshing writing style.

Favorite Parts
If you, the aspiring author burdened under the weight of numbers is thinking give-up, throw your hands in the air, and die, well that is an option. Having the gumption, tenacity, and perseverance to complete a book in the first place... possibly not a good one.

A very funny motto for reading on and exploring this book of Jason B. Ladd.

Suggestions
Be careful with links in your writing. Although it gives perfect information, it can decrease the tension of your own piece and take the reader of your writing out of the flow of reading. Sometimes it is better to just add a line or two yourself instead of giving the link. Just a thought.

Final thoughts
A profound and good book review on this Book Review Banzai formula. It is interesting enough to try to lure the reader into reading the book itself.
I loved your last line. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
114
114
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)



** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Jack Henry Author Icon, I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
An intriguing and very inviting title which promises a lot for the story. I was eager to read on.

General impressions
To start with, it was a difficult piece for me to read. I am from abroad, from the Netherlands where English is not my mother tongue. I had to look up a few words and read this piece several times before I could fully understand its wit. I liked that, I learned a lot from reading this profound and witty blog.

I could understand immediately that this was a blog from an experienced writer. The pace, the irony, the wit, the humor and the writing style are very good and developed. It is a grabbing piece.

Favorite Parts
Parody, lampoon, sendup and ‘Yo momma so fat’ routines are the fabric of many stand-up comics brave enough to face an audience. When it comes to social media whereby a creator hides behind unanimity, a joke can take the mickey in a malevolent mousey way. And it’s not restricted to individuals. Social media sites create memes deriding other social media. Which begs the question, is social media the new age pillory post?

A very good start to your blog.
I also liked the way you make headers for every little part in the piece.

Suggestions
Perhaps it is my lack of understanding the language, but I missed out on a conclusion of your piece. You started with a question, it would be nice if you finished with a sort of conclusion. Although it's a blog I kinda missed a last line in this piece. Perhaps you could add a final thought on the matter?

Final thoughts
A great and powerful piece of statements I could relate to. I liked your writing style a lot. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
115
115
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)



** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Logan R.H. Author Icon, I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
A good and interesting title for a horror piece. I was eager to read on. Only when I read it, the fact that Noah was in a car crash never entered the story. Why put it in the by-line? It has no function.

General impressions
Good, solid horror story. I liked the pace of the story, climbing towards several climaxes of horrific moments. Your writing style is also appealing.

Favorite Parts
Darkness surrounded me and so did the creature. The creature is darkness, the personification of the dark.

Great line, it grabbed me by the throat.

Suggestions
Despite this great story, something bothered me from the start. It was the tenses you used in describing this tale. Because of its tense, it's a little bit stiff and it lacks life in a way. Perhaps you could try to rewrite this piece and use the present tense instead of the past tense. It would benefit the story in my opinion. Just a thought.

Final thoughts
A tale with a lot of suspense, well written. Because it only contains description it's a little bit stiff. Perhaps changing the tenses would give this story more power. Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
116
116
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)



** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi lucifer very very very 1st Author Icon, I found your writing in the psychology genre. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
Intriguing title and sub-line that covered its content. I was eager to read on.

General impressions
What a great poem this is. I loved it. It's repetition, it's tempo, it's rhythm. It reminded me of the wonderful poetry of Gertrude Stein.

Favorite Parts
a winless win is a winless losing
a winless win is a winless showcasing
a tie is a conquer of a tie
a tie is a conquer of a winless tie
a tie is a conquer of a conquering tie
conquering is conquering a,
conquering tie

What beauty, it left me speechless.

Suggestions
Although it's just a detail: I would like you to put a space after the comma use in : time is to conquer,time is winless,time is showcasing. It's distracting.

Final thoughts
A philosophical poem with great meaning and rhythm. I loved reading it out loud. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
117
117
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)



** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi A. C. Author Icon, I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
An intriguing title and sub-line. It made me want to read on.


General impressions
A really interesting little story about a woman's memories of a very important part of her life. But the most important part, her last hours of her life you left out. I thought this was a missed chance since you are the writer. What happened to her, was it a deliberate act or an accident? What did she do, feel and encounter that last period of her life? Although the finding of her body made a good ending I was missing that part you didn't describe. It felt like an important part was missing.

Favorite Parts
As Wayne held the four-leaf clover up to the mottled sunlight, a single ray caught it, illuminating its tiny silhouette. Suspended in the golden glow, Rosemary remembered how the shamrock resembled a small seraph bestowing her blessing.
And so it was that fifteen-year-old Rosemary Aldoy sat beneath an oak with Wayne Rhetson as dappled daylight drifted from the heavens to dance on a pair of satin slippers and cowboy boots.

A very intimate and tender part of the story. Well done.

Suggestions
Could you take a look at the paragraphs and put a blank line in between? It will make the read better, now the text is a big blog.
Furthermore, take a look at the tense of the ending, you might want to change that into past tense?
And I missed that important part of the story, her last moments before she died.

