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  My blog was filled up. I'm too lazy to clean it out. So I started a new one. |
| A tragedy occurred in my town this weekend. A senseless act by a crazy person killed a young woman and injured many more, about 15 still in critical condition from the last report. And it all could have been avoided with a little common sense. My town is a quiet little community that can solve its own problems. Outsiders from all over the country converged in a demonstration. Heaven knows what drew them all in, since they are from multiple groups, Neo-Nazis, KKK, some Polynesian group, and others. They were not invited. They got their license and descended on us for the second time. The first time went off peacefully. This time, they came in larger numbers and a large group of counter protesters were there as well. I don't know if the second group had a permit.The outsiders should have stayed outside; the insiders should have stayed inside-at home. By showing up to protest the various groups and whatever they stood for they fed into their need for attention and gave them the news coverage they craved. Ignoring them, or protesting them in some remote area would have made more sense. Both sides appear to have been looking for a fight.They needed excitement, I suppose, and they went too far. The police held back too long waiting for the commotion to escalate, not anticipating a sudden wham. The media, as expected, has made a media circus of it. The crashing of a state trooper helicopter has been blamed on the president by one reporter.That actually had nothing to do with what happened on the ground, except that it would not have been out there patrolling if a rally had not been advertised. Like him or not, the president had no role in this and didn't respond any worse than his predecessor to similar situations. Instead, the whole thing is indicative of the hate culture of intolerance in which we now find ourselves. Both left and right are self-centered, narcissistic, and exclusive.Whatever happened to "make love, not war"? The Coca-cola song about perfect harmony was just a blip in history. At this point, we don't know if the out of state terrorist was with group one or group two. He might be a liberal or a supremacist or something else. No one is saying that he represents any group, or is just one disgruntled person acting out a mental illness. I would like to see one or more of any of the first groups to say "We don't advocate violence, and do not condone what happened." It won't absolve them from inciting a young lost person, but it might deter others. Protesters of any kind must begin to think of safety first. They can't take chances like they did in the sixties. It's a different world. Caution needs to be exercised. There are many ways that are probably more effective at expressing your opposition without filling up public spaces which can be dangerous. As far as going far away to protest something, you will be unwelcome and will cause more hate and disdain for your group or cause. You aren't going to change anyone's thinking by traveling across country for a cause. Exercise your right to free speech, respect everyone else's right to do the same, and put your safety first. |
| I'm trying to eat clean for a while. But avoiding prepared foods, snacks, and sauces is harder than it seems. Eating fruit is easy enough. Every time I feel the urge for a snack at night, I reach for blueberries or strawberries. Getting enough raw vegetables is harder some days than others. I'm trying to do only whole grains and fresh foods. But my dad likes breaded shrimp or chicken tenders or fried onions. I have to fix two different meals, although he likes fresh foods, too. If I'm working late, he starts dinner before I get home. He fries things, or uses bottled sauces. He also over-salts. My goal was to avoid sugar for two weeks, but even the organic fruit spread has a natural sweetener other than fruit juices. I can't go to a restaurant, eat fast food, or eat packaged meals for these two weeks. I'm supposed to feel better and more energized when it's over. For work, I'm packing fruit and celery sticks and string cheese. I've surprised myself by avoiding salty snacks. I guess I can do it as long as I have strict guidelines. I'll just restrict the portions of Dad's concoctions and the prepared meats. This going clean business allows for error at the beginning, but should get closer to the goal as each day goes by. I'll see if I function or feel any better. |
