%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |   Exploring the future through the present. One day at a time. |
| In a previous entry I said I don’t reveal what my friends tell me in confidence, whether asked for or not. It’s a matter of respect, for one, and of trust. I also said I need to be needed. I appreciate when my friends come to me with their problems and concerns. If I can’t keep our conversations private, then I lose that trust, and in the end, they won’t come to me. Plus, if I reveal anything, it’s gossip, and that’s not a good thing either. What happens then, when two of my best friends come to me with problems with each other? I certainly can’t reveal what I know to the other, now can I? That would be breaking a confidence, as well as gossiping. I’m left then with the burden of having to lie, or at least pretending I’m ignorant and stupid. Makes me question what I wrote a while back about how not having friends is worse than having friends and enduring the occasional heartache. Being an optimist by nature, I know we’ll work all this out to where none of us are burdened, and instead our friendship strengthened. All friendships face rocky patches, especially the good ones, and these two are the best I have. |
| First a little annoyance: I despise keeping secrets. Now if a friend tells me something, I keep it in confidence, whether asked for or not. That’s no problem. But a secret I keep for myself, that’s hard! Sometimes when I have one, I ache to scream it to anyone who’ll listen – even if they wouldn’t care. It can eat away inside, filling my mind to the point I can’t even put my clothes on right. Yep, my mind was so full last night, I put on my jammies backward! Didn’t even notice until Dave pointed it out – over an hour later. I’m surprised I made it the six blocks to work this morning without getting lost. Still, I’m in a really good mood this morning. Maybe it’s because oblivion (or is it ignorance) truly is bliss! I read this quote in Randy Ingermanson’s blog ( http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog ) I love. Where the gal, Joleena Thomas ( http://www.xanga.com/joleenathomas ) got it, she doesn’t say: Keep writing even if you feel you are totally empty and writing junk. You can always edit junk, but you can’t edit a blank page. Looking at it that way, I welcome you all to my Junkyard Journal! Ha! Happy Friday! |
| When I bought my Jeep Wrangler, I soon noticed how many other people owned Wranglers where I live. Three people own one (though of various years starting with the ‘70s) within two blocks of my house. I know they didn’t buy theirs the same time I did. It’s more I simply took notice. The same could be said of people I run into. Soon after Dave and I decided to try for kids, I discovered two people I knew also struggled, or were still struggling with the same. I then met a few more online and elsewhere. I still am. It could be, like suddenly seeing Jeeps everywhere, because of my decision to have kids entered foremost in my mind, I started merely paying attention to those doing the same. Makes me wonder once I get pregnant if I will suddenly see pregnant women everywhere. Not one to believe in mere coincidence – where’s the fun in that? – I believe God places people in our path at specific time for a reason. It could be because they can help us when we need it most, or so we can help them when they need it most. Perhaps it’s a combination of both. Last week’s Disciple required us to read 2 Corinthians. One passage (1:4) stuck out at me: “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When we are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” I try not to take for granted the people I know, or the people I’m still getting to know. Every person has a richness of wisdom and experience I could never gain on my own. They make me laugh when I need it, give me the right words to keep me going in difficult times, and provide a warm and cushy shoulder when I need to weep. I desire to do the same, and to share my love, my joy, and perhaps bring someone a smile or laugh who needs it. Consider this morning. Wendy, my coworker, looked a little down. I made a few jokes, acted a little silly (normal for me), and didn’t leave her office until she laughed. She didn’t want to, but did it anyway, and afterwards stuck her tongue out at me. My job was done. I’ll end this strange little entry with two thank yous. First, I neglected to thank all of you for wishing Dave and I a Happy Anniversary yesterday. We did indeedy, so thank you!! Through you, I also learned I can make people laugh. Until almost two years ago now, I believed I could appreciate good humor, but never extend it. Your responses to my entries and comments I leave for you has changed my opinion. Sure I don’t always succeed, but I try now, whereas before I didn’t. I thank you for that also. Now go have a joyful Thursday. Don’t forget to laugh at least once, even if it’s at yourself. |
