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 |   My 2nd blog. My spot for sharing my life, music, and writing with my friends. |
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Hello, Hello. Fancy seeing you here. I'll work on making this nice and pretty later. *  I also have a poetry blog, for those who dig poetry:
AND I have a mental health group with a monthly challenge:
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars While the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car ♡ * I will never make this pretty. |
Artist: Catfish and the Bottlemen Album: The Balcony Song: Tyrants [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics  Hello my lovely blogging friends who I never get to interact with anymore.  How's everyone goin? I've had an interesting week starting up school. I'm having to spend more time in class for my summer courses, but so far, so good. I like both the classes a lot, psychology and finite mathematics. They're both fairly interesting. I just really wish that my school had air conditioning because it's getting kind of warm out.  I'm still having fun with G.o.T., even though it's keeping me super busy. I don't have as much time as I did the first week of the month now that I'm back in school, but I think I'm keeping up okay. BLOG CITY: Throughout Hemingway's career as a writer he believe that it was bad luck to talk about writing----- that it takes off "whatever butterflies have on their wings and the arrangement of hawks feathers if you show or talk about it." Do you agree or disagree? Do you personally have any superstitions about your writing craft? I love Hemingway, but I just can't agree with this quote. I love talking about writing. I mean, why would all of us be here if we didn't like talking about writing? For me, there's a lot of inspiration in discussing what I'm writing or what someone else has written. I think times are just different now though and the craft of writing has most likely changed as well with time. I don't have any superstitions about much in life, especially not writing. I think you have to let writing happen naturally. I don't like to force myself to write that often. Even with Give It 100, I haven't exactly forced myself to write the poems. If I don't feel like it, I just don't do it, which explains why I'm so epically far behind.  I think I have until July 2nd to write 30 poems. Yikes!Some people are just superstitious about everything. There are rules to everything they do. I definitely can't relate, but I can appreciate people who are different than me. As for my style, I talk about writing and I do it anywhere the mood strikes. I'm not very particular about my writing. WTMR 2. If you were walking along the beach only to find a genie in a bottle, what would your three wishes be and why? I love the imaginary places we find the genie in a bottle. It seems like it's always on the beach. Why do we imagine a genie in a bottle to be on the beach?? Let's see, alright, three wishes.. 1) A million dollars, tax-free and no one in the world can know I have it except me. Whoever said that money can't buy happiness has never been a struggling college student, that's all I can say.  I'd pay off my school loans and probably quit my job or at least cut way back. Then I'd just live comfortably off the money while I go through school. I mean, obviously money can't buy happiness, but if you stress a lot about money, having more of it would make you less stressed and therefore more happy. I'm not the type to live out of my means either. I'd keep the same lifestyle I have now. I would just focus more on school and less on work.2) Super powers, like the ability to stop time. Or wait, super genius powers! I want to be brilliant and get a scholarship to a top-tier school. My money would help me with that one, so I'm already like halfway there. I think just the experience of going to an amazing school would be interesting. You'd have some of the top professors and it would just be fun, I think. A lot of the students and professors at my school don't really seem to care in general. The profs aren't paid enough because it's a community college and the students try to half ass their way through everything because it's a community college. They think it's High School 2.0  3) MORE TIME. I think this is what I was initially going for in number two. Seriously, I don't even sleep that much and I still never finish what I'm intended to finish in a day. Maybe that goes along with working full-time and going to school full-time, but fuck! I need there to be like 32 hours in a day. That extra 8 hours I would use to do things that I actually want to do, like get caught up on my poetry or just read a book or something. Anything that isn't work/school related would be fine by me. We just need longer days in general. WTMR 3. If you could change only one thing in this world what would it be? So, I know the stereotypical answers to this. You know, the Miss America "I want to end world hunger and violence" response. If I could change one thing in the world, I would become a researcher of some sort and make strides toward real differences. I guess I could've