| I'm getting accustomed to people covered in tattoos, body piercings, and unnatural hair colors. The bronze or coppery versions of natural colors caught my eye first. They were so close to natural and were healthy looking. The blues and greens and pinks tend to look like damaged hair. I did like Cindi Lauper's pink style recently; it looked controlled.I'm beginning to think I could tolerate some purple streaks just for the fun of it on a temporary basis but only if it looks conditioned and smooth. The other things I could never do for myself. I have too many skin allergies. I can't wear earrings.I tried solid gold posts for pierced ears once, but had a very bad reaction. The doctor told me sterling silver only, but they don't make them. So piercings are out even for ears. I don't like the other things, especially things that hang out of the nose. That just seems so nasty. It must require a lot of cleaning. The Hindi use them as a religious practice, but they're usually small and simple gold. I can tolerate them without aversion on other people, but I don't like them.Except for the Hindi, the piercings just seem like symbols of rebellion, not fashion. And people of all ages practice this, not just kids. Piercings can be undone like hair color. Holes will grow back. Tattoos are a true pain to remove. Besides the remote possibility of infection, there's wrinkling and sagging, age spots, and other developing skin abnormalities that will turn the tattoo that looks like art today into something distorted next year. And the tattoo to my eye is like wearing clothes that clash. The artwork on your body is not complementary of most of your outfits. Unless everything you buy is monotone and color coordinated with your toos, you're going to look like you dressed in the dark. Most people like changing outfits from day to day, but body ink can't be changed. So I just don't get it. You would think that these things would be luxuries seen only on people with money to spend. But no. People who can't buy groceries for the kids or pay their car loan have money for a new tattoo or new hair color or a stud in the cheek. Sometimes they have cigarettes, too, or it could just be the people I've worked with who have shared their hardship stories with me, between smoke breaks, while sporting these newly acquired things. |
| Someone thought I had on an engagement ring the other evening. Wrong. It's a simple birthstone ring, amethyst, that my grandmother bought for me on my 16th birthday. I've always had big knuckles, so it still fits.It's only 10 carat gold, and it was fairly standard in its day. I remember it cost $10. We bought it at a jewelry store on Main Street. It was just the two of us. We hardly ever went out alone; in fact, this may have been the only time. She wanted my 16th to be special. I was her first grandchild. My mother told me later that $10 was a big deal for Grandma. It has remained throughout my life as my favorite ring.I couldn't even tell you where my wedding band is. (My husband lost his while swimming in the Atlantic Ocean.) After my divorce, the amethyst went back on my left hand.It's always a reminder to me of my grandmother and her gentle ways. As I get older, I'm beginning to look like her, especially when I wear glasses. I always thought I would look more like my other grandmother because all her children who looked so different as adults began to favor her as they went into their golden years. They wrinkled in the same ways, so I expected to do the same. This ring is my connection to my maternal grandmother and my teenage years. It reminds me that small gifts can be large ones when they come from the heart. When a sacrifice is involved, the gift bears more feeling. I had a mother who was smart enough to help me see that. It reminds me that quality is more durable than flash and glamor. This ring is one of my treasures. |
| Well, I've let another summer go by without a vacation. I did go out of town overnight twice; both times were for a funeral. It's been a sad time in our family, but the younger generation has been to the beach several times. We older folks are staying at home, minding their animals and taking care of business. My younger brother who did recently retire because of his health has had the idea to take Dad fishing. I think that's a great idea. Seniors get a cheap license in our state. It would a good bonding time for them, peaceful and calm. Of course, Dad can't walk on gravel. He can't hear very well. My brother will have to pick him up and drive him home, and take care of him like a child. He's promised to carry the chairs and park nearby. I just heard on John Tesh Radio that it's the very thing that helps seniors: to have a close bond with adult children. They might be a comfort to each other in the evening. I am looking forward to seeing Garrison Keillor in September in a live performance in our downtown pavilion. I got a good seat up front by asking for a handicap access seat for Dad. So he has to go with me, or I pay a penalty for the special seating. Dad doesn't know who he is, but I'm sure he'll enjoy what he can hear. As soon as we get done with some fall medical things, I'm quitting the job. We'll go somewhere besides a half day trip to the book fair. It's kind of dull with just the two of us, but the kids will be back in school. So we'll just do something slow and easy. But it will be indulgent. |