| Those three words are some of the toughest for me to utter. I despise asking people to pray for me, no matter how serious or frivolous. At the end of every Disciple class everyone has an opportunity to ask for prayers for the rest of us to pray during the week. Combining Disciple I and Disciple II, I asked for prayers for myself twice. Both were prayers for safe travel when I went to the writer’s conference. Not “serious” prayers at all. Many times I’ve wanted to, including last Sunday, but I couldn’t even open my mouth. I figured out two reasons for my reticence (one of my favorite words there). Selfish: Sometimes I feel selfish asking for prayers. It’s been pounded into my head that others matter more than I do (many churches are horrible at doing this to their congregations, but that’s another subject). How dare I try to take the power of prayer for myself when others need it more? Looking at it that way, it’s laughable; as if God’s power is finite. Yeah, he keeps Prayer Power in a warehouse in Heaven, parceling out a little here, and a little there. It will empty someday, so I have no right to take some for myself, thereby denying others in greater need. Why did Jesus use the mustard seed to describe all the faith we need? Not only is it tiny to start, but if nurtured well in fertile soil, it can grow huge. The power of prayer works the same way. The more we use it, the more it grows. God never said to love others before ourselves, anyway. When asked the greatest commandment Jesus said (paraphrased), “First love God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind. The second is to love your neighbor as yourself.” If we do not love ourselves, really, how can we love others? The same goes for forgiveness and even prayer. Just because I pray for myself at times, doesn’t mean I don’t have time to pray for others while I’m at it. The same goes for everyone else. How will they know to pray for me if I don’t ask them? Vulnerability. My parents brought me up to be self-reliant. I take pride in my accomplishments, because I received little help from others. I got a leg-up in life by lifting my leg. No one did it for me. To ask for help means admitting I need it, and I can’t always do things on my own. |
| Ever have days when you feel like your brain stayed in bed long after you got up? That’s been me the last three days. My mind is either too empty, or too full of stuff I can’t concentrate on one thing for long. For instance, I came up with two blog subjects yesterday, but the words don’t want to come out. Every time I write a sentence or two, I have to stop because none of it sounded right. That being said, consider yourself warned if this entry jumps around and doesn’t make a whole lotta sense. Also, if you noticed my comments in your blog seem ‘out there’, now you know why. God speaks to us in many ways, whether it be his word, soft whispers in our ear, or through other people. Sometimes though, especially when I’m in particular need, I want to see him. It’s not enough to feel his presence, or hear his voice. It’s like having a long-distance friend. There comes a time when we must meet face-to-face. I tell ya, I plan on living a long time, but sometimes I don’t want to wait until I die to see Jesus’ face. I chatted with *Barbara Maria*  again on IM last night for a wittle bit. She’s a joy to talk to! Not full of gossip either, darn it. *Barbara Maria* ! You’re slacking!Today Dave and I celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary! This morning before he left for work, I wished him a happy anniversary. His eyes opened wide and he apologized profusely. He forgot!!! I had to laugh. I forgot his birthday on May 2, so that makes us even. Besides, last year, I not only forgot his birthday, my birthday, but also our anniversary. Like I told *Barbara Maria* last night, if I don’t write things down within 6 seconds, it floats away, never to be seen again.I also talked to PastVoices last night. She has to wait another week before the doctors will remove her gall bladder, so please send a few prayers her way. Thank ye!That’s all my brain can handle today. Now get away from here before you lose more brain cells, and have a fantabulous Tuesday! |
