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Reflections and ruminations from a modern day Alice - Life is Wonderland |
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Created: January 2nd, 2007 at 6:59pm
Modified: March 26th, 2024 at 8:32am
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Reflections and ruminations from a modern day Alice - Life is Wonderland
Welcome to the place were I chronicle my own falls down dark holes and adventures chasing white rabbits! Come on In, Take a Bite, You Never Know What You May Find...
"Curiouser and curiouser." Alice in Wonderland
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August 26, 2011 at 1:27pm
August 26, 2011 at 1:27pm
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| Preparing for a hurricane is a huge pain in the ass. I already have heartburn and a migraine from dealing with the lines in the groceries stores and my mother's phone calls repeatedly reminding me that we do not own a sump pump. It is one thing to feel entirely unprepared but it is another level of "oh crap" when you have a toddler and two dogs and feel totally unprepared! I did manage to pick up bottled water and a variety of canned food. It we go without power, at least we won't starve! I think I'm most concerned about how I will entertain my daughter now that we've pillaged all her toys for their batteries and the inability to play her sesame street videos. If the power outages last for more than a few days, I fear the wrath of my toddler will be far worse to bear than any storm! Today though, the sky is bright blue and the sun is blazing...it is hard to imagine that a large and menacing hurricane is bearing down on us. I have a few more errands to run tonight then we are going to bunker down and ride it out, come what may. I hope everyone stays safe and that Irene blows through quickly and as mercifully as possible. |
August 1, 2011 at 11:45am
August 1, 2011 at 11:45am
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Last night our embattled and abused rocking glider finally gave out. The death of Jaden's rocker has imposed upon us the necessity of teaching our daughter to fall asleep on her own without being rocked into her sweet slumber. This is daunting because, among other things, Jaden is a sleep fighter. Her will to remain awake usually outlasts her body's ability to keep moving. There have been many nights when the rocker was the only way I could get her to finally give in and drop off to sleep. So last night, after the rocker collapsed under us and her concerned face turned to one of annoyance, I smiled and said, "well, now you get to go to bed like a big girl!" and tried to hold back the tide of new fear I felt building. The only saving grace, is that Jaden loves our big bed. She loves to wake up in the air-conditioned comfort of our soft sheets and pillows, she loves to watch the Wiggles propped up between us on Sunday mornings, she loves to jump and crawl around on it with dogs..but would she love being put down to sleep in it? The hot summer nights have rendered putting her to sleep in her own bed impossible for the moment so the three of us (and the occasional stowaway dog) have been sharing sleeping space in the only air-conditioned bedroom in the house.
So, as I laid her down next to me, I steeled myself for the challenge and for the long hours of struggle. I had shut off all the lights but one, and I could see her eyes flashing mischief in the darkness. Every time she would giggle and prop herself up to look at me or look around, I calmly repeated, "Jaden, its time for bed now. Lie down baby." I lost count how many times I had to say that mantra but eventually, she stayed down, twisting and turning less frequently as the time went on. I tried telling her a story but she was far more interested in showing me where my eyes, nose, ears and mouth were located. I could hear Ricky pacing impatiently outside the bedroom door and once Fatih cracked the door to look in, providing just enough distraction to ward off sleep for another 10 minutes. In far fewer minutes than I expected, Jaden turned on her side, clutched her little baby doll to her chest, sighed and closed her eyes. She wrapped her hand around my fingers and after a few moments of picking at my nails with hers (something she has done since being a newborn), she miraculously began snoring softly. I snuggled up against her, breathing in her sweet lavender scent and it wasn't long before I felt myself drifting off to dreamland.