| Science is presenting us regularly with medicines that save our lives or make them more comfortable. But those medicines also raise a lot of questions and side effects. Once you start taking one or more prescriptions on a regular basis, you start to run into problems. First of all they interact with each other and over-the-counter drugs. You can't take certain pain relievers with some meds. I'm limited to Tylenol for instance. I take one rather innocuous drug, that is even available OTC in a lesser strength, but it exacerbates my blood thinner. I'm covered with bruises right now, while they try to adjust my dosage. I have to watch what I eat with that drug, too. Healthy foods have Vitamin K that act as a blood thickener, so they counteract my med. Alcohol affects medicine. Any doctor has to consider what drugs you are already on when giving you a new prescription, and needs to advise you on foods to avoid while taking it. However, don't depend on the doctor. Ask about side affects and read the literature. Nurse practitioners and Physician Assistants are less likely to ask the right questions or review all the facts when giving medicine. You have to be your own advocate, as I have been reminded once again. No matter how competent the medical practice, look out for your own welfare. |
| Today I watered my plants on the back porch. We discovered the reason two flower boxes were fading and looking so terrible was that the squirrel sits in the pot and gnaws the showy flower. The ones leaning over he doesn't like but he's squishing them with his behind. The dying ones he's eating. I water the pots any way. I discovered there are weeds in my chives. I've kept all the other pots clean, but I missed these. The chives are long and thin. This weed is long and thin, unlike other weeds that flower or have rounded leaves. The chives grow in clumps, so the weeds nestled up in between the blades and I missed them. So I followed them to their bases and yanked them up, roots and all. It's the only way to get rid of weeds. The sun was blazing hot and burned on my arms as I handled the chives and weeds. I thought this is a little like the weeds in our lives. We're so easily influenced by our sneaky culture. Without realizing it, values that aren't our own and sneaked into our lives and our thinking. habits we don't want have crept into our daily routine. These things we don't really want have found their way into our existence without our noticing. They blend in too easily. It might be something as benign as joining the complainers at work or having snacks with TV. Or swearing in rush hour traffic. Even when we wake up and notice the weeds in our lives, they're hard to uproot. Breaking habits is difficult. Changing our thinking is difficult. Self-examination is a lot harder than looking for weeds in a flower box. Yet it is a necessary chore if we want our best "harvest". |
| I once had a Bible study teacher who posed an icebreaker question every Sunday. She was much older than her middle-aged coed class (35 to 50), We learned a lot about each other after a while. I still remember many of those answers. One of the questions was, If you could choose more time or more money, what would you take? You can imagine the responses. Not many chose money, but those who did used reasoning like "I'd have a maid to do my housework, so I'd have more time for my family or leisure." Or I could travel instead of working. Most of my life I've had to work two jobs, so having more money would have allowed me to have more time. Somehow money led to time for most people. Time led to two different interpretations. There were those who focused on busy schedules, stress, or demands, and wanted more hours in the day. They could accomplish more if the day had more than 24 hours. But a lot of us interpreted it in terms of years; we wanted more time to live. I even said that I had been poor and I could survive. But I haven't been dead yet, so I wanted more time. None of us have enough time. The days just seem shorter and shorter. You can't get everything done. I don't know how some people get all their work done and can sit and relax. If I sit and relax, it's because a lot of things are undone. I make to do lists knowing I'll never check everything off. Either I don't get to it and feel frustrated, or I make the conscious decision to skip it in order to reach the end, like a holiday dinner. Even if I'm taking a light day, I don't seem to open that book I've been wanting to read, or I don't get my exercise. With so much tragedy in my family lately, our personal mortality is really pressing on us. I have two cousins-sisters, younger than me- who are going through horrific health issues right now. Time, whether hours in the day, or years of life, are pretty valuable. I think I would like the money, but not in exchange for time. I really want both. |
| A gross story, but a true one. Anyone with a squeamish stomach should not read any further. About two weeks ago, my brother found a dead woman on the side of the road. It's a heavily trafficked area, and it was about 9 on a Saturday morning. He saw feet and legs on the side, so he pulled over. He was very upset to discover a woman in the ditch with her legs up towards the road. He tried to flag down someone, but no one would stop. He was shocked as he stepped aside to call 911 to see people drive within inches of her feet. No one slowed down. His call was the first to come in, and an officer was there in about a minute. The university is nearby, so there's always police in that area of the county. Some very rich neighborhoods are also nearby. He was very upset and shaking. The police arrived but never questioned him. He said her legs were crumpled up, obviously broken. But she was clean and un-bloodied. She was maybe middle-aged or younger, white, a little heavy set, wearing shorts