\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/arpita92/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: OFF
350 Public Reviews Given
548 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 -3- 4 5 ... Next
51
51
Review of Love Wears a Mask  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

Wow! You are really good. This piece is wonderful.

I believe it is essential for a piece like this to grasp the time in which it is set. The dressing sense, the etiquette and dialogue. I think you pulled them off quite nicely. I felt I was in that time this story is from and like I was present in Lady Holmes' hall. The visual part of your writing is very good.

I would have loved to see more of the dress that the women wore, and a little more focus on the crowd. For the most part it felt there were only Jordan and his fiancee. Some more focus on the cacophony, talk would be good for me.

Besides this I found a few things that you could improve upon:

*CheckB* he announced his family that he had no intention whatsoever to take Lucy Stone as a wife, merely since his proud parents had arranged this marriage contract without asking for his, Jordan's, opinion of the matter.

His already makes it cleared the the opinion is Jordan's, so you might drop his name.

*CheckB* This year the ball was fancier than ever, and it was evident that the woman had spent an entire fortune to fix the event.

It was said that the woman was spending fortune on maintaining the garden beautiful and neat.

In both these sentences you use the word fortune,which felt a little redundant to me. You might word them differently.

*CheckB* He walked faster, and he would have stalked on – When something caught his eye.
The w of when need not be capitalized.

*CheckB* "No; I won’t,” she said seriously.
Suggestion: "No, I won't," she said seriously.

I really enjoyed reading a story from olden times. I am fascinated by these kinds of stories. I have not come across any such in my journey here at WDC. So, I loved reading this.
Thanks so much for sharing!


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Check out our newbie forum
Let's help each other grow!-Forum-Closed Open in new Window. (E)
On Hiatus until further notice.
#1761568 by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
to post items that you want reviewed. Note: Newbie items only!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
52
52
Review of A Golden Road  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*


Hello!

Nice little story you have here. I might confess that the beginning did not strike me so much. But I read on, and with each line, I liked the piece better. Though you have the item type as story, it is much like a monologue, or a diary entry. There isn't exactly a plot as such. It's like someone is narrating a part of their life with us.

I liked how you assimilate the journey on this golden road with the journey of life. In the flashback you provide we get a clearer picture of why the narrator is undertaking the journey, though we hardly have any idea who the narrator is, and who the person identified in the second person, you. But I certainly loved the line:

I start to understand it now as I reach the shining end, just because I still had a body it did not mean I still had a soul, When you died apart of me did to, and finally the road appeared to take me back home to you.

So meaningful words so simply put! I really liked this.

However, there were a few things that I think you could revise and improve:

*Bullet* For example in the very beginning the sentences are too long. You might want to break them up into shorter ones.

*Bullet* Same goes for the next few paras:

At first it was not so bad to be left alone in my small little fantasy world, I could write and draw, sing and dance but soon the novelty started to fade and people started to look and then quickly turn away.

That was when I finally decided enough was enough, I got dressed and took one last look at the bed we use to share, I looked into the mirror and did not find the reflection there, all I saw was the room and this confirmed to me I was now simply not even there.

I saw you used lots of commas to separate the phrases. You could make them separate sentences. For example:

At first it was not so bad to be left alone in my small little fantasy world. I could write and draw, sing and dance but soon the novelty started to fade and people started to look and then quickly turn away.

That was when I finally decided enough was enough. I got dressed and took one last look at the bed we use to share. I looked into the mirror and did not find the reflection there. All I saw was the room and this confirmed to me I was now simply not even there.

*Bullet* Again, in the first para, once you capitalize Golden Road and once not. Choose one specific style. I would suggest keeping the capitalizing.

I spent to long in that cold empty apartment, I spent to long locked away

Here both the to should be too.

*Bullet* When you died apart of me did to

Revision: When you died a part of me died too.

*Bullet* Also, there should be a period instead of a comma before When.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this. With some editing and revision, it should work fine.

Keep writing!


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Check out our newbie forum
Let's help each other grow!-Forum-Closed Open in new Window. (E)
On Hiatus until further notice.
#1761568 by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
to post items that you want reviewed. Note: Newbie items only!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
53
53
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Disclaimer: The following comments are entirely personal. Choose those that suit your style and leave the rest.