asked my genie for that before. But seriously. There are so many brilliant people who don't do anything with their intelligence. If I was crazy smart, I'd be a scientist or psychological researcher or something. I would make hypotheses and test them until I found something that stuck and could make a difference that would last long beyond my life.I know people are always worried about being forgotten after they die. I don't worry about whether or not I'll be remembered. I don't want to be remembered, especially not in terms of my name or who I am. But I do worry that I won't make any sort of real impact on, well, anything. I don't know the person who came up with the polio vaccine, but I know that somebody did. I don't know who invented cognitive behavior therapy, but I know that somebody did. I want real contributions like that. Things that live on even without name. Things that actually make the world a better place and are completely thankless in later generations. So, if I could change one thing about the world, I don't know exactly what it would be, I just know the type of thing it would be. By the way, I just looked it up and Dr. Aaron T. Beck created Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Dr. Jonas Salk invented the polio vaccine.  WTMR 4. Share your professional or personal “aha moment.” What was the defining moment that most dramatically changed the course of your career/life? I had an 'Aha' moment of sorts when I decided that it was time for me to go back to school. I don't remember the exact moment, but it was more a build up of sorts from my distaste for my job. I go through phases with my job where I'm okay with it for a while and then I hate it for a while. I was in one of the 'hate it for a while' phases and I remember in a moment of desperation just complaining to Kira about how horrible it is and how I don't want to do it anymore. Something just sort of clicked and I remembered that "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" quote from Narcotics Anonymous. I felt like such a fool because all this time, I mean, for years I've been doing this job and complaining about it. It was just so obvious to me that if I wanted to do a different job, I needed to get a degree so I could do a different job. I mean, duh, what the fuck? This is common sense. But, of course, I couldn't just go to school for anything. I can't just be like, "Wooo, creative writing! Lalalala!" We all know that those degrees don't pay off and the last thing I want is to be stuck doing the same job I'm doing now while in massive student loan debt. So, I researched. I did a lot of research about what I would be able to get a high-paying job with AND what I would be interested in doing. I love moments like that where something just hits you and you know you have to change something because the current trend of things isn't working. Looking back, I've changed a lot in the last year. I'm a lot more serious now, in general, about life and what I want to do with mine. At this time last year, I didn't even have plans for the future because I didn't really plan on having a future. I'm still like that sometimes, but I figure that I might as well make the best of it while I'm here.  Eyes rolled back guess we were living fast Where did you go, yeah where did you go? Your eyes go to show, that it was so rare to see you sober And so the streetlights would carry us home |
Artist: Modest Mouse Album: Build Something Out Of Nothing Song: Baby Blue Sedan [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Lookie what I managed to do amidst the G.o.T. chaos!! You can't get rid of me that easily. WTMR 1. What is friendship, what does it mean to you and how important a role does it play in your life? Is there a difference between real life friendships and on-line friendships? Is it weird that in 23 years of existing, I haven't actually thought about the meaning of friendship? I think friendship can mean a lot of different things depending on the situation. Some friends are just work friends who you have to be around for eight hours a day and they end up feeling like a second family who gets on your nerves every once in a while. Others are your serious friends who you sit down with and have heart-to-heart conversations. Some are your partying friends who you've never seen be serious in your life. They're just the fun ones. Then there are your every day friends who know what you had for breakfast and what assignment is due next week. Finally are your 'life' friends who you don't talk to for six months and then you completely catch up over the course of six hours and it feels like there was no break at all. Your friends have to be what you need them to be when you need them to be it. If your life friend is trying to be a daily friend, it might not work out because of schedule issues or just because they drive you fucking nuts after a while and you can't talk to them every day, even though you love them like crazy. If your daily friend becomes distant, you can easily grow apart and it won't be like your life friend when/if they come back around. What I have with my online friends is different. It's a new category of