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26
26
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello there. *Smile*

Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.

Title: The Title of this story drew me in. *Smile*


Narrative & Dialogue:

The narrative was pretty good, and so was the dialogue between your two main characters.


Imagery & Emotion:

I felt your character's despair that things weren't going his way, and I liked that your foreshadowed something not quite right, was about to happen.


Suggestions & Typos:

"But I do him want to. - I think you omitted the him
At the end of the road he Watson ? was a large mansion he'd never seen before. He tried to turn around, but found him self (one word) walking back towards the house.

He didn't question how together voice (not sure what this should be?) knew his name. Fileing Filing cabinets lined the walls. In the center was a man so wraped wrapped in shadow

"Sign here and you'll get strait straight A's for the rest The next thing he knew, he was laying down in bed.

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

You had a good idea here with your story, but your work had quite a lot of errors. It's really important to spell check your work.

I see you have had some reviews already and I am sure that they would have told you about some errors. It's also really important when reviewers correct your work, to make those changes. That's why we are all here - to learn and improve. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your work.*Wink*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

Write on!

Kind regards
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27
27
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thank your for entering my Contest, and for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am just a lover of reading and writing.
Narrative & Dialogue:
I am in a quandary here. This Contest is for short stories and not poetry, although I write poetry myself. As you have written a poem it doesn't really fall into the criteria of this Contest. However I will continue the review.

Form & Flow:
 Your poem was easy to follow and I enjoyed the rhmyming aspect. I can see you must have spent some time on that side of it.

Imagery & Emotion:
This definitely had an element of the macabre though I would have liked to have known the reasoning behind this. I see you do have this as a prequel to something else?

Suggestions & Typos:
 I found your poem a little difficult to understand in parts, and sometimes it seemed that you had put in a rhyming word to match another, and yet the context wasn't quite right.

Overall Thoughts & Rating:
 Please continue to write - just because I didn't quite "get" it, doesnt mean it's not good - it's certainly different *Smile*.

Thank you for entering my Contest.

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Write on!


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28
28
Review of Her Mother's Gift  Open in new Window.
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow, this is hectic !!

I dont even know why I try to compete with you.... you have the mind of a ....(I'm still swallowing the saliva of yuckness your story created.)

I really enjoyed this ...knowing something was going to happen, but not expecting what did. You are very graphic in your writing, which is perfect for this genre.

Do you give lessons? How come there aren't lessons for Horror like there are for Erotica? There should be ... with you as the lecturer, though I'd make sure I sat at the back of the class.

Thanks for the read. *Delight*

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29
29
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi there,

Thanks for your response to my reply regarding your review.

I really enjoyed the way your reviewed my story as well as the detail in your reply to my email. The fact that you go to the trouble of replying as extensively as you do, in such a clear cut and articulate manner, brought me to you port, and to this essay.

You have written clearly and succinctly your views on reviewing as well as your requirements that leaves the reader in no doubt what is required to meet the standards set out in the contest, and to follow the guidelines of the prompt.

This gave me a greater insight into what is required, whether it's for TWQ or any other Contest and I thank you for this. I also - and I said this before - applaud you for the speed at which you read, reviewed and judged. Other contestants also mentioned to me how impressed they were with the way you did this. So thanks for this too.

Write on!
Take care.
Regards
Cherry-Anne

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30
30
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Andy,

Lol, how could she do that???!!!

Never call??!! After asking for your number. Though on the other hand, maybe she sat there at home, on her bed, wracked with nerves as she tried to dial your number, perspiration running down as she paced the room trying to get the courage to make the damn call.... she wanted to so badly, but she was so shy, though you would never have guessed it.

She's probably dying inside as she recalls the look on your face when she asked for your number..the blank look, then confused, as if you were wondering why she would possibly call you. The piece of paper is worn, and the numbers are starting to fade because she has held it so many times. Perhaps she has cried over it and the numbers have run, and now she CAN'T phone.

On the other hand, maybe she is waiting you out because she wants to hear how you will control the ending of this scenario. I can't wait to know either.*Smile*

What a great story! You certainly had me caught up in the intial part of your story, placing me at the scene, and then left me wondering WHY?! A great way to pull your reader in.*Delight*

I just saw one glitch.... think it should be A large delivery load comes in?

