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1,259 Public Reviews Given
1,301 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Conversational - I don't have a formal template. Comment to my perception of the work, both substance and technique; highlights & misses. My reviews are public by default, but I will gladly make private upon request.
I'm good at...
Poetry - I read aloud; respond to both art and craft; Short Story - I listen for the voice(s) and respond with how I perceive both the creative voice and technique; and effective use of writer's tools; Articles/Essays - I'll let you know how you keep it real and hold my interest. Comment to substance & technique, fact-checking, depth of research, logical flow.
Favorite Genres
I love to read ^_^
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Articles / Essays
Public Reviews
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101
101
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

I see something otherworldly building; ominous, palpable fear. The vivid image brings me into the story, "white-knuckling" the wheel*Thumbsup*, afraid of what will come. The end is unexpected and still ominous, altogether a delicious journey into the possibly unknown, definitely terror-ridden.

I note very little telling, keeping me in the story. Only a few adverbs to digress to telling (i.e., unnaturally hard - consider showing how the driver grips the steering wheel - hard enough to numb my fingertips, or an appendage to the steering column?)

Thank you for this deliciously frightful 'journey' ~ the image will recur next time I'm driving in the fog.

Keep Writing!
Kate
Keep Writing!
Kate
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102
102
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

The title and tag line introduces well the story that is depicted in the poem to come, of what makes a "Home" out of the 'little house on the hill.' - not the rooms, or knicknacks or photos, but the 'rhymes' and 'family' and 'neighbors' - planted cherry trees and the sun, moon, stars over years of living life*Heart*

The "little house on the hill' may be home, and what makes it ‘HOME' is the life that inhabits it, mortal, animal, and at one with Nature.

Reading aloud, rhyming couplets hold images together in each stanza. Each stanza further provides an image, or a snapshot, of a piece of ‘HOME.' - i.e., family via companionship of son's dog and granddaughter's cat; nature via sunsets, moon, stars and tending nature, planting trees and harvesting friendship and community with neighbors mortal and of nature, over a lifetime's interaction and ‘being.'.

There is no real rhythm in the flow of the words or lines, but in the images themselves, with little use of cliché, each stanza again a picture vivid from a poet's eye of a piece of what is ‘HOME.' And very few occurrences of passivity. I also like the green color text and allusions to Springtime coming - that the building of ‘HOME' continues*Heart*

Thank you for this inviting visit to your 'Home' - would that one day I find or create mine as well.*Smile*


Keep Writing!
Kate
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103
103
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thank you for this visit to a Comic-Con. I can imagine being there and participating in the re-enactment with some of my favorite anime*Star* The story unfolds with realism and maintains it throughout, as Yvette realizes her dream to portray the anime heroine with whom she comes to identify herself and, in so doing, finds a ‘real' hero/friend. Where fantasy can perhaps evoke reality, with some effort*Thumbsup* Also helpful to those unfamiliar with manga or anime are the definitions at the end of the story.

The story flows well from beginning to its pleasing resolution with vivid descriptions and life, very little that is passive.

I note but a few occurrences where I had to re-read to get the image. In the opening, "its contents were now empty." Would more accurately be "it was empty." Or "its contents were gone" ??

In the next paragraph, how did they make their presence ‘known' ? did they vie for recognition? Compete, put up their best and newest anime?

Describing Yvette's passion and immersion in her role, "...Princess Kitara just right." (I deleted the comma) and the next sentence perhaps instead of "...since she watched..." consider "...since she discovered the anime" or something to that effect?

The descriptive paragraph with respect to Yvette's hair appears a bit passive, consider switching with or blending it into the next one, to begin with her comment made with ‘the grace to blush' ? also in that paragraph, "almost balked" would be "balked" or "almost halted" ??

When the curtains open, "Yvette was blinded momentarily by the flash of the waiting fans' cameras? ... She stood still for a moment, trying to focus," ??? looking for something not cliché to show her discomfiture and momentary fear/stage fright perhaps at the plethora of fans awaiting her performance.