friends that I'm not really used to. It's somewhere between a daily friend, a life friend, and a work friend. I call it an 'interests' friend, meaning that we have common interests/mindsets/goals. There is something about the bond of creativity that is so hard to break, it almost feels like you've known your interest friends forever. In that way, they're like a life friend. But, you see them every day and that's part of the reason you talk. You're in the same groups or write the same shit or whatever. In that sense, they're like work friends. But then you get to know them a little bit more, outside of their creativity and into their daily life. That's where the daily life friend part comes in. It sounds more complicated than it is. The point is, we all need friends who are going to be there for us in a way that our hearts and lives will accept them. If they can't be what we want, we don't end up becoming friends. If we both can fill our roles, then we're smooth sailing. WTMR 2. What is your earliest happy memory from your school days? On the subject of friends, making friends was the best part of my earliest school years. Meeting people who weren't related to me and exploring the whole world of being friends. Feeling the defensiveness you get over someone that you care about and learning about new people. It was always an interesting experience, to learn that other people existed and their lives were completely different than yours. Their homes weren't the same, their parents weren't the same. Some didn't have any siblings, some lived with their grandparents. Some moved all the way from the South and had thick accents. The best part of early school is exploring in a social way. It's scary and exciting at that age to be away from your parents for long periods of time and to meet people. I remember making friends with a girl on the first day of kindergarten when she asked me to sit by her. I was crying, naturally, because I was scared or nervous and five years old. Even then I realized how sweet it was to talk to someone when they were upset and try to distract them with crayons or blocks or something like that. I was still friends with her when I left high school and I never forgot about my first day of kindergarten when she cheered me up. That's what my happy memories of early school consist of.. just meeting people who were sweet or liked blocks like I did and were willing to hang out and play together. WTMR 4. Tell us about your most recent dream/nightmare. Yikes, I'm terrible at remembering this sort of thing. I know that I have dreams all the time because sometimes I wake up out of them, but I forget them almost immediately. Sometimes they seem like bad dreams because I wake up with a start and I'm sort of panicky feeling. Other times I'm fairly relaxed and fall back asleep quickly. Most recently, my nights have been a little bit confusing. On the new medication, I was having dreams that I was awake, but I was laying in bed with my eyes closed like I was sleeping. The first few nights, I'm still not sure if I was awake or asleep for most of the time I was in bed. It wasn't a terribly awful feeling. I mean, either way I'm laying in bed, right? It doesn't really matter if I'm awake or asleep. Still, it was sort of weird not being able to tell which was which. I only knew at some points that I was dreaming because I would try to open my eyes and nothing would happen. So I guess my most recent dreams have been about sleeping. As if talking about dreams couldn't get any more boring... Sorry, it bores me to tears when people go into ultra-depth about their dreams and the strange meanings behind them. Give it up, Freud./c} WTMR 6. "I love you and I'm sorry" are two of the most important and powerful phrases you can say to another. What do they mean to you? Do you have difficulty expressing those sentiments? If so, why? What does 'I love you' mean? Well, that's sort of complicated. I have no difficulty expressing either of these at all. I mean, I say them both on a regular basis to everyone I know. Contrary to popular belief, I don't say them all the time because I don't mean them. I do mean them. My meanings for them probably just differ from other people's. To me, the typically 'I love you' that I say to everyone is synonymous with 'I appreciate you.' I love you just sounds better to me. Of course, it's the same three words I use when I'm actually into someone romantically, but I say it to all my friends, guys and girls. If I like someone, I want to let them know where I stand. When I leave a friend's house, I say I love you/love you before I leave. Why? Because sometimes people suddenly die and I want the last things said between myself and the people I care about to be ones of appreciation and love. It's that simple. Similarly, 'I'm sorry' isn't the biggest deal in the world to me either. I say it when I majorly fuck up and when I minorly fuck up too. It just means 'I see what I did wrong. I wish I could take it back. I don't know if you're upset, but I don't blame you if you are. I hope we can move past this now.' It isn't something that's obligatory for me to say. It's just acknowledgement that I