I Love You

They flood in every time I hear your voice,
Every time I see your face,
They all come back, and fill my head again.
Some are good, some scare me.

In some I see your beautiful smiling face,
So beautiful, so familiar,
But in most your face is horribly daunting,
Angrily glaring at me.

What could I have done, to make you this way?
Angry with me, why?
Why do you not love me, what did I do?
Maybe it’s just me,
Maybe no one loves me, how could they?

I hear your laughter from the next room,
Ugly and piercing,
Penetrating into my head, trapping me.
I hear your footsteps, coming towards me.
Coming for me? To save me or slay me.

Why don’t you love me?
As I love you,
I sit in the corner; I push myself to the wall,
I see your face appear at the corner,
I’m sorry.

I see you walk towards me,
You pull me off the ground,
The power of your strong hands,
Your face is so contorted,
I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry now,
Sorry I protested last time,
Sorry I tried to make you stop,
Sorry I though I should have a say,
I’m sorry, I was wrong.

The force of your hand hits me hard,
I’m sorry; I tried not to scream,
You arms push me against the wall,
I will not tell, I swear,
I’m sorry I told.

Stop! Please!
No! I’m sorry, I deserve it.
I shouldn’t have told.
You hand hits my face again and again,
My face is wet with tears,
As you push me onto the couch,
Please, I love you,
Don’t you love me to?

It will be ok, hold me please.
I wont tell again, I was wrong.
I feel you sit next to me,
You pull me close to you,
Is it ok now?
Please let it be.

I feel you breath on my ear,
I smell the alcohol in your air,
And I hear you mutter to me,
The only words I want to hear,
“I love you”

Because you hurt me,
Is it ok now? Does that make it right?
Are we even?
I don’t understand, but I hope so.
You hold me to your chest,
You kiss my forehead, my nose, my lips,
Thank you. I love you.