Dear Me: Part Three

Dear Self,

Well, a few months have gone by since the seperation, and yet you have learned nothing.

Four years have gone by since your first heartbreak, and yet you have learned nothing.

You still do the same thing over, and over, and over again.... all to get one thing back: what you had when you started.

You should know by now that nothing will come close to your first love.

Maybe you should finally come to terms with it. You cannot have him. All those things that you had with him you cannot have again with anyone. Yes, with E you had a similar physical connection... but you see how that turned out. You were used. You were told that you were loved and desired... but for nothing more than your body. Which was your own mistake, you knew better than to give yourself over to someone so quickly, especially so soon after your seperation. But he was convincing. So convincing that when things went to "just being friends" that you had a hard time understanding the sudden change, especially since he still wanted you and took you just for his own pleasure. There is a difference between love and lust, and obviously, in this case, that difference wasn't observed. In your heart things were different. Finally, you had found someone who loved you for who you were and who was willing to be there for you during such a crazy time... but you were fooled.

You went a little crazy there for a while too. "Desperate" is a term commonly used for women who act like you did. You were losing it... everything felt so out of your control. So much so that you are running the risk of losing the people that are most important to you... your friends.

Well, the first thing you need to do is get over him. Not the recent one, but the first one. You aren't allowed to really even look at him, so it should be easy to get over it. Or at least, it seems that it would be easy... but it's not. Not at all. He still possesses everything that you want, that you desire, that seems to work with who you are. That is foolish too.

I'm fairly certain by this point that you are just too obnoxious. You have promise, and that is why they want to get into a relationship with you, but once they have you, they realize it's not really you that they want.

You need to just get over it. You are worth more than that, and maybe some day there is someone who will realize that. But right now, you need to realize that in yourself.