Dear Mom

Dear Mom,
I'm trying to find the words to say
that it's better now.
I won't lie and say that I understand
why you treat people the way you do.
And I'm not sure I'll ever be okay with you hurting me and others.
But Mom, I've learned alot from you.
It hasn't been easy,
and there were times where I thought I would fail,
but I'm making it, Mom.
I am breaking the cycle that began so long ago.
I think you'd be proud if you could see me,
if you weren't so lost within yourself.
But you see Mom, the demons that you're fighting
are not in the form of your mother.
You are your own demon.
That's what I've finally realized, Mom.
I spent my childhood fighting you, to no avail,
but now that I'm an adult, the only person holding me back
is me. I'm ready now
to end this constant struggle.
I'm ready to move on.
But first, I want you to know, Mom,
that it's okay.
I'm still hurting; I don't think that will change.
And honestly, I don't know if I can ever forgive you.
But I am accepting you for who you have chosen to be.
I can't change you.
I can't make my love be enough for you.
I can't make you see me as me and not you.
But I can keep your hatred of yourself,
and your projection of that hatred onto me,
from consuming me.
So why am I okay with you now, Mom?
Because without everything you have put me through,
I would not be able to write this to you.