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 |  Blog and other works of literary sense |
| Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot. |
| I couldn't do anything so far today. I took a nap but even that was difficult because my knee and upper thigh were in pain and no position was good, it was all making it painful. My Dad bought me more pain meds. I'm hoping this knee pain will soon be healed. I'm up now so I can at least get something to snack on. I could do something if my knee pain will subside. All I can do is try. |
| My knee is causing me pain this morning. I am trying to keep it from bothering me by taking pain meds. I can't stand the pain and it happens more when I'm in bed and it's terrible. I have to do some more moving around so that the pain doesn't stay. I'm thinking of making something that's a bit more involved than cooking a frozen meal. I have some thoughts of making or baking something. Like I could make bread in the breadmachine. Or pancakes. Or even a nice orange cake. I made some a while ago. I can't remember where I kept the recipe however. So that will put me in a hunt for the recipe book. It could be kept in a cupboard or some other shelf. I'm also thinking of writing more of my contacts a newsletter about my work. I was so depressed to see how few people had been reading or buying my books. So I sent an email to my relatives and former coworkers to buy my books. I don't know if they will. But I'm running out of ideas. I am not planning on sitting too long at my computer. I might not even do much writing on my novel. I have a few struggles about the plot. I do not want to do more on it until I'm convinced that it is something that is going to make sense or that it will be good enough to read. Many of my fiction novels aren't all pure romance and so there might be some struggles to keep to a romantic novel theme. In my mind, I mean. |
| I'm writing this while the bombs are bursting in air all over the skies above us. The dogs are not happy at least I don't think they are. Just curled up and quiet. I've tried to give them some bread and butter. the bigger dog was nowhere to be seen, at least I couldn't find him and then when I got up I saw he was sitting curled up under my chair. He didn't get any bread and butter. The cats are probably ok but I think they're also a bit sad. My stepdad is in the living room listening to something on his celll phone. I think he's merely waiting for time to go to sleep. I can't go to sleep yet. Have been looking at things online. Some fashions and other tweets and some other things. I think that the weekend has not been too too bad but I have had a chance to tweet some things that I'm sure will make me regret them tomorrow. Tomorrow is Sunday. Bloody Sunday. I'm not sure what the bad thoughts have in store for me. Unless it's this fireworks that has been flourishing most of the last few minutes. I haven't appreciated how very profound their sounds and impact on my eardrums are until now. I feel as though I might be in some foxhole somewhere and or some other place where soldiers hunker down to escape their being bombed somewhere. I wonder what the ex-Army vets are thinking now? Does this fireworks display take them back to those days when they were going through the war? Haven't done anything much. Knitted a bit. Cooked a few frozen eggrolls. Made fried eggs. Ate them all. Had some vermouth on ice. Found the bottle in the fridge. It used to be in the cupboard under the pets' treat bar. My stepdad must have put the bottle in the fridge sometime in the last few days. I've never had vermouth in my life. It tastes ok. I can't really compare it to anything. I think it's something one adds to some other thing to make a martini. I've always wanted to have a martini. I'll have to find it to drink someday. I don't go to bars and have never been to a bar to drink on myown or with some friend. I go to the neighborhood (or went to) bar and grill restaurant called Applebees. I never sat at the bar. I think people are making stories up about me going off to the bars and meeting guys there. That's a damn lie. I remember one time I was taking a Bible study class and one of the people there boasted (he looked like he was boasting) that he met his wife at a bar. I felt rather disgusted with him. I am sure there are some marriages that are doing well having started at a bar but I doubt that very much. A relationship built on drinking isn't good. A man and a woman. Even two men. I don't know. Men are a strange species. Can't say I know very many. I know of some characters who are men from reading books, and those who wrote them had a good idea bout different types of men. Men who were noble. Those who were good, brave and so on. Those who could hold their liquor. That last one seemed to be a bit more admirable than the other ones in the other character's opinion. I suppose one had to look like they were still sober even though they were three fifths drunk - or a s drunk as a lord - and would be able to leave the room without falling over. I can't see why liquor is such a measurer of character. I remember there was a woman who was drunk at the party my stepparents held. She had to be helped out of the house and taken home in a cab. I don't really know if this happened or if it was merely a vision or fancy or some sort of programmed event that was put into my mind by these brainwashing idiots from MI5. Yes, I do believe I was a victim of MI5 skullduggery. Those people who work for the Queen and the monarchs before her. In order to create lies and stories and blame other people for what they've done some how. I know I'm speaking rather rashly but that's my opinion. Consider this blog post a fictional episode of Mary's life. |
