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  My blog was filled up. I'm too lazy to clean it out. So I started a new one. |
| Anna Christie is a play by Eugene O'Neill. I have never seen it, but I saw the movie based on it tonight. It was made in 1930. It was Marlene Dietrich's first talkie. I was expecting more of an accent from her, but she controlled it quite well. It also starred two people who played drunks. I apologize for not remembering their names. But I waited for the romantic lead to finally appear, Charles Bickford. I'm more familiar with him as the father or even grandfather of adult children. It was amazing to see him at that earlier stage in his life. His hair was much darker. It was a black and white movie, so I don't know what the color really was. In real life, he was a reddish blond which thinned as he grew older. Here it was thick, but still curly. He seemed a foot taller! His voice was still authoritative and deep. He had a roughness about him. He was slim and muscular. He wasn't exactly a romantic figure, but you wanted him to fall for Marlene. He was in The Unforgiven with Burt Lancaster and Audrey Hepburn, a movie about racism towards Native Americans. He was fierce and tough, there, the leader of his clan. He was a narrow minded tough guy and leader in The Big Country, playing opposite Burl Ives, with Gregory Peck, Chuck Connors, and Charlton Heston. I know him best as the loving grandfather and gentle rancher on The Virginian, a series he starred in until his death. It definitely felt like a play, rather than a movie, because of the transitions between scenes. It was a sad story of people who had suffered, but it had a happy ending. It would have been pleasant to watch, even if I hadn't been enjoying watching Bickford so much. |
| Several years ago I discovered an old TV show and became addicted to it. When the opportunity arose to go to a reunion of the cast, I jumped at the chance. I was a little star struck with the first one I talked to. I felt awkward visiting them and getting autographs. I know they're just everyday people who did public things. But I was fascinated with them and wanted to talk with them. I didn't want to buy things or get memorabilia. They were there to make money selling things about themselves. So my first disappointment was that they were so mercenary. They were gracious to their fans, many of whom were obnoxious. I may have been too abrupt to that first one, but I moved on quickly. They weren't up for interviews, however. I had a great time and enjoyed meeting other fans. It was a pleasant crowd overall. What I find interesting afterwards is the way I now feel about the show. I see the young actors, and I think, "I know how you turned out." Or I think, that manly guy is now bent over, gray, and wrinkled or has shrunk. They're not on pedestals any more. None of the actors on any show or in any movie seems that special any more. They're just fallible humans like you and me. The one that had appeared the hottest to me, I look at now, and I wonder what did I ever see in him? He's a bit of a smarta--. The crush that I had, even on him at his current age, is long gone. But there is one guy, almost 90, who really impressed me. He worked with his fans. Watching him with the people was like watching magic. It was fascinating. He was so humble, so decent. He didn't bring anything to sell. He signed for free whatever people handed him. He returned all his fee to the charity. He was available to anyone who wanted to talk. He sat on a table outside the arena, and when no one else was around, I asked him some questions. He really listened to me. He answered me. He was polite and excused himself when he had to go. He was a supporting actor. I never had a crush on him. But I fell in love with him that weekend. No worries, I'm harmless. Now when I see him on TV or in a movie, I think,"There he is!", and I smile. I'm still a fan of that show, but somehow it glimmers a little less. The one I hold in highest esteem now is the one I hardly paid attention to before I went to this event. Maybe getting up close and personal removes the mystique. And seeing the depth of character raises that person up. |
| In the void of TV shows, I turned to TCM and watched A Streetcar Named Desire. The young, thin Marlon Brando is worth watching, although he wasn't quite the same as sexy guys in the movies today. Supposedly he made that t-shirt famous, but it didn't do anything for me. The older Vivien Leigh played the aging Southern belle quite well, giving us occasional glimpses of sensational Blanche DuBois in her younger days. The surprise for me was how hot Kim Hunter was. I've seen it long ago, but didn't remember the story line. (Maybe I didn't see all of it.) Blanche's younger sister, Stella, could go from poor and dowdy to sensuous in a split second. I'm accustomed to seeing Karl Malden in tough guy roles, so this one was a departure. His character was the only one with the remote possibility of saving Blanche, but his exalted view of his mother stopped him. He lived with the regret. As for Stanley Kowalski, Brando makes him intriguing and hateful all at once. He's violent and short-tempered. He has a lot of pride, and stands up for Poles like himself. While he is concerned about the way people perceive him and treat him, he treats other people harshly and bluntly. He is cruel to his friend, claiming he's helping him. He's cruel to