You wrote that the story is fiction, but today I believe that in my state there are thousands of homeless women on the streets, many of them between 65 and 80 years of age. Some I’m certain come from similar backgrounds such as your woman on the corner. It is such a sad thought that with all that man can provide to invade outer-space he can’t provide more than a night of sleeping in a shelter or a meal that has been prepared by well meaning citizens who take their own time and volunteer to help the homeless. I enjoyed your writing and hope you’ll continue to enter our contest again in the near future.
I have no suggestions for changes to the content of the story. Your story was executed wonderfully well and I feel that nothing needs to be added or edited.
Thank you for sharing with our Circle of Sisters’ and good luck in the contest.
Loved this little cutie, but the color blue very hard on my eyes, the font maybe a bit too small, has my eyes pretty sore. But over all the words enchanted and reminded me those days of high school lore. I certainly enjoyed this piece very much and hope you’ll continue to entre RSSB contest, again upon our return in the fall.
I have no suggestions for changes to the content of the Poem. Your poem was executed wonderfully well and I feel that nothing needs to be added or edited.
Thank you for sharing with our Circle of Sisters’ and good luck in the contest.
The Eye, a very interesting account of the scope of color and sight the eye see’s in the wake of the close of life. I hope that my interpretation is correct as this is what I perceived as the final in the end of life for the eye. Once closed it has reached the final curtain. I enjoyed reading this piece very much and look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
I have no suggestions for changes to the content of your Poem. The poem was executed wonderfully well and I feel that nothing needs to be added or edited.
Thank you for sharing with our Circle of Sisters’ and good luck in the contest.
War of any kind is always one of greed and hate. It never had anything to do with what the people want or wanted in the first place. You did a very good essay on the right or wrongs of why any government fights. I enjoyed it very much and I hope someday we can all know the reasons why.
I have no suggestions for changes to the content of your Poem. The poem was executed wonderfully well and I feel that nothing needs to be added or edited.
Thank you for sharing with our Circle of Sisters’ and good luck in the contest.
This poetic tale certainly made the hair on my arms stand up. A very good job on description of how they met their final parting’s in the end. I love the way you left the end open just in case the 4th cowboy was ever found and we can only guess what might be his penalty in the end. Great work and truly enjoyed it.
I have no suggestions for changes to the content of your Poem. The poem was executed wonderfully well and I feel that nothing needs to be added or edited.
Thank you for sharing with our Circle of Sisters’ and good luck in the contest.
The ultimate reward is the Kingdom of Heaven – rightly so in any language to be sure. A lovely piece in which the writer looks to no human but only to Him; who is within and without, the savior of all souls under Him. I would only ask how is, it that one could serve him best and by what means? I understand the ultimate goal, but what I miss most in this piece would be how one goes about it…as much; for the reader to know what it takes to get through all the maze and experience of an earthly life, to live ones life with the sole purpose of reaching the heights of Heaven.
The only suggestions I have for this piece and it is just a suggestion: is that a few more details of why and how you live only for the Heavenly life….I agree this would be the ideal way, but others may want to know how! Other wise your writing was very well written.
Thank you for sharing with our Circle of Sisters’ and good luck in the contest.
Sincerely
Marlena
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Thank you for such a wonderful and much needed information on this
form of Dystonia. You put into words that are easy to comprehend the hardship that Dystonia causes in the every day life of those who live with it. I'm glad to know there is something that can help them for a length of time to make life better. Thank you for sharing and congratulations on being in this Week Spiritual NL.
Sincerely
Marlena
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Very nice story on the war between Hannable and the Romans. You captured my attention from the beginning with the first line. I like that you wrote it in prose form and the only thing I'd fix would be to capitalize
Hannable and Romans...good luck with your writing and welcome to Writing.Com.
As one of nine winners, of RSSB year long contest, we are so very proud that you have chosen to enter our North Star contest - the best of the best at years end...we the Circle of Sisters are very proud to welcome you to North Star contest. Presented by our leader, Tornado Day & Circle of Sisters!
