Everyday Canvas

Gossip

Prompt: Can you Gossip? In your best (writer’s) gossiping voice, retell a news story or an incident that someone has told you.


This is someone else talking. Guess about whom she is gossiping?


She says she wants to lose 15 pounds. Tough luck! You should see, my dear, how she attacks the food, especially pastries. She keeps talking about Weight Watchers, but the only way she watches any weight is watching weight watchers watch their weight. She must think as long as Jennifer Lopez dropped two sizes from size four to size two by losing ten pounds, she can do it, too. She should wish she were Jennifer Lopez’s size…before she dropped those ten.


And her cackle…My God!.The other day we went out to eat, the two of us. She wanted to treat and I let her…I shouldn’t have. Couldn’t take her cackle. She laughs at everything I say or do. You’d think I am a stand-up comic.


Do you think I have such a talent, Debbie dear? Maybe, but it was more her giddiness.


I was worried about the other tables. What would people think? Luckily, there was only one family with a little boy who was making even more noise than her. Phew! Why people don’t teach their young’uns voice control escapes me. But that’s beside the point.


Then when it came to order, I wanted to be polite,,,you know…not order the most expensive dish and all that. So I said, “I’ll have what she’s having.” My, wasn’t that a mistake! She ordered a salad and broiled whole Mackerel …Fish! Can you believe? Now who orders fish? I hate fish with its beady eyes looking at me, blaming me for its demise...And Mackerel? Ugh. Just the sound of its name makes my stomach turn.


But I asked for Chardonnay. At least, that was good. If nothing else in the world, I know how to choose what I drink.


You know what she drank? Tea. Hot tea. Earl Grey, she asked. Who does she think she is? British royalty? And just who drinks tea with fish? Somebody should cure her awful tastes in everything.


Talking about her tastes…Do you know she only wears sandals on her feet? With all other nice things in the mall, she picks sandals only and mostly cropped jeans and tee-shirts. And listen to this…She wears the same pendant with everything. Diamond. she says. She says it used to be her grandmother’s and is very dear to her, but if you ask me, it is cubic zirconia, and she’s putting on airs.


Anyway, I’d tell you more but I see her coming. She’s late as usual. Only five minutes, you say? I think it is more like half an hour.


“Oh, hi, Joy! How are you, darling? I love you so much, I couldn’t keep my eyes off the parking lot to see your car. You look lovely, as usual. Doesn’t she, Debbie? Isn’t she a treat for the eyes?”