| I woke up late and I intended to. I don't care for this weekend or any weekend where I will be made to feel sad by bad thoughts. I'd rather stay in my bed. The morning sun has no real appeal. I prefer rain and thunder. I don't care to be civil to anybody. I hate everyone. I don't want to do anything and I won't do anything that I'm asked to unless it's needed. I can cook or do something like that but I'm not writing nor doing anything else. I have been ghosted as soon as I got awake. That bad stepmother ghost of mine dared to make me change my position in bed and I hated her so much that I felt angry. I shifted again to what I had been in and she was mad. She is always around. I think that woman is really the worst bastard that ever got made by the first one who is now going around as Churchill in the thoughts and is inhabiting a great number of men who are from his country and the men in this USA who are of some political consequence. Even the marines and army men are in his employ. I can't trust people here who look a bit like him but even those who have dark hair or eyes aren't immune to his charms and his friendship. That bastard Churchill was someone in my thoughts who tried to con me and tell me he was God but he is no God. He is a 'friendly sort' who tries to get into your skin and makes you feel sorry for him. He claims he's a poor soul and needs to have food and shelter and wants you to do something for him. Then he feeds you lies and then he makes you want to do things like pull money out of your bank and make that money go to some other thing he is invested in. That bastard has spawned others who are like him, and makes them go out and con other people. He's both man and woman or I mean male and female as he was Lucifer. So that means women can be him too. He's made bastards who used to be big in history - Adolf Hitler, Queen Mary of Scots, and others down the line including Elizabeth I. Her descendant in the thrones have also been him. The whole history of royalty in England are of his ilk. These 'kings' are people who had enough manpower to pillage and oppress and steal from those people and countryside towns and make themselves their king or lord. England is historically bad and they keep going and going trying to 'clean up' their monarchy and make them look like they're so good now. That queen is not a good one at all. She's been ghosting me. Yes, little old me. For the reason that I'm one of those who knows what she's been like, what she's done to people and who she's done them with. |
| Dear All, I'm glad to be here spending a good sunny morning posting a blog. I've had my breakfast and my pets have already had something to eat. I've got a few things to do today. I would like it a lot if I got some writing done. I did something about my novel The Bridge yesterday. I decided that the male lead character needed to have a different name. It's tough to get the name right so that the character is the way I want him to be. It all begins with the names, doesn't it? I'd also be glad to get a few more rows on my crochet and knit projects. I'm making a beanie and a sweater. I've had a few experiences in making garments and the sweater is my first. It's not unlike making a blanket at first, I think. I'll also be making some meals throughout the day. This being a Friday, I will see whether I can sneak in making pancakes. Pancakes are a favorite of the family. I'm even sneaking a few pieces for my pups to eat. I'm surprised that the week is ending. I remember Fridays as a fun day when I was working full time at an office. People were less stressed about things, and some went off to get Starbucks around ten in the morning. It was a free day, it felt like. But after some years that Friday feeling went away. I guess it might have been because some of the people who gave it that "Friday feeling" had gone on and either got transferred or left their jobs for another. It's a different scene now, I'm guessing. Everyone's got a Friday feeling if they're out of the office due to the COVID problem. People have their laptops, they have teleconferences (if they're still working) or go on Zoom to talk, and they have their coffee next to them, they have a cig or two, they have their kids to tend to, sneak in some laundry between working on projects for work, get some fresh air in the back yard or patio, walk the dog, do some meals and what ever else one does at home while they do work. I'm not sure how the economy is with people working from home still tied to an office while the COVID problem persists. I know that unemployment went down a little. But I'm not sure how anyone can predict the economic impact on the country and all those who depend on a job to get through the month. I hope that in between the things you do, you can find time to read a book or two. I've got a collection of books that you can browse through on my Amazon author page. The URL for it is: amazon.com/author/maryfaderan There are a few nonfiction books I've written. One of them is Life Lessons: Ruminations on Life as a Human on Earth. There you can read about practical life lessons that I've written about - lessons that help people of different walks of life, stages of life and men and women, young women, retired persons and those who are searching for something else in life because their lives seem to be a little dull. I hope that you have a great day! Mary |
