My Life Without you...

It was in a cold September,

when for first time I breath.

However I didn't knew why I felt something warm

falling through my face.



I was encaged with something bright on my face.

Time passed...8 days if I'm not wrong.

When something warm carried me away.

But I knew something was missing.



I was afraid to walk alone, so I took my time for that.

My first word I guess was "Daddy."

Of course you can't say a word you will

never use like " Mom"



Time passed quickly and I still don't know about the things around me.

While I grew up many questions came to my mind like:

Where is my mom?

What I have done wrong to my own family threat me the way they do?

Why always me?



Since I was a kid; I reserved my feeling to myself.

Thunders storms were horrible.

I couldn't stop crying; I was scared.

But where to go?



They didn't liked me.

Because I wasn't like them.

I was different.

I was afraid to grew up.



Sometimes I couldn't bare the pain; and when I need a hug...

the tub became my only true friend.

Under the warm water I cried.

Silently so no one will hear my pain

Always alone, but the water slowly became cold.



So many things happened that made me cry and smile,

but at the end.

It was only me and the tub again.



In the Summer. When I was 17.

I saw her. I meet her for first time.

How did I felt? Sad and mad.

How could you leave me like that?

I wanted to ask her, but I couldn't.

Don't you know how much I need that hug of support?

The good night kiss?

The advices of someone who was suppose to know me perfectly?

How could you?!



Sometimes I cursed myself for being just like you.

Mostly because I know I'm the only one of your daughters that is exactly like you.

And you don't know how much it hurts when someone tell me I'm just like you.

Sometime I really wish that the desire of you of aborting me was true.



Today I'm only 18. Ans I still have a pain that sometimes doesn't let me sleep.

Because even when I had grew up already. I still being just a kid afraid to sleep in the darkness alone.

Without the support of a mother by my side.