A stream of consciousness poem. |
When your mind starts sliding down a slippery slope and you're grabbing on to anything to help you to cope when the creases in your brow match the wrinkles in your father's face and you're weary and restless and you've just got to get out of this place out of this grave they dug for you out of this hell they sentenced you to you've got to get out and redefine what it means to be you. Once you poured out thoughts on a page in a ceaseless stream of consciousness rage but the words feel like water distilling wine you know what you feel, but you just can't find the right words to say the right emotions to convey and it's making you mad and it's making you mean and you try to raise your voice but no one hears you scream so you bury it hard and you bury it deep all so that you can get a decent night's sleep and soon the soil that you've buried yourself in molds a mask that twists your frown into a grin so that when you look at pictures of yourself as a youth you say, “That can't be me; that can't be the truth.” and for five long years you go through the motions because no one really gives a fuck about you and your emotions and you get home from work and you're ready to rot throw yet another movie into the DVD slot and Daniel Day-Lewis comes on the screen with his Mohican musket and its silver sheen and as you continue to watch you get this epiphany that “Every one of these actors is just like me” when they enter the scene they step out of themselves like taking porcelain masks from hickory shelves and it all seems so simple because you do it every day they all act to forget themselves and of course that's okay but once you're onstage and the curtains rise and the most you can see is a pair of dark eyes the costume is the only thing hiding you now and the makeup you wear from your chin to your brow and you'll never tell them that when you're onstage it's like someone has opened the lock on your cage no, you hope they'll never ask “How does it feel?” because then you'll have to tell them the stage is the only place you feel real. |