Write on, Andy!
Always a pleasure to read your work.

Regards
Cherry-Anne
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31
31
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

I used to visit Zimbabwe when I was a child and it was still called Rhodesia.

It was a beautiful place, and I have very fond memories of the Christmas holidays I used to spend there with my aunt, uncle and cousins who lived there.

So it was with great interest that I read your story, and I sit here now filled with sadness at what has come to pass. My hat goes off to those people that remained in the face of the absolutely horrific changes that have taken place there. Yours is a country that has had an incredible historical journey, and because it is my neighbouring country, it has a special place in my heart.

Your story is so well written describing the daily effort of living there, that I am left with both an aching heart, and a sense of your courage in facing and accepting the life that you now have. I would be interested to know what year your story falls into. Is it current?

Just one glitch I noticed - "a horrified undertone. .I say" - you have two full stops here.

Write on! And thank you for sharing this with us.

Kind regards
Cherry-Anne
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32
32
Review of IMPORTANT!  Open in new Window.
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there Angus. *Smile*

Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.


Narrative & Dialogue:

Wow, what an eerie tale. Great story... nightmare kind of stuff!

Imagery & Emotion:

Very well written -- took me right there, and made me rush away, so I didn't get trapped in much the same way he did!

Suggestions & Typos:

I could see no errors - was too scared to look!

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

You should be writing your own tales of terror - how the hell can we compete with that?! *Wink*

Thank you for sharing your work.*Wink*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

Write on!

Kind regards
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33
33
Review of The Snowman  Open in new Window.
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review from a fellow writer. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.

Title:
Title was good and your premise drew me in.

Narrative & Dialogue:
The narrative was great, very clear and defined. The dialogue was superb, each character showing his own voice clearly.

Imagery & Emotion:
The imagery was wonderful; I felt as cold as Joshua did - sometimes more cold inside than outside. What a horrid woman. She reminded me of Mrs Hannigan I think it was, in Annie. I was so glad she got her just desserts. I really liked Harold!

There was lots of emotion in your story - happiness, sadness, anger, meanness, and then again more happiness.

Suggestions & Typos:
I could see no errors. If you have worked with this story over and over, you have probably eliminated all the errors. *Wink*

Overall Thoughts & Rating:
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. I can see why you come back to this time and again. It's a wonderful story. *Smile*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Star* I'm participating in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. with "The Talent Pond" Open in new Window. *Star*




Write on!

Regards
Cherry-Anne

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34
34
Review of On the Outside  Open in new Window.
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a review from a fellow writer. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.

Title:
Title was good and your premise drew me in.

Narrative & Dialogue:
The narration was great, and I enjoyed the interaction between the two men. Totally different outcome to what I had been expecting.

Imagery & Emotion:
The imagery was very in the moment - I liked where the two of them were sitting - a totally unlikely place and yet, just right too. Your portrayed the slight cynicism of the older man very well.

Suggestions & Typos:
None that I could see.

Overall Thoughts & Rating:
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. You took it to another place, and that made a huge difference. I really, really liked this story. Well done and write on!


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Star* I'm participating in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. with "The Talent Pond" Open in new Window. *Star*




Write on!

Regards
Cherry-Anne

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35
35
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
This is a review from a fellow novel newbie writer. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.

Title:

Interesting title. It predicts all kinds of gory, scary, wickedly wonderful things

Narrative & Dialogue:

The narration could have been more understandable, if you had put in lines between your sentences. It's very difficult to read in the format you have it at present

Imagery & Emotion:

The imagery was interesting and I could imagine this happening in medieval times.

Suggestions & Typos:

I would like to read this again once you have made the line changes, and give you an better indication for the feel of your actual story. Please let me know when you have does this, and I will re-read with pleasure, and change my star rating.*Smile*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Write on!

Regards
Cherry-Anne

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36
36
Review of little lost soul  Open in new Window.
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)


*RainbowL*Hello from the Simply Positive Group!*RainbowR*



Hello there,

I saw your item and thought that I would take a look. This is just my opinion, and this review is purely to let you know how your poem impacts on me, a lover of reading and writing. *Smile*

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:

The form and the flow of this was a little erratic and if you can correct this just a little, this will be such an awesome piece. *Smile*

Having said that, it comes across as a very lyrical poem - I can almost imagine someone singing this in a dark smoke filled pub in the center of some small town in the middle of the USA.

