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1,259 Public Reviews Given
1,301 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Conversational - I don't have a formal template. Comment to my perception of the work, both substance and technique; highlights & misses. My reviews are public by default, but I will gladly make private upon request.
I'm good at...
Poetry - I read aloud; respond to both art and craft; Short Story - I listen for the voice(s) and respond with how I perceive both the creative voice and technique; and effective use of writer's tools; Articles/Essays - I'll let you know how you keep it real and hold my interest. Comment to substance & technique, fact-checking, depth of research, logical flow.
Favorite Genres
I love to read ^_^
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Articles / Essays
Public Reviews
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Review of esteem practiced  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


The title fits the piece ~ and each line of the quote is rife with imagery, rings of honesty and passion. I can see the speaker reciting this memorized list, staring into the face of the insulter, then taking the response and sardoncally reflecting on what he should have practiced along ith the words.

Technically no errors, or spelling nits, but for one missed comma, after "myself" in the second line, before the quote. Also, a question, is the fourth line "The face that" in its first occurrence a part of the quote or his thoughts only ~ if thoughts, perhaps italicize to set off? else should probably be in quotes.

Thank you for offering this provocative and passionate work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Provocative and reflective, I ponder the meaning of what he seeks, to speak his peace to his savior; apparently he will have the chance, being freed from confinement in this world.

Reading aloud, I note but a couple of places I am slowed, the firt stanza, using "only" in two consecutive lines, consider perhaps "four white walls my sole company"??? or something simlar; also the third stanza "but 'they' won't listen" seems to transition abruptly from the first two lines as "they" is not defined? I read back to see if a mention made, and oculn't locate it.

The ending not sad, but resigned, accepting*Star*

Thank you for offering this provocative work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of No more goodbyes  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Although at first reading I sensed sadness, reading again offers more a resigned acceptance and sense of strength in coming to terms with a tragic occurrence or betrayal.

Reading aloud, there is a linear flow to the images, assonance in couplets within the stanzas serves to add some rhythm to the imagery.

"Don't let one moment be for granted" *Star* the message that remains with me after I have finished reading.

Thank you for offering this poignant work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Imagine  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This piece opens very visually, and I find myself wanting to close my eyes and think, imagine{e;smile} The ubiquitous "they" raises a hand to slow me a bit "they say..."*Smile* Then picturing the speck, I think a spirit, perhaps human, perhaps not, but then the transition to Elvis in Shropshire kind of breaks the mood, perhaps it's intended to, but feels abrupt. I do like the comparison to the tortois and the hare ~ although an image ethereal, compared to the lumbering tortous^_^

So although some transitions may be a bit abrupt, the imagery is vivid and imaginative.

Thank you for offering this provocative work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of The Snoop  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed reading your poem, lyrical, the use of alliteration with 's' words evoking an image of a chlld with a missing tooth reciting the poem^_^

Reading aloud, I smiled troughout, and found the rhythm fairly even and easy on the ear.

thank you for offering this delightful poem ^_^
Keep Writing,
Kate

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*Star*Thank you leann
for my sweet Dove "On the Wings of a DoveOpen in new Window.*Heart*

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Review of As One  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I see a beautiful rendition of the first blush of love, grabs the heart and grows with each cherished memory{e;heart}

Reading aloud, the use of rhyming in each couplet ties the images together, adding some rhythm to each stanza. In some of the couplets, I can almost sense a heartbeat*Smile*

Suggest consistency in the rhyming by perhaps using singlar dream in third stanza, i.e., "...and in every dream" to rhyme with "seem" in the next line???

"You and me as one, I'm glad I took the chance." leaves me with a smile,
Thank You^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of My Dark Angel  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your story is well told in a linear style, the transitions easy to follow to the expected conclusion. I like the depth of the visual and sensory descriptions, which draw believable images of what is happening throughout.

