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 |  Blog and other works of literary sense |
| Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot. |
| This is a short piece. I've got a new job as a tutor for high school/college students. I'm not as happy with it. It's catch as catch can. I feel like I'm always stuck to my computer to see what tutoring appointments come up. I wish to let everyone know that if you want a tutoring session with me in an online basis, you can go to my scheduler: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=19084108 Thanks, Mary |
| I'm blogging but I'm not quite sure what to discuss. Today went alright. I awoke after 4 am. I went to do some stuff online. I cannot say that I did anything worth talking about with people here. I was able to talk to someone who's selling thirty one gifts online and in person. She and I had a texting conversation. I wanted to join but didn't have any money, and today I asked my Dad (my adoptive Dad) for 31 dollars and he said he didn't have enough to help me with. So I was not happy to hear that. I am seriously doubting that he cares for me and cares that I'm feeling sadder and sadder in my life here in West Lafayette. I want to leave here but I've not any one who can help . Those who might have any means to help me seem to be stuck and cannot do much for me at all. I only want to go to my lover who is also stuck in his own life. I don't have any other means to get through to this time or place where I can freely express and be a writer as I've been meant to be. This whole USA is not a good place to live in if you're anyone who likes to think and analyze what is happening in this world. The USA is so feared and yet here we have so many clowns who are running this country. I cannot do much to criticise the people who run the country. I'll only get punished by death thoughts and these are harming me and my psyche. That is why I have to take medicines to keep me from feeling depressed and suicidal and all. I hope that anyone who's reading along with this blog post will pray for me. I need to get out of here and find my place where God truly wants me to be. I need to have a simple life somewhere where I can earn some money to get through the month and to be with my real love who's unable to do anything because he's much to big in the social circles where I want to live. I used to live there when I was a child but I was kidnapped and taken to the Far East. I grew up not knowing that I was an English citizen. These people were so crafty that they made all kinds of documents to say that I was born in 1956 when I was really born in 1944. I am so sad that they have made it so hard for me to find my place in life. My father, Prince Philip was assassinated when he came to find me in 1968 and then the people who made him die decided to hire an actor to take his place next to the Queen. I'm now hoping someone could find out what to do and how to make things right again. I am so sad and I am wishing to disappear into the fog where they won't ever find me. I'll likely disappear into the fog and emerge somewhere else where God might have a home for me and my lover. I want this a lot and I won't give up on Us, Mary, Colin Firth here. I will make it happen, I promise. I love You Colin. This is Mary. Mary Ione, who was Ione Mountbatten in England, where we met in the past. I will always Love You, Mary Ione. Colin Firth. |
| I've been up since before 5 o'clock in the morning. I'm hearing the tv on and they're talking about the primaries, and it's a bit distracting. I've been able to get a few things done in the last few days. One, I've gotten a job offer to tutor kids from high school on to college about writing. Then I also worked on getting a FB page to add to the tutoring business. I tweaked my website to have only tutoring and resume writing. I'm no longer working to get a regulatory business going. I'm tired of writing the same old stupid stuff that the medical device industry is all about. I'm not going to worry too much over whether the work I'm given from these people is real or has evidence that they can attest to and prove. I've started a new knitting project, as well as an afghan or two, which I'm happy about. I think that the last few days have not been as bad but I do know that I've been killed a few times in the last few days due to just being still alive. I will hang on since I know that I'm still wanted by some people to do my work for the Lord God Almighty. I've tweaked a query letter to some agents and I hope someone there will find my story interesting enough to pitch to the publishing companies. I'm unable to spend much on the independent side of my publishing business. I will, if I get that tutoring job on the road. I mean, if it gets people to sign up to get tutoring. I've seen a salary.com salary for online tutors to be around 30-50K and that might be a nice thing to think of. I asked a car salesman (whom we've hired in the past to get us a couple of Hondas) if this new job I've been offered will be good enough to get a used car from his dealership. he replied saying that he doesn't think so. I think that this guy is totally steeped in his own pool of sad shit. I hope he gets to wake up and smell