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

I really, really liked your poem - it seems to be written from the heart and often when poems are, they have an intensity that seems almost raw with emotion. This poem had that. You create a wonderful visual with your words, of both the little girl lost as well as the boy trying to find his way.

This almost inspires me to write a story about the people in here, though I wouldn't take that liberty. *Wink*

The emotion is strong, intense, alternating between almost dismissive, and then caring too much. I enjoyed the change in the tone of your poem.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:

Little girl lost
Where are you going?
Going nowhere full speed with that convincing smile on your face
Sadness in your eyes, but threes (there's) still a fire in you glowing
I see your insecurities,(no comma) underneath the fancy, tight fit clothing
Naive to lust disguised as love,(;) love here, love gone with the wind blowing
I hear your cries as you try to keep your tears from showing
Tender heart that throbbed with passion, now felt heartache, pulse slowing (I would change the tense here from felt to feels - you have said "I hear your cries" - that's present tense, so the change from felt to feels would keep it in context).

This poem is too good to lose its essence by not keeping the grammar, spelling and punctuation flawless. I have corrected one verse here - use this example to correct the balance, or ask me and I will help you. Make the corrections and let me know, and I will re-rate your poem.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:

A great piece - I loved the way it took me in, and placed me right there. Write on! *Smile*

Regards
Cherry-Anne

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



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37
37
Review of The Beast  Open in new Window.
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi there,

Wow! This is awesome!

Considering that every word had to be one syllable, you have done an amazing job with this.

I found it so riveting, and the storyline kept me spellbound throughout.

I'm really glad John decided he would honour his promise.

In one syllabled words you drew me in sufficiently to want those cubs to survive, to feel the sadness of Gor's death, and to cheer John on for his choice.

Brilliantly written!
A well deserved 5!

Kind regards
Cherry-Anne
Perhaps I'll be tempted to try it out too. *Smile*

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38
38
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi there Andy,

I really enjoyed the way you made this a story first, and a lesson as well. We get two for the price of one - a bonus !

You open up our minds with this intricate story that you weave, an couple - or ex-couple who are busy with their own lives, but still take the time out to do something for someone else - or more than one in this case, too.

Your honesty - with regard to your ex-wife's agoraphobia, and to the fact that you still love her, makes this very emotional, very natural. Two normal people going abut their lives - but on the other hand not that normal - two special people who give... willingly, without expecting in return - as the second part of your story tells us.

This is a really heart warming Christmas tale with a difference...All Christmas tales should have a moral, and this one most certainly does. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing this - and a part of yourself - with us.My Christmas glow just got a little warmer. *Smile*

Regards
Cherry-Anne

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39
39
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello there. I have a face, so I thought I'd accept your invitation and read you. *Smile*

And I'm so glad I did - apart from the obvious *Blush* - which totally took me by surprise, so much so that I burst out laughing in the office. Which caused some strange looks from my colleagues..

Title:

The title drew me in, had to have a look to see what help was needed.

Narrative & Dialogue:

This was brilliant. What a great free write. I really enjoy your writing style. You write as if you talk - I would think, considering I have never heard you talk. What I mean is your style is very easy to follow, very tongue in cheek, very amusing, and cleverly written.

Imagery & Emotion:

The imagery is great - this poem has quite a voice - his fears were totally unfounded. This was worth reading. I think this poem just wanted some attention. Must be a male thing. *Rolleyes*

Suggestions & Typos:

I could see no errors and my only suggestion is to write more!

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

I really enjoyed this. *Smile* I envy you this way you have of writing, it flows so smoothly, always with that undercurrent of humour. If I want a quick pick-me-up, I know where to come. And going back to the beginning of this review, no help was needed. *Smile*

Thanks Andy, for sharing your work. *Wink*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

Write on!

Kind regards
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40
40
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)


*RainbowL*Hello from the Simply Positive Group!*RainbowR*



Hello there,

I saw your item and thought that I would take a look. This is just my opinion, and this review is purely to let you know how your poem impacts on me,a lover of reading and writing. *Smile*

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:

The form and flow of this is lovely. I always enjoy a poem that is centered, and though I have never (I don't think so, at any rate) written one with three lines per stanza, your poem makes me want to try it that way.

