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🌕 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,120 Public Reviews Given

3,261 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

Public Reviews

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426

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3922399

Review of Bad Poetry

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi An apple a day....

It's just me, Ken. I haven't seen you around in a while - so, either welcome back or Yay, I finally cleaned my glasses

. I saw you post this and couldn't pass up a chance to say "Happy Birthday!" It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Bad Poetry"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Scorpios are fiercely independent. They are able to accomplish anything they put their mind to and they won't give up - and so whether you think of this as "bad" poetry or not, it's not surprising that you were going to write this and you did!

Creativity/Impact:
This was imaginative any way you look at it. I mean, how many others write their own birthday announcement? LOL Seriously, you found the perfect - and dare I say unique - way of using the prompts.

Plot/Content:
This is a birthday announcement - pure and simple - but cleverly done. In this we learn that tomorrow is your birthday, you're a Scorpio, you're a Mom, and most likely an American (we do day, month, year; most of the rest of the world does year, month, day). Additionally, due to the unique sequencing that only happens once every 100 years, tomorrow's date is 11/12/13.

Technique/Technical Notes:
OK - I know you're a good poet so there's really nothing to say that you don't already know about meter, rhyme, etc. This was a fun write and I, for one, am not going to spoil the fun of this with some long discussion that really doesn't apply anyway.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A fun and informative read. Happy Birthday - may this be the best year of your life! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

427

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3922328

Review of A Time to Panic

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi JimS

My name is Ken. I'm glad to see you here at the Daily Flash Fiction contest - fresh ideas are always welcome.

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Time to Panic"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
I'm a SciFi fan, so this was a welcome read. Time travel and time warps - what a fun subject.

Creativity/Impact:
This was a fresh take on the time warp story, with the duplicates showing up and disappearing. Very inventive.

Plot/Content:
Our hero "Mr. Rick" has been hired to install a new clock. By mistake, he installs the nuclear core by mistake and the adventure begins

. With only 300 words, I thought you did an excellent job in setting up the story and bringing me into the conflict. Your "customer" - although mostly out of the story - added a real touch of humor as he dispassionately comments on the obvious.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any spelling, punctuation, and grammar issues.Your writing shows you take as much care with the technical crafting of your story as you do with the artistic crafting of the content. My only comment would be on using indented paragraphs. These days most writing follows the full-block style, with nothing indented. If you look at the page, especially in short writes like this, it appears that half the page is indented due to the shortness of the lines. The full-block style makes the page look more uniform. It's your call - not a criticism, only an observation.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An very enjoyable read right down to "pun" of your title. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

428

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3922097

Review of How I Defeated A Troll

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Arakun the twisted raccoon

It's just me, Ken

. Thank you for sharing this wonderful tale. Since I have to do my "WDC duty" and review, I'd like to share my thoughts on this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "How I Defeated A Troll"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
What a great story and a clever strategy to use with kids. I've a granddaughter who will be hearing this story soon.

Creativity/Impact:
This was an imaginative tale, all the more so because it was a real story - not some fictional piece made up to calm a worried child.

Plot/Content:
This is the story of how you conquered your nightmares as a child. I never thought of children's stories as a source of nightmares but now that you mention it, it makes sense. So many of the Grimm stories really are horror tales - taking the kids into the woods and leaving them through classics like Cinderella and Snow White. I guess from an adults point of view we'd see it as teaching good wins over bad, forgetting that children don't always see our stories through adult eyes

. You make a great (if indirect) point. I love that you and your daughter were able to write a final happy ending to this. Well done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A totally entertaining read. I can see that your creativity extends well beyond the writing of stories into the realm of parenting.

Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

429

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3922073

Review of The Secret

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Ruth Draves

My name is Ken and I appreciate that you took time to review my Daily Flash story so I thought it only fair to see what was in your port

. I see you're also relatively new here;

Welcome to WDC.

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Secret"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Almost a little to close to truth to be thought of as fiction. Kids and their curiosity!

Creativity/Impact:
I thought that this was very creative and serves as a warning to parents - whatever you think about firearms, they are dangerous and need to be kept unloaded and locked away.