While I know this new rocker-less life we face is not going to be easy, it is a necessary progression. Eventually Jaden will need to fall asleep in her own bed on her own but I'm fine with the baby steps for the moment. After all, we may never go down this road again and I'm planning to enjoy every sleepless minute of this ride. Waking up with her smile each morning is the still the best part of my day. The rocker served us well but I now see its demise as more of an opportunity rather than a loss..at least for now... |
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| It was strangely disappointing to learn that the recent local Mountain Lion sightings have been attributed to the same wayward animal that met its ultimately demise on a Connecticut highway. It was even more disappointing when the recent necropsy revealed this was a cat from South Dakota, and not a member of an elusive and isolated population living and thriving undetected in our part of the world. There was something exciting about the possibility of a group of pumas defying science and geographical boundaries. It brings a certain mystery to the daily grind, a "what if?" quality that sparks imaginations and fuels great stories. I understand that mountain lions are hardly on the same caliber as the Lochness monster or Bigfoot, but I think the premise is the same...there is an attraction in the wondering, in the speculating, in the "what if?" There are so few mysteries in life these days, why not cling to the small ones we still can? For the record, I still believe there are mountain lions living among us. My cousin and her husband saw one cross the road and scale up a fifty foot wall right in front of their car two summers ago. My sister recently encountered what she described as a big, jet black, very muscular cat outside her horse barn at two am. I wouldn't mind seeing something like that, as long as there was a wall, thick glass or significant distance between me and it. I say, "let there be lions!"...they are so much cooler than those pesky fisher cats! |
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The whole outside is sweltering.
Last night I awoke shortly after 2am to find the laboring bedroom fan had been insufficient in beating back the heat. I shut the windows and cranked the AC. I lay back down and waited for the chilly fingers of refrigerated air to crawl over my damp skin. Within moments the temperature had dropped to a more comfortable level and within half an hour, the bedroom was cold enough to prompt me to pull the summer comforter over both Fatih and Jaden, who was snoring away between us.
I hate these humid days, when the air is oppressive and you can do little but rush from one air-conditioned space to another. These days you sweat simply by standing still and even the water from the hose fails to refresh your sun-baked skin.
There are so many projects to be done around the house but this is hardly the weather to rip up carpeting or paint, or repair the mortar and brick work. I’m trying not to think about that and simply rejoice in the fact that Fatih has taken the lead with getting the playroom completed and yard work done. He has been a determined and fearless force lately in turning our big rundown old house into something we can be proud of. Owning a home circa 1930’s has not been the romantic adventure I had thought it would be when I first purchased it. I still love our home’s character but it is harder to see the potential past the peeling ceiling paint, sagging windows and aging furnace. At least there is a fenced in yard for Jaden and the dogs to romp around in and a nice open air porch to enjoy the occasional breeze or to watch the sudden summer thunderstorms. For now, I’m grateful to have a place to call home, a place where my daughter has her own space and an open and unending source of home improvement projects to inspire us and keep us busy.
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| Next week Jaden Melanie goes for her 18 month checkup. It boggles my mind that this time last year she wasn't even walking and now she's perfecting that frantic, stumbling toddler trot. She is also adding some effective weapons to her arsenal to use against me; the emphatic "no" coupled with a defiant head shake, the stealth to hid behind curtains and chairs and anything taller and wider than her own body, the ability to sudden arch or twist her body to elude capture or avoid a diaper change and lastly, and this is perhaps her most powerful weapon, a 100 volt smile where she flashes me with nearly all of her tiny, adorable toddler teeth. What is most amazing, and disconcerting, is that she seems to be able to use these new skills at will, pulling out exactly the right move to win me over when she's either done something bad or distract me long enough so that she can finish doing something bad. My daughter is quickly revealing herself to be an clever and cunning little imp. She has a million expressions and can mirror my disapproving frown with deadpan accuracy or level me with a glare that stops me in my tracks. In an instant she can turn a sly smile into a blazing one that lights up the room. She can launch into a raucous giggle that hands-down is my favorite sound in the whole world. She is always busy, whether its pushing around her bubble vacuum (usually while we are trying to watch something on tv of course), cleaning the dogs with baby wipes, assembling her wooden puzzles with surprising accuracy, unfolding my clean laundry or tracking her Daddy through the house from room to room. As much as she has discovered places she has to go and things she has to do and as much as she has come to like pushing my buttons, she will still ask to be picked up, hugged and held. She will still give kisses on que and sometimes without being prompted. She will still hold my hand, sit side by side with me on the porch steps and she still can't fall asleep without her tiny finger curled around my thumb. We look forward to every day because she is in it. Every morning is precious because it begins with her sleepy smile and outstretched arms. Every night is a blessing because we can watch her beautiful face shrouded in peaceful slumber. Even though I know she may be mounting some serious defenses to our child-rearing agenda, its all good. This adventure is as much hers as it is ours. |
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Normally my absence from blogging would be of concern except that the absence is do to productivity rather than disinterest or laziness. The warm weather has given my job a boost of new activity that has kept me busy and I have spent my free time actually writing pieces that are good candidates for publication..at last. The dry spell was becoming troublesome but I took up a challenge and took a risk and the end result was a piece I am really proud of. As a rule, I don't participate in a lot of contests but this one was for a good cause and there was a wide field of competitors representing some of the best writers in the erotica genre community. I had some doubts going in...my piece turned the required prompt on its end and was the only piece that did not contain an actual sex act...two big risks when taking on other authors with bigger and better reputations than me. I took a chance and to my delight, my piece took top honors. I'm in the process of shopping it out now, hoping I can secure some more publishing credits and possibly something a bit stronger than token pay. It is nice to surprise myself sometimes. I have to wonder if my recent boost in creative brain activity was due to a really bad sunburn that, in addition to being really painful, also gave me a series of very bizarre dreams. But Sinfully Sweet is largely about chocolate...so maybe I have just been exceptionally hungry? I supposed I will never know...
