Breathing Room

By Myself

David accuses me of making him feel like an idiot because he always threatens to break up with me but he never leaves me. I tell him that you could look at that another way, where he tells me whatever he wants and I lie down and let him walk all over me. He basically agreed to that.

I think about keeping myself company. I mean I can live with myself, right? That's basically the question, because what the hell else is holding me back? Fear of myself? David says that love isn't enough, but then he's always asking me what do I suggest we do. How the fuck should I know.

I imagine coming home and relaxing. Cooking when I feel like or not at all. Snacking all night. Watching whatever the hell I like. Turning the bass up on a stereo that I buy and playing my music with no guilt. Feeling no apprehension whatsoever.

This is my life, my future and I decide to just deal with it, instead of making some tough decisions that could very well make me much happier. I'm sure Dave would almost immediately find someone to share a bed with, but not me. I'm so ready to say, I'm not interested. To think only of myself and my well-being. To figure myself out. That way when I am ready for a new relationship, I'll know who am I and will not change myself to fit someone else's needs; not to the point of denying myself and making me less than what I am.

I can't take this forver. I'm sure to explode.