This was beautiful. I especially liked: "two who hugged each other through the night,
/ not just by day." It gave me a picture of two people who truly loved not only each other but each other's presence and everything else about them. Your writing really has heart, thank you for sharing it with us.
I liked this piece a lot, even if you did only write it in half an hour. ;)
I have the same problem with photographs of myself. I just don't think they reflect anything important about me, where-as I take a lot of shots of scenes and objects that mean something to who I am. So this really resonated with me.
In the ay of advice, I'd say you don't need the phrase "avoiding real truths I don't believe in". It seems to suggest ignorance, but I don't think you are, I think you're onto something very true.
Classic! I'm 18 and I've long realised God doesn't exist, though a fear of that vengeful, celestial nutcase still nags in the back of my mind sometimes. Now I'm looking forward to the day when I'll be as bitter and nihlistic as this guy!
Nice. I like introspective, thinkative poems like this. I think people are like halls of mirrors, on the inside. That's why the self is a topic that never gets old, and never has to repeat itself.
I don't remember who said "When i am alone / I spiral out of singularity." but I thought this has a very similar message.
The structure of this poem was very unusual, which I thought mad eit interesting. You've also made use of language very creatively.
In the way of advice i would suggest using words better tailored to the description you're giving. Although 'smatter' is a great word, 'splatter' might have made more sense. 'Smatter' has connotations of smearing, which doesn't fit with something as watery as rain.
I've felt the same secret and unrequited longing before. It really oes feel like you'er trapped in another world when you're there, and as much as you hate it you don't want to leave. I thought you did a great job of putting those ideas across.
There were also some great words in there, but in the way of advice i would say to trade some of those words for more easily flowing phrases. Sometimes less is more.
I liked the way the poem retained a taut sense of fear and danger, even though no action actually takes place in it: It all goes on inside the character's head. I thoght you did a good job of showing how fear really is a ghoul in its own right.
This was a sweet story. Having read a lot of children's books, I thought you had the structure down very well: Simple, with clear images and a happy ending that encourages imagination in young readers. This is a common idea in kids lit. today, and I thought you executed it very well.
Interesting poem. It took a little interpretting, but I gather that the unpainted house represented her life being put on hold when she lost her love. There was a strong sense of loneliness, of course, and satisfaction when the two were re-united.
i was only confused at the end when they joined together and left the house. It made me wonder if i was mistaken as to what the house was symbolic of.
I guess the best thing about poetry is that it can be translated so subjectively. great job, either way.
Very 28 Days Later-esque! I liked the touch of humour you gave the story, though. The dialogue between the main character and the voice in his head was interesting, and it actually made a lot of sense - A person left on their own in such a time of chrisis probably would cope by talking to themself.
Now I'm enticed into reading Zombie Dream! Thanks for sharing.
This was a really sweet story, and you sure know how to pull on your readers' heart strings. I'm not a parent but my little siblings are like my kids, and the tragic though welcome sacrifice Brendan is able to make really resonated with me.
You write well too, but in the way of criticism I would suggest compressing the story a little. Sometimes a story loses poignance if it's stretched longer than necessary.
These are incredible! The idea itself is genius -- This is the perfect way to train myself out of over-using words in my writing -- But also the skill you use to create these is so impressive. They almost have a haiku-like carefulness to them, but you achieve a much easier flow.
I liked 'Holy Lust' the most (Nothing like a full-force, vivid love scene) and 'Price of Passion' would be runner up. The writing was so pointed and deliciously dark. 'Love in Nambia' went over my head a little, but was well-written, and I thought 'The Burden of Truth' was the lesser eloquent of the four, though it was still extremely impressive.
Thanks for sharing these, and this great idea! 5-stars all the way.
I thought you made some really good points here. Capitalism is a savage and unfair system, and even though slavery has been abolished in its more obvious forms, we're all slaves in the food pyramid created by this system.
I thought 'The man on the penny did not abolish slavery' was brilliant, it summed up the meaning of the entire poem.
As you said, they use vampires as a motif but aren't strictly relevant to them. I think you really bridge the gap between vampires and the youth subcultures who identify so much with them - Being the isolation, emotional issues and style.
I started off laughing while I read this. I thought the over-dramatisation of the pages 'feelings' and even the involvment of God was funny, but towards the end I felt like your treatment of the page was kind of sweet and might have symbolised the feelings of a middle child.
Hey, this was an awesome poem. It was sweet, inspiring, and absolutely true.
Working in hospitality, the first thing you learn is how easily a good or bad mood can spread from one person through a whole room. If only more people applied this to their everyday life and smiled more, the world would be a better place.
Goodness me, this is an interesting piece of reading. It makes me wonder what it's about, but I guess the aim of poetry is to make people think, so hats off to you.
The way I translated it was that the items you were painfully ingesting were hardships, with the 'light of day' as your reward ..?
I had an idea, of course it's just me and my crazy brainstorms, but wouldn't it be clever if you switched the last to lines so the literal 'bottom line' was that you love each other.
Another story of being left and heartbroken, I can definitely relate.
I thought the structure of this one was really enjoyable - First you build up the rhythm with a few rhymes and then each stanza with the blunt 'Good bye, so long, good day'. It reflected the harshness of being dumped well.
I like the way you've started off with a character so deeply and selflessly committed to another person, enough so that they'd sacrifice so much of themself, and then you seamlessly move along to their confrontation with reality and the scar it leaves them with.
There's definitely a lesson to be learned in this.
xx
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