Plot/Content:
This is a mini-morality play. Kids, who the parents obviously thought were mature enough to be left alone, find "Grandpa's souvenir gun" and accidentally discharge it into the living room floor. Fortunately, no one is hurt and they find a creative way to cover up their mistake. I think you have the right balance of narrative and dialogue and keep the story moving well. The dialogue is natural sounding and the ending is so typical of siblings I almost think you've heard this before

. Nicely told tale.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read. I found this both entertaining and a great warning to readers that, hopefully, will make them think. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

430

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3919765

Review of Father Donnely: Exorcist

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hi DeKalb Daddy

My name is Ken. Thank you for inviting me to review this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Father Donnely: Exorcist"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a good, solid beginning to a longer story. It's almost unfair that I review it now since the best I can do is give you some hints without knowing the complete story line.

Creativity/Impact:
This was imaginative but, in the end, it seemed familiar. I think that expanding your descriptions and making them more observations by Matthew and less narrative can add that feeling of originality that I don't feel yet. I've given you a specific example in the email I'm sending. That said, here's what I've seen so far ...

Plot/Content:
This is the "setting up" to an exorcism story. Our protagonist, Matt Brower, is a reporter who wants to do a story on exorcism. He's referred to Fr. Donnely as an expert to get information. After being turned down, initially, Fr. Donnely has a change of heart and agrees (seemingly) to help. I think you've a good balance between dialogue and narrative which is great for keeping the reader "in the story." For me, your descriptions are very vanilla

. As an example in your opening " It is an unspectacular, brown, brick building, with white-framed windows that need a fresh coat of paint." Instead consider adding some texture to your writing such as: The rectory address was a nondescript brown brick building. At first glance, it seemed in character with the grounds before I noticed the peeling paint and weather stains on white-framed windows. Use of descriptions can set up the emotional feelings before the first word is spoken. Simple contrasts like peeling paint can add an element of mystery.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice many SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). Your use of writing conventions is very well done. I really appreciate that your writing shows you take as much care with the technical crafting of your story as you do with the artistic crafting of the content. I did notice that when you use dialogue, you tend to make it sentences and then add the descriptor, such as "We're making progress." he countered. Instead of a period after "progress" it should be a comma since the sentence runs through "he countered." I've called out these and few other suggestions which I'll email you with a line by line assessment.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read. I'm curious as to where this will take you

and I'll check back to see who your story progresses. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

431

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3918754

Review of What is a tear?

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Emiliya Wolfe

My name is Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "What is a tear?"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

First Impression/Thoughts:
I wasn't sure what to expect - but yes, I see this as lyrics as well as a poem. Having written a few lyrics myself, there is definitely music here.

Creativity/Impact:
Actually, I found this very touching. There are those in life you come across and there's such a sadness to them. I think you captured those feelings very well.

Plot/Content:
This is definitely one of those poems that questions why we can't let go of the past. I found a response in myself as I read this. It took a while but the lesson you try to impart is one that took me a while to learn.

I think too often we get caught up in the some fantasy that we think is "life" and forget that there's happiness all around if we just take the time to look. Very well written.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). When writing in rhyme - because the rhymes are so visible and have to carry the verses - you should keep to perfect rhymes. The flow of a poem is regulated by meter (think syllables or beats per line). In this poem, your meter varies a lot and that affects it readability.I know, with lyrics, it's not as critical because you can use the melody to stretch. This isn't a criticism, just something to consider when you write your next one!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enjoyable and entertaining read. I think you captured the sadness and offered hope for those who haven't come as far as you. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

432

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3918723

Review of At Duffy's

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Joy

My name is Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "At Duffy's"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

First Impression/Thoughts:
I love vignettes and this was a wonderfully creative one. I wonder - do you still visit there?

My time in Switzerland was very short but I still remember the clarity of the air and the feeling that I was back in time.

Creativity/Impact:
Did I mention I love vignettes?

Perhaps it's just that my mind doesn't hold as much as it used to - small slices/moments in time feel comfortable or perhaps it's just that it's in the detail that revelation begins. Your descriptive abilities make this wonderfully full of great images that can be savored.