There is some telling which could be tightened with perhaps combining some of the sentences in the opening to make the visual and sensory images, which are really great, more immediate*Star* also, reversing some of the quotes with their descriptions, i.e., "You know what I want," he whispered, his lips against my ear." ???

also check the consistency of tense ~ i.e., 'look up' (present) in the same sentence as 'began' (past) ??

Thank you for offering this sensual journey into the dark side!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of A Father's Lament  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Thank you for sharing this vivid portrait in poetic form.

Reading aloud, the free verse doesn't require rhythm, but your use of rhyming in the second and fourth stanzas serves to more fully hold the image together, adding a sense of rhythm to the story being related, the memories being shared*Thumbsup*

absolutely beautiful line for me ~ "...rest your head on my chest for a perpetual moment, an infinite caress." *Heart*
!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}

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Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I love a good thunderstorm! and I am seeing not just music in a storm, but the music of a storm*Star* It's played like a symphony with a full orchestra of light, sound, really beautiful.

Reading aloud, the intensity builds with the images you present, then gentles as a storm that is passing. I note but a couple items, i.e., common spelling of Lightning (delete the 'e'); and the fourth stanza, final line, consider simply "Magnificent solos" as more visual, deletng "The" ???

Thank you for offering this beautiful image of a summer storm!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of caught in a maze  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I was moved by the solemnity and depth of your poem. The imagery is vivid and I can see myself bumping into corners and sharp angles as I feel my way through, realizing I'm back where I started, I think (interesting bit of ambiguity at the end)*Star*.

Reading aloud, I note several rhythmic schemes, each fairly even within a stanza,and the rhyming in the second and fourth lines of each stanza helps me pull the image therein together, before taking me deeper into the maze.

I am slowed but a bit the third stanza where the ominous opening is lightened just a bit the fourth line; you define depression as the captor immediately and I suggest you consider simply "with poisoned lips" the fourth line to maintain the depth, make me purse my lips with the feel of it??? (I deleted the second 'her')??

Thank you for offering this all too realistic depiction of depression.
Kate
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*Star*Thank you leann
for my sweet Dove "On the Wings of a DoveOpen in new Window.*Heart*

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Review of REALIZATION  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I like the pastoral urban image you paint well with your words. I can feel the comfort and peace of a day coming to its close.

I find no spelling or grammatical errors, and the voice is natural and reflective.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Sunshine Yellow  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed reading your poem describing a perfect autunn sky. The imagery is vivid and recalls an innocence and purity.

Reading aloud, the free verse has relevant stops to focus on each image presented, then wanting to see what will come next*Smile*

The rhythm flows fairly smoothly throughout. The short stanza prepares the reader well for the final statement; expressed with a simple quote that makes one think.

Thank you for offering this beautifully written, well described image.
Good Luck in the contest,
Kate
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*Star*Thank you leann
for my sweet Dove "On the Wings of a DoveOpen in new Window.*Heart*

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Review of Hidden Knowledge  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading your story of true friendship. Emma takes the first step by showing the way to the hiding place in the woods. The journal is probably where things are defined, and it is not mentioned again, perhaps that could be shown later during the second visit or given to mom to read? the police?

the conversation between the girls is natural and believable. nice detail about the pencil; later the usual and the ice ceam shop.

the transitions from one segment to another feel a bit forced to me, a bit abrupt, but then are given more depth

also, would suggest a bit more detail with respect to the police taking the parents away, perhaps after turning over the journal.

I like the story, a treatise on true friendship, they become almost like sisters at the end; with the family also stepping in to help an abused child^_^

Also, telling in the first person, a challenge I think well met in this story of hope, friendship, and honest love.

Keep Writing!
Kate

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*Star*Thank you leann
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Review of Strive. Exceed.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading your poem ~ the sentiments are noble and invoke a challenge to all who read them. Written with force and determination, it's obvious there is a depth of feeling here, as if these are perhaps your goals. Kudos and I hope you keep striving for and exceeding them *Star*

Reading aloud, I like the repetition that adds force to each item. I offer for your consideration the first stanza be balanced with the second, i.e., perhaps you don't need the same words, as much as keep the emotion going. In the second stanza, you have a goal and exceed it. In the first stanza, how about you srive for a goal and attain it, then strive some more ~ I know it's not using the same word or derivative but the meaning is that once attained, keep going, like once exceeded, keep going. That's the meaning I get, instead of using a poetic license word (strived?).