should have went about something in a different way and that I'll try to do that next time around. So, in simple terms, I love you is appreciation and I'm sorry is acknowledgement for wrongdoings. WTMR 7. Many people put off being happy or fully living life until we ... can take that vacation, get that promotion, buy that house, the kids have left for college etc. What do you do or what can you begin doing today to be happier or feel that you are actually living life rather than being a bystander watching it go by? See, I don't really have this problem, but it's not for the good reasons you might think. I think people who wish their life away are just optimistic about the future. "I'll definitely get that promotion this year." "Only six more months before that awesome vacation." "In two years, we're going to be able to afford the down payment on our dream house." It's so easy to wish our lives away. I don't do it though, for one simple reason. I'm not optimistic about the future. Now don't gear all up for a pep talk. I'm not negative about the future or positive. I'm neutral. I don't expect to get a raise next year and I don't expect to lose my job either. Being overly optimistic causes disappointments and is just as destructive as being negative in the first place. Because I mean, really, when you look at it.. Wishing your life away is a negative state of mind to begin with. "This job sucks so fucking much, but if I hold out for one more year, that promotion will be mine." That's no way to live your life, in my opinion. People think neutral is bad, but it often works better than any extreme. I don't have to try to not be a bystander to my own life. I take each day as it comes and I try to appreciate what I have now- not what I might have in five years. A nice heart and a white suit and a baby blue sedan. And I am doing the best that I can. |
Artist: Red Hot Chili Peppers Album: By The Way Song: The Zephyr Song [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Hello, hello. I'm just finishing out my "Invalid Item" prompts for the week. I always end up doing this on Sunday. I think I blogged every Sunday in May, but I only blogged 10 days total. That's still not that bad though, just nothing compared to what I used to blog. I'm on a new medication again.  I'm trying to ride out the side effects. I also got a blood test and found out I'm anemic, so I'm on iron pills twice a day for a month and then I have to go get my blood drawn again.WTMR 3. Have you ever been the recipient of a strangers Random Act of Kindness? Have you ever provided a Random Act of Kindness for another? What was it and how did it make you feel? I've never been the recipient of a Random Act of Kindness, and to be honest, I don't know if I'd want to be. I mean, in theory, it sounds sweet and wholesome or whatever. I do think that helping people out without expecting anything in return is something that makes the world a better place. Sometimes the smallest thing can lift someone's day. It sounds corny or whatever, but it's true. When I worked in the hospital, people would tell me all the time that the staff made them feel so much better by a small gesture of kindness. I was working one night and there was a family of about ten people in the ICU waiting room. Before I went home, I went and got some warm blankets from the laundry and pillows to bring into them so they could be more comfortable through the night. It really wasn't that sweet and it only took me a couple minutes to do, but they felt like it was a kind gesture and that's the most important part. The problem with Random Acts of Kindness is when they become obligatory. Like when they do it at the Starbucks drive-thru and everyone has to pay for the person behind them. When the woman broke one of the chains after 11 continuous hours of 'Random Acts of Kindness', people said that she was a terrible person when she actually just didn't know what was going on and simply wanted to pay for her drink and leave. Then there was the guy who intentionally broke the line as the 400-somethingth customer and said that he felt like he was being forced into doing it. He said he felt like it wasn't really a Random Act of Kindness when he was asked to pay for the person behind him. He did leave a $100 tip for the barista though. That is a random act of kindness. When you're asked to do something 'kind' it isn't random. If I was in a RAoK line like that, I would definitely break it. When I go to Starbucks, I just get a coffee and spend like 2 bucks. I'm not paying for the car behind me to have two or three $5 drinks. Sorry.. don't tell me how to be kind! If you really want to be kind, you'll do things without being prompted and without expecting anything in return. You also won't need to tell anyone about them. I even felt uncomfortable telling my hospital story ^ up there because it's just not something I'd usually tell anyone about. It sounds like you're trying to say that you're so thoughtful and nice or something. I know people like that though. They'll do a nice thing for someone, but then they go put it on social media that they did it just so they can get attention for it or