Plot/Content:
More prose than poetry, this tells of a moment in time when you suspended the twisting hands of the clock and inhaled the moment, holding your breath and allowing the moment to metamorphisize (I doubt there's such a word but I'm inventive LOL) into a memory. I enjoyed that you spent time on the setting - not on the physical but on the atmosphere that makes Duffy's such a unique place in your mind. Your description of Irene was perfect - I knew her immediately and could see her as she turned from hurried waitress to acquaintance in a few short words. In short, I'll join you in the Vodka toast.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). As accomplished as you are, I will repeat (for the sake of anyone who actually reads reviews LOL) free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. I think you did well with this although I found this primarily prose. I don't want you to take this as a criticism, just as food for thought.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enjoyable read that brought back wonderful memories of my own. I love your imagery and found your writing rich and descriptive. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

433

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3912873

Review of The Ghost of Halloween Past

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Floyd -

It's me, Ken. I guess I can't stay away from your dark humor so as long as I'm here, it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Ghost of Halloween Past"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
You, sir, are a baaaad man

What a hoot. Of course, I never did such things ... but I heard LOL

Creativity/Impact:
I love sarcasm and you've woven this full of the "good old days" just to rub in the faces of those who utter such nonsense.

Plot/Content:
You run us through a litany of the "fun" things that kids used to do - manure bombs, potatoes in tailpipes - even going way back to tipping over outhouses. What's really funny is that nowadays- any of these would get you put in jail LOL Times change but memories don't. I love the gruff ending - pay those little "darllins" back for beggin at your door

This is seriously the product of a dark sense of humor - but you do have the talent, my friend. Thank you for sharing.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any spelling, punctuation, and grammar issues. I really appreciate that your writing shows you take as much care with the technical crafting of your story as you do with the artistic crafting of the content. I was going to ask you about your form ... but I see this is written in quatrains - you just split the first line. I'm not sure why - just to be you, I'd guess

- and it works well.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An funny read. Your dark sense of humor comes through clearly and I found myself laughing - I'm sure I'll pay for that someday

. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

434

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3912867

Review of The Toolshed

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Than Pence

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Toolshed"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I appreciate your reading my entry - so I thought I'd return the favor

First Impression/Thoughts:
Darn! I was hoping to win but ... there's always tomorrow

What a great spooky tale!

Creativity/Impact:
Is there anything new in horror? Maybe not, but this was a unique twist. Very imaginative.

Plot/Content:
A babysitter decides to have her boyfriend drop by and get's a text ... but it's not him (perhaps

... or is it?) You begin the tale by introducing us to the back story and the main characters. Your character of Erin is so true to life that I felt I knew her. Changing the text to indicate texting was a great use of form to add realism to this horror tale. You built up the story layer by layer, adding in small details that by the end of the tale, we could see the normality of the scene which added sharp contrast to the horror. Excellent writing.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read. Your attention to detail and writing skills show clearly. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

435

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3912201

Review of Call Of The Returning Geese

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Harry

My name is Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Call Of The Returning Geese"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

. This popped up on Random Reviews and since I hadn't run across you before, I thought it was a great opportunity to both say "Hi" and to introduce myself to your talents

First Impression/Thoughts:
I live on a big lake and see our Canadian friends during their migration. I love to watch them (but spend a lot of time looking at the ground if you've ever been around them

) and can relate to your feelings. I see you wrote this quite a while ago; I'm happy to return it to your attention

Creativity/Impact:
I think you've tapped into an old spirit that lives in the shadows of our past. Their clarion call announcing the return of spring touches something within and brings hope.

Plot/Content:
This was a well thought out poem, beginning with an all too familiar event - walking the puppies

I could immediately relate and had to laugh at your description of the activities along "the doggie highway." My Lilly and Oliver are frequent travelers. I really appreciate that didn't keep this on just a reflective level, but actually went below below the surface with your musings on the past and how the very sights and sounds you were experiencing were deeply embedded in our past. Well done.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any spelling, punctuation, and grammar issues. I really appreciate that your writing shows you take as much care with the technical crafting of your story as you do with the artistic crafting of the content. I'm not a big writer of free verse (or, vers libre as those with airs like to say

) because it's really a lot more difficult than most appreciate. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. I think you did well with this although I found this borderline prose. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. As I read this, I saw several complete sentences. That's natural language. I don't want you to take this as a criticism, just as food for thought.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enjoyable read. There were so many parts of this that I could relate to and it brought back memories of my own. I think that speaks highly of your skill and talent. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.
.
Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

436

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3912171

Review of Reviewing Poetry: Pronunciation

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Liam

It's just me, Ken, and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Reviewing Poetry: Pronunciation"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

. This piece was called to my attention by Dave

who recommended it to all reviewers. That's high praise, indeed

First Impression/Thoughts:
While I've been aware of the this for a while, this is the first article I've seen on it. An important and well thought out article.