Thank you for sharing your goals ~ noble ones for not only a writer, but anyone^_^
Keep Writing, I do believe you will succeed,
Kate

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*Star*Thank you leann
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Review of Bumble Boy  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


The plot centers around a boy who never fit in to his father's perception of what a boy ought to be, and was ridiculed and berated for that until he found something he delighted in and was good at, although still not what his father expected, he knew he would be good at it and make his dad proud An accident end his hope and he resigns himself to a fate as the recipient of his dad's ire. As a story, it is told from Jonathan's recollection, as he wakes in the hospital after the injury, and immediately is confronted by the reality that he is not important, and concludes that without the ability to play well, he will remain that boy who is never first or admired in his father's eyes. Always damaged, as is the tree outside his window in the hospital ~ a good vehicle for comparison and to bring the story full circle.

The transitions between the hospital and Jonathan's recollections are natural and well spaced; with segments being recalled over a period of time, kind of like chapters in a novella*Smile*

Each character maintains his/her personality and voice throughout. I am left with the slightest feeling that although it was an accident, there might be some satisfaction on the part of Jon's brother, Bobby. His father comes across as a bit one dimensional to me; unless the stoicism is intentional, for example, when he sees Jon'a ruined bloodied hand for the first time, there isn't much reaction; and there is no apparent remorse or any extra feeling by anyone when he is first introduced in the hospital, including his mother.

Apparently, with the loss of his ability to play, he's relegated to even less than Bumble Boy (the nickname given him by his father upon first noting his clumsiness at sports). (The only affection or Jon appears to be from his mother, and that mainly pity when she first learns of the nickname.)

I found very little telling and only a few inconsistencies in the story (i.e., where Jon reaches for the spoon they had been playing with in the disposal, then before he can get his hand on the 'toy' the mechanism is engaged.) ???

Thank you for offering this poignant story of lost hopes!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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241
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


The story begins with awakening to find a stranger's face in the mirror and a stanger's recollections (the bombing) in the mind to be annoyed about. The story continues with the realization that the very room and surroundings have become those of the past, as have the events that will occur. Stepping into the life of a beloved grandmother and reliving her first meeting with her grandfather. The ending tells me it's more than just a dream, as she falls asleep to dream of her 'memories.' Great premise, well portrayed.*Smile*

I have but a few comments for your consideration. Use of "woken" twice in close proximity, suggest perhaps "awakened that early" in the opening paragraph, then "woken" in the natural speech???

The next paragraph, perhaps describe (show) sleepily (telling); i.e., something like "I shuffled to the bathroom for a shower" or some other visual image of how she goes to the shower, rubbing her eyes, eyes half closed, ???

Suggest a pause, between "indepedent" and "much to the horror..." (comma to separate and emphasize.

"I had a long hot shower..." consider splitting into two sentences. "Finding no answer..." to start the second, a bit more active???

"At the side of the wardrobe..." again a bit telling, consider rewording to be more active "I found," or "I discovered frilly underwear..." In place of 'lovely' describe what was lovely about it.??? also, it would be "complement" (match with) instead of "compliment" (praise)

also consider a rewording where you have "imagine" and "imaginable" within two sentences. ???

"I discovered that the man I admired... was a titled gentleman" (again, 'gentlean' used twice in quick succession; suggest keeping the occurrene that is the actual title.

Thank you for offering this delightful step into the past^_^
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Miraculous Song  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


It's great to read a story with a happy conclusion, and the title really fits^_^ I see you have a forum requesting help with the ending, so I won't coment in depth here.