Hello!

An interesting piece of flash. You take us on a journey to the discovery of something unique. The journey is quite well-described with some rising action and exposition. The plot is interesting and we do not know until the end what might happen. I like how Nina reacts at the end. The subtle fact that she came here without anyone accompanying her counting on her own faith the legend was true and finally actually proving that felt nice to me.

You have a good plot, a good character whose traits come out throughout this very short piece, and you pull off the whole package quite well. I have the following suggestions:

*CheckG* She decided against calling her Professor as he already considered her a bit of a flake. Unfortunately she'd earned that reputation.

Here, the first sentence already gives us a impression that she is considered a flake by her Professor. The second sentence merely underlines the obvious. Since word economy is important in flash, you might drop the second line.

*CheckG* She was relieved the torchlight revealed a wide corridor in the rock.

I’d suggest rewriting as:

She was relieved (when) the torchlight revealed a wide corridor in the rock.

*CheckG* squeezing her not so small frame

Not so small should be written as not-so-small.

*CheckG* Nina trod carefully because this kind of newly exposed cave had the habit of throwing up nasty surprises, and she didn't want the path coming to an abrupt end with her unceremoniously tumbling into a deep dark chasm never to be seen again!

Separate the paragraph in two different sentences i.e. you might omit the word ‘and’ joining these two sentences.

*CheckG* The last earthquake had revealed hundreds of underground caverns and the state-of-the-art equipment at the monitoring station had gone berserk with its readings.

Again, separate into two sentences.

*CheckG* an eerie glow pulsed in the distance announcing it's presence.

it's should be its, since the word is in possessive sense.

*CheckG* Lastly, I noted you use quite a lot of words ending in –ly, that is to say you use adverbs a lot for this small piece. Since this is flash, you could save a lot of words if you substitute the verb-adjective combination with a stronger verb.
For example: You could substitute 'trod carefully' with 'tiptoed'.

Overall, it has been interesting reading this piece. With some fine-tuning, this will turn out to be even better.
Thanks for sharing!


*GiftR* It has been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work!*GiftR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Pencil* HAPPY WRITING *Pencil*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
54
54
Review of Ode to…  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*


Hello!

I enjoyed reading your little poem here. Writer's block is a disease (if I may say so) that haunts every writer at some point of their writing. We sit with the blank piece of paper you mention, gazing at it. We might want to write something badly, but nothing comes up. You capture this feeling well. If indeed this was a piece written by you when you had your writer's block, I hope this marked the beginning of another writing endeavor for you.

Wishing you the best!

~Arpita

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Check out our newbie forum
Let's help each other grow!-Forum-Closed Open in new Window. (E)
On Hiatus until further notice.
#1761568 by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
to post items that you want reviewed. Note: Newbie items only!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
55
55
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow!

Liked this piece. I have always liked reading these fantasy stuff. Good to find this one in your port. It's well-written, error-free and flows smoothly, just like how these stories should.

Keep writing!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
56
56
Review of REFUSE TO GET OLD  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*


Wow! I really loved reading this! The humor is so good! I had a smile on my face most of the time...but I really broke out laughing at the bells:

At least I can still hear everything as clear as a bell; I just wish those bells would stop ringing and ringing and ringing.

It is very lucidly written. I simply love the style and sense of humor that you show in this. And yes, I loved the side-talk too!

Thanks for sharing this. It was a treat reading something like this in a long time.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
57
57
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*


Hi Sandara!

It was wonderful reading your bio. WDC is a wonderful place to showcase your works. Though there might be some sharp criticism, mostly people are very helpful here. I am myself from India, and English is not first language. However, people have been really appreciative of me. And each day I am learning something new.

I wonder why you say you are not confident enough to write fiction. I simply love your writing style. You have a humorous edge to it which definitely kept me hooked. You are young, and I am sure you have a long way to go. My only advice is to keep at it.

Anyways, it was really interesting reading about you. You strike to me as a very outspoken person. Just have a little faith in your abilities, share more of your work and I am sure you'll feel rewarded.

God luck!

~Arpita


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Check out our newbie forum
Let's help each other grow!-Forum-Closed Open in new Window. (E)
On Hiatus until further notice.
#1761568 by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
to post items that you want reviewed. Note: Newbie items only!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
58
58
Review of Two Mothers  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
CELEBRATING THE SPIRIT OF MOTHERHOOD


Hello Pat!