the coffee. I am convinced that I and other people in my situation can rise out of the ashes and find a place in this world. I hope so anyway. I cannot believe that people can peg anybody that they're a total failure based on the size of their bank account. If there's life in their minds then there's life in the way they live and that means they won't fail and that means that their banks will be given some money to deposit. It's sad that people who seem to think they're in the know have the last word on people who they see or meet in their jobs. These are the deluded people who think they are the big shots anyway. They will be unhappy to discover that there will be a resurgence of those who have been denied life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. These people who've been downtrodden will be happy someday, I pray. There's not much else to say about the above at this point. I'm feeling ok, but there has been a slight spasm that I've felt when I was on Pinterest. I was trying to make an pin about my Lularoe product and then the puppy started to puke. He didn't really puke a lot. But it was enough to tell me that the people on Pinterest are haters of mine. It's a sad thing. I can pinpoint these haters as well as I can because they've been always in the thoughts with me and they are my deniers, my naysayers, and these people are the same person that also haunts my lover. I will say this: Michael the Archangel is knowledgeable about what they have been up to and what they've done to my life and the lives of my loved ones - including the life of my first dog, Duke. That is all for now. Look for me on Twitter and other social media. |
| Colin and I are enjoying the morning. It's TGIF and it will be a better weather day, we think. The pets are around, puppy is mewling because he can't wait to get fed. Max is a quiet one now but I'm suspecting he'll erupt in a volley of barking once Dad is awake and has stirred about in the house. Our menu is a sacrosanct thing so we won't reveal it. If you smell anything lovely it's close but not quite, haha. I have some errands to run and Colin will be doing something else as well. Dad and the dogs and I will check out something in the far beyond of Lafayette, beyond the bridge that spans the Wabash River. The Wabash River is a landmark around here. I cannot say much about it, but there are other bridges that span the Wabash, like the Harrison bridge which comes out of the Purdue area (University) which is the street they call Union. Union stretch beyond Purdue and goes across the railroad tracks - there's a few exits to go into town, one of which is 3rd street but before that there's an exit into the Levee which is a largish mall but it's all outside. The shops include the Creamery (where they serve stone cold ice cream), the Panera restaurant, the Chinese restaurants (one of which serves wraps, if you can believe a Chinese wrap?), a beauty salon named Evan Todd (which is rather a lot of money but they do spa massages, colouring of hair, nails and Aveda moisturizers, hair treatments, makeup and the like. Being a Saturday it might be filled with girls who are getting ready for a wedding (Saturdays are wedding bridal parties) which is fun but gets a bit crowded. Then they also have other shops like Starbucks (which used to be near the end of the mall but has morphed into a new building which seems to have a cramped parking lot (as they tend to have them) and rather weird people who stay there endlessly looking fierce over coffee as they contemplate the nubile coeds who come in before and after their Purdue classes. Then there's the Sparkletone dry cleaners, the Rubia Flower shop - which was a lovely place I thought when I arranged with them some flower arrangement for a girl friend who was getting hitched. Then they have the nice Hotel, can't remember which hotel chain, might be Holiday Inn. Next to which is the Verizon building. There's a small walkway across the street nearby to a fountain and then beyond is the bridge cross walk where tourist can make a few memories with a cell phone camera, creating selfies. There's a small ice skating park nearby as well, which I've not gone to, but it's nice for the teens and other brave people who can muster the ice skating balancing act. I'd not done this in my life and will not as I'm not good at keeping balance, but I am told that speed conquers teeter toterring problems. Sort of like biking which even though I tried have failed miserably at it. Mostly due to having been confronted with huge dogs who were neighbors of mine and I decided not to bike any more. I also have visions of 'wiping out' as they say and hitting the pavement with my fiz. The lot behind the levee mall (it's really a strip mall but more glorified due to architecture and tenants) is another more run of the mill one which houses (or housed) the bicycle store and a Chinese grocery (or two. The one Chinese grocery has a small restaurant in it which I've been to and I have to confess they forgot the salt in the recipes they made so I did not return. The other grocery has all sorts of packages of stuff they put into a boiling pot of water to make eatable noodles, and others which are also seasonings for any recipe in an Asian