| I'm an indie author. I write, publish and promote my books. It's not really a choice. I've tried to do the traditional route - querying agents and hoping they'll pick my book to pitch to a traditional publisher. I've not had much luck getting my books accepted by literary agencies. They all have a set formula for the books they choose. It gives me a suspicion that the authors they pick have gamed the system. These authors they sell are incorporating some formulaic plot and twist and characters who aren't all that attractive. The more bizarre and weird the story the more these literary agencies look at them and then they'll measure them against the profit they'll get. Publishers publish these books and then these books get the authors some notoriety. I have not seen books on the shelves at Barnes and Noble, for example, that appealed to me so that I might even leaf through them. There's always some dark idea or a dark character that makes the story unpalatable and the readers goes away and tells himself or herself that this book is really 'cool' but it remains in their psyche and causes them to feel somehow like looking at life in the prism of the book they just read. it makes them like things and people that are the sort of characters that book they read are. I think this is true of movies. Movies are always an attraction - the more they play with some good types of characters and give them a quirky aspect, or put them in some bad place the movie makers think they'll make a ton of money from their movies. I think I'm the lone voice for a reasonable book where there's some good that is seen in the characters, and there's a way these characters are placed so that they can be genuine in their thoughts and their words. I am trying to find these readers who will appreciate the themes of my books. There's so much sadness in this world. Why read about some dysfunctional family? Then there's trends that these authors put out about controversial topics. i try to shy away from these topics. I want to have a good feeling about the books I write. I don't want some bastard get into my books, my stories. I want my books to be enjoyable, and make readers come away from reading them thinking about the important things in life. We can't just churn out these fiction that only puts people in a difficult way of thinking and they cant make heads or tails of the story. Children for one are susceptible to these terrible stories. We have to be careful what they read. I was thinking of writing a children's book which I'd be happy to do. I think that there are many who are good writers of children's book. It's a genre that I've yet to try. I write different genres. I have written fiction, science fiction, poetry and creative nonfiction. The indie author that I am is a label I'm proud of. I think that indie authors have a freedom that published (trad) authors haven't got. There are stories of publishing editors who tell their authors to change something in their manuscripts in order to - well, to sell the book. These requests could be a deal breaker. It only compromises the integrity of the authors. The authors are sellouts in this case. These authors don't know it but they become bastards. They went for the big money and then their books look different from the book that they started out with. We should look out for those who wish to change us and our work. we have been gifted with a natural talent for storytelling. We cannot compromise our integrity and what we write down is going to be a testament to what we believe in, not the beliefs of those who only want to sell, sell, sell. |
| Everyone, I've been going through a dark and unhappy day since yesterday. I was doing ok earlier in the morning. But then after I had a nap and went back to checking my emails, I started getting discouraged. Everything seemed to be pointless. I felt as though I wasn't inspired to do much writing, or to knit more of my work. I've been writing steadily on The Bridge but I stopped and started to feel discouraged. I know that these dark moods of mine haven't been as bad as it was last night and even into now. It's been tough realizing that my life has been a series of jobs that have come to have been unfulfilling and it's been tough to discover that I was born to two people who rejected me and gave me to another couple to raise. These two people were high in society when I was born and each other them had already been groomed to become married to others, and not to each other. Then the family that I grew up in had a bad member who got me in trouble and told me to do something outside the house. That's when I got kidnapped and taken away from my home and ended in the Phiilippines. I was 'adopted' by two people who were hired by someone big in England to raise me. So, I never got to have a proper life as a wanted child. It was very difficult to realize that I wasn't wanted and I was treated like a person who didn't have rights to a life that should have been good. I think my whole personality is challenged by these discoveries. i am not sure who I am anymore. And where I belong, and to whom I should be with. I felt in the time of my years in college that i wasn't a citizen of any country. I thought i was a citizen of the world. But that was because I didn't belong to any country. my birth country had dismissed me and nobody seemed to care that i had disappeared. Nobody seemed to know who took me away. Nobody seemed to ask questions where I had gone to. It seemed as though the circumstances of my first years had been covered up and there are no people left to tell the story of my early life in England. Even my life in the Philippines seemed to be a case of being brainwashed and reprogrammed to give me scenes of life - but none was a continuous number of days and years where i could tell that I truly lived among these people in that country. So I felt lost. I felt as though I was a piece of baggage that nobody claimed or cared about. I am still feeling unsteady about this life I have. I carry a name that isn't mine. I have a name that I know was mine when I was born to these two people. And it seems as though I had another name in between. My three sets of parents are mute about me and how I became theirs. They aren't saying anything. My first parents don't wish to remember me, they've got too much invested in their own important lives. My second set of parents are unknown to me. The third set of parents are not speaking about it - one of them is dead and she's ghosting me. What does one do with this life that i have? How do I come to grips with how I got to this world? Am I real to anyone? How do I get through and find out what happened to me? How important is it? I guess only God knows what really happened to me. But I'm filled with questions and sad feelings. I can't say that I know what good parents are. What do I do with this knowledge? |