This is a very beautiful poem! Our birth mothers are indeed important to us. But apart from them, many of us are lucky to have some woman in our lives who did not give birth to us for sure, but is no less than our real moms. With love and care, they fill the same place in our lives that our birth mothers do. Blessed are those who have had such women in their lives.

Through your poem you bring out the importance of these adoptive mothers along with the role of our birth-moms. Very wonderfully written piece, each verse is so full of love and devotion. It flows like a beautiful song, and touches the heart. *Smile*

It was a treat reading this on the Mother’s day eve. Here’s to all the special women in our lives! *ThumbsUp*
Warmest best,
Arpita


*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
59
59
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
CELEBRATING THE SPIRIT OF MOTHERHOOD


Hi Maryann Author Icon,

It is really interesting to read something like this. I kind of belong to today's generation and when I was smaller I too used to have this fear of breaking computers. And in today's world knowing how to operate this machine is too much essential. I know the feeling of not knowing how to operate this thing well. So, indeed I could relate to this piece.

Often we come across people who even though are not our birth-moms, but the way they shape our lives they become no less that the one who gave us birth. I'm sure you aunt holds the same place in you heart. This is a wonderful way to pay tribute to her.

Thanks for sharing!

*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
60
60
Review of My little girl  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*


Hi!

I really enjoyed reading this little story. Children are one of the most amazing things in our lives. The little mischiefs they do, the little pranks they play, all just endear them to us. So, maybe they make some mistakes, but that's the beauty of childhood. They don't do anything deliberately, it's just part of being a child.

You have caught a beautiful moment in this story. I simply loved the part where you describe your little girl's smile. It is very picturesque and real. I bet all moms can relate to that. Reading this a smile crept to my face. Really enjoyed reading this. *Delight*

There were no obvious mistakes. You missed a period or two at the end of sentences in some places:

"No that's okay. I've got it," I said as I reached for the hanger

Otherwise this is a sweet little story. Thanks for sharing! *ThumbsUp*!


Check out our newbie forum
Let's help each other grow!-Forum-Closed Open in new Window. (E)
On Hiatus until further notice.
#1761568 by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
to post items that you want reviewed. Note: Newbie items only!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
61
61
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

Hi!

I have been on WDC for sometime and never read anything like this. So, I was definitely intrigued by this. I read both the letters you have on here. They both a really interesting in the fact that they very clearly point out how they characters are. For a short piece like this that is definitely laudable.

What I did not really get was your choice of genres for these letters. Since they deal with writing, you could have chosen only that as your genre. As far as relationship and comedy goes, it's still okay. But unless you really plan any romantic angle between Anna and Edward the Romance/Love genre does not really fit. Do you have anything like that in mind?

Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading this short piece. Good work!


*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
62
62
Review of That Other World.  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

First impression: Come on, this is not nonsense! You ought to change the genre.

*ThumbsUp*What I liked*ThumbsUp*:

A very beautiful poem this is. Being city-bred, I know what you mean. Tall buildings, busy traffic, No one has time for anyone else. The sky is gray and hardly signifies freedom --- we all know the pains of living in the city. You bring that out really well. Thank you!

*Sick*Errors or typos and Suggestions*Sick*:

*CheckV* There are place where the i and other initials must be be capitalized.

*CheckV* i am a city child,
born into a concrete crib and;
for the,
longest,
time,
i have went on blind.

Write longest time in the same sentence.

Overall:
*CandleG* Nice poem with some good thoughts. I am sure many readers can relate to this.*CandleG*


*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
63
63
Review of Forget  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think I know what you mean. Sometimes we love someone so much that we think about them all the time. We remain busy in our own dreams, picturing the perfect relationship. When we wake up, we suddenly discover loopholes in the apparently perfect dreams. And that hurts the most.

Indeed, the most important things in a relationship are probably trust, faith and honesty. These are what that support and sustain the relationship. If these are absent, the house is bound to come down.

But all said and decided, the thing is that, life moves on. At one point you wish you could forget everything that happened to you. Then one day, those memories give us the strength to move on. Fortunately, you captured the positivity at the end.