household. They hardly speak English so it's good to at least have the right change (they don't take credit cards), and then toddle off feeling relieved that you've got what you wanted to buy. Then there's a movie house too, which I've been to a few times. There I watched the movie about Jesus Christ and another movie which had cowboys and space ships. I have not gone to watch a lot of movies. I rather go with a person to share a popcorn with, and the only one around is Dad, and he's quite unhappy to sit in a movie theatre for too long due to images of some bad person who'd invade the place and gun everyone down. So no movies for the rest of my life, I think. I do have YouTube and the TV so never fear. Then back to bridges. Well the bridge called Harrison also peels off to ninth street where it's got a hodge podge of buildings, some still standing and some looking as though it needed a revision of sorts. The church there called St Boniface is something of a historical thing but all I can remember is that it had a German background. Then behind it are other non-Catholic churches which I have not looked into much. There are other things to see on 9th street which I'd say is a few miles down from the church - one of which the Lafayette Country Club and Golf Course. I made a video of this landmark to raise some money to make a real video log about Lafayette and West Lafayette. Those videos were on YouTube but they've been taken down. Must fly, Mary |
| I'm late getting out of bed. I was up and then I was depressed and went back to sleep. The puppy and the dog were with me. I think that now I'm a bit better. I'm trying to think of what to eat for a late lunch. I could do something but my Dad has the stove as he's cooking tonight's meal or at least the entree. He's making pork hocks for dinner. Yum yum yum. Haha. I'm sure you're all grossed out hahahaha. But it's good. When you've no money to buy Chateua briand it's not bad to eat this. I don't eat the skin much but the dogs like it enough. I also think that this recipe is so simple and the side dish is good - curry rice. I have the recipe on blogger and it's so good to taste. I cannot think of merely white rice now but if I were asked to make rice without curry I'd put in some non-colouring ingredients like salt, onion and garlic - and even some cumin - to make the rice fragrant and tasty. I have some busy work to do. LIke what? Oh, well, I'm needing finish the coaster/doily I've got on the 'crochet' needle. Then I need to look at my agenda to see how the lovely blank pages look. Then I need to do some decluttering of the room where I need to set up my sewing and that might take some time and it might take me a couple of days. I have to put things somewhere else and that might be something to think about. I need to take some part of the dining table and use it to put my whatits so I can do sewing projects. After all, I have sold (or am selling, more like) the bespoke business of Ione. Ione is me still. I have my work to do with this and I'm selling the project to make scrub uniforms for women (and men, if they want to). I also have a few dresses that I think might be nice to sell a bespoke sewing projects. I was inspired by God to do this, so this is something to obey Him. It is a good thing to obey the Holy Spirit so that life will be happier someday, if not while doing the work He wishes me to do. Then after that I need to read my book club book and that is not too difficult. I'm not reading some huge tome that will take forever. The last time I read a large volume it was for school and it was exhausting but I was able to get through it, whew. Then I think I'll do more crocheting or continue the blanket I'm knitting. If the good thinking is going to continue I pray that God will help me. I know that He wants me to be good and so if He allows some bad thoughts to persecute me it is for my own good. And I've prayed to Jesus that I will suffer what I must for love of God. I guess that's all for now. Love to God and the Holy People, Mary |
| Dearest Colin, I hope you are having a good day. I started mine about an hour ago. I had coffee and then made pancakes. The dogs loved it. The puppy was so agitated and barked quite a bit when he realized I was going to and was making pancakes. He's somehow a unique puppy because he barks and I think in the beginning I thought he was upset but I think he merely wishes to communicate the way he can. So I do talk to him and reply in what I think he's asking me to say. He's really a nice puppy and I wish to thank You for him. Max is doing as well but he hardly really barks but he does look at me with a sad face and sometimes I think it's to tell me that the puppy is tormenting him. The puppy likes to bite him, and me, but it's his difficult thought I think. I'm done with that darker blue yarn so I'm not able to decide what to do with the dishcloth project. I'm still going on with the baby blanket and well, I'm not sure what more to do - there is the blue one and it's a pattern but I'm somewhat lazy about following it now. It does seem to have a pattern for sure but I'm not that into it now. I"m feeling some laziness and wish to do nothing a lot. Or I'll go on Twitter and see what's what. But I