Blanche and destroys her. He gets away with rape, and although no one wants to believe Blanche's claims, they all turn against him. All his male buddies, his wife, and his neighbors blame him for Blanche's final break down. Brando personifies the abusive husband. The t-shirt is now called a "wife beater". The one moment of victory is when Stella holds the baby and runs to a neighbor's house, saying she'll never go with him again. It ends with him bellowing "Stella" to no avail. He's robbed Blanche of everything, but he's lost everything in the process. My favorite line is the one Blanche tells the man from the "rest home in the country": "Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." The title is a puzzle answered right off. The streetcars all have regular words for names. The one that takes people to this down and out neighborhood in the Quarter is named "Desire". |
| Just caught a bit of Marty and Maya or Maya and Marty, the new summer comedy show in prime time. It was awful, even the skit with Steve Martin, who I love when he does his own stuff. This show was just a waste of time. I didn't have a single laugh. However, I did go to YouTube, and listen to, I know this sounds odd, Clint Eastwood music. He wrote the music for Unforgiven and The Bridges of Madison County. That's not well known, because the music was not successful as a stand alone item, but it was pretty good. He's actually a gifted musician. Ok, summer entertainment is not that easy to come by. I like the off beat music and good books. I'll be reading. |
| Sometimes it just feels like I've taken on too much. I don't know how it happens. It's not like I volunteer for anything. I just suddenly find myself in a lot of crises, having meetings and appointments, and deadlines to meet. That's when they want me to work more hours. I hate turning them down when it concerns money. I guess it's the unexpected things that bring on the feeling of being burdened. But it's the unexpected thing that is usually the most urgent. If something has to be eliminated, it's going to be the item that doesn't affect other people or groups. That normally ends up being my writing deadlines or contests to which I committed. I'm the only one who misses out on those. Nobody else knows I didn't complete my mission, but it effects me and my mental attitude. One thing I have come to realize is that caregivers have a big burden. Parents are usually young and still have some energy and strength. But those who take care of ailing spouses, parents or siblings, take on a heavy load. Freedom is much more limited than when you can tote a child around. Children do get older and learn. The elderly are much bigger and just keep getting weaker. A woman I know loves her sister dearly. Her sister still goes out and can help around the house a little and do dishes, and so forth. But she requires a lot of trips to the doctor, can't drive, and gets very emotional. My friend is retired, so she may have more time, but it requires a lot of patience and calm to persevere. She still tries to have a life outside the home with her friends and church and volunteers. At times, she's at her wits' end. You hate to say, I can't take food to funerals of non-family. You hate to refuse every committee or every service that comes along. You have to prioritize and leave time for the unexpected. The weeks I think I have to myself with little going on are the ones that go haywire the fastest. |
| I am conflicted about letting others look at my writing. Strangers, nameless people on the web, and readers who can't see me don't bother me. But I don't like having people who know me, who work with me, attend church with me, or who are related to me looking at my writing. Maybe it's their judgment I fear. Having a relative disapprove might hurt my self-esteem, or may just make me angry. Maybe their good opinion of me will falter. Maybe they'll know me just a little too well if they know what my mind is capable of thinking. I guess I fear altering our relationships in a negative way. But with strangers, it's not so scary. If they don't like what I write, they move on. If they do like it, they might encourage me. Even if they hate it, there's no lasting damage done. I was a little intimidated when I first started showing my work, even to strangers. Now that's better. When the criticism was just, I took it under advisement. At other times, I've taken it with a grain of salt or chose to ignore it, No use getting angry or reacting to someone with an ax to grind. Possibly I have multiple personalities that blend together for me, but that my acquaintances might not be able to reconcile. For instance, how could someone so sweet and docile be capable of writing violence or horror? How could a spiritual person have those thoughts? I'm working on it. I guess I'll never reach the point where I don't care what anybody thinks. But I'm trying to build a tougher skin and taking a chance. I can tell myself all the right things. Like you don't live your life to please everyone else, why write that way? And don't let someone else's notions or misconceptions limit your creativity. But it's not sinking in very fast. My goal is to write for me. I need to say that every day. |