All I can say is have faith like I think you have. You will definitely find your prince. After all, the whole world goes round with this hope.

By the way, I didn't find any obvious errors. It is a clearly written piece. Thanks for sharing!


Check out our newbie forum
Let's help each other grow!-Forum-Closed Open in new Window. (E)
On Hiatus until further notice.
#1761568 by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
to post items that you want reviewed. Note: Newbie items only!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
64
64
Review of Rate Yourself!  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

Hello!

This read like an interesting poll, so I clicked on. WDC provides mechanisms which tell us how others see our writings. I feel it is sometimes necessary to sit back and think about how we consider ourselves as writers too. Your poll gave me a chance to do that.

I was really amused by the results, by the way. There are authors who really think they deserve one! I thought we all always saw ourselves in good light. So, that was surprising to me.

The rating of five also had me amused! I think five meant a perfect author. I don't really think everyone can always write his/her best.

But anyway, each one to his own! At least that's what this poll is about. Thanks for sharing this. It gave me some food to think about myself too. As I see from the number of polls, this poll is quite popular. I am sure you will have many more votes coming your way.

Lastly, wish you a happy anniversary!

*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
65
65
Review of A Lost Time  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

First impression: A wonderful piece of fiction. However, I felt the title was somehow not fitting, because you actually describe a place rather than time in this piece. Sure there is the comparison with time (which I think is fantastic), but overall, this piece is about the place and not really time.

*Sick*Errors or typos*Sick*: See suggestion

*ThumbsUp*What I liked*ThumbsUp*:

*CheckV* I loved every bit of it. I love the very feel of it. You have a very powerful gift of writing and it shows throughout this piece.

*CheckV* You capture the essence of the place very well! It appeals to all the senses and makes the place so real.

*CheckV* Ever since I was a child, I would dream of such a solitary place, where no one would tread and there would be scattered leaves. This place almost felt like the one from my imaginations. Perhaps that is the reason why I like it so much!

travellers scarcely tread here

This sentence completely did the trick for me.

*CheckV* The comparison with time is very good and appropriate.

*RainbowL*Suggestions*RainbowL* :

I think in the very beginning you could separate the lines by periods instead of commas.

The prickly crunch of leaves is evident under leather boots, travellers scarcely tread here,

You could write it like:

The prickly crunch of leaves is evident under leather boots. Travellers scarcely tread here.

Another thing I noted: I don't really think you need to put Here there are secrets... in italics. The last line is okay in italics, but this sentence doesn't need it so much.

Overall:
*CandleG* It has been really enriching reading this. I saw the picture of my imagination more clearly through you writing. Thanks for making that happen, thanks for sharing this!*CandleG*


*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
66
66
Review of Take the time  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

Ah, very nice poem *Delight* ! It shows how observant you are *Cool*. There are so many wonderful things happening all around us, but due to lack of time and mentality, we miss so much of them. Thus, these roses, bloom, spread their smell and finally wither away with no one cherishing their beauty.

You capture exactly this feeling. That we lose such a beauty is not the rose's loss. It is ours, for we deprive of ourselves another beautiful creation of Nature, which could provide us pleasure in times of stress.

Your poem has been written in clear and lucid language. It is direct and the tone of it feels really honest. Good work!

The only suggestion would be to add some real punctuation. I see at the end of every line you put a comma, which is often not necessary. For example you can drop the comma in the very first line:

Take the time,

Also, I think at the very last line:

To smell a rose

You could change a by the, because by the end of the poem the reader is familiar with the rose you are talking about and the stands for all such roses.

Otherwise, this is a sweet and honest poem. Thanks for sharing!


*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
67
67
Review of THE LAST TREE  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

First impression: The font and color make for a really interesting read. Good choice!

*Sick*Errors or typos*Sick*: See suggestion.

*ThumbsUp*What I liked*ThumbsUp*:

*CheckV* A very meaningful poem in todays context. you keep your language simple and forceful. Good work!

*CheckV* You write with real concern, and that touches the reader. Good work!

*RainbowL*Suggestions*RainbowL* :

*NoteR* In the first stanza you write:

unless we look after
this world that I cherish.

I think changing I by we will make the lines more effective.

