Finding Strength through tragedy

I was headed to the lake. It was the fourth of July and I only had one young child to celebrate with. His excitement overwhelmed him while I was traveling to the gas station and he fell asleep in the back seat. While I was filling the car to continue to the lake my cell phone rang. It was my friend asking me what I was doing for the fourth. I agreed to stop by her house for a barbeque before taking my son to the lake. As my little blue car carried me the few miles out of the way to my friend’s house, my phone rang again. It was a number I did not know. I answered not knowing that on the other end of the line was a truth so horrible that no one should ever have to face it. My ex-husband’s wife was on the other end of the line. As she said the words my brain didn’t register until it was too late, “Lilly’s been hit by a car, she’s being transported in an ambulance to Lander” and then she hung up as I began to ask questions.
My mind raced. I called the number back over and over but there was no answer. I called my mom who was at the casino enjoying the fourth at her favorite gaming event and asked her to come to Lander to take care of my son who was still asleep in the back seat of the car. My car flew the 11 miles left to the hospital. I arrived, gathered up my son and raced for the ER knowing my mom would be there soon. The nurse persuaded my little boy to color in her office while we waited for my parents and the ambulance to arrive. I had beaten the ambulance to the ER and as I sat there waiting I cried and I raged silently at fate. The doctors let me stay with her for a few minutes then told me to pray for the best but to prepare for the worst. She did not look good. I lost it then and was glad my son was not in sight. I sobbed and then got myself under control. I fought my way through that day, keeping myself composed for my son, my girls, and my family. I only really cried when my mom could hold me and no one was able to see me. I felt I had to be strong.
The two months in the hospital was hard on us all. My girls all blamed themselves as they were with her. They were tortured and I could not be there for them as the hospital was 6 hours away. We made it through all of this. My daughter was alive and her brain function returned to normal. She was still my Lilly but she would be in a wheel chair for the rest of her life. My older children dealt with the trauma each in their own way and now are able to remember without falling apart completely.
I see my Lilly now so strong and independent. She is vibrant and full of life at ten years old. She swims, plays basketball, rides horses, and plays with her siblings and friends. She will do great things one day. The three and a half years since the accident has been filled with challenges and triumphs. It has been full of sorrow and joy but we are all still here and we find strength in the little things that bless our lives and in each other. Lilly grows stronger each day as do I. My children are growing up and life is moving forward.
Sometimes when life changes without your consent you need to just grab hold and hang on for the ride. We all have to trust that life will be ok in the end and it will. They always say god won’t give you more than you can handle, and that everything happens for a reason. I have to believe that is true. Someday I will know and understand the reasons but for now I just have to continue on.