Creativity/Impact:
It's funny how so many times we'll make "a discovery," add it to our own tool kits, but keep it to ourselves. I'm glad you had the forethought to put this out in the public.

Plot/Content:
This article takes on the "hidden world" of poetic pronunciation. As you note, "As the world has gotten smaller, it is universally recognized and well documented that regional influence impacts how different words are spelled ... and pronounced." I love the idea of comparing the "reader's voice" to the "poet's voice" as a way of looking at the words we read and compare when reviewing. That concept really brings about clarity when I delve into poetry written in England or India or Japan. Regional differences are now recognized and sites such as Dictionary.com now provide many regional variations. This is timely and, from my perspective, right on the money. Excellent information.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any spelling, punctuation, and grammar issues. I really appreciate that your writing shows you take as much care with the technical crafting of your article as you do with the information and organizing of the content.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very well thought out and informative read. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

437

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3911434

Review of A Gift of Love

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Jeannie

It's jus me, Ken

and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Gift of Love"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

. This came up on Random Reviews - and I'm glad it did

First Impression/Thoughts:
What a sweet and touching story. It recalls the days when neighbors really did care about neighbors and community was about each helping the other.

Creativity/Impact:
This was a true story. They say the truth is stranger than fiction. It's also more touching.

Plot/Content:
This was the true story of your brother's birth during a blizzard. There's such a joyfulness to this. The worry of expectant parents is more than offset by the coming together of the neighbors to make sure it was a joyful time. I shared the worry and happiness as I read along. Okay - some will say it's a bit smarmy - tell them to move on

. We all need reminders of what it can be like when we care about those who are around us. Thank you for the reminder!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very heartwarming and enjoyable read. Some will say that 5-star ratings aren't "helpful" reviews. Balderdash!

It says you're doing it right! No author can write in a vacuum. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

438

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3911424

Review of A Raft of Air

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Jay's debut novel is out now!

It is just me, Ken

, and you are the lucky recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Raft of Air"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

.

Happy WDC Bithday! Congratulations - wishing you many more.

First Impression/Thoughts:
What a fun story. Every kids dream

Creativity/Impact:
How lucky for him! Party supplies? What an imaginative tale. I see you wrote this a few years ago - so glad I could remind you of this

Plot/Content:
This is a pure fantasy. A shipwreck and a solution in the form of helium filled balloons. You set this up with sufficient detail of the small island he finds himself on for us to join in the adventure. There was a bit of confusion in one line in paragraph 3: though I was certain that the shore was close, I had no way of gauging just how close." This seemed strange, since he had shipwrecked on the shore. I'm guessing you may have meant "another shore?" In paragraphs 5 and 6 you repeat yourself "Then I began inflating and tying off " I loved the seagull popping the balloons. I could see this happening and finding myself wondering if he'd end up in the drink or not

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enjoyable and fun read. Your sense of humor and fun side comes through clearly and I found myself smiling through out. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

439

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3911416

Review of The Agony and Ecstacy

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi drifter

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know

) and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Agony and Ecstacy"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

. This came up on Random Reviews and, after a quick glance, I wanted to see what this was about. Guess I'm going to have to port you since this is number 8

First Impression/Thoughts:
This reads like a journal entry - fictitious, I'm assuming - that's part of a larger tale. You certainly have it packed with desperation and darkness.

Creativity/Impact:
I found the tale fascinating. It's like stumbling across someone's innermost thoughts and eavesdropping.

Plot/Content:
This is a tale of quiet desperation. A man finds himself in an impossible situation. There's a hint that he has had issues (psychological) before and he tracks them to his childhood. In his current situation, he finds himself the target of reverse discrimination and jealousy. He feels he is impotent to make the right decisions out of fear. He has turned to God for strength and isn't sure that he can survive.