| Well, I done called it. Wrong! My mom not only knows her art, she knows her photography. Though she liked the tower picture as far as subject, it would not make a good submission to a photography contest. It has what’s called a blow out, a white spot in the photo caused from taking a picture toward a bright sun. She liked the tower so much though, she recommended I go back and take another one, only this time during sunrise or sunset, and with the sun on either my left or right instead of above or straight at me. Makes a good excuse to take another trip to South Dakota some weekend, doesn’t it? Still, I’d never make it prior to the 18th, so it’ll have to wait until next year’s contest. She felt bad afterwards, but I told her not to. I wanted an honest opinion, and she gave it to me. Speaking of deadlines, I don’t think I’ll make the WD contest for my two stories. I have two finished articles I’m going to send instead. My mind is full of so much other stuff right now, I can’t concentrate on the editing they require. No matter. Those, too, can wait until next year. I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday, and near the door sat a little lady with white, curly hair and easy smile. She sat next to a book display, so I knew she was there to sign her books. I approached and she stood to shake my hand. She introduced herself as Ellen Erickson, a North Dakota author. I don’t know if it’s the same where you live, but North Dakota takes immense pride in their authors, and we have a bunch of them. One section of Barnes and Noble is dedicated to all North Dakota authors, and it’s a substantial section. Surprising for a state with a population of 600,000. We spent a few minutes chatting, and what impressed me the most was how comfortable she was. She loved talking about her books - ranging from adult novels, to children’s stories. I could tell she’s used to not only speaking in public, but talking with complete strangers. I bet she’s had many years of practice. I hope to be like her when I grow up. I bought one of her books, partly because it looked interesting, and partly because I wanted to support her. Even being an old lady, she’s not too old to learn things (her words!), so she not only has an email address, but a website: http://www.drmarysbooks.com I had to laugh at her statement about not being too old. It reminded me of Dave’s grandmother. At 87 she learned how to use a computer and ended up writing 5 short books with it. If you’re a mom:     Happy Mother’s Day!! |
First off, do you like this picture? A few days ago I shuffled through my many folders of digital photos and rediscovered this little guy. I took it two years ago when Dave and I went on a two-day excursion through parts of South Dakota and North Dakota. I don’t remember where, though, but I bet Dave does. He remembers stuff like that. He went all the way to the top, but I couldn’t. I’m afraid of heights, darn it. It’s so stupid, too; I have trouble even going up a six-foot ladder. My mom and I were discussing it the other day, trying to figure out where that fear came from, but I don’t have a clue. I discovered this fear when my mom, my sister and I traveled across country from Colorado to see her parents in California. I was seven or eight. We stopped at Meteor Crater in Arizona. Neat place! They had built an overhang that went out 50 feet or so over the edge for tourists to get a better view of the bottom. Mom told Margaret and I to stand on the edge so she could get a picture of us with the crater in the background. The only reason I walked out there was because my fear of my mother was greater than my fear of heights. The picture is quite amusing. Both Margaret and I tried to smile, but they came out grimaces, and you can see how stiff I am, ready to bolt the moment Mom took the picture. Sure enough, the second I heard that click, I ran back to solid ground. It probably lasted all of 10 seconds, but I felt like I stood there for 15 minutes. I’m going to print the above picture and submit it to the photography contest. I think with a dark blue or purple matting, this will really pop. I can only submit four, so between Mom and me, we’ll choose the best four. I think this one will make the final cut. What do you think? I received this email yesterday! May 10, 2007 Dear Andra: We would like to accept your drabble, "Heaven or Hell?", for the 9th issue of The Drabbler: What's really on the dark side of the moon. Please send an updated bio and mailing address at your earliest convenience. The winners will be announced in the next issue of our Between Kisses Newsletter. Sincerely, Terrie Leigh Relf Sam's Dot Publishing Drabble Editor/Contest Judge The funny thing is, I wrote “Heaven or Hell?” in less time than the other two (see "Time Warped"  and "Beware a Vampire's Friend" ) with no feedback from anyone before I sent it. I didn’t even post it here to get reviews!Dave also received a similar email, only they will publish two of his. No fair! I’m supposed to be the writer in this family! I am happy for Dave, though, and I’m not surprised two of his drabbles were chosen. Not only did he send eight, but most of them made me cry they were so funny. He and I agreed, they’re not publishing our personal favorites. Isn’t that how it normally works - our crap writing gets published when our best work doesn’t? It’s a fickle world, this publishing thing. Still I’m happy as a peach, and I’m looking forward to receiving my payment - $1. Dave gets $2, so he buys supper! Oh, and as of yesterday this here journal is the 881st most viewed blog! Yippee!! (Yes, I was bored). |
