I Steal Styles from Writers I Like

I Steal Styles from Writers I Like

         I hate to say it, but I may not be the best at this love thing. It's not that I dont feel love, or that I'm incapable of love, I just think that I'm not too good at the game. I was in love once, for instance, and I just went out and blew it. I blew it big. Let me start at the beginning.
         Like a lot of loves, it started out where I didn't really much like her at all. It wasn't as if I really hated her personally or anything, it was more of a thing where I thought, that she thought, that she was all that, ya know? This based on how I knew some of her friends, and they thought they were all that, and I just kinda figured someone who hung out with girls who thought they were all that, had to also think that they were all that. But I realize now that it's those same judgments and assumptions that people make that really prevent true goodness in the world. Like, you see a Muslim in an airport and you immediately feel less comfortable despite never having met that person in your life. Or you see a teenager smoking and you think he's a punk, when in reality, he may have just fallen into some bad habits. It's really the same situation that went on here.
         Needless to say, I soon realized she wasn't at all like any of them, and she was really pretty modest. It's not one of those things where i fell for her at first sight or at one thing she said to me, or it came onto me all at once. It happened sort of gradually.
         I think anyone claiming love at first sight is somewhat of a liar. It's not like people see random people on the street and just fall in love. Looks are such a shallow thing to fall for anyways. What if she's a total bitch or something?
         Anyways, it happened real gradually. Like, a lot of nights staying up late just thinking about her, and thinking to the point where she was always on my mind, which led to the point where I realized I loved her.
         I think a lot of life isn't really determined at the moment, so much as it is in the middle of the night when you have a lot on your mind. And one decision can just change everything. For example, if one of those nights that I had stayed up thinking about her, I'd decided to go out and be with people, I might never have realized how much I loved her. And in correspondence, if one of the nights I had gone to a party, I'd instead stayed home and thought about her, I may have had a revelation and changed my mind, and I would have never loved her at all. But as it was, I did love her. Head over heels in love.
         We started hanging out a lot then. Nothing sexual to begin with, just a lot of hanging around and laughing. She had a real contagious laugh, and I liked to laugh, so that was really one of my major turn ons to her I think. And she had a beautiful smile. Not like a fake smile, or a simple smile, but one of those smiles where it seems like her whole face is full of peace and hope, rather than just showing people her teeth and pretending she was happy. People make a big deal about eyes and all, but I think a lot of peoples emotions come out in their smiles.
         Anyways, we were hanging out a lot. I saw her almost every day, and it was good. And then one night she just went up and kissed me. And i like that. No bullshit, no awkwardness, just a straight up kiss. Not a dumb little peck either, a real kiss. I think that's when you can know if you really like someone, if you really like kissing them. That may be a little superficial, but I dont care, because it's true.
         Where was I? Right so we kissed, and we started kissing a lot when we were hanging out, but then, and I think I mentioned this before, I blew it. I blew it big. We got in a fight about god knows what, and I yelled a lot and man did I blow it. Life amazing like that. Things can be so good, and everything can do a complete 180 in a split second.
         So now two months have passed since I last saw her. I've put it past me because it's like they say, life goes on, but I did really love her. I still do love her I guess, but I don't think I have the guts to tell her that. Man, if I didn't blow it like that, she might have even wanted to be my girlfriend. We might have even gotten married. But it's all too late now.
         I know it's no real tragedy like my mom dying or something like that, but I think about her every day. I think I just might until the day I die. It's funny how love works like that, ya know? You love someone and all, and you never really forget about them. You never forget little things like her laugh, or her smile, or things like that. I guess it's true that love never really dies, at least I think so. It's funny how love works. It's just really really funny.