lol - I enjoyed this story, and I am so glad this horrible man got his come uppance!
It flowed smoothly, and your characters were very believable. You drew your reader in very well, and I enjoyed the spirit of Ms Carmichael.
Changing the POV's made it interesting, and the switch over flowed pretty smoothly, although sometimes one had to go back in time. I really felt sorry for Ms Carmichael having those dreams, but I would imagine that would be exactly what would happen when faced with that situation.
Good read!
Well done
Cherry-Anne
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Times they are a-changing and it's about time. So many people have let go all misplaced prejudices, and yet there are those that will cling to old ideals, regardless of whether they are right or wrong.
I liked this. Read it twice because I wasn't sure from the first verse whether this was a good feeling or a bad one. I think it was the "my heart keeps growing with feeling lent" that I struggled to comprehend, but that might just be me.
I did pick up on the last word following onto the next verse, and I liked that follow through.
Write on!
Regards
Cherry-Anne
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This is truly a valuable lesson in life. Thank you for bringing this home to us in these words that have so much impact in light of your illness. That must have been especially hard to be away from your family, at the very time that you needed them around you the most.
It's amazing how an illness does tend to "wake" us up, and we look at life with new eyes. You have written about this so eloquently in your message to us. And the fact that you have gained from this experience such a positive outlook, shows the strength of your character.
I hope you go from strength to strength, and your writing gives you the outlet and the therapy that you need to face the road ahead.
I commend your fortitude, and wish you all the very best.
Kind regards
Cherry-Anne
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This brought a smile - and a lump to my throat.....
We do have so much to be grateful for, in spite of having to endure heartache and sorrow, and it was wonderful that you realised it that this particular time when we are made so much more aware of all the good things in life. I believe that there are very few pleasures that can beat looking around the table at Thanksgiving and seeing one's family all smiling - even those that are no longer there.
So thank you for sharing this with us.
Kind regrds
Cherry-Anne
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This is a very thought provoking poem! Well written, and full of information for the not so well informed, like me from South Africa. I agree, it must cause a fair amount of consternation, and heartache for those families whose loved ones are continually fighting in countries that are not their own.
Your poem flowed well, and I enjoyed the way it was almost in story form, continuing from one line to the next (is this enjambent that I sometimes read about?
A really good serious poem.
Write on!
Regards
Cherry-Anne
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Wow ! Thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds like you went through absolute hell. And sadly, in those days, how often were there misdiagnoses. With long term effects.
You have also given us a more in depth picture of what a migraine sufferer has to endure. Your story was a real eye opener. So thank you for that, too.
I wish you luck with your headaches, and hope that your writing alleviates a little of the eternal pain you must go through.
Take care.
Kind regards
Cherry-Anne
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This was excellent! I can see why you received such a high award.
This reads as if it were a Prayer - it was truly lovely, and well done on the impact that it wil surely have on thoe that read it - it certainly had one on me.
How different were our Ghazal's, which shows the beauty of a Ghazal.... it's versatility.
But yours was surperb.
Well done!
Kind regards
Cherry-Anne
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I'm reviewing this because you were kind enough to review mine, and I'm so glad i came to your port.
This is lovely - so sad and poignant - and so full of talent!
The saddest line and the one that cuts deepest is the one "It was never there to begin with."
I hope you are feeling a little better now than when you wrote this, or think of my poem that you reviewed.... look around you, breathe, and smile - it's not all bad.
The fact that you are here on this site, and that you have the talent you do, should inspire you enormously.
Don't stop writing. You are really good ! {e;smile}
Regards
Cherry-Anne
Some of the incorrect spelling distracts the reader, so hope you don't mind me suggesting you make the changes.
Not your - you're
not became - become
I can't your gone just like that - did you perhaps leave out "believe"? I cant believe you're gone just like that.
Very emotional - and very heartfelt
Write on and use both reading poetry and writing it, to help with your grief.
Kind regards
Cherry-Anne
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This came across as so sincere. Again beautifully written, with lovely visuals being created with your words. Your story read as if this was true love, with a thread of such sadness running through it.
But how wonderful to have had a love like that. I look forward to reading more of your work
Regards
Cherry-Anne
I really enjoyed this. You write very hauntingly. I read all three of your pieces, and nearly moved on (limited time on the internet), but came back becasue they were worth being reviewed.
The only thing I can fault you on, and it's exactly what I used to do as well, is make your sentences too long. You write so well, and yet a lot of your eloquence is lost, because of the length of your sentences. Keep what you have written - jsut break it up more. I would also paragraph more. It makes it a lot easier to read than one long flow - gives your reader the opportunity to rest and absorb.
Apart from that, beautiful work.
Write on!
Regards
Cherry-Anne
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You wrote this cleverly, saving the impact for the end. Well done there!
The only thing I can fault is that you used "nice" twice. "Nice" is such a bland word - when there are so many more that would give a better "feel".
Long hot shower would have been better, perhaps. You could say a "decent" pair of pants, a "smart" pair of pants - both would sound better than "nice." I always say a cup of tea is nice.
A lovely story - even though it's sad, and a wonderful tribute for your friend.
Lol - I enjoyed this....even though it took a while to figure it out - which I guess was your intention .
Your story showed the character of each person quite clearly, and I had a good laugh. It looked like the referee did too. All that effort for some doughnuts!
Well done !
Cherry-Anne
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I loved the flow of this - and I noticed seeing that we have been discussing punctuation, that you used it sparingly - just where it was needed.
My favourite sentence - it caught my eye immediately - "a warm and colorful Cezanne in relief."
The sentence too "snowflakes in the perpetual winter of my life" was so sad. It made me so aware that you had experienced pain, and your poem changed cleverly from the starkness of icy pain, to the warmth of love found.
I really enjoyed that.
Thank you for sharing that.
Regards
Cherry-Anne
I have goose bumps from reading this. I wish I could write like that.
Please tell me if you have just written this as you write, or do you follow some form. it just flows so beautifully. Sigh, I suppose some thing just can't be taught. They are there already inside you.
"My heart beating loudly" brought a smile and your whole poem which gives a promise of love, left a warm feeling after I had finished reading your words. It seems there was indecision, and then finally the acquiesence.
I found this an interesting form - very different, and I really enjoyed the start of your poem. It created a lovely visual with the little girls in their frills and their shiny black shoes, but then I lost if after that. I'm sorry. It might just be me, but I didn't understand the rest of your poem. It obviously relates to a story I am not aware of, and so this may add to my confusion.
However, the beginning was really good.
Keep on writing!
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