The conversation between Yvette and the villain fits and is believable, as they fall naturally into their roles for the awaiting fans*Smile*

The ending is so fitting and one that every manga or anime fan can embrace. Consider just a bit more active, "...where a promising friendship was born" or "friendship had been borne out of the pages..." (taken from the pages?) either image fits splendidly!

Thank you for this journey to the Comic-Con - perhaps I'll go to one in my own life but, if not, I've enjoyed this one*Smile*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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104
104
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A avid lifelong Stephen King fan, I enjoyed thoroughly this journey with the Master's works. The story titles fit the context of the story, compelling it forward and recalling for me images of the original works evoked thereby.*Thumbsup*

The conversations between David and Harry are believable and natural, with just a few occurrences of telling words. For example, after describing how Harry had become lost, "Nothing," David mumbled irritably. (His mumbling is irritable to Harry? - or is David irritated?) Consider a more vivid image of David being perhaps snappish as he continued his reply.

I note a few occurrences of cliché, "i.e., a ton of bricks", and "David let him have it," David perhaps ‘lit into him' would be more visual?
Also, consider maintaining the active voice in conversation, i.e., re "Black House" - Harry said, instead of ‘was saying' or if you want an image of how he said it, maybe "Harry muttered" ? since he's focusing on his ‘cell' and responding as an aside.?

As to accuracy of image - "An eerie silence heralded his call." (the silence absorbed his call? It didn't provoke it? A bit unclear for me here

To maintain the showing intensity, consider later "His boots fell heavily on something that made a brittle crackling sound under his tread." In place of ‘seemed to make' ??

Also, "They both tried to hold onto their sanity." "They both fought to hold onto their sanity." (active voice again to show how they try?)

Later, the cold hand, "turned to notice" ? and "causing both men to take fearful steps" - slips passive. And consider more active for words like ‘warily' - show the motion of the eyes, or lack of blinking?

Later as they run, repeating "as he" in a sentence; consider a visual for one of the occurrences. And the prior paragraph, where Harry snapped "out of his" daze? (a little oops there) - also that description, was he dragging Dave along the ground or perhaps yanking the scruff of his shirt to force him to move?

The story resolves believably as the prelude to action that is to take place and, although I know what is supposed to transpire, I am left with a bit of a cliffhanger that evokes a terror yet to come.

Thank you for offering this creative and enjoyable story; a creative romp through the works of Stephen King; a chilling delight for those of us who have read his work and an incentive to do so for those who have not yet partaken of the full repast*Thumbsup*.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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105
105
Review of Gray Rain  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Reading this on Arbor Day, I see it both as surreal and all too real. Aliens as both otherworld beings and the ‘unworldly' acts committed by mortals to hasten the arrival of a ‘doomsday' for mortal bipeds.

Reading aloud, I sense some rhythm in the flow of the words to depict the images being evoked. Each stanza tells a piece of the story; longer more pensive lines interspersed with tight, provocative lines that compel the reader's vision forward to the next stanza, and the next, as familiar images are used to portray an impending ominous challenge - i.e., "Down it pours like a painter's rate..." *Thumbsup*

The poem follows the reverse alphabet noted without seeming forced to the letters rather well. I note but a few occurrences where the rhythm becomes passive, a bit telling, i.e., "Ominous clouds darkening the horizon" Consider perhaps "Ominous clouds darken the horizon," as more active, a punch compelling the reader/listener to seek the reason why; and "Many stare heavenwards in fear." A visual image to make me look up.

I also note some good rhythm in the next stanza; the first two lines in near rhyme moving the eye and ear deeper into the stanza; in the third line consider eliminating "Just" to hold the intensity and starting with "As Mother Nature's roar of anger..."

Also the final line, consider keeping active voice, "As aliens descend to make their conquest."????

Thank you for offering this call to reflect, and to act, that we are not taken unawares by our own action or inaction*Thumbsup*

Keep Writing!
Kate


Keep Writing!
Kate
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106
106
Review of The Game of Life  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for offering this discourse in verse on fate and fortune!

Reading aloud, as a free form poem I seek not rhyme, but a sense of rhythm and a cohesive vision. This is well met with the image of life as a stacked deck of cards. The second stanza adds depth, and the third comes full circle with respect to fate. Then life portrayed as a game or series of games, a Monopoly game with loaded dice perchance, but the player keeps going, hoping for then asking for a more effective way to play.