| I’m disappointed. No, it’s worse than that. I’m pissed. I couldn’t write yesterday’s entry, because I was both busy, and I suffered from a slight attitude problem that I didn’t want to spill on everyone else. Instead, I asked my toes to write it for me. They said, “Sure! We’ll be happy to.” Now you will understand why I’m angry. I logged in this morning, and no entry! The little liars! As punishment, I’m wearing my walking shoes instead of sandals today. If they sweat and bake in there, too bad! I still don’t have much to say today, at least nothing of profundity, hilarity, or even interestity. I know that’s not a word, but I started with -ity words, I had to end with one! Besides, I’m a writer, and writers are allowed to make up words. I will still give this entry a whirl. I might surprise myself. My dad and I are still emailing each other about prayer, and how to be more effective. I wonder if we tend to complicate things. God after all stressed the importance of praying to him in all things, so would he then not make it easy for us to communicate with him? What then is the problem when I feel like I’m talking to myself at times? I still don’t know the answer. It could be the answers are many. I could not believe my words are going further than my ceiling. God is indeed listening, but I don’t believe he is. This is especially true when I’m praying about silly, selfish things. God’s time is far more valuable than to waste it on my useless and needless words. This is part of an email I sent my dad: My Disciple class had a discussion about how today we don't see the miracles of the New Testament with regard to healing, etc. Is it our lack of faith, or is it still out there, and we don't hear about it? I think it's both, but society (in general) has also killed the belief in miracles, magic, and mystery. If we can't see, smell, taste or touch it, it doesn't exist. I think that goes with many Christians, not just those who don't believe. Case in point: why do only Catholics have the stigmata, and are healed by touching the statues of the saints? Because they believe in them. In Acts, people were healed by merely falling under Peter's shadow as he walked by. Did Peter have that power, or did those who fell under his shadow have the power, all because they believed? I admit I don't have that strong of faith. I've lost much of my belief in mystery, magic and miracles. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy not seeing any results looking at it that way. It's no wonder Jesus loved children and consistently used them as an example as to how we should be. They still have their sense of wonder; they believe in magic and miracles, while we adults keep looking for a rational explanation. They also trust without question. As I studied a Disciple lesson two weeks ago I wrote this sudden thought in my book: “It’s in our most difficult times that we learn to depend on God.” I’ve concluded God loves paradox. He uses the foolish to confound the wise. We find strength in God in our weakest moments. Our society, especially in the United States, has grown soft. We’re spoiled. And because we don’t struggle compared to 95% of the rest of the world, we don’t place every ounce of our trust in God. We have the resources to depend largely on ourselves. It’s a sad truth, but when things go well, we expect God to take a back seat. My pastor’s son and others of my church went on a short missionary trip to Bolivia. He said one thing when he returned I will never forget: “Those people have nothing we value, but they have more joy than we do, and their faith in Jesus is stronger than ours.” It should be the opposite, shouldn’t it? Again. Paradox. What does that have to do with prayer? Not much. I went off on a little tangent there. That’s not to say miracles through prayer don’t happen in the United States or other so-called rich countries. Many people have the strength of belief that if they walked under the shadow of a church steeple they will be healed. It’s difficult for many (me included) to do the same, because it’s, well, impossible. For me, I would fear I lost my sanity. If my prayers lack power, then it’s not God’s doing. I don’t have the honest faith my prayers make a difference. Again, it’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. I keep thinking “Thy will be done” and always believing his will and mine will never be in sync. I have to remind myself God places some burdens on my heart for a reason, and he expects me to not only pray, but believe it will happen. |