something. That's just awkward to me. Do nice things because they make other people feel good and they make you feel good. Don't do them because someone guilt trips you into doing it or because you want to give people an altruistic impression of yourself. WTMR 7. They say laughter is the best medicine, when was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? Who or what made you laugh. I guess I'm easy to make laugh because I do it all the time. When Cinn  was showing me the Epic Rap Battles of History , I was laughing so hard. I literally spent like an hour and a half watching them and laughing my ass off. I think the {x-link:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wYtG7aQTHA}Spielberg vs Hitchcock vs Tarantino vs Kubrick one was my favorite. I don't know if I laughed so hard that I cried, but I might've. I laugh a lot in general when I talk to certain people. Fivesixer  makes me laugh almost every time I talk to him. It seems like we have a lot of similar experiences, so he just cracks me up all the time.Oh, wait! I just thought of a really funny video I saw last week. It's about trying to figure out how old a girl is. I don't know, I watch a lot of videos on YouTube. It's like, impossible to stop watching them once you start because there are a bunch of related ones in the sidebar and now it just starts playing another automatically. But, oh god, this video made me laugh so fucking much.. seriously.. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Rebel and a liberator Find a way to be a skater Rev it up to levitate her Super friendly aviator |
Artist: Mac Miller Album: Blue Slide Park Song: Missed Calls [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Blog City: What do you think is necessary to turn your blog into a published book? Do you need to base your blog on one topic or theme? Or have random entries like we do with here in the group? Do you think we will see blogs published as books in the future? I've never actually heard of publishing a blog or even given it a thought. I definitely consider myself to be a casual writer and I rarely think about publishing my work. I've been told a couple times that I should/could publish some of my poetry, but I sort of like where it lives right now. Maybe sometime in the future I'll get into publishing; it's just not important to me currently. I can't imagine publishing a blog like the ones that we do on here for different blogging groups. I mean, it would just be our opinion on random quotes or responses to questions. I think the community factor is what makes blogging so fun on WDC. If I had my own offsite blog, it wouldn't be formatted like this with multiple prompts every day. In order to publish a blog, I think it would probably have to follow some sort of order and be either like a personal journal or based on a specific topic because then you'd have an audience who wants to read about gardening, cooking, music, etc... I don't see why blogs couldn't be published as books in the future, but I think their would be some serious criteria on what would sell. WTMR 1. Are you introvert, extrovert or somewhere in the middle? How does this affect your day-to-day life? Is there any time you wish you could be more reserved or more outgoing? I would say that I'm somewhere in between, depending almost entirely on my current mood and the state of my mental health. If I'm feeling unwell, I become exponentially more introverted. I don't really want to talk to anyone or do anything. I don't want to go hang out, don't wanna go to the show, and I hate answering the phone. I'd say it's about 50/50. I don't ever wish that I could be more reserved. I do wish I could be more outgoing sometimes though. Like when I'm not feeling social but I have to go be around a bunch of people, I always wish that I could change my mood so I could be more outgoing. I don't have any trouble meeting or being around people unless I'm having a super anxious day, in which case it's a total nightmare. I think the worst part of being introverted at times is that people just assume you're a dick. I have no idea why, but if you aren't super outgoing, people think you're judging them even though that's the last thing you're doing because you aren't even thinking about other people. I've had a lot of times where I've been friends with people for a long time and then they tell me that when they first met me, they thought I was an asshole. It always surprises me for some reason that I could give off that first impression, but whatever. Don't judge a quiet person before you know them! WTMR 4. Describe for us something that happened this week that made you happy. I like simple things in terms of being happy. It doesn't take much for me to feel happy. I love the warm weather we've been having. Summer always makes me happier than winter where everything is grey and gloomy. The only problem with summer is that it makes me want to go do things instead of writing. In the winter, it's so easy to bundle up all day and read a book or write some poetry. In the summer, there are concerts and things to do outside, so I tend to do that sort of thing instead. Yesterday, we went and saw Mad Max