cannot be too sure about Twitter because there are bad people there who do nothing but make others feel bad for tweeting innocuous things, like me. I realize there's someone out there who's looking at my social media and wants to be with me always and so for his sake I tweet and do the other social stuff. I do not devote too much on the other social media but if I do have a short thing to talk about I copy and paste it on these. SOmetimes I get blocked and that's something I don't care to push. Whenever there's a chance I get to write on there. Tumblr's one of those and sometimes reddit. Nothing to really be concerned about. I received some debit cards in the mail. I've activated two, but the second one has become a focus of attention from hackers so I'm not furthering it to where I can go to see what the account looks like. I think there's no money in it and so that's going to probably remain in frozen mode as it's not clear whether I need to even use it. My soc sec check won't be here for a few weeks yet. Not sure that I'm going to be able to pay everything. Not really caring about that. Nor about much in the financial way as I'm tired of worrying over these things. The bad thoughts hate that and will try to push me to some desparate move, I think. If that happens it could be that I'll get taken to jail for some non-payment of things. Or I'll be given a frightful thought. It's like that a lot of the times. I don't know when this will end. I'm very upset at the length of time it's taken for me to get out of this sad life but it is a life and I won't complain about it. It's sad mainly because nothing's happening between us. And you don't care to do much about it due to your own obligations to your life and what attachments you have in it. I haven't much in the way of attachments but I suppose I might be attached to having Dad around and if he gets killed in his sleep that would be very sad and I'll have to decide how best to get on without him and the things that have to do with seeing him buried off. I am sure that his thoughts are upset at the idea and so is he. I do NOT wish him to pass on. I don't like the idea that he'll be taken away by the same people who go along with that bitch of a mom I had in my life. My life after being Ione. Sorry that I have a rather morbid and sad letter to You. Just telling You what is going on in my thoughts, my life. I've to do an errand today - packages to HRH and the women at the convent in NY. The convent ladies had lost a member who I used to see occasionally when we went to their chapel in the years they served the community here. The convent ladies were ordered to go to their home cloister in Maine a while back and so we had nobody there at the house they stayed in (it had a chapel in it). The Maine convent closed up recently and all the remaining women there went to NY and that's about all I know. I've been taken out of the driving thing - two traffic tickets that I got. I cannot drive off on my own on a whim or on an errand. Dad has to drive me if I need to go get yarn or mail something or shop at the pet store et cetera. I'm ok on pet food for the dogs and cats. The yarn thing I can keep on but I am not quite lacking in some colours yet. I'm not too eager to go out anyway. If I do I don't linger anywhere. We've had a few decent meals in the evening. I've sold a few items to get some cash. Those items were the class rings. And a Jerusalem cross, and a silver band ring, and the gold band ring that I was to have in hand for that bastard who said in the 2017s that he wanted to marry me and I was to arrange for the ceremony and location and the venue et cetera. I get a visit from his thought(s) frequently. I hear from time to time that he's died but somehow he returns to the thoughts. I cannot get too upset about it now as I'm so fucking weary of him and what he's been pulling lately. Once he got me and Dad haring off to Indianapolis to repair my computer and so we went there sometime after 3 pm and then we took the dogs along. I had to bring the puppy to th eApple store and it scandalized a few customers. I didn't care and I acted like silly ass and they told me to come back the next day as they were all booked up. I didn't know they had to make an appointment with customers. I saw a couple of our children there but they hardly said anything, actually they said little - merely smiled. Then well, today I will see if I can catch up on decluttering and when I've done that I might nap. I think I'll have to nap now. Love, Mary |