Reading aloud, there is a flow to the theme and vivid images that draw me in, and I note but a few occurrences where I am slowed. Opening with "He tells me..." "He" is not defined, and I find myself looking for 'him,' later in the poem; also note a few repetitions of words, i.e., "seems" used several times, consider perhaps a similar word with the same meaning in place of one, i.e., "appears" ???

The tense shifts in the middle (the stanza regarding Monopoly) from the personal to impersonal (telling rather than showing to draw the reader in), then returns at the finish; consider maintaining the personal for the powerful impact and depth. The final line, consider again just a bit more active with the request to maintain the powerful image??

Thank you for this realistic image of life, and the hope that keeps one going despite stacked odds.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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107
107
Review of Adrift  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for offering this image of the Muse Creative waxing poetic!

Reading aloud, a flowing image presents itself in a vivid portrait that flows as a stream of thought, with few intended stops, yet shaped into cohesive images with rhyming couplets where 'fantasy' meets the 'subconscious sea'; and 'visions float' as they await a 'lifeboat'*Star* The rhythm is intentionally (and realistically, from the image) chaotic until the ending tercet which slows the pace, contemplative, and each line evokes a pause for thought as the Muse Creative forms a 'literary gem.'

Thank you for this provocative and vivid depiction of the Muse Creative scribed with vision of a poet's eye - a fitting opening feature for Poets Talk Shop.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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108
108
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for offering this delicious image with a creative twist! The sense of the dodoitsu is well met, as the summation image evokes a puckered lip as well as an image of some sweet old wrinkly smiling folks*Smile*

Reading aloud, the description in each line is understated and subtle, yet vivid. The final line sums up the description.

I note one miss in the syllable count, the third line has eight (6 for in-di-vi-du-al-ly and 2 for u-nique); consider perhaps something like independently???

Thank you for the delightful 're-past' ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
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109
109
Review of Hoot Owl  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for offering this vivid portrait of an owl. The Dodoitsu form a splendid vehicle for this image that engages all the senses. The poetic form is well met, the syllable count, the active visual and auditory description, then the summation with a comical twist (rather literally*Smile*). The title even fits.

Reading aloud, the use of assonance and alliteration in the opening line immediately engages the reader/listener's ear, and there'a a sense of rhythm. The summation is both a literal sound to engage the ear and a descriptive human action. I smile each time reading.

The third line, using 'but' twice feels a bit forced to the tongue ~ consider perhaps something like "yet naught but a haughty call" where the assonance remains with 'naught' and 'haughty'???

Thank you for this image that I will recall as I listen for the owl somewhere near my backyard*Thumbsup*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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110
110
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for offering this contest not only to incite the muse creative but to showcase some splendid non-static items devised by the members of our Community of writers and artists!

As a forum, the title invites the curious and the body is formatted with clarity. Listing of the types of items considered is a useful tool for newcomers (or some long-time members) to see what is available on-site*Thumbsup* Highlighting the past month's winners invites perusal and participation; as does the forum for previous winners.

The time frame, judges, generous prizes are all clear and easy to find. The posts also invite participation as well as encourage nominations - simple format requesting the item and a very brief introduction. One is free to nominate his/her own item or one where he/she has participated.

Hope to see this challenge continue for a long time to come. With that in mind, here's a contribution towards the prize fund.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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111
111
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you for offering this splendid opportunity to welcome new members to WDC, encourage their writing aspirations, and help them find the outlets here that incite and inspire their Muse Creative!

As a forum, the title and tag line are clear and inviting to both the curious and altruistic-minded.

The opening image and the Goals and Objectives are well-defined and offer both information and encouragement to read further. The parameters for Adopters and Adoptees are also clearly defined. Working links to 'Newbie Zones' afford opportunity for both mentoring opportunities and newbie showcasing, as well as good reading*Smile*

I see no errors or omissions, and the forum posts as well are friendly and responsive.