What a wonderful story dear Nicki, a story that grabs you right from the start and carries you right up to the end...which I might add I wanted it to continue!
Poor Ricky, was given plenty of warning about the mysterious coin...but in the end he'd met his match. I was glad that we know the brother and sister would be all right and that they were unharmed.
I loved the concept of your story and how it never once dragged at any time. It is often a person’s attitude that influences the choices and decisions he’ll make and often the mind hears only what it wants to hear no matter the price one must pay for the lesson. Therefore Ricky paid the ultimate price for one moment of glory. Well done and thank you for sharing. And good luck in the North Star contest and God bless
This is really something I know about - and I've been in a few such fixes.
Great story, would never call it fiction even though it was written for flash fiction contest. Many tour agents, travel agents could honestly relate to some if not most of these incidents. Thanks for sharing - bravo for the travel agents who send them out....
As I came on the site this morning to read my email - my eye caught site of the story on the left hand side of the screen and it sounded like something Jyo wrote I thought...I was right it was yours and what a joyful read. You displayed each character perfectly and your discripitons magnifico. Thank you for such a wonderful little story told in your very storytelling way. The first of the day and so refreshing - even for the storyline. Great Job.
What memories this poem invoked in the loss of my own dear
child. The pain and regret the parents feel for not having done more to protect...though no fault of their own. But you can hardly tell the parent that.
Such a sad day for the person who took a dear child’s life, on a stupid dare. Now so many lives are lost and all in a moment of a foolish nightmare.
I am always so saddened by stories such as this, but it also helps me to grow and to never let anyone forget that being cool is not always smart.
Thank you so much for sharing this piece my dear sister.
Beautiful the spirit of the dream catcher,
who looks for the beauty in everything.
Another of your beautiful poems on
the plight of the NA. These words leave
a deep impression on the heart and wake
the inner spirit of those who carry the blood
of the ancestors’. Thank you for sharing
such profound words dear sister. The lovely
images add so much to the words.
Many trails have seen the weeping of
the woman and children left to fend
for themselves, so many moons ago.
Along the path the scatterings of the tiny
white rose, is what is to be a reminder
for the eons of pain and starvation
set upon the people of the Cherokee
nation Ani yunwiya never to be forgotten
their walk should not have been in vain.
Thank you sister for the beautiful poem
"Trail of Tears"
I can sure see the humor and the truth within this story...you really showed the visual really well and I saw the exploding jar with jelly beans bouncing like tiny colored stars all over the room. I hope this received a great grade. I spent a wonderful Christmas in Boston Mass, a few years ago and I love that place.
Great work and I'll read another before I go.
Take care
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It is not always easy to understand the beauty of the leafless trees as they hang their branches down in the weight of ice that drags them to the ground. There is nothing there to use to cover the nakedness that leaves them vulnerable to openness and shame.
I see the beauty of these words and their meaning is not wasted on these ears. I truly enjoyed every word written. These are my favorite:
”The invisible branches
that form our familial bonds,
will no longer be hidden
by lies and deceit.”
I have no suggestions for changes to the content of the Poem. Your poem was executed wonderfully well and I feel that nothing needs to be added or edited.
Thank you for sharing with our Circle of Sisters’ and good luck in the contest.
How clear the sounds I hear from this inner voice that comes from the author’s pen. I visualize the rancor of moving, loving and touching. Now comes the silence; yet penetrating, pulsating, permeating and filling all the spaces in between. Lovely voice dear Jaya I enjoyed the reading very much.
I have no suggestions for changes to the content of the Poem. Your poem was executed wonderfully well and I feel that nothing needs to be added or edited.
Thank you for sharing with our Circle of Sisters’ and good luck in the contest.
The title; is a reminder of my early childhood readings of the Brothers Grimm's Fairy Tales. I am not sure of the age this play would be written for but it seems that maybe all ages would enjoy the adventures of Shrek and Donkey as it takes place in your play. I think I would have preferred reading this as a story rather than a play, which is just my personal opinion of course. It did seem lacking in some of the whimsical nonsense that you would expect from Shrek or Donkey.