| Today I've been blessed with a sunshiney morning. My family are here with breakfast getting done. I've been going through some tense feelings lately and I've tried to figure it out. I might be going too much with my blogs about my opinions and how I find life to be. I've given some thoughts about my ideas about the issues of the day. It's hard not to. Everywhere you look they're talking about this pandemic, how cities are looking so bleak, games and races are being put off, ball players are backing out of playing in the different ball games and seasons, people are getting more into their own thing as they suffer through isolation. I'm seeing a great change in some things - how more of us are being more concerned about the well being of our families, our kids, even adopting pets to keep them company (if they're alone). It's a bit of a change that might actually be good for the country and other countries - despite the sadness of the afflictions we've had - and that perhaps we could be getting back to basics. In the old days, people traveled less in cars but in other types of vehicles. Bicycle traffic seems to be the norm these days in some places and replacing the cars which helps the environment. One time I saw how NYC had a clearer atmosphere. In another place people are inside little plastic cages or tents while they enjoy the outdoors or having a snack in a patio setting. Restaurants are still not quite a safe place to eat mostly because of the proximity of seating. Movie houses aren't quite popular, I'd say, and drive ins, the popular thing in the old days are making a comeback (which I think is cool). We could walk our pets but then we feel a bit shy about going around still. I hesitate going out in the open because I might meet people (who aren't wearing masks) and they might be carrying the virus. We might even get to the point of growing our own vegetables, putting up chicken coops, canning our own food, making our own beer and wine. The farming industry isn't as happy either because of the fact that there would be an oversurplus of food they grow and business (income) might be lessened. Air travel is compromised. I know some airlines are putting their cares to the wind and going on with travel, cramming passengers in their airplanes. I don't know whether they could try to increase their carriers and then space passengers out in these so they can still fly people all over the world. The fact that the US is highest in the number of virus deaths makes the US citizens suspect to EU countries (who've made strides in lowering death rates) so that means travel to the EU for vacations and business reasons is hampered. Some people I've seen on social media have been separated from their spouses. Some people in healthcare have not seen their children for weeks and weeks because of the fear they'll contaminate them as they are in the forefront of healthcare. I do not know when this very scary and somehow new world order will stabilise. It's a bit like living from day to day, isn't it? And we don't know some of us, how that might be. We always have our schedules, our agendas for weeks on and on, and meetings with people who help our businesses are put off or we go on Zoom or some other distance meeting softwares. But then Zoom, for instance, gets hacked. We live online more than ever. We seem to be at a loss as to how best to carry on. What do we do? I don't have a pat answer. We all have to make new priorities. Probably the one thing is to prioritize the health we have and the health of our families. We can't help but do this. More than ever people are losing their loved ones and we can't even be with them when they're dying. We don't even see how a number of cities are disposing of these poor casualties - they seem to be putting them in a huge field of dirt and burying them in series with unmarked coffins made of plain wood. The astronomical costs of the treatment of illness due to the pandemic is another headache - who's going to pay for it all? Insurance companies, you might say, but if one has already lost one's job they're out of insurance and that cripples the whole economy. I see the DOW jones saying we're going up and doing good but is that real? I know the unemployment rate is up and people are looking for any job at all to keep the house payments at least going. Our family is eating what's available in the stores - frozen meals mostly. Tinned meats. We're afraid of those meats that are being displayed as packing companies are having COVID cases by the cartload. We are living on a fixed income, and so we have to make do with what's available. It's not a complaint but it's how it is with people who have not got much expendable income. We all need to start praying for this death rate to go down and flatten out. People are out and about regardless of the precautions. The riots and demonstrations have been definitely something that's risen up out of the injustices done on the Black minority. But that's gotten people out without minding their health. It's like a vicious cycle. The country is in some sort of vortex of unease, trouble, and the minds of those who are in charge are getting inundated with the difficulties they