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| There are far too many stories in the news lately about children becoming victims of senseless violence. The Casey Anthony trial and subsequent "not guilty" verdict has elicited outrage and inspired people all over step up and memorialize Caylee, this innocent toddler who has been denied justice. There is something touching about strangers all over the world leaving their porch lights on in honor of her memory. Her perfect little face has appeared over and over again in pictures on the news and each time her shy little smile tugs at your heart it makes you ache for the loss. There is something particularly heinous about parents who would harm their own children. There is something especially loathsome about people that would abuse that ultimate position of trust. It is hard, looking at my own daughter, to imagine what has gone so fundamentally wrong with these parents that they turn against their own babies. It is beyond disturbing. |
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The sky has gone black and great torrents of rain now stream down my office window. Every now and again, there is an ominious toll of thunder followed by violent bolt of lightening. I spend a few moments watching the puddles building in the parking lot and at the swaying tops of trees across the field, transfixed as to how in the space of scarely an hour, the world outside has become mad and dark. Life is like this I think, one minute things can be all sunshine and smiles and the next moment, you are plunged into a bleakness that threatens to consume you. Maybe we are meant to be this way, maybe it is human to be manic and fragile?
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| If someone had told me that one day I would be singing "C is for Cookie" at the top of my lungs to quell a screaming toddler or dancing a ridiculous celebration dance around a tiny Elmo training potty to encourage my daughter to "tinkle", or even that the word "tinkle" would be in my present vocabulary, no one would be more shocked than I. These things have become my reality now. I am frequently called upon to step well outside my comfort zone to act silly, to exaggerate, to entertain. Jaden doesn't care that I sing off-key, that my antics make little sense or that my self-invented dance moves often look alarmingly like I'm having a strange sort of seizure. To her, I am just her Mom and therefore (at least for this brief space in time) the coolest person on the planet. I will admit, there is an amazing freedom is getting license to "let it all go" and look at the world through the eyes of a toddler where bigger, louder and sillier is better. Though it wasn't something I ever expected, the landscape of my new world is suddenly beautifully ridiculous. |
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.....Jake had been driving aimlessly ever since leaving Samatha's. He took his eyes off the road to spend a few frantic moments searching the glove compartment for solace in the form of a forgotten and long stale pack of Newports. Coming up empty, he pulled off the road at the first package store he could find and spent his last twenty on a pack of discount menthols and a magnum of cheap vodka. By the time Jake had made it home and stumbled through the door to his apartment, Samantha was a dull ache in the back of his head. Jake navigated through the war zone that was his living room, past the open, empty refrigerator and the fish tank that had been bone dry for months. He focused for a moment on the dayglo orange treasure chest inside, the paint chipped off the tiny gems and string of pearls. It made him want to cry. Jake tossed aside the barrage of empty takeout cartons that were strewn about the surface of the bed. He flopped down just as he lost consciousness, as if someone had switched off all the lights in his pathetic little world.....
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