Technique/Technical Notes:
For the most part, this is well written. Certainly the feelings of desperation and fear are clearly conveyed. There are a few minor mistakes that can easily be remedied:
Title: Did you really mean "Witness to withness?"
P1: "I am one of the only white man ..." Should be "men" Later, you write "finances are a trainwreck" Should be "train wreck".
P2: "I am reminded of of being a boy who was forced to keep his emotions to myself." Duplicate words "of". Keep emotions to myself.
P3: "lilfe" is misspelled. Should be life.
P4: This paragraph needs some clarification. Some of the sentences are long and seem to need commas to clarify the meaning. "judgement" is misspelled.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enjoyable read about a very depressing subject. Your ability to convey dark emotions comes through clearly and I found myself noting that I really need to go back and see what led to this

. I think that speaks highly of your writing skills. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

440

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3911366

Review of What Do You See?

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Princess Megan Rose 22 Years

It's just me, Ken, and you are the lucky recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "What Do You See?"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

. This came up on Random Reviews and I haven't had the pleasure of reading your gentle poetry for a while. How could I pass it up?

First Impression/Thoughts:
I am such a sucker for fantasy tales and this was a wonderful one

I see you wrote this a while ago - it's my pleasure to remind you of it again

Creativity/Impact:
To be honest, it's not a new subject - for you

I would have been disappointed if there weren't any unicorns!

Plot/Content:
This was obviously a prompt based write (other than the image you included, I'm assuming). Your fantasy writes are always done with a child-like innocence and I find them soothing and reaffirming that such gentleness still exists. There are no flights of poetic fancy requiring interpretation; just a simple, straight forward fairy tale in a realm where honor, honesty, and happiness never see the sun set on them.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't see any spelling, punctuation, or grammar issues. This is a clean write and very well done. You kept to perfect rhymes and that's always the best choice. The flow of a poem is regulated by meter (think syllables or beats per line). In this poem, your meter varies but it actually reads very well.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enjoyable read. Your enthusiasm for the realms of fantasy comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as I read. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

441

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3911363

Review of Images of Christ

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi Chbedok

My name is Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Images of Christ"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

.

I see you just joined us a few days ago and you've been busy

! On behalf of our community:

Welcome to WDC.

I hope you find what you were looking for and stay with us a while. I think you'll find we're a welcoming and encouraging group.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I usually avoid reviewing religious writing since they tend to be more statements of belief/faith; this is your view of Christ and how he relates to your life, to your world.

Creativity/Impact:
I actually appreciate your approach - it was a practical view of your belief in action and not just words of praise. I respect that and found it very enlightening.

Plot/Content:
I've always said that a poem is never complete until it's read. Each person viewing it will "see" something in the words and no two will see the same thing. This is what I saw. You begin by "telling us what your going to tell us." Believe it or not, this is actually an old training trick but I think it worked well in this poem. It set my expectations for what was coming. I'm sure some will take issue of comparing Christ to a "rag and bone man" but when you consider his humble beginning and his humility through out his life, I thought it was a striking comparison and apropos. I think your final verse - for those with an open mind - will clarify any doubts. Nicely done.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any spelling or grammar issues. I did notice the extensive use of semi-colons

. At some point (generally at the end of each verse) I'd consider a period. This isn't just one long connected thought. You wrote this in "free verse." Free verse retains the elements of poetry without the rhyme. In the end, it still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic descriptions. I thought you did well breaking this into verses and I thought your phrasing was well done, drawing images that communicated the emotions you were trying to share. I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The techniques that work best will come to you quickly.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enlightening read. Your concept of Christ is one of gentleness and love. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

442

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3911220

Review of When nothing seems to last

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi Holden

My name is Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "When nothing seems to last"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

. I see you just joined us a few weeks ago and this is your second post! On behalf of our community:

Welcome to WDC.

I hope you find what you were looking for and stay with us a while. I think you'll find we're a welcoming and encouraging group.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Losing one's self in sorrow.

Creativity/Impact:
To be honest, it's not a new subject (In fact, sorrow and loss are the bread and butter of poets

) but your poetic phrasing reflects the gentle flow of resignation and acceptance. I thought it was very well done.