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

This poem is a quandary. You're saying if only, but if you were perfect, she wouldnt be your love. So which which you prefer? Her perfect, or the love of your life. *Smile*

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:

I could see no errors.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:

Great poem. I really enjoyed it. *Smile*

Regards
Cherry-Anne

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



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41
41
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there Mike. *Smile*

Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.

Title:

Your title is interesting...it doesn't give any true indication of what the story is about - and yet so appropriate.

Narrative & Dialogue:
The narration was superb. I really enjoy the detail you give your stories, it takes me there so completely, and yet flows so smoothly, it's not even like I'm reading it - it's like I'm there. *Smile*

The dialogue was spot on. You had this little boy's tone and inflection down to a t.

Imagery & Emotion:

“Yeah, I think so.” I said tentatively. “We were attacked by a T. Rex,” I declared, “a big one!”

“Really happened?” I couldn’t fathom what he planned to tell me, he wasn’t even there when it happened.
I loved these two sentences. Such character in the first sentence. And the second one had such child-like absolute logic.

Suggestions & Typos:

Write more !

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

A great story - this sounded like such a cute little boy - and his dad, I'm sorry to say, was a bit of a pain. *Blush*

Thank you for sharing your work.*Wink*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

Write on!

Kind regards
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42
42
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)


*RainbowL*Hello from the Simply Positive Group!*RainbowR*



Hello there,

I saw your item in yuur port and thought that I would take a look. This is just my opinion, and this review is purely to let you know how your poem impacts on me, a lover of reading and writing. *Smile*

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:

The flow was great, the poem very funny.

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

Very funny imagery - a great idea.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:

As far as the form went, I thought it might be a better idea if your spacing was a little more consistent. Each of your exclamations should be on its own - in the same way you started.

Eek!

I see slugs on my rugs
and bugs in my jugs
I feel bunnies in my tummy
Or it’s an elly in my belly

Yikes!

A bear’s pulling my hair
I see creatures everywhere
An alligator in the refrigerator
and mice in the spice
There are flies on my ties
And a fleas in my tea (Should be a flea in my tea)
Help!

Crows on my toes
Leeches in my breeches
Shrews in my shoes

Oh No!

A mule in the pool
Foxes in boxes
DRAGONS IN WAGONS!

I’m going insane
It’s all in the brain
Use a good balm
Try to be calm

Ah.….

The images cease
At last I’m at peace
See how sweet
are
the
KITTENS IN MY MITTENS

You should also try to keep the same number of lines per verse - you have four in the first and six in the second, and then a couple of threes. It would just make for a smoother flow. *Smile*

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:

Great poem, good idea. I'll read more of your work.

Regards
Cherry-Anne

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



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43
43
Review of Cher Ami  Open in new Window.
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there Coffeebean, I'm returning the favor. *Smile*

Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.

Title:

This title grabbed my attention because the name is fairly similar to my own.

Narrative & Dialogue:

Your narration was lovely - you had the voices of both your characters so clearly distinct.

Imagery & Emotion:

The imagery was great - I could see both the little boy and his grandad, and the 17 year old off to war.

Suggestions & Typos:

“The Germans hurt, Cher Ami, Grandpa?” I asked. - No comma after hurt?


Overall Thoughts & Rating:

A great story - the ones our grandparents told were the best. They should always be retold. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your work.*Wink*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

Write on!

Kind regards
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44
44
Review of Just $29.95  Open in new Window.
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello there Angus. *Smile*

Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.

Title:

Just $29.95? Those knives are a rip off, I agree with Rick.

Narrative & Dialogue:

Divine sharp narration, no errors, spot on dialogue. I so enjoy your stories, Angus.

Imagery & Emotion:

Your line - "He was temporarily blinded by a spray of blood as the finger flew up in the air and came to rest on the rug." <------That is imagery. This is emotion ----> *Shock*and*Sick* after reading that.

Suggestions & Typos:

I could see no errors - flawless, as always.

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

Great story. Were you one of those little boys that pulled wings off flies, to come up with these kinds of horrors? *Delight*A well deserved five!