*NoteR*There a places which need some punctuation:

For example:

*CheckV* All the world leaders
just standing in line
destroying the planet
one small piece at a time.

Comma needed at the end of second line.

*CheckV* But they'll all want a piece

Comma needed after piece.

Overall:
*CandleG* It has been nice reading this beautiful poem. It has a strong message in it and touches the reader. Thanks for sharing!*CandleG*


*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
68
68
Review of Pod and Peng  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

First impression: A very interesting little story of two foxes. It has been written in a very serious manner, at the same time with deep passion of love.

*Sick*Errors or typos*Sick*: In one place you write:

Not best pleased she was, yet still she stayed.

I don’t think you need the still after yet. Yet itself sounds good enough to convey the message.

*ThumbsUp*What I liked*ThumbsUp*:

*CheckV* The whole thing has been written from a fox’s perspective. You do really well to portray it from the animal’s perspective. It delves deep into the character of the fox and almost gives a human touch to the animal. The characterization effectively shows you did your homework well *Smile*. Great job!

*CheckV* The story flows smoothly well, holding the readers interest till the end. Another plus point!

*RainbowL*Suggestions*RainbowL* :

*CheckB* The story seemed to mainly concentrate on the male fox’s perspective. I would love to see some more of the female.

*CheckB* In some places I felt that the story merely stated the facts, e.g. What he found there, however, caused him to forget his thirst.

I think the piece would be more vivid if you showed the feeling of thirst instead of just saying that he was thirsty.

Overall:
*CandleG* It has been pretty interesting reading this. It was really nice reading a love-story froman animal’s perspective. You bring out the animal feelings well. And I must say, I was really amazed my your insight into the character. Write on!*CandleG*

*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
69
69
Review of Human Nature  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

First impression: Short poem on a interesting theme.

*Sick*Errors or typos*Sick*: None whatsoever.

*ThumbsUp*What I liked*ThumbsUp*:

*CheckV* I love the imageries that you use, along with the comparisons. In fact, I love every sentence of this short poem. Each one contributes to the whole poem and somehow is inseparable. I simply love the observations you make. Here are some of my favorites:


*Star* My skin is the earth,
Hardened from abuse.

*Star* My heart is the ice,
Frozen yet fragile.

Simply wonderful!

*RainbowL*Suggestions*RainbowL* :

Fore me, this poem is perfect as it is!


Overall:
*CandleG*I loved reading this poem. For me this was fourteen lines of absolute delight *Delight* . Loved every thought, observation, rhythm of it. Thank you so much for sharing! *CandleG*


*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
70
70
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*


Very picturesque item! I was almost transported to the meadow you describe! You give both the picture and sound of the autumn afternoon, which instantly attracts the reader. I loved the use of sound words:

*CheckR* Woosh. The breeze ruffles leaves of the trees.

*CheckR* Plop! A frog jumps into the pond. Plop! Plop! It is joined by two more.

Suggestions:

First of all, I'd ask you to set a particular item type for this item. other is not really very specific.

Secondly, regarding the piece itself, it is well-written. However, the ending comes a little abrupt. You start the piece well, allowing the reader to delve into the beauty. However, the ending fails to do justice to this otherwise wonderful piece. i'd suggest you write it a bit differently. I'm sure it will read much better then.

Regards,
Arpita

Check out our newbie forum
Let's help each other grow!-Forum-Closed Open in new Window. (E)
On Hiatus until further notice.
#1761568 by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
to post items that you want reviewed. Note: Newbie items only!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
71
71
Review of Surprise  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

First of all, A HUGE WELCOME TO WDC! I hope you will enjoy your stay here immensely!

The story mostly reads good. you describe things clearly. I liked:

So she threw back her covers, swung her legs out, straightened out her night gown, and tore open the envelope.

It actually shows me what the character was doing, which is very essential in fiction writing. Good job! *ThumbsUp*

I have a few suggestions to make this an even better piece:

*CheckB* Heather read that letter 8 times before going to bed.

Consider writing 8 in words.

*CheckB* After continuing to read her book, the felt a slight tugging on the back of her mind.


A tense error in the very beginning --- After continuing should be after reading or as she continued to read the book. Because when you are doing something after wards, how can you still be continuing? Hope you get the point!

the should probably be she.

Another thing I found: tugging on the back...well, I think on should have been at.