Plot/Content:
I've always said that a poem is never complete until it's read. Each person viewing it will "see" something in the words and no two will see the same thing. This is what I saw. A lost love has left you despondent and you see no future without her. The emptiness within you makes you feel like you've lost your purpose, your direction, yourself. I really liked the metaphor of the sun, below the horizon, leaving only colored traces as losing yourself. I see you're from Cyprus and I'd almost bet that this is a "natural" occurrence that you're familiar with. They say "write what you know" and in this case, it worked very well for you.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). I'm going to assume that you wrote this another program and cut/pasted it here. You have a large number of spaces before your poem begins which makes it feel awkward. Always look at your work after it's been posted and take the opportunity to clean it up. First impressions are important

. You kept to perfect rhymes and that's always the best choice. When writing in rhyme - because the rhymes are so visible and have to carry the verses - you should keep to perfect rhymes. The flow of a poem is regulated by meter (think syllables or beats per line). In this poem, your meter varies a lot and that affects it readability. I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The techniques that work best will come to you quickly.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An sad but enjoyable read. Your emotions comes through clearly and I think your talent for the poetic line is very visible. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

443

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3910809

Review of Fade To Black

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Sum1's In San Francisco

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know

) and you are the lucky recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Fade To Black"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

. This popped up on Random Reviews and it's been a while since I read any of your work. I couldn't pass it up.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Hey Jim - you set me up for something depressing and then give me hope?

You are a positive person and even your "depression" is joyful.

Creativity/Impact:
What comes next? Who cares - I've the here and now to deal with. Now that, my friend, is a unique perspective that more should meld into their life's philosophy.

Plot/Content:
I do believe that you had every intent of writing about "One day, I felt a little depressed, and thought of when one dies, they 'Fade To Black'" but by the time you got to the actual poem, your innate sense of optimism got the better of you.

The first verse was the direction you set off in, the second verse was you starting to think about the first verse and veering slightly toward the positive and you continued to veer for the rest of the poem. I think this poem tells a lot about "Jim" and less about the subject of "end of days." I found it insightful and telling and damn good

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any spelling or grammar issues. I do wonder what you have against punctuation at the END of your verses - the middle is well done, though

I really appreciate that your writing shows you take as much care with the technical crafting of your story as you do with the artistic crafting of the content. Your rhymes were solid if a bit spotty (I think you were going for abab - but then kind of said "Oh what the heck" and mixed it up. Not a bad effect at all, by the way. It kept the poem flowing.)

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enlightening and - yes - hopeful read. Your eternal optimism comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as I saw you struggle with trying to show some darkness in all the light. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

444

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3910597

Review of Afraid I will... afraid i won't

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi Dani KaoS

My name is Ken and you are the lucky recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Afraid I will... afraid i won't"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

. I see you've just joined today! On behalf of our community:

Welcome to WDC.

I hope you find whatever you were looking for and stay with us a while. I think you'll find we're a welcoming and encouraging group.

First Impression/Thoughts:
My first thought was "how young are you?" The school bus comment kind of gives it away

. Then, as I read, I thought "what a mature person regardless of age." I can understand your frustration and appreciate your using writing as an outlet. Good for you! You're going to make believe that "Dani Is Cool"

- great handle by the way.

Creativity/Impact:
To be honest, it's not a new subject which leads me to believe that we all - regardless of the source, be it bully, parent, wife, boss - will have someone sometime that makes us feel "less." I think a lot of readers will identify with your exasperation. Trust me, they'll be on your side.

Plot/Content:
Okay - this is a "vent" poem. You're upset with someone and you run through a list of items they've done to belittle you and make you feel bad. What's missing (beyond the closing which I really liked) is the other side of the coin. What makes Dani feel good? I think it's important to find a balance and if all you focus on is the negative, then that's all you'll see. Darkness and light are joined - without one, there can't be the other.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I'm sure style and technique weren't at the front of your mind as you wrote this

but, since you're here, here's a few thoughts. Remember, poetry (actually all writing) is about sharing your feelings and emotions - whether sad or joyous.

You wrote this in quasi "free verse." Free verse retains the elements of poetry without the rhyme. In the end, it still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic descriptions. This was really prose. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I actually found this to be a very interesting read. Your unhappiness with this other person comes through clearly and I really found myself thinking "now this is what a bully does." This is National Bullying Prevention Month so if this continues, don't just accept it - tell someone. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

445

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3910502

Review of Uninvited

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Jeff

It's just me, Ken, and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Uninvited"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

. You need to get back and start writing, my friend. It's hard to find anything in your port that hasn't been reviewed to death!

First Impression/Thoughts:
Ahhh, those Hollywood nights in those Hollywood hills

Been there, done that, have the record to prove it!

Creativity/Impact:
This is probably the first "busted" poem I've read on sight. Don't you just love (and miss) the impetuousness of youth.