I see some telling throughout the story, i.e., opening with the description of her age, if you want to make note of it, suggest something to focus on being lonely/alone to lead up to her worry about her husband. i.e., something like,

"Alona Winters worried as she waited for her husband to come home. Since her retirement from the orchestra, the 51 year old choral director marked the hours until his return with ever increasing worry." what I'm aiming for here is to pull the reader in with the visual and emotional image that can then be expanded upon with the description of her surroundings, and why she worries. Then the backstory about the baby answers the reason why she is lonely - her husband is all she has.

I also suggest eliminating the omniscient phrases, i.e., "little did she know..." "the problem was she didn't realize..." and hold to the same voice throughout.

I noticed in your port that you have a forum requesting endings, so I will just add a small comment here for your consideration - it seems a bit hurried. When Stanley and Alona realize the nature of their relationship, that's a key turning point in the story, and Carl's arrival can be more vivid - i.e., note Stanley's resemblance, perhaps, to the young Carl - maybe Carl stops short seeing a mirror image of himself, or someone who looks familiar???

The time period of one month before adoption seems a bit short for Stanley to remember the song - perhaps a little longer? or perhaps this could be kind of a miracle?

The conversation with Stanley - could be a little more in depth, or the reference to it; i.e., was this Stanley's first attempt at burglary because of his money problems? we know he's alone because he moves in, but a bit more on why if you think it's relevant? you don't want it too long, else it will detract from the message, but I do think the reason for Stanley's burglary is a loose end if he will be moving in with his parents.

relate it to the anniverary perhaps and the empty vase that awaited flowers is no longer empty, their son has come home.

I note a few places where your spellchecker failed and a few grammatical nits ~ (in case= space missing; intention; "tell me where you keep your money" instead of 'wear'; "He swore constantly" in place of 'swear'; "another reason for them to leave" in place of 'another reason for their leave"

Thank you for offering this uplifting story that leaves me with a smile!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I love the definition of editors as "amateurs with cloudy eyes" and can empathize with the "skinny black needles poking..." *Thumbsup*

so roll up the sleeves, here's a needle*Blush*

Reading aloud, the visual and tactile expression of the writing process is detailed, flowing and clicking like one typing, the writing process reduced to the mechanical expression of the act alone.*Star*

Note, a couple of download issues "plastic" "slipping" "amateurs" are easily corrected and don't detract from my enjoyment of the work.

One question that slows me a bit ~ "evaluating its..." ???

I absolutely love the conclusion - seeing it as a reward for typing*Smile* and then the editor*Star* I will think of this when I read edits on my work ~ aptly depicted*Thumbsup*

Keep Writing!
Kate

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*Star*Thank you leann
for my sweet Dove "On the Wings of a DoveOpen in new Window.*Heart*

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Review of Mental Salvation  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like the choice of lambs instead of sheep - somehow kinder, so perhaps more would continue reading, regardless of their political persuasion*Smile*

I like the touch of alliteration in the second stanza, the lambs that laud a leader ~ a memorable quote actually ~ "I must be the mole" i'm not up on a mole's role with passing intelligence, or is the reference to working underground, or beneath the surface? then the opening of the next stanza, would lambs fear a mole as such?

"i shall not give the new wool, ...new thoughts" ***** Great!! (memorable again as a take off on teaching to fish, instead of giving them a fish)

next stanza, question "a truce" ? is this in relation to war? if so, it's the only direct reference?

the final stanza, 'dawn's glow caresses my back' ~ the image of a mole is kind of cast aside being in the sunlight?

check the fourth line here, last word, a download glitch

the final line, perhaps consider deleting 'the' and ending with "as thinking lambs awaken." ???

You make me think with this poem, and some really memorable imagery to reflect upon the ideas you put forth.

Keep Writing!
Kate

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*Star*Thank you leann
for my sweet Dove "On the Wings of a DoveOpen in new Window.*Heart*

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Review of When  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Thank you for this beautiful treatise on love - the images are peaceful and reflect joy and hope. I like the their progression, from what will be, perhaps imagined or just wished, to what actually is. Makes one believe in the possibility of such a love.