Best of luck with this great altruistic venture. I attach a token contribution for benefit of the group or otherwise to assist the Angel Army's goals.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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112
112
Rated: E | (4.0)
Coming to terms with being alone perhaps, after youth’s bloom and innocence has departed, one finds in the mirror an image of steadfast honor and truth; illusions cast aside, revealing the true inner strength and beauty that yet strong abides.*Heart*

Reading aloud, the mixture of rhythmic forms evokes the image of reflection, regret at letting go of illusion, then returning to the rhythmic flow, with the realization that love of oneself is the foundation for all the rest*Heart*

The rhyming for the most part maintains the sonnet form; while the rhythmic variations and variations on syllable count add variety, as the mirror reflects deeper past the surface.

Consider maintaining the tense in the opening – third line, “…I hastily go” (not taking it to past, as the next image returns to present); and for the rhythm, consider for the sixth line perhaps “My heart longs for love’s deep glorious stain” (maintaining the pacing of the images before and after). The second last line, to maintain the intensity, consider “Still there remains but one who does enthrall,” (‘but’ instead of ‘only’ and a pause at the end of the line to reflect for a moment before the summation. “I love you dearest heart, you are my all.”*Heart*

Thank you for this splendid vision of hope ~ despite whatever travails one may encounter, hold fast to the light within and one is never ‘alone.’*Heart*
Keep Writing!
Kate
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113
113
Review of Euphoria  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Thank you for offering this image both tactile and metaphorical!

Upon each subsequent journey into this poem, this reader comes closer to the woman weeping, tears finally flowing down the crevasses marking the years to awaken passion long buried, to soften the clay wrought by years and release the spirit sealed within.

Reading aloud, as free form poetry, I do not seek rhyme, but a sense of pace and rhythm, which I find in the haste of the first stanza, brief and vivid, each line an image in itself. I suggest for rhythm removal of the helping word ‘the’ in the third line; i.e., “down gutters,’ and perhaps a comma pause before the explanation in the fourth line, where the reader pauses momentarily to see the face of the speaker..

In the second stanza, consider some pauses as the ‘rain’ performs individual actions in the second, third and fourth lines before the release. Consider for the rhythm returning to the active and for rhythm, i.e., “to soulfully fly.” ???

Thank you for offering this powerful image of hope ~ the spark ever remains, awaiting release.
Keep Writing!
Kate
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114
114
Rated: E | (4.0)
Haiku and other small poems is an evolving metamorphosis of haiku, senryu and exploratory poetry with a similar pattern to Japanese form poetry. Haiku and senryu has evolved over the years as far as syllabic count and themes. This work also has evolved from the original, which begins with single vivid images to multiple images equally evocative. A delight to the senses, evoking pastoral nature interacting with humankind; at times personified (i.e., #7 frog croaking his song,…booming metallic lyrics)*Star*

The opening tercets 1,2,3 are in the standard haiku/senryu 5-7-5 syllabic pattern, each portraying two or more images; #4 then in 7 syllables takes dusk to night, where in #5, a senryu proclaims the bitter memories one may see in a mirror, or stone. For maintaining the syllabic pattern, consider in place of “old and tarnished” perhaps “faded and tarnished” ???

#6 portrays nature again humanized to close the day, and #7 the above frog’s melody as heard by reluctant listeners. Consider a pause after the first line of #7 to facilitate connection to each of the following two lines individually? (also check spelling of metallic*Blush*)

#8 either brings back the dawn or perhaps a farewell to the day’s light at sunset – consider the final line “facing the warm sun” so again it can flow individually from each of the above lines, and even stand as its own image.

Part 2 ~ a combination of haiku and senryu, with mainly even 5-7-5 syllable lines appears more reflective and human. The tercets are for the most one image, with some intense reflection. Note #5 where dawn never warms one completely*Heart* A series of reflections on nightfall giving way to dawn and the coming day.

Consider perhaps some pauses (commas) within the tercets to afford the eye a brief stop in order to imagine two images in place of a long sentence in some (i.e., #3 “Finches gossiping,” … would then naturally give both images “Finches gossiping winter’s icy morn,” and “white breath exhaling tufts of winter’s icy morn.” – in haiku/senryu style.)