| My dad is an old man who is hard of hearing. Without TV, he's blasting radio. He can read and concentrate like that for hours. I can work on the computer in the room next to it, but I can't read in the same room. When the music is loud like that, it's not background noise. It's the focus. I tried to read. I had to keep putting the book down to listen to the words. Some were sad stories, some were poetry, some were funny. I can't do two things at once. It's a classic country station, so lots of love stories and sad stories. My personal feelings are that music is usually too loud in stores. Studies have shown that music keeps crowds moving, in stores, festivals, fairs, and keeps them spending money. That's why they all have fast or lively music as opposed to restful or slow music. I get annoyed at lyrics or the mood of the music. I am aware they're trying to manipulate me. At the mall where I go, they've changed the usual station they buy (some Sirius alternative), to a new one in which you don't recognize any performer or tune. It's like a cheaper version of the standard fare. It's G rated, but obnoxious. It gets on my nerves so badly, I just want to leave there. I put down my book, and I'm back at my PC. I'm dying to turn down the music, not off. (It would be okay if I were sweeping or dusting.) But I don't want to offend the old man. It's his house. I guess he's earned the right to play his music. |
| We haven't had DISH service in six days. I called the first day, and someone just tried to sell me DirectTV, no offer to repair. I called again today because my dad was flipping out. So the technician realized we had the service for a long time. After doing some test communications with our system, she scheduled a tech to replace all of our equipment with new so we won't have any more problems, except for the two day wait. Meanwhile the other one calls back and tells me we can save $40 a month and get a DVR and remote wireless service and still have all the same channels! I hate making these decisions, especially over the phone. But I want to save money and be able to record shows while I'm working. I think we're going to change and cancel the DISH replacement. Meanwhile, I'm getting more housework done and a lot more writing and reading. I didn't think I was letting TV eat that much of my time. I was watching the last ten to fifteen minutes of Wheel every night, when I wasn't working, and Jeopardy. That's about 45 minutes I can spend in a book! But Dad needs his sports and his news shows. So I will go back to my viewing. Maybe I can force myself to be more discriminating and cut back. |
| I was complaining about not being able to read my text messages on my i-phone yesterday. Someone said I could make them larger. I said I can make my emails larger, but not my texts. Another one said you can change the font. I must have looked shocked. "Get me your phone. I'll fix it." Within about six seconds I had legible text. I can read them now without a magnifying glass. He said when he gets to his mother's house, she always has something she wants him to fix, a DVR, an i-pad, something digital, etc. Another one said there's even a commercial showing the parents waiting for their young adult children to come home and fix the technological things. Now I can do Word and Excel and PowerPoint, and they can't. But they can find their way around the social media, which still mystifies me. And if I use Sirius to locate myself in the car, I can't get the doggone thing to turn off, once I get to my destination. I need new Internet service, but I can't decide how to do it, and which one I can afford. My TV service is lousy and I haven't had reception in four days. I found out that DISH was bought out by DirectTV, so that may explain some of that. But the best way to go for our household is baffling. I need to have a system that's easy to operate for an old man, who's worse at this stuff than me. I just found out that I can request a remote control with big buttons for him. That would be helpful. If I set out to learn all this stuff, it would outdated by the time I was comfortable with it. I just hope I live long enough to see these young adults baffled and the next generation helping them! |
| Today as I was driving, I noticed my hands on the steering wheel. The skin on my arms was alarming! I had old lady skin! When did this happen? It's that crepe paper skin I've heard Jane Seymour talking about on TV. Mine happened overnight! I was horrified. Then it hit me. I was wearing my new glasses outside in the daylight for the first time. Then I just felt sad. Other people have already been seeing what I was seeing. Some times seeing better is not all that great. Maybe we go through life that way, not really seeing things the way they are. Then something happens to jolt us, or usually someone tells us, and we realize we haven't been seeing clearly. We realize a friend or a co-worker has been deceiving us or using us. We thought we were really good at something, only to find out we were doing it all wrong. We want to think we're going to last indefinitely the way we are and take care of everything as usual. Only we realize we aren't as young as we used to be, or as strong, or as vital. It's a big deal for an older person to give up the car keys, but eventually it has to be done. I like being able to read better and being able to see the world more clearly. I just didn't want a better look at myself and where I am in my journey. |
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. Isn't it funny how we take things like electricity and plumbing for granted... until we don't have them. Happy for you!