at the theater. It was really good, if you're into action and all that. It had tons of steampunk elements in it, so the outfits and vehicles were super cool. I don't like all action movies. I hate the corny car movies and all that. I mean, action movies are going to be corny no matter what, but I like when they don't take themselves too seriously. If an action movie doesn't acknowledge its own corniness, it just becomes cringeworthy. So yeah, the weather and going to the movies made me happy this week. We have two shows to go to next week and I need to get my hair cut before summer classes start because my campus doesn't have air conditioning for whatever reason. That's something that will make me not happy. I mean, with how expensive tuition is, how can there not be air conditioning? That's terrible! WTMR 5. What motivates you? I'm motivated by a lot of different things, and it really depends on what I'm trying to be motivated to do. If I want to write short stories, I'll be motivated easily by watching TV shows and movies in the genre I want tot write in. I used to think that it wasn't a good idea because I might accidentally be too influenced by what I've watched, but when I read back and see that no elements of the show/movie are in my writing, it's a good sign that it was just a pure inspiration. With poetry, I'm more influenced by music. For most musicians, there's a huge difference between poetry and their lyrics. Even if the lyrics are good, they could never stand alone as a poem for the most part. Of course, there are some awesome artists that break that mold just by being that good at writing. A lot of singer-songwriters fit that description because that kind of music is so lyric-driven. If I'm trying to convince myself to do something other than write, like homework or work, I try to reward myself with good things for the effort I put in. I'll say that if I can get X amount of work done today, I'll go out tonight. If I can get all of my homework done for the week by Wednesday, I'll go to a show over the weekend. It's definitely a lot different than how I operated even a couple years ago where I would do whatever I wanted and then occasionally do some work when I felt like it. I don't really have that luxury anymore with more bills and responsibility now. Ah well, we've all gotta grow up sometime. Long days, longer nights You keep startin' fights think you always right Call you up to tell you I ain't comin' home tonight Say you wanna leave me, it's just talkin' but I know you might |
Artist: Third Eye Blind Album: Third Eye Blind Song: Motorcycle Drive By [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics The weather is ridiculously nice today so I think I'm going to spend the majority of it reading/writing outside. I went to the doctor yesterday, but my insurance wouldn't approve the medication that was prescribed, so now I have to wait until Tuesday to talk to the doctor again and see if he'll call in something else. Oh joy! Blog City: Invent an Opposite: What is the opposite of a kiss? What is the opposite of green? What is the opposite of a train? What is the opposite of cake? What is the opposite of a fence? Now use both the thing and the newly created opposite in a story or poem? Have fun! The opposite of a kiss is a slap. The oppose of green is red. The opposite of a train is a submarine. The opposite of cake is broccoli, and the opposite of a fence is a tunnel. I guess the only one of those that can be proven is the color one. You can look at the color wheel and see that the opposite of yellow is purple, the opposite of orange is blue, and so on... I don't know what story I can create about that, but I remember doing something in art class where we had to work with opposite colors. We had a paper that was separated into a few different boxes and in each box, we could only use two opposite colors to create something. Some people drew pictures using just two colors. I did some abstract stuff and made the designs align so it was sort of like panel art. I miss doing stuff like that in art class. I always think I should do some sort of arts and crafts thing, but I end up writing or something instead. The only time I've done my own art was for my first apartment. My brother and I painted a lot and hung them up around the house. Now I have famous paintings up in my house. I like Klimt a lot and have a giant naked woman above my couch, a part of Water Serpants. While I was thinking about this entry, I searched some opposites and found this article that talks about words that are their own opposite. I think the English language is kinda cool, if a bit complicated.WTMR 2. Have you ever had a disastrous job interview? If so, what went wrong? When I first saw this prompt, I thought there's no way I've ever had a disastrous job interview because I've gotten every job I've interviewed for in the past. But, then I thought about working at the hookah bar and realized that it was sort of a disastrous interview. The place was privately owned and there were only two employees that worked there at the time. There was a woman during the day and one at night. If they got a little busy, which they