#7 – has to be my favorite in this group, however, “swells of rain falling with cool determination stealing my shadow” an image that remains after reading even once*Heart*

Thank you for sharing these poignant, evocative images ~ Nature’s dance ~ with “humans in pursuit” working Her daily magic as the wheel of life/day turns. I hope to see more of your journey using this versatile, evocative form.*Star*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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115
115
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thank you for offering this intriguing introduction to intrigue and mayhem!

Penned in letter form, evokes a Victorian past world mood. I can envision Mistress Garnier taking quill to parchment and writing her thoughts.

The language stays fairly true to period, holding the mood, and ends the introduction with a promise of intrigue. I do believe in those days doctors were surgeons, however?

I note but a little telling, for example, the list of faults each sentence beginning with "He..." in succession. Consider perhaps some combinations and/or shifting a sentence or two, i.e., something like "Immature to the highest degree, he is vulgar, assuming everyone wants to hear..." ???
Keep Writing!

I look forward to reading more of Mistress Garnier's and the Detectives' tale.

Kate
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116
116
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Thank you for offering this delicious journey back in time! The tag line invites the reader to the parlor, and that is where the story takes place, the voice, spoken and descriptive, transplanting the reader to another 'cozier' time.

The story begins with the demise of an elderly dowager, plants a clue with respect to a forbidden plant being the cause of her death, then alludes to something nefarious that necessitates the gathering. The tone of the short story, descriptions of the characters, conversation, all transplant the reader to the parlor and the mystery is solved inadvertently by one attending the gathering.

One spot halted me for but a moment, the second paragraph, beginning with "Ella had spoken to Mimi on her way out..." I presume Ella was leaving, perhaps start a new paragraph or scene, Ella had bid Mimi good evening on her way out the night before? then continue with the scene so vividly describing Mimi's customary demeanor?

Thank you for this journey to an everwhere delightful!



Keep Writing!
Kate
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117
117
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings! I am one of the judges for GENREFLECTIONS and enjoyed this vision of a girl’s struggle to save her village. The story quickly built suspense as Haiti rushed to save the village, with her mind recalling (good use of back-story, or description) Elderwoman’s prophesy, well portrayed to give insight into the village and its people. The thought process stayed true to the tone set by the description, i.e., use of “never in a million moon cycles” keeping the reader in the moment.

I’m not certain of the age group, perhaps pre-teen or early teen, and would suggest keeping the language active and visual (i.e., “Running out of breath, Haiti stumbled,…” in place of “steps faltered.” ???

A bit passive with the mental back-story, and references that are ambiguous for the younger reader (I’m picturing pre-teen or early teen?) i.e., the statement that “…she alone would lead an army…” could refer to either Elderwoman or Haiti as described.

The conclusion revealing it to be a dream good ending to Haiti stumbling and lying down. Consider a more visual image perhaps for Haiti when she wakes, a bit telling with use of “woke” twice – perhaps she opens her eyes; also “…she thought, squirming back under the coverlet on her cozy hayberry bed.”

Thank you for creating this engaging world with a young heroine I can see easily see taking part in a number of challenging adventures in her world believable though fantastic. Welcome to WDC and Good luck in the contest.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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118
118
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings! I am one of the judges for GENREFLECTIONS and thank you for entering this engaging story of a family first conceived in hope, descended to despair for the couple and frustrated anticipation for the ‘child.’ The summation, “be careful what you wish for,” very appropriate in this tale that blends the mortal with the otherworldly.

I’m not certain of the age group targeted, perhaps teen or pre-teen based on the theme and the word usage.

I note a bit of telling in place of showing in some places, and some discord in tense. For example in the opening paragraph, for consistency in voice “…reading her very thoughts.” Or “…reading her every thought.” ?? and later “Risa smiled one of many fake smiles she had perfected…” Also, where Risa ‘headed’ for somewhere, consider showing what she was doing – walked, strolled, stomped ???? Like the visual image in the paragraph where she stands in front of the blue door – very vivid, engages all the senses

Thank you for offering this story about ‘wishing’ for things that are perhaps not meant to be; also a metaphor for kids growing up, they do blaze their own path, albeit most not so destructive.

