Chapter #4Thinking Outside the Mailbox by: KaptainKq   It would be easy enough to send her a cake or two, or maybe a box of donuts. Yeah, the Big Bad Wolf could do that... But how many times?
To see any significant weight-gain, he'd have to send her... A lot of cakes. And that'd be a lot of hassle.
He'd have to procure each confection. He couldn't guarantee that he'd be able to find a reliable source of cake. There were only so many children in red hoods wandering about the forest to steal goodies from, only a handful of little red hens to terrorize... And he certainly didn't know any wicked witches who'd let him walk away with a piece of their house...
"Actually, if I could find a witch... Hmm," the wolf thought aloud absently. The thought didn't quite go anywhere, and he returned to the grim reality of his initial plot.
... Even if he could find that witch or figure out how to get a steady supply of baked goods... He'd still have to get them to her. And he'd have to do that without arousing her suspicion. Sure, she didn't seem extraordinarily bright. But the wolf was sure she'd be a bit wary of strange cakes and pies showing up on her doorstep. How could he get them to her? The wolf doubted that the forest had access to a reliable postal service (and he certainly wouldn't want to pay shipping on all of those cakes, anyway), and the aforementioned hooded children only delivered their treats to grandmothers. Who on earth would bring Penelope her treats?
"Bah. This is all too much trouble," the wolf growled at nobody in particular. "Surely... Surely there's something more reasonable?"
He'd have to think outside of the box, here. "What if... Gah. It'll come to me... I know it will..."
Maybe he could convince the pig that she'd won some sort of sweepstakes, and the prize was a bunch of cake? Surely, nobody would fall for that... But Penelope might. Maybe. A few massive deliveries of baked goods, instead of a hundred smaller deliveries... Certainly more convenient, and slightly less suspicious.
Or maybe she'd been entered into a prize drawing, that she'd been selected to win the prize, and the prize was... Food? More specifically, a lifetime voucher for free food at some restaurant... That could work. Yeah, yeah! It could!
Thinking bigger... Maybe he could send her on some sort of "vacation," where she'd fatten up and be in a location convenient for him to... Do whatever he was going to do with her; probably cook her alive.
How was he going to pull any of this off? Maybe he could intimidate certain people. Maybe he'd call in a few favors. Maybe he'd cut a few deals.
Maybe this is all quite a bit more convoluted than just dropping cake outside Penelope's front door every couple of days. But maybe this was also a lot more fun.
Yes... Much more fun.  indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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