Final thoughts
A promising story that isn't finished. You are an excellent writer so it must be a piece of cake to put in more details of those last moments into the story. Thanks for sharing!

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
118
118
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)


** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Dane Author Icon, I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
A good title and sub-line that covers its content. I was eager to read on.

General impressions
An interesting tale with a lot of text to describe the scenery. Try to put empty lines between paragraphs, otherwise, this blob of a text is a bit intimidating.
To avoid dullness in the beginning of your text you might consider short and longer sentences.

Favorite Parts
The hallucinating trip of both students at the end of the story. Finally, something is happening.

Suggestions
* Anyhow (,) there isn't a whole lot to show
* And dr. Tau (,) you can just join me
* My name is Clementine
* so (she) just nodded
* "My body is so strange" and other thoughts in Italics?

Final thoughts
You are a very good writer I can tell, no doubt about that. But in the beginning, the story tends to fall into a slow motion of beautiful description and small talk between people who just met. Please examine this beginning again and see if you can spice things up a little bit. You don't want your readers to stop reading.

I liked what you were trying to accomplice here, but the pace and rhythm of the start are a little bit too slow for my taste. Perhaps long and short sentences alternating? Perhaps more blank lines between the paragraphs?

I liked the ending very much. A complete surprise, a pleasant one.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
119
119
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)



** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi C.M.Morrison Author Icon ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
Interesting title, but the first part - she acted the fool - of the sub-line isn't quite covering this content. Perhaps because the chapter isn't finished?

General impressions
Wonderful new chapter in a sequel. It is very well written en full of exciting features describing the crowd before a heist from the main character. I really loved reading this chapter. It was thrilling, good pace but the end was disappointing. It is not finished in my opinion.

Favorite Parts
Enurin's lips curled into a tiny smirk. The nobles were decked in all of their finery and regalia, wearing the latest fashions of the Eyrothian court. The noblewomen were decorated entirely in jewels and various precious stones, which gleamed so brilliantly it could outshine the sun itself. While their bodyguards towered over them, their hands always within reach of the weapons in their sword-belts; prepared to deal with any threat against their sworn lord. But that detail did not bother Enurin as much as it would others. Despite all of their efforts, Enurin was well aware that they could not detect her or her powers. With those burly barrels of muscle out of the way, the nobles would prove easy pickings for her and her 'hands'. By the end of the day, she'll be hauling chestfuls of bounty back to her hideout; she was certain of it.

Very well put, this is the heart of this chapter.

Suggestions
* where they will (would) all drink from it to ascertain if any of them will (would) inherit...
* for her beloved "hands" are (were) a direct extension...
* whatever it is (was) they felt...

The ending is no ending and therefore very disappointing. I would love to read a proper ending of this chapter, perhaps you could finish it?

Final thoughts
A great chapter full of thrilling and exciting elements. There are some problems with the tenses of some sentences, but you could easily change that. I hope you will look into another ending of this chapter, it would benefit the read.



Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
120
120
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)



** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi C.M.Morrison Author Icon ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
An intriguing title. The sub-line covers its content. Although I didn't read the first chapters I was inclined to read this one.

General impressions
Interesting and very well written chapter. Your writing style is appealing, the pace is good, the dialogs are very exciting. I liked this chapter, it tasted like more.

Favorite Parts
The scent of smoke began to fill both their nostrils as the two neared the centre of Favrion. The whole town was nearly consumed by fire; thick vines of smoke swirled towards the heavens. There was great confusion and panic as some of the villagers trampled over each other trying to reach the village gate.

A powerful description of a town on fire. Very descriptive, it read like a movie scene.

Suggestions
*Neyrand knew that it (won't) wouldn't be long...
*She understood that it (is) was of the utmost...
*There (will) would be a time for tears...
*Her heart filled with worry over her best friend...

Final thoughts
A very powerful chapter with interesting descriptions and dialogs. There are some small issues with tenses in the sentences but you can look into those.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
121
121
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)



** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Timothy Sam Author Icon ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
A good and catchy title and sub-line that covers its content. Because I lost my father unexpectedly just two years ago I was inclined to read this story.

General impressions
A very powerful story, very well written and with the right amount of emotion and detachment appropriate in this eulogy. I was touched by this story.

Favorite Parts
The photographs have always been there. I simply hadn't put much thought into any of them, failing to appreciate the fact that I am here today only because two people fell in love decades ago. My cousins and I--we never fully comprehended or acknowledged the roots of our existence. It was always right in front of our eyes, but we didn't notice it. Like running water or electricity, I took life for granted. We took life for granted. We wake up every morning, carry out our routines throughout the day and crash into our beds late at night. It took the death of someone whom we hold dear to give us that well-needed wake up call. It took the death of my grandmother to remember all the good and the kindness we were blessed with.

This is the heart of your article on the loss of your grandma. Very powerful notions on regret.