Good luck in the contest!
Keep Writing!
Kate


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119
119
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings! I am one of the judges for GENREFLECTIONS. Thank you for offering this engaging story of a boy who falls for a challenge unattainable and, in realizing he was tricked, how it affects him and his trust of adults. I see this as geared to perhaps higher-grade children, who would understand the message while enjoying the story. I found myself hoping that Ravi would earn his reward and shared in his disappointment when he realized there was no way he ever could have

I enjoyed the two voices, each holding true throughout the story, related first person through the father’s eyes, and third person for Ravi. Very little passivity, active and visual throughout. I note but a few places where there is a bit of discord, i.e., “Unrepentant, unaware of misdoing, he looked up at me…” (holding the tense) ??

The story remains engaging and lively through to the end, where Ravi very appropriately intones, “promises, promises.” Thank you for a delightful read! Good luck in the contest.

Keep Writing!
Kate
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (4.5)
A review of "A wonderful Christmas Present."
Greetings! I am one of the judges for GENREFLECTIONS and thank you for offering this joyous story of a Christmas wish come true; a message of hope, faith, and joy.

The story is well directed to perhaps middle grade children, who can recall writing (and drawing) letters to Santa with their most heartfelt wishes (some might still do it). The caregiver’s name, Grace, very appropriate to the gift

The plot unfolds in an active and visual manner, keeping the senses engaged throughout. The spellchecker kicking off in a few places did not detract from enjoyment of the story itself, recheck apostrophes and proper names).

The ending is simply uplifting, with Grace happy for the girls; caring enough to let them go and give them their dream. Thank you for this story that puts a smile in the heart of adults as well as children. Good luck in the contest^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate

Keep Writing!
Kate
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121
121
Rated: E | (4.0)
A review of "Once A Special Place" Open in new Window. – 237 words
Thank you for sharing this vision of primordial beauty and life, its imprint on the spirit and Mother Earth there for one who cares to see it!

Reading aloud, as a free form poem I do not seek rhyme, but a rhythm of images that flows, painting a picture with words or relating a story. I see Nature's painting unfold with the coming dawn, awakening, then building in intensity. Despite the merciless attempts to destroy the nascent beauty, it remains alive, a promise*Heart*

I see some rhythm in the flow of images, and would suggest perhaps a few pauses (commas, or semicolons) to focus the reader’s eye and ear to hear the vibrant sounds. For example, second line, “Loneliness creeping defeats itself, battling the buoyant…” and the next line, “The forest awakens gently, unfettering the floral delight; inviting all…”

Also, for rhythm to the ear, consider for consistency, holding the same tense in a stanza, i.e., “Vines and ferns seek ever upward, lead me to the summit;…” (in place of ‘leading’ – more passive, dropping the rhythm); and in the final stanza, consider the sound of “eyes resting, sensing busyness of life, harmonious” (dropping ‘and’ for harmony of rhythm).

Thank you for a beautiful journey to a place of ‘promise’ and ‘Spirit’s guarantee’ that even on a chill winter’s day “The day sends upward the sun, filtered by needles and cones.” (I just love that image, so tangible.)*Heart*

Thank you for sharing this poignant, powerful work, and welcome to WDC^_^
Keep Writing!
Kate



Keep Writing!
Kate
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122
122
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for offering this poll that also provokes thought and discussion! The title and tag line clearly state the writer's opinion and invite readers to voice an opinion. The reader is invited to voice an opinion with respect to a black awardicon, and also invited to write the author with thoughts on additional colors brighter and more vivid. A working link to a challenging ongoing contest is also included.

As a poll, the questions are specific and written in a friendly tone and I am actually intrigued by the two who voted with such a vivid 'no' option ~ their discourse must have been 'colorful.'*Wink* Since black is actually all colors, how could anyone not think it a cool award*thumbs*

Thank you for the enjoyable opportunity and read ~ good luck!

Keep Writing!
Kate
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123
123
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Thank you for offering this juicy melodrama! It was a tough challenge, but you met all the parameters well, creating an interesting and intriguing story that leaves the reader satisfied yet wanting to know if they make it together this time.