*CheckB* But all the letter said was, "I'm coming back." As she read it, chills came down her back. I'm coming back.

Either put the second I'm coming back within inverted commas, like the first or put it in italics, as it shows a thought.

Overall, this is a nice piece. With just some work I think this will be great!
Best wishes,
Arpita

*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
72
72
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!
Powerful little poem. I love the honesty about it.
I'd suggest two things:
1) so use to the feeling --- use should be 'used'.
2) Add some punctuation to your poem --- Though this part isn't much urgent. You are a newbie and you will learn along the way.
As I end, Welcome on board on WDC. I'm sure you will enjoy this amazing site a lot!
~Arpita
73
73
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

Since you asked me to read your story, I thought I'd just give you a review anyway.

For some one who has just started writing, you write pretty well. I chose this very first piece, so that it would give me an insight into things. And yes, you do really well with that, you chalk out your characters neatly---at least to give your readers the first insight into the story and its characters. The rest you can develop as you write the story. Good work! *ThumbsUp*

I found a few errors in the piece. I'll mention them below:

*Star* Kyle has a huge crush on Black Widow

Period missing at the end of sentence.

*Star* born on a planet named "Tevi-yon" She is a princess air to the throne.

Either make these two separate sentences. or you might write it as:

Born on a planet named "Tevi-yon", she is a princess heir (not air) to the throne.

*Star* She is the girly est girl ever.

girlyest, not girly est. On second thoughts, I'd suggest you actually change this word with something else.

*Star* When she's not kicking but, she enjoys to cook.

Butts, not but.*Sick*

So that's about it. I also visited the link in which you put up your pictures. They absolutely suit the story. Good job with the painting too! *ThumbsUp*

Sci-fi is not really my genre, but I was kind of interested to read your stuff. I'd like to get back to your port and read the next installments too.

Best,
Arpita

*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
74
74
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

Hello!

First of all, congratulations on almost completing another year at WDC. Happy Advanced Anniversary!

This is a piece where you point out how to write flash, or rather how to get better at writing this. Flash fiction is indeed slices of life, and not always easy to write. I was handy getting such interesting tips on writing this.

You write this not with the perspective of a authority regarding flash, but as a writer who has been writing flash for sometime and has learnt things on his way. So, I found many points which I could relate to, because I also felt those at some point or the other while writing a flash:

*CheckR* Ignore the word count until the story is written. You can’t do this completely, but you can allow yourself to go over the word limit by 25% or so. Go back afterward and take out those needless words. If you try to edit the count as you go along, you will find that you are restricting the story that needs to come out.

*CheckR* Don’t read the other entries for a prompt until after you have written your story. When I do this, I find myself getting discouraged. I think that I can’t write a story as good as the one that I just read. I also find it hard to come up with a story line completely unique now that I have read someone else’s take on the prompt.

Overall, I found this piece very enriching. I have been trying to write flash fictions for sometime now and your points were extremely helpful. You have written this very professionally and I love the tone of the article.

Regards,
Arpita

*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
75
75
Review by ~*Arpita*~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

First impression: Nice font and color. The center-aligning also looks good!

*Sick*Errors or typos*Sick*: None whatsoever.

*ThumbsUp*What I liked*ThumbsUp*:

*CheckV* The imageries that you use are wonderful, painting nice pictures. The flow is good and feels nice when read aloud.

*CheckV* The theme is very sweet, and you express your emotion very well in the piece. Emotionally, it touches the reader. Good work!

*RainbowL*Suggestions*RainbowL* :

*CheckV* I saw you have given the item type as prose. However, the structure of the piece is more like a poem. So, I think it'd be better to use poetry as the item type.

*CheckV* I noted that you didn't use punctuation at all in the piece. Sometimes punctuation helps a bit to make it easier to understand the piece. So, I'd suggest using some punctuation.

Overall:
*CandleG* It was enjoyable reading this piece. It reflects some beautiful thoughts dedicated to someone close. I have been reading up stories here for sometime now, so it was very refreshing reading and reviewing this piece.

Lastly, wish you an advanced Happy Anniversary on WDC! Congratulations on completing yet another year here.

Regards,
Arpita
*CandleG*


*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
121 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 5 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/arpita92/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3