| It's after 5 pm and the house is somewhat busy with the dogs having their kibble,the stove is on and I'm still doing LLC work. I've discovered a few good FB things and got to do more sales work for my new Lularoe store. It might be a while before people get to trust me and what I'm selling. Lularoe isn't that well known but for girls who are into fashion, the clothes are familiar and the styles are unique. The day has not been that exhausting but I awoke late. The night was terrifying and it caused severe sadness for me and my lover Colin. The morning light had a clarifying effect and in it we feel somehow less stressed. My puppies are well enough but both bark a bit. The older dog likes to bark at my Dad for some reason. But I've learned to tell him to stop barking. I've seemingly had to have another slow learning at training my new dogs. Max has some mental issues - they say he was unhappy with the male side of his former family. Then he was on meds for depression. Little puppy isn't quite ready for training but he is good and despite teething, he is not that difficult to distract from teething. I had a few hours of updating stuff online. I'm not quite able to do much more about some websites. Tumblr is a heck of a place and it's somehow stubborn at downloading. Then reddit isn't too bad but the downloads are still long. I'm at the end of my pay cycle for my wifi so it will have to be paid somehow. It's about $240 and that includes their installation fee. The tv is also due and that;s past due as well. We may have to have no tv for a few weeks until I pay that and Dad has no money at all other than what he's already marked for his bills and the house and the utilities. The reason I'm saying these is because I'm relying on strangers to have pity on me for what the bastard has committed against me and my finances and my life. He's also responsible for killing me and my lover hoping to get me in some weird way. This bastard is someone who merchants on life and souls. He tells them to die (he helps them die) and then he takes their souls away and puts them in another humanoid and that humanoid is his creation and that human that died readily thinking that he died in the arms of his god is still somehow going on somewhere but he's inhabited by a devil who's intent is to find a way to get all his money and real estate and get that out and give it to her or his operator who gets everything. Then they really make that poor human who's lost his soul die or kill him or herself. I"m sick of those who are always trying to question me, and trying to find fault with me, trying to make me look bad to those who might be thinking of me as their queen (which I'm not interested in becoming) or as their potential mate or their employee. I am inundated with thoughts, those who try to pass through my head and find some way to smell and eat and sense what I'm thinking. It's terribly upsetting to me and I wish to have peace of mind for the rest of my life. Thoughts say it's not going to happen. Well, I am sure that this will happen but I'll be wondering whether the rest of my life is going to be any good anyway. I have no other words to write now. Mary |
| I'm surprised today is the second day of February. January seemed to have been a series of sad days. I have had such difficult days that it was almost a chore to get out of bed. Whenever I'd settle down do some work, I'd be plagued with pains and bad negative thoughts that would send me back to bed. There would be times when I'd have a delusionary thought, which would cause me great pain of mind. I've signed up to get health checks for mental health at a nearby clinic. They have me to see a therapist and a shrink sometime. The shrink has yet to call me for an appointment. It might be a while before they find someone. I'm on Medicaid which helps somehow. I cannot be on Medicare as I'm not yet of age to receive benefits. I'm hoping that I'll find a way to continue my work, and write more. But the blue devils are active all the time to spy on me and what I'm doing. Please think of helping me here on Patreon. I'll be happy to receive anything. My tier levels provide perks whenever someone like You gives any money. Thanks, Mary Written for my Patreon page |
| Ive' had a difficult morning/afternoon. I was in deep sadness. I had a bad ghostly visit. I think that my Guardian Angels have taken that ghost away. I slept and the awoke to find that I might eat something. I was working on my dinner and thought that some ghosts were trying to figure out when I'd be working on my Lularoe PopUp. Some of these were interested in getting into some of my inventory. But I decided to work sometime earlier in the next day. One of the ghosts said he'll have to take a nap and wake up to get into my mind to see what I'm doing. Then someone else said that he'll be toast if he gets caught. Then he said that's ok, there's plenty of him to go around. It's when I realized that these ghosts are lined up somewhere like mannequins to come to life and take over when their 'first'born gets take out. Like some kind of cannon fodder. Then I wondered whether they are operated by some brain somewhere that they took out of some fetus. And if the fetuses that are aborted are used in some parts or whole to populate themselves into a new humanoid. Then that humanoid is controlled by that 'brain' somewhere floating in the "cloud". A sci fi idea. Interesting, isn't it? |
| I'm glad the weekend is over. I've been getting so anxious around the time Friday comes around. I've been sad all weekend. I tried to distract myself by working on my Lularoe yesterday. But that was also exhausting. I still have a few moreitems to catalog. My Pop Up will be on 29th January. There I will be anxious andnervous. It will be fine,Colin tells me with a smile. I have no funds. My cell service will be done by the end of the day. I will try to get some stuff done now. |
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