Plot/Content:
So, you decided to invite yourself to a party? Certainly, that's not the domain of southern Californians but I can clearly remember doing it. In this episode, I think that you've created a wonderful story in a wonderful form as you attempt to crash a party. You were inventive, I'll give you that. If the direct approach doesn't work, then stealth is the answer. Your rhymes are perfect, your meter spot on, and the humor of this is woven through out. Perhaps because of our similar backgrounds, this brought back a lot of memories and I absolutely enjoyed the adventure you took us on.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any spelling, punctuation, and grammar issues. Actually, there was no punctuation to review

which I found a little disconcerting but you're the poet. I really appreciate that your writing shows you take as much care with the technical crafting of your story as you do with the artistic crafting of the content. The Ottova Rima is a great choice for a form. As I recall, it was used for long poems on heroic themes. It later came to be popular in the writing of mock-heroic works which describes your write

. It has enough depth to let the story develop and yet lends itself to easy reading.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

This was a fun read that brought backs fragments of my youth (that I'll deny if ever asked). You have a wonderful talent but I think it needs a little more exercise! Get writing! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

446

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3910483

Review of This Head Is Open

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Keaton Foster: Know My Hell!

My name is Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "This Head Is Open"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Complicated, abstract in the face of what seems apparent, thought provoking.

Creativity/Impact:
This seems almost "stream of consciousness" writing with random thoughts strung together in a way that make them seem connected. It works but leaves a lot of the meaning in the reader's hands. I've always thought that no poem is finished until read - when the reader adds his or her bias to the words and finds individual meaning.

Plot/Content:
Okay, let's talk about what I found in this

since, to be honest, I'm not sure what your intent was. I saw this as a metaphorical (and perhaps even a literal) take on death and it's implied, by one's own hand. As the end comes, that tiny bit that is the essence of each of us leaves. The neuron's stop firing, the brain's electrical energy fades like a bulb dimming until nothing remains. I ... have heard that in the moments before (your "life in the sense of a beat") there is a peace, an understanding that comes which you've captured in your imagery of "Clarity rings true / A beautiful understanding / At such a perilous intersection." Since none know what comes next, I found your conclusion that "Nothing is the only God / Of all that soon remains ..." very poignant and perhaps the only honest ending to this poem.

I happen to be one of those who believes that every thing in a poem - each comma, each line break, each word - contributes to the meaning and communication of poetry. I will admit - the phallic shape, enhanced by centering - does not speak of an ending to me

unless I really stretched my imagination to deduce a reference to "La petite mort." Of course, this is my own absurdity but something that you should consider when creating your works.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any spelling or grammar issues. I really appreciate that your writing shows you take as much care with the technical crafting of your story as you do with the artistic crafting of the content. You seem to have found your comfort zone with free verse but never close the door on finding new ideas, techniques, or inspirations. I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enjoyable and thought provoking read. Your imagery, while abstract on the first read, calls to the mind deeper meanings that are disturbing. You ask questions that most don't want to ask and probably don't really want to know the answer to. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

447

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3910371

Review of Summer Heat

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Dave

It's just me, Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Summer Heat"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Thank you for introducing this new form to me and the members of "~ The Poet's Place Cafe~"

(Got the plug in for the group LOL). I like the love story bent of this poem - it seems in my mind to be the perfect subject of a sonnet.

Creativity/Impact:
I've always believed (perhaps incorrectly

) the each form has a purpose, certain subjects they just seem ideal for. The Saraband IS NOT one of those. It simplicity allows you to take any subject and find it's song. Your story of love and passion works just as well as gumballs.

Plot/Content:
This was a poem about "Summer Heat" in all it's meanings.

Strong poetic phrasing brings the image of the beach with its sparkling gem-like water. A chance meeting leads to romance and to passion's heat. The metaphor of the storm effectively recalls the tempest of passion that ensues. Great imagery, smooth even metered lines, and well thought out rhymes brings out the musicality of this form based on a dance.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Gee - no spelling, punctuation, and grammar issues. The form is perfectly executed. I really appreciate that your writing shows you take as much care with the technical crafting of your story as you do with the artistic crafting of the content.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enjoyable and "alluring" read.