Reading aloud, the rhyming adds a lilting quality to the words and augments the upbeat feeling. The rhythm is fairly even.

I noted no spelling or grammar inconsistencies.

Beautiful, poignant image.

Thank you!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Dan  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed the depth of your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


The plot of two HIV/Aids patients meeting and their discussion; one who is hopeful and one who has long ago given up hope; and their individual perceptions of how society sees (or ignores) HIV infected people. Aa I finish reading, I leave thinking how little has changed since the setting of your story ~ more open and visible acknowledgement of the disease(s) but still knee jerk reactions and perceptions; and denigrating the sufferers as having brought about their own illness.

The conversation between the two men is realistic and each holds his voice well - Dan bitter and angry; Alex hopeful, more positive. Alex, however, sees his perception change and become more realistic at the end; he is changed by his interaction with Dan - very well portrayed - it's the impression I am left with as well.*Star*

Where action is described, I note a few places, in particular where the nurses come and go, that seem to be less natural and detailed. Suggest showing how the nurse walks in or out, if a needle is jabbed, for example, or a nose turned up, or no eyes met???

Also, where Dan reflects on Alex's words ~ the voice seems to go back an forth, suggest a simpler introduction, then perhaps italicize his first-person questions to himself to set them out? i.e., something like "His words float around in my mind, though I try to push them away. ..." more defined and personal like simple thoughts, more impact???

Also, undefined for me, "They call him two hours later.." who is they and whom do they call - I think the nurses, orderlies, come to check on Alex? or to take his body? -???

one grammar nit - the paragraph beginning "Exactly! How can you sit there,..." end of sentence, should read "...who it seems to affect!" (not affect)*Blush*

Thank you for offering this insightful, thought-proking and all too realistic story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Love Caught  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I enjoyed the images of being in love, seeing with each other's eyes, first with the imagination, then making it reality. Would that it be so.

Reading aloud, the images flow smoothly from one to the next, and the repetition works to describe the transition from dream to reality*Smile*

I noted a few nits in your download, I not capitalize in the first stanza, dream (double r); the hyphen in it's and a dropped s in knows in the second stanza (beginning with I'm all alone)

Thank you for offering this poignant and hopeful image of what might be!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Dying Wish  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I was really moved by your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Wiping the tear from my eye, I repeat it was moving, well told from a child's viewpoint, not understanding the why but having to deal with the reality of the madness that is war.

Reading aloud, I note your use of rhyming and used the edit points to make suggestions as to the rhythm, while trying not to disturb the sense of poignant wonderment maintained throughout.

The image stays with me after I have finished reading.
Thank you for offering this powerfully written, though-provoking work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Ascent  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I enjoyed reading your senryu ~ left me with a feeling of calm satisfaction

Stayed true to the senryu form*Thumbsup*

Memorable "I alight softly on love" could be a feather's touch or soft landing*Smile*

Thank you for sharing this beautiful image,
Keep Writing!
Kate

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*Star*Hope to see your stories and poems in my first contest*Smile**Down*

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*Star*Thank you leann
for my sweet Dove "On the Wings of a DoveOpen in new Window.*Heart*

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Review of THANK YOU!  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for taking me places I have never seen, showing me visions I have never dreamed, and with your words sharing joy, sadness, hope. Your courage and growth in the face of increasing personal adversity and challenge, is a constant source of inspiration to me.

My fellow writer, I will remember you for a long time,

Keep Writing!
Kate
(wistful rune)

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Congratulations on winning the  [Link To Item #1040577] ! You have proven yourself to be the pride of Writing.com not just as a reviewer, but an  editor par excellence!  Continue to grow and improve and, of course, grace your fellow members (and the reviewing page) with your stunning feedback. ** Image ID #933706 Unavailable ** Badge over display limit. -?-

*Star*Hope to see your stories and poems in my first contest*Smile**Down*

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