A car accident five years after their last encounter brings two former sweethearts together unexpectedly, and each realizes that they still care for each other, with the bonds of affection (and a child) bringing them back together.

Each reading brought more details to the fore, like a melodrama should, more depth, more questions for the reader to ask and seek answers. Why California, and how is Nora holding two jobs while having to pick up the child? Nora is well developed and, but for a few such questions, I can envision her and get into her head, feel with her the loss, and gradual change from stoic resolve to keep her 'secret' to the perhaps subconscious decision to reveal it and give him an opening to re-enter her life.

Joseph appears more peripheral, leaves me with more questions; why did Nora think him so shallow? Is he still shallow, casually mentioning his father's company is being sold for serious money? Or did Nora's apparent need for control push him away? I don't feel that I 'know' Joseph as well as Nora at the end of their story i.e., "Joseph nodded, weak resolution..." perhaps a more visual glimpse of his expression to show either resolution or hesitation or some combination of a frown and smile? as he finally declares his intention*Smile*

I note but a little passivity, and it feels appropriate to a melodrama. I can see Nora clearly, her "fingers fumbled over the car lock" like I'm there next to her watching her actions much of the time.*Smile*

A few discordant spots only, i.e., in teh transition when Joseph first realizes who she is, "Oh my God...deep green eyes and muscles..." (deleting "a" before muscles ~ the voice change abrupt from Joseph's statement to a physical description. Perhaps incorporate his action into showing his physique or use the description in the next paragraph where Nora reacts, as the view from Nora's memory continues in the paragraph.

I would be curious to know more about Joseph either through Nora's recall or, perhaps from Joseph's recalling that he searched for her, some more anguish or why he stopped looking?

A thoroughly fitting resolution, bringing the story to satisfying closure, yet leaving me curious as to how things will play out in the future, given this 'second chance.' *Thumbsup*

Thank you for a delightful read and good luck in the challenge.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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124
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for offering this altruistic opportunity to contribute to Rising Stars and other treasured WDC Community Activities! The email invitation to donate friendly and inviting, as is the straightforward title and tag line*Star*

As a forum, the parameters are clear, groups to benefit defined with working links to afford additional visits thereto*Thumbsup* The tone of the posts and responses friendly and conducive to entry. From the opening image, the auction invites further perusal, contributions for some delightful reading, and bidding! I see no discord or nits of any kind.

Hope this is a resounding success! and I look forward to some delightful reading, and bidding! A token contribution here for the pool.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Incubus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A writer who creates such vivid phantoms that they come to life and claim him as their own. This vivid exchange leaves me wondering if it's all real or creative visualization*Star*

Well related in first person, the opening prepares me to hear a story. I would recommend either splitting the first sentence, however, to maintain the impact of the opening line, or something like "...I found myself unable to achieve restful repose, as unflagging nightmares occupied ..." The end also sounds passive when I read aloud, is he releasing emotions or a 'miasma of images' (the nightmares)? The passive or telling with use of 'that' ~ consider eliminating some of the understood helper words for more active imagery?

The letter is a splendid transition to relate the story itself! The reason for the nightmares is described in vivid detail. I would consider making the opening more active once again, perhaps flipping the thought, "We met briefly in the village, where I was procuring provisions, during a brief respite..." The next paragraph, "...the mists along the path to my cottage..." (image of the mists wafting along the path??? and the third paragraph, for visual, were the waifs "dancing in circles around it" or "dancing around it in a circle" ?

"Malefica" ~ cool name for the writer! now I'm thinking he's not all innocent*Thumbsup*

The second narrative again good transition, seeing the letter itself as a nightmare. The generic 'window' used several times in one sentence. Consider defining it, something like "Thinking I must have left the bedroom window open, I turned on the light and went to close it, but the window wasn't open." ???

The following transitions of letters and narrative are facile and move the plot well. I am seeing a supernatural exchange building on the surface, with a hint of something ominous to come.

The ending is a descent to madness either literal or figurative ~ spiced with intriguing use of alliteration "...terrible torments..." and I see him as no longer in the world of the living at the end.

Thank you for offering this provocative, intense work^_^
Keep Writing!
Kate
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