and a halter top. The skin was broken, and he could see inside the leg, which is why he was so shocked by the absence of blood. After the police arrived, others stopped, looked around, then left not being able to assist. The police were scoping every thing but never approached him, so he got in his car and left after waiting to explain what he saw when he first arrived. The news that night said she was discovered by "officers". They were requesting that possible witnesses who may have seen her walking down the road earlier, or arguing with someone, call with any info. She had no id, no personal affects. By the second day, they were calling it a suicide, but it sure doesn't seem that way. It sounds like she was hit by a car after she died, and that possibly her body was dumped there. But this is a low profile story, getting little attention. When my brother told me about it, it was late afternoon. I thought he was telling me a joke, so I kept waiting for a punchline, until it didn't sound like a joke. So I asked him to start over. I still couldn't believe him. "What?" He was still upset. We were at a big picnic, but having a private conversation. He had been acting like usual until he started this story. It was clear, it threw him for a loop. Discovering a dead body is disconcerting. I saw my boss after he committed suicide. It may be a little different seeing someone you know, but when unexpected, it is very disturbing. A lot of people have told us since then they wouldn't have stopped; they might have called 911, but would have kept driving. I'm afraid that I'm like my brother. I have pulled over for other things with a mind to help. You don't think about the consequences. At least he was in the daylight. I think the police could tell immediately how upset he was and dismissed him as a participant in events. I want to see this resolved.I am sorry that my brother had to be the one to find her. He's had so much trauma, the loss of his young son-in-law this summer, the passing of our last uncle, his cancer, his worry over his pregnant widowed daughter and his grandchildren. This was just an experience he didn't need. |
| To retire or not to retire? That is my question. I can foresee all kinds of problems that will make me miss the extra income. Who can predict the future? Will I end up on welfare or living in a hovel? Or a nursing home on Medicaid? I don't know. On the other hand I might make it a few years with all the freedom and no hassle. Then there's the social aspect. I may not find the people with whom I work intellectually stimulating, nonetheless, I do partake of their human drama. I talk with people from other walks of life. I'm not an energetic person socially. I might become a hermit unintentionally. I'm okay with my own company. At least until cabin fever sets in. Today, I was off from work. I wanted to go to a sunset concert near here on the mountain top. I have been anticipating it for a while and had it on my Google calendar. But it was a dreary morning, and my father was sick. I wanted to clean house and read. So I never got ready to go. I even had some friends who were going to be there. But I opted out. If I'm not obligated to someone else, a group or a job, I can't make myself do something. So retirement could make me stay at home a lot. Yet, I want to stop going to work. I want to sleep late. I don't want to face the nasty public elements out there. Most people are nice, but there's enough of the shysters and the complainers to erase the interaction with nice people. I especially don't want to deal with erratic personalities in management. I'm looking forward to so many things. I'm slowly beginning to accept my age and my crepe paper skin. I realize those twenty-somethings and teens at work are only tolerating me. (I'm tolerating them.) It probably would help if I knew more people in my age bracket. Everyone I know is a generation older or a generation younger, or two generations younger. With my dad's decline, I need more time to drive him wherever he needs to go. I need to take over more of the yard work. I would feel better about the house if I were around to clean up after him more frequently. I don't plan to over commit myself to volunteer stuff until I know how my energy and Dad's needs balance out with my time off. Maybe I'll actually write more, but I'm not counting on it or doing crafts either. The truth is that I'm not making enough money at this job to make it worth the stress. If Dad ends up with a stroke and can't make decisions, my income wouldn't pay the taxes or home maintenance. It's just gift money and pocket money for me. I might have to tighten my belt a little, but I think I have to trust that things will work out. It might be better for my own health to retire, to avoid the physical and mental stress and the traffic. Nope, I can't talk myself out of it. Even though I think they need me at work, and it will be hard to find a hard worker like me who has gained as much knowledge, but I don't owe them anything. I have to look out for me. I'm mentally preparing for the big change. |
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. Isn't it funny how we take things like electricity and plumbing for granted... until we don't have them. Happy for you!