| Sometimes when a person’s got nothing to say, well, then it’s time to simply let the fingers fly and see what happens. That’s what I’m doing here, letting my fingers do the walking and the talking. I have another favorite blogger, but not here. I subscribe to his monthly writing newsletters, and about two weeks ago he started a blog. The nice thing about it is, he asks questions of his readers about writing and reading. He also made the mistake of asking his readers to submit the first two paragraphs of their WIP (work in progress [it took me about five minutes to figure out what WIP stood for]). He received 36, mine included. He has yet to get to mine, but I’m looking forward to it. The other short critiques have been informative, plus I realized with his suggestions, I would have done much of the same. I guess I’ve learned more than I thought. He asked in another post if we had our own blogs so he could add them to his writer’s list. I’m considering adding mine, but I’d have to change it from Registered Users to Everyone. Two problems with that: 1. I don’t necessarily want the entire world to read what I write in here, especially friends and family. By changing it to Everyone, I may tend to watch my words whereas now I feel free to write about anything and everything that comes to mind. I don’t like to constrain myself. 2. Some publishers consider blog entries to be previously published, and I want the option of taking my better entries and rewriting them for magazines, etc. Still, I would like the extra exposure. What to do, what to do. Then again, I could set my more sensitive entries to Registered Users and higher . . . Oh, I suppose you want to know more about this author I’m talking about, eh? His name is Randy Ingermanson (aka “The Snowflake Guy”) and you can find his blog at http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/index.php What else would my fingers like to say . . . Last night I met again with my writer’s group. I had submitted two stories that I’m considering for the Writer’s Digest contest. I was leaning toward "Bought and Paid For" , but based on their suggestions, that one will need more work than "Invalid Item" . I know for certain I will submit "Selling Me Short" , but I don’t anticipate spending more than 15 minutes on it. I’ve edited that one so many times already, I’m sure it’s as polished as I will ever get it.Still, I have a week, and that’s plenty of time to edit and submit both. Like with my photos in my previous entry, I have nothing to lose but some cash ($35 if I submit all three). I certainly don’t anticipate winning anything, or even making honorable mention – not when they will receive tens of thousands of submissions. What else? Ah – Under what circumstances – especially for you women – would you shave your head? Don’t say never, because with enough thought, I bet you’ll come up with something. I have two: 1. If I had to spend a long time in the desert with no way to bathe every day, I’d save my head. My scalp tends to be greasy, and within 24 hours, does my hair look and feel iky! To not have to deal with stringy, greasy hair day after day, yep, I’d rather be bald. 2. If a friend or close relative suffered from cancer and had to undergo chemo and radiation treatments, I would shave my head at the same time they had to shave theirs. My hair’s long enough, I would then donate it to Locks of Love or another organization that makes wigs for people with cancer. My coworker, Ellen, and her best friend, Kirsten, did that on this weekend. Kirsten’s mother has cancer and lost enough hair she had to shave the rest of it off also this weekend. Isn’t that sweet? That’s all my fingers have for now. Maybe tomorrow I’ll ask my ears . . . or perhaps my feet, and see if they have anything interesting to say. Have a wonderly Tuesday! |
| When I went out to survey on Wednesday, I saw on a marquee "2007Amateur Photo Contest/Ends May 18th". I thought, "Hmm. I'm an amateur and I take photos, perhaps I can enter." I checked Bob's Photo's website for the rules et al: Each entry only costs $2 and I can submit a maximum of 4 photos a minimum size of 5x7. They all also need to either be matted or framed. I thought about it and chose these four. I took all of them off the Missouri River near Bismarck with my digital camera: ** Image ID #1051723 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1127333 Unavailable **   As usual these small guys don't do them justice. I also found after printing them out, the photo paper and printer didn't do them justice, either. Like critiquing my writing, though, I scrutinized each photo closely -- too close. I don't think the judges are going to pay that close attention to the detail, but the overall composition. I asked my mom if she would mat them for me. Not having matted anything in my life, I deferred to her as far as the best size and colors of the mats. She had them done the very next day! She also chose the colors well, because they look much better matted. Next I need to find plastic or cloth hangers for them, and then I'll be set. I figured the easiest way will be to take them to the photo place and see what they have. Do I think I have a chance of winning any prize? Not really. I'm sure there will be many contributors who have far more talent, truly amazing photos, and better equipment as far as cameras and printing photos goes. Still, all I have to lose is $8. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
.