But over all I thought it a cute nonsensical tale that is, overall, written very well.
Although I did feel that I missed a bit of the moral of the story, due to it being played out in play form. It is possible that I just didn’t quit understand what the true essence of the ‘Grim Fairy Tale,’ was exactly.
Final Thoughts:
Remember when writing a short play or story, it is very important to focus on the action, more so than the characters, even more so if it has some type of comic element. If the action is slow the personalities of your characters have the same basic response; more or less.
I could see two people standing and reading from a sheet of paper instead of play acting. I just couldn’t get into the action with your characters or their personalities, but I am sure that with a little more thought you can turn this play into an exciting and very visual one.
Thank you for sharing with our Circle of Sisters’ and Good luck in the contest.
I think that sometimes children have to leave the real world for a while in order to feel that special touch from God; then in a little while when everything seems right again, they return like that golden needle in your haystack. I enjoyed this dedication to these very special people who in time come home as if they had never been away. Thank you for taking us on this journey.
My favorite line’s:
“God does have a sense of humor and I think you were in on the joke. On the way home from that hospital we put kids when they act strange or unwise, for just a moment between my embarrassment and empathy, I saw a golden glint in your eye.”
Final Thoughts:
I enjoyed reading your dedication and look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Thank you for sharing with our Circle of Sisters’, and Good luck in the contest.
What a wonderful story Kay in the spirit of the coming holidays; this was just what the doctor ordered. This kind of story sets my mood for the evening of reviewing contest entries. You know the idea of watching the Locator tonight nearly made me give up reviewing this wonderful story of finding the father, who had been missing for the first thirty years of a young woman’s life. I love the way you told your story and using the mom as the protagonist couldn’t have been better. You put so much into the story of which I’m sure had you been able to continue could have given us added details.
My favorite line’s:
“My mother, the ultimate Drama Queen, had certainly done her part in shaping my warped opinion of this man I had never met. Her favorite distortion of her short marriage to him was the story of how he went to sea (he was a Navy man), leaving her in a bare, lonely apartment with no money and only cigarettes and Dr. Pepper. Bastard! I thought, never stopping to examine the inconsistencies in her story; such as, why would he bother to buy her cigarettes if he wouldn’t buy her food? And Dr. Pepper… hmmm,”
Final Thoughts:
I enjoyed so much reading your wonderful story and look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Thank you for sharing with our Circle of Sisters’, and Good luck in the contest.
It is even more beautiful now then before.
There is her softness, her joy and love for
her children and there is also her anger for
the destruction of the beauty that no one should
take for granted. For just as she gave so unselfishly
she also takes out her wrath with a vengeance.
I wish you good luck in the contest and my best
always.
Sincerely
Marlena
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Welcome to Writing.Com and good luck with your writing. I really enjoyed this little feast. Your rhyming, rhythm and beat were awesome. I thought your poem perfect for the All Hallows Eve. I love being in Venice Italy, during Festival when they all come out dressed to the tee. This piece placed me right there watching from my perch all awe. Thank you for sharing and hope it does well in the contest you've written it for.
Sincerely
Marlena
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A beautiful tribute to your grandfather; I'm sure he must be so very proud of you. You're poem so well vested with information for his love and kindness to this child whom he has cared so much about all her young and adult life. Sometimes I think that is why grandparents live so long just to see their grandchildren get through the rough times. I only noticed one small error and maybe it was what you meant to say. 2nd stanza 3 line would that be (gentle) instead of gently? I love your piece and thank you for sharing with us.
Sincerely
Marlena
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One has the sense of fear at some risk to the physic, but not
to the physical body. Darkness creeps through the mine at
the peak hours of the night; was this what the author meant? Somehow I did not feel the fear in this piece. But I did like that it was well written as a poem about the unknown. Perhaps it is not easy to visualize fear unless we can see a picture, or have knowledge of something that will prompt fear. But I felt the rhythm, rhyme was very good and I enjoyed the piece very much, even without the fear factor.
Sincerely
Marlena
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