face. I myself have been so filled with sadness that sometimes I end up wishing to leave this world and find another one that's less stressful (to say the least). However, we all have to soldier on, as the old quotation says. We have to deal with what we face. Sometimes we need to go out of social media and get into some other thing. If your world as it stands now is somewhat calm and unhurried, and with not a lot of bother about things even with no money available until some time when money gets into our coffers, we have to focus on something that makes us feel more like things are under our own control. We have to leave everything to God. Whatever is happening out there is His thing to work on. Our job is to keep ourselves fit, without overdoing it, and fed well enough to be able to keep our strength. No need to overdo the food thing as we're all sitting around and trying not to go out. We have to take our vitamins, get some chores done, mind the pets, the kids, and do whatever it is to fortify ourselves. Fortify our minds so we don't get into some sort of downward mood and cause friction with our significant others. (I saw the other day that a popular celebrity is divorcing her husband because she spent the pandemic period in quarantine with the man. It's kind of silly to think that a pandemic could be a cause to divorce one's spouse!) So for us we just have to do what we can each day and if we feel like we should have done more, then tell ourselves there's tomorrow to do it. There's no need to hurry up with everything like we used to when we had a job to go to. Those who are lucky to have remote jobs already know how to deal with their daily schedules. I hope everyone has a good day! |
| Hi Everyone, I'm putting a hold on writing The Sequel to The Loveable Resident - indefinitely. I stand by the first book's premise of redemption. I wrote this book with that idea that even people who have been cads in their lives can get redemption if they only reached out to God and asked Him to help them through their dark lives. Many people think they've sunk so low in the esteem of the world that they've given up and gone on with their criminal lives. Some of these people have been good to start with but life screws them up. They have people who are their caretakers and put them through such a lot of bullshit that they think the same. Some of them are given a lot of ideas that are racist and think that everyone else is beneath them. Some of them are given the gifts of good looks and money and power and they think that they deserve everything and all the people who like them are good and wonderful, but the truth is that they've surrounded themselves with hangers on, and traitorous friends who take their money, their food, their wealth and their women (who were good for them) and then turn around and make them totally sickened. They put on a face that makes people think they're still normal, but inside they hate themselves and they go through addictions of every kind. I don't know how steeped some people are with their sinful pasts but I know that there is redemption. If they but confessed their sins to someone they could get some grace. Grace is so minimally used these days. In my definition of grace, it means that God showers them with the goodness that only He can give them. Grace carries you through the bad things and events that happen to you. There are so many people who are injured and can't lift their heads enough to find the truth about how their lives have been so screwed up. The book Loveable Resident makes an example of how a rising star in medical surgery gets into trouble and tries to do something - anything - until he gets his due justice. But he seems to have friends who find some sort of goodness in him, or his talent as a doctor. I don't wish to give out spoilers. But the reviews of this book, whatever number they are, seem to have a problem with how the main character of Mike Oates makes himself get into a Hellish life and then they stop reading it. I wish these reviewers would go back and read the length of the book. I think they'll find it somehow credible and perhaps they could think of giving people that have acted this way some sense of forgiveness. For we all have to find forgiveness for others and forgiveness for our own sins. We must learn to love ourselves because who else would do that? If we have love for our own selves, our souls, our own personalities we can find out where things could be going wrong. Self-examination is needed. We have to make use of this enforced quarantining of our bodies and find our own selves and live with ourselves. Many of those who are quarantined are going through depression and even commit suicide, or, even divorce their husbands (because they've never been with their husbands long enough to know them really). I think people should find some way to go through their past and one of these ways is to write their memoirs. A journal post each day would be helpful. There are many places online that could also be of help writing your thoughts down. It doesn't mean you have to tell the public in a blog but there are many private websites where you can make your daily thoughts private. I hope that someone gets helped by this. I really think this world is getting so crazy and people are going nuts running around killing each other. There needs to be an outlet for such sadness and hate. It can't be murdering other people. It will only cause you greater problems. There are so many of these institutions that are too glad to make you feel worse by imprisoning you and making your family feel sad. Not including making you spend all your money on lawyer's fees and everything. Don't be despairing of your sad life. It's still going on. As far as I am concernedm as long as you have life you have hope. I've thought about how many of those who live a long life have been gifted by God. My theory is that those who have long lives are given as much time to examine their lives and find peace with God. |