Your romantic side shines in this simple tale of summer romance. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

448

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3910171

Review of A fish story

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi Arakun the twisted raccoon

It's just me, Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A fish story"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

. Hmmm, after all those stories of mine, it's time for a little payback ... errr, reciprocity LOL.

First Impression/Thoughts:
What a warm, friendly and funny family story.

Creativity/Impact:
I think we've all read this type of story but you've given it its own twist and really did a great job of creating a whole tale in such a limited space. Excellent story.

Plot/Content:
This is a "flash fiction" family tale. Two brothers are saddled with taking their young sister with them when they go fishing. In spite of her trepidation over baiting the hook, she comes up with a plan to keep her brother's from teasing her. At the end of the day, Cindy catches the most fish and the biggest fish through her own "secret baiting technique." This is a gentle tale that uses our innate sense of family and what that means to find humor. The sibling rivalry, the situation, and, of course, rooting for the underdog, are all woven into this excellent tale.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any spelling, punctuation, and grammar issues. I really appreciate that your writing shows you take as much care with the technical structuring of your story as you do with the artistic crafting of the content.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very warm and funny read. Your own talent and skill with Flash Fiction comes through clearly and I found myself smiling as I got caught up in the story. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

449

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3910052

Review of Someday

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi RaisaRashed

My name is Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Someday"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

. I see you've just joined a few days ago! On behalf of our community:

Welcome to WDC.

I hope you find whatever you were looking for and stay with us a while. I think you'll find we're a welcoming and encouraging group.

First Impression/Thoughts:
This brought back memories of my own children when they were small. I think you've done a good job of capturing those feelings.

Creativity/Impact:
I think many (who have children or pets

) will relate to this. It's simple, direct, and all too human.

Plot/Content:
For this poem, you've put yourself into the viewpoint of your daughter. I think maybe - just maybe - you've kept a bit too much of the adult in trying to understand what she's telling you. Most small children will be motivated by fear of desertion and loss of security (which you did capture in verse 2). I don't think it's reasonable to assume that the more advanced thoughts you lay out would ever occur to a small child. Part of writing is plausibility - can the reader accept what you're writing as something that could be real?

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any spelling, punctuation, and/or grammar issues. You wrote this in quatrains with an abab rhyme. You kept to (mostly) perfect rhymes and that's always the best choice. When writing in rhyme - because the rhymes are so visible and have to carry the verses - you should keep to perfect rhymes. The flow of a poem is regulated by meter (think syllables or beats per line). In this poem, your meter varies quite a bit. I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write. The subtleties of technique will come to you quickly.

Just as a thought, you should visit "Invalid Item"

. They offer a monthly challenge that requires you to write a specific form. I personally finally understood the importance of meter by writing structured (form) poetry.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I found this to be a very enjoyable read. Your close family relationship with your dauther comes through clearly and I found myself smiling remembering similar times. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.
quite
Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

450

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3910038

Review of Seventeen

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Future Mrs. B celebrates WDC

Guten tag right back at you

Ich spreche ein bisschen Deutsch, aber nicht genug fur ein Gesprach. My name is Ken and you are the recipient of an official "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Seventeen"

on behalf of the "The Talent Pond"

First Impression/Thoughts:
I'm guessing you wrote this a while ago

. It has the feel of youth that's just coming into their own maturity.

Creativity/Impact:
I actually think this is very creative, comparing your conflicting emotions to ages when you recognized similar responses. I think a lot of readers will relate to acting "childish" and this will give them pause to consider what that really means. Very clever approach.

Plot/Content:
This was a vignette about a time in your life when you found yourself not quite child, not quite adult. I think it took some maturity to really look at what occurred and relate it to your responses. A phone call - obviously unkind and upsetting - was the catalyst for this self-revelation. Having raised two teenage daughters, I could see their responses in your actions. I thought your instincts about how various ages would relate were very good - perhaps not specifically to 11, 12, and 13 - but certainly to those phases in growing and learning. There's a youthfulness to your style that comes through while reading but it lends itself to authenticity for the reader.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I only noticed a few typos. (For example, in paragraph 10 you wrote "So, there I was; sitting on the computer ... where you used a semicolon instead of a comma) but overall, this was a clean write. I think you had a good balance between narrative (telling) and dialogue (showing). I encourage you to read, review, and above all, continue to write.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enjoyable and, I thought, insightful read. Your maturity and ability to look at yourself honestly comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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