Suggestions
What I missed, however, were some of the fond memories you must have had with your grandma. Although in life you have missed out on a few occasions, in this article, there is the possibility to dig deeper into your mind and the life you spend with her. Please add some if it's possible, it will benefit the read.

typo: wake-up call

Final thoughts
A good story on the loss of a loved-one, with a profound ending and suggestion to the reader. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive
122
122
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window. [13+] "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.


Hi dragonline (dragon online) Author Icon,
My name is WakeUpAndLive Author Icon, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title
The title fits the story's content. Perhaps when the contest is over you can add a different sub-line to lure more readers in?

First Impression
A great tale with a surprising ending. I thought it was the preparation of the husband being murdered by the spouse, but it was the other way around. Perfect thriller.

What needs your attention
The pun of the story is two folded. First, this is not about a murder on the husband but the removal of weeds. Perhaps you can add to the suspense by adding a blank line so it's even more thrilling. Second, it's the murder of the wife, the main-character. Also put a blank line there, that will add to the suspense.

What part I liked best
It was a grey and overcast day. I'd been waiting for a day just like this with its threat of rain and lack of sunshine beating its radiant rays down on me in admonishment. The killing needed to take place when there was less of a chance to be seen by the neighbours.

A great start that makes the reader thinks it's a killing of a human being. I was totally convinced because of this start that this was the case.

Overall impression
Good story with two great puns. Good writing style, nice pace, excellent plot.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
123
123
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window. [13+] "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.

Hi Winnie Kay Author Icon ,
My name is WakeUpAndLive Author Icon, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title
A very admirable title and sub-line that covered its content. Friendship is one of the most precious things in life, so I was eager to read on.

First Impression
What a nice, friendly little tale this is. I loved reading it. I like your writing style, the pace and plot of this story. Finding real friends when you are somewhat older is a real challenge. And you weren't even looking, it was delivered on your doorstep.

What needs your attention
No grammar or spelling errors found.

What part I liked best
Minding my own business, I hadn’t had much dialogue with the neighbors. I didn’t really care whose car was in whose driveway all night or if the blue-haired lady directly across the street bent her blinds to see if my boyfriend was coming in for a night-cap.

I loved this observation of yourself, portraying yourself as a person who doesn't like to gossip or be over interested in other people's lives.

Overall impression
A very warm and heart-felt story of a beginning of a friendship that is apparently still lasting. I loved the observations, the descriptions and the pet-loving remarks.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
124
124
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window. [13+] "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.


Hi Naveed Author Icon,
My name is WakeUpAndLive Author Icon, I am also one of the sly foxes.

Title
I was rather interested in your article because of the title and sub-line. It encouraged me to read another article as background information: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/catriona-luke/democr...

First Impression
Your article shows great concerns on the issue whether democracy would fit the bill for Pakistan. I think that's legitimate but it's also a tricky one because democracy can be the ultimate goal and outcome in a long and difficult process. It's hard to judge a country when in the middle of becoming a democracy, it's obvious there are many ups and downs achieving that goal. One of the things I didn't read in your article is the great role of the military in your country. I thought that was an omission. Furthermore, corruption is playing a great role I think.

What needs your attention
I didn't find any grammar or spelling errors in the article.

What part I liked best
Democracy is, no doubt, the best political system there is, but it has its limitations in certain parts of the world. The alternates, monarchy or dictatorships, are a straight no. Then what is the answer? The answer, I feel, is education. Unless people become literate, unless they learn to differentiate between good and bad, unless they start understanding the greater good, no system can ever be successful.

I think indeed education is key. Unless people have the knowledge and can become better citizens they are always ruled and fooled by people who take advantage of them.

Overall impression
A very well-crafted article I loved reading. It gave me insights in the whereabouts of your country. That is necessary I think because Pakistan is only in the (western) news when dealt with terrorism, poverty, and scandal. Your concerns are very legitimate.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
125
125
Review of The Resting Place  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window. [13+] "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.

Hi audra_branson Author Icon,
My name is WakeUpAndLive Author Icon, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title
An intriguing title with a sub-line that covers its content. I was eager to read on.

First Impression
Wow, what a horrible story, in the good sense, this little tale is. You managed to write what's inside a horrific young man, scorned and full of hate. It did give me the shivers to read this monologue of a killer. The psychology was superb, the writing style was thrilling and the pace and plot of the story were good. An unnerving story, well done!

What needs your attention
I couldn't find any spelling or grammar errors.

What part I liked best
For years, they had been classmates. Yet, he was invisible to her. Sitting beside her class after class, year after year, and never did he warrant a glance. It wasn't that he lusted after her or wanted her love. He sought, instead, to have the "princess" admit his existence, his equality.

Very unnerving that those quiet classroom mates can be such mental cases that they observe you for years and then come out with a plan like this one, to kill you out of sheer frustration. Because they don't feel recognized by you.

Overall impression
A very unnerving story that makes you wonder and let you pay more attention to your surroundings and the quiet people in it.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
256 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 11 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/wiesblaize/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5