Thank you for sharing your work.*Wink*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

Write on!

Kind regards
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45
45
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello there. *Smile*

Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.

Title:

Interesting title. Gives your reader an immediate idea that this is a fantasy/vampire story.

Narrative & Dialogue:

The narration of your story is good, though it meanders a little here and there. I did find that I got a little lost and had to repeat some of my reading to get the gist of what you were saying. Having said that, your concept is good.

Imagery & Emotion:

You describe your character's emotion well here, although at this point, your story doesn't tell us why.

Suggestions & Typos:

I will give you suggestions and typos if you wish, although I have noticed that some basic errors are still in your story even though you have had quite a few reviews. Does this mean you are not correcting those mistakes as your reviewers have advised?

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

Overall, you have a good story here. I would certainly like to read more. Do you have any short stories that you could add into your port? It would make it easier to help you with shorter stories initially.

Thank you for sharing your work.*Wink*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

Write on!

Kind regards
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46
46
Review of Department Store  Open in new Window.
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi there Mike,

Wow what an amazing story! I still have goosebumps and shivers running up and down my spine.

This was written so well. It had me holding my breath from the very first moment, until the last when I could finally heave a sigh of relief. Very scary, with a very real heart-stoppingly possible different conclusion.

You are such a good writer. I always love reading your work. I could actually feel his uneasiness and then his fear, and finally his relief. I can quite understand why this one made it into the WDC Anthology.

Brilliantly written. I really enjoyed this one.

Regards
Cherry-Anne
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47
47
Review of The Workshop  Open in new Window.
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I saw your story listed in the Daily Slice and thought I would take a look.

Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.
Title and Prompt:

 Greqat title and terrific use of the prompt.


Narrative & Dialogue:

 Delightful story - if I can call it that. *Smile* Excellent narration - kept my attention all the way through. Dialogue was great. Creepy but good!

Imagery & Emotion:

Your imagery was perfect, from the toymaker working in his shop, to his settling down in front of the fire. His emotion in offering to make the jester a wife, was so sweet, even though it backfired for him at the end.

Suggestions & Typos:

I could see none.

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

A great story, so well written, with lots of tension. A well deserved win!

Thank you for sharing your work.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..


Write on!

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48
48
Review of The Station  Open in new Window.
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.
Title:

I liked the title. It didn't give anything away, and yet could be so much.


Narrative & Dialogue:

Well written, clear and concise.

Imagery & Emotion:

This was eerie. I thought he had to be dead, but on the other hand, maybe being out of sync is worse - neither here nor there. *Shock*

Suggestions & Typos:

I think it's content should be its content.

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

Creepy story - wow, great as it is, but also leaves so much room for thought.

Thank you for sharing your work.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..


Write on!

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49
49
Review of Wax Dolls  Open in new Window.
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a Simply Positive Review.

Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.
Title:

Great title. Quickly conjures up a tale of something not quite right.


Narrative & Dialogue:

 Narrative was good, I could feel Elizabeth's unhappiness. Dialogue was good. I note that you group dialogue sentences together. Is this the norm? Perhaps I'm doing something wrong in my writing. Please let me know. It was interesting that you wrote from different POV's in certain parts.

Imagery & Emotion:

Lots of imagery, and all kinds of emotion were portrayed here. This little girl has lots of anger - and quite justifiably.

Suggestions & Typos:

I didn't see any typos - I must admit I was caught up in the story.

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

A creepy tale with an almost inevtiable ending. I'm glad they got their just desserts though. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your work.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..


Write on!

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50
50
Review by Devil's Del... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there,

I clicked on Random Reads, and your story came up. *Smile*

Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.

Title:

 The title was good, but has far more meaning now that I have read your story.


Narrative & Dialogue:

 The narrative was very strong, very distinct, very heart-wrenching. The dialogue was good, kept in control.

Imagery & Emotion:

Imagery and emotion - wow. So strong that when I finished the story, I just sat still for a few moments. I could not even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through something like this and you wrote it so well, it felt so real.

Suggestions & Typos:

I could see no errors.

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

An incredibly evocative and emotional story, written with intensity and compassion.

Thank you for sharing your work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..


Write on!

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