| I'm able to say I've survived this awful awful weekend. I'd been ghosted so much yesterday and it made me feel so bad that i had to stay in bed most of the day. I couldn't do anything. I'd been so into the tweets that I must have aroused such a great swell of unhappiness towards me from Mike Pence. He ghosted me this Sunday and made me scared, terrified, he was so malign in his presence in my house and wanted to make me sad very sad. I was able to escape his evil thoughts and sought refuge in my room. I think this man is bad, and because he's one of Trump's people he hates me. Trump's hated me for a while and also ghosted me. He is in the same league as Churchill and those who like Churchill. People are led to believe Churchill is God but he is the opposite, he's Lucifer. I've been trying to find some other place to move to but my finances can't support this. I don't have much choice but to live here in West Lafayette. I can't say it's safe out there for me. Trump has many supporters in Indiana and they are all alerted to make sure that my activities for the day are known. If I ever go out of the house they'll likely tell on someone and that person will find another person who might be somebody like a cop or anyone like that. There has been a couple of times that actors have posed as cops and tried to intimidate me. This is akin to racial profiling but they know me and who I am and where I came from. I'm the bastard of Prince Philip of England and Dame Maggie Smith. They had me and then Maggie gave me to a normal couple who raised me like their own. But the Queen was so upset and angry that she had me taken away from my home in England and I ended up in the Philippines. I was around twelve years old then but they put me in a sort of coma and I was fed a programmed life that made me think I really was Filipino and had a life there growing up in my toddler stage until i was in my high school years. I was then ready to go out of the country and the actors who adopted me, Don and Sally Faderan, took me to the USA. There we stayed in Indianapolis. I had no knowledge of how my life had been so totally turned upside down until after I became retired. the Queen has been making my life a hell. i failed at several jobs, I failed in her eyes and she employed many people to make me their friends but they were traitors to me. They told her and others who went along with her, people who were big in this country, about what my interests were, and they systematically made me fail and become what the society has castigated me as a loser. But I had my own idea about how I needed to be, and I tried valiantly to keep going. I was a good person through it all, still cluelees, and I was kind to everyone even those who hated me secretly. These people were my former classmates, and my former coworkers and colleagues in my jobs. I was in danger of losing my life several times out in the open. Once I had a bad flat tire in my home at Hamden CT, and I remembered that the day before i had seen broken glass around where i parked. i didn't realize that my tire had a piece of glass in it and the man who fixed my tire told me that. i realized later that this was a plot to make me have a spectacular accident on the highway to where i lived. There are other bad plots that wanted me to die on the highway and it's now very tough to contemplate driving on the highway here where i live. Many people have been made to remember or know what our license plate is and they'll see it and they'll make a point to do something dastardly to us when we are driving. The COVID problem has at least kept everyone off the roads but the authorities want the businesses to open and everyone is beginning to think, falsely, that the coast is clear. There are always ghosts in my presence who are from the Devil and they want me to die somehow still, without them being seen as killing me. This is the spiritual attack that th Devil is doing and that Devil is in League with Queen Elizabeth and Trump. I cannot see how my life will end but I refuse to die. I get a great deal of pain and suffering. I've suffered such a great deal that i've frequently asked Jesus to save me and take me to Heaven. I do not know how my week will go. Every week is alternately awful and humdrum. These devils of the Bastard have made it a point to make me die each Sunday and it doesn't just happen on Sundays anymore, it happens starting on Fridays. They've tried to make me feel unable to do anything. My mind become frozen sometimes and I can't write. I don't know what job I can have if i don't do any writing. I'm unable to go out there in public to find a job, any job, because these people will know and they'll make it hard on me to work. I'll be so shredded up inside that i'll have a terrible day and I might end up getting to the hospital. This is another wish they have for me: to get to the hospital. That's where they want me to end up so that I'll be given all sorts of treatments, procedures and all kinds of torturous attacks unseen by those who are clueless. I'm afraid also that the people who are hating me will kidnap me and take me to some concentration camp somewhere - at least I know of two places: Afghanistan and China (where there apparently is a concentration camp for their Muslim prisoners). I hope that God will do something. It seems as though God is not listening to my prayers. I wish He would. I can't stand feeling this way week after week, day after day. I'm about as weak as anyone can be. I have tried different ways to elude these spiritual attacks. |
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