rarely did, the owner and his family who lived across the street would come in and help out. So, I was 16 and went in to interview with the woman who worked during the day. I was naive as fuck and had no idea what 'hookah' was. I actually wasn't even sure what word she was saying when she said, "This is a hookah bar. Are you okay with that?" I was just like, uh, sure? She asked how old I was and I told her I was 16 and she seemed sort of uneasy about it, but we hit it off throughout the interview and I got hired on the spot.After working there for a few days, I saw the owner for the first time. I didn't know he was the owner, but he came in one morning and asked me who I was. I told him I was Charlie, the new hire. He asked how old I was and I told him I was sixteen. His reaction was hilarious. He looked at the woman who had hired me and threw his hands up in the air. Then just shook his head and walked away to sit at one of the tables. It was obvious he didn't think I was old enough to be working there, even though I did fine with the job. We made coffee too and that was at least 80-90% of the business. I don't think it was illegal for a minor to sell tobacco in the state I was working in, to my knowledge anyway. But we had to 'start' the hookahs, which involved smoking them for a few seconds to get it going. After 5pm though, we didn't allow entry to anyone under 18 to enter and we'd check IDs. The owner just told me to tell everyone I was 18 if they asked. I told people I was 19 if it came up in conversation. I still consider it to be a disastrous interview because the interviewer didn't get approval to hire me by the owner and that made things a little awkward. WTMR 7. Did you ever have a terrible roommate? What did they do that bothered you so much? I had two terrible roommates at once. They were brothers so they'd always side with each other, even if they knew the other was doing something wrong. In the too many months I lived with them, one moved in three different girls (not at the same time) and the other would pick up nasty girls at the goth club and bring them home to show them our attic. I have no fucking idea why. If someone picked me up at a club and then tried to show me their creepy, dark old attic, I'd probably run away. The house was super old and only had 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. At one point, we had six people living there. I had a girl living with me the whole time, but I didn't switch her out every few weeks. They'd always eat my food and forget to pay bills. Just generally super obnoxious. One of them was an alcoholic and I was a heavy addict at the time. It was just a really bad combination and lots of time spent fighting. They were also almost 29 and 32, while I was 18, so I think the age difference made it even worse. When I finally did leave, it was a huge scene that involved fighting and cops. I never talked to or saw them again after. By far the worst roommates one could ask for. Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by The cigarette ash flies in your eyes And you don't mind, you smile And say the world doesn't fit with you |
Artist: Brand New Song: Mene [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Before I forget, hey, Fivesixer , have you heard the new Brand New single yet? It's been a long time coming, yeah?Blog City: Write about the "Worst Visitor" who ever darkened your door. Ah, good prompt, Lyn's a Witchy Woman  . The obvious answer for me is an ex you don't want to see ever again, right? I dated someone for a short period of time when I was 17ish. We were together maybe two months before we broke up. She cheated on me, or I cheated on her or something. I can't remember. I think she cheated on me and made a big scene about it, but I was already cheating on her and didn't even care, so it was just awkward after that. We didn't talk for a couple weeks and I'd assumed we weren't going to talk again, like ever.One night a few weeks after we had stopped talking, I was watching a movie with my brothers and there was a knock on the door. My brother was the closest to the door and came back into the living room saying that my ex was there. I went to the door thinking it was going to be one ex that I had dated way longer and had been seeing again. Needless to say, it was the wrong ex. She was all pissy acting and said something like, "Well, since you decided to not talk to me any more, I'm going to need my carseat back." The carseat was for her friend's niece. When I was dating the girl, she was borrowing her friend's car. The carseat was in the back and we needed to fit four people in the car one time, so we threw the carseat into the hallway closet of my apartment before we went out. After we broke up, I sold the carseat for 10 bucks. I have no idea why. I just didn't have any use for it and didn't feel like calling her to come pick it up. Also, ten bucks is ten bucks. Now, I didn't know what to say because I knew she was going to get pissed off. My brother walked past and said, "Oh, he sold that shitty carseat." Of course she was then like, "Well, you have to buy me a new one because my friend wants it back!" I told her I'd give her ten bucks for it, which is what I sold it for and she said that the carseat cost a whopping 40 dollars. I shrugged, told her to sue me and shut the door in her face.I guess there could be worse visitors. BCOF: Write about a simple board game that turns its players into pie-eyed cutthroats... There is only one answer to this prompt: MONOPOLY! Seriously, that is the only board game I've ever seen tear relationships apart right before my eyes. It's fine for the first hour or so, you knock a few players out and then it comes down to two of you battling for the win. After playing the same game of Monopoly for 2 and a half hours, shit gets dirty! You're hoping you land on Boardwalk just so you'll be taken out, but of course it never happens and you keep collecting $200 when you pass Go. I think Monopoly is the only board game I've ever just given up on and called it a tie. I remember giving one of my brothers the rest of my Monopoly money so we could be done. I remember him giving it back and we were pushing the orange $500s back and forth because I didn't want to play anymore. I've seen other games get a little heated, but I've never been involved in those. I remember a game of Battleship at a family reunion going awry. Someone supposedly cheated and I was sitting at the table with whoever was playing. One of them tried to call on me as 'witness' of the cheating, so I wandered outside for a smoke and never heard any more about it. Board games are fun though; they just cause some animosity sometimes. WTMR 1. Despite how old you really are, what age do you feel? Have you generally been more or less mature than others of your own age? I'm not sure what age I feel. I definitely don't feel 23. I feel probably 45 or so, but really, how can I say? I've never been 45 before, so how would I know what that feels like? Maybe I do just feel 23 and the way I feel is how 23 year olds feel all the time. Every time questions like this get brought up, I think of the David Foster Wallace quote: “I had kind of a midlife crisis at twenty which probably doesn’t augur well for my longevity”, which I think is just perfect. I'd like to say that I'm super mature for my age, but I'm not sure if that's the case. I think there are areas where I'm mature. For example, I haven't lived with my parents since I was 16 and I pay all of my bills. I work full-time. I go to college. I don't ever ask my parents for money help, not like they would anyway. The point is, I think I'm waaaaay beyond my years in financial maturity. I go to school with a lot of young adults my age and the majority of them either live with their parents still or live off of their parents' dime. The girl who sat near me in my math class last semester is 25 and she was complaining to one of the other kids in my class because her parents forgot to pay her phone bill that month AND didn't transfer money to her account so she could put gas in her car. How dare they!? Sorry, that's just weird to me. I would never even think to ask my parents for gas money or to pay my phone bill. I am entirely financially dependent, like 100% and have been since I was a teenager.Buuuuuut, there's always a 'but' isn't there? I am one of the least emotionally mature people I know, easily. I get told fairly regularly by various people that I'm out of control because of the way I act. I make the same stupid mistakes over and over and then get pissed off about it, like super high levels of anger, followed by crashing depression/guilt. I know a lot of other people my age that are way more stable than I am, emotionally speaking. I feel like I'm on a bad rollercoaster that's off the tracks about 80% of the time. So, to answer the question, I think I'm more mature than my age in some ways and less mature in other ways. I guess it's all a balancing act anyway, right? WTMR 4. What's your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs (whether that's politics, religion, or anything else)? Does your reaction change based on whether you agree with them or not? I think it's great when people are outspoken in the right venue. For example, this is my blog so I can say whatever the fuck I want about my beliefs without it being inappropriate. I mean, people could disagree with my beliefs, but this is a fair place to be open and outspoken on my beliefs. What I think some people don't understand about being outspoken is the setting. It's all about the setting. Work is not the place to tell everyone that you're a radical communist. The grocery store isn't a good place to recruit new members to your church. Another huge part of this is knowing the topic that you're talking about. Before someone lectures me on their religion, they damn well better know everything about it. If I know the majority of bible verses and someone tries to spout off a specific quote without giving context and I call them out on it (which I will), they need to be prepared to back their claim up with evidence. You can't expect people to listen to your blind opinion about something. Educate yourself before you try to educate others. My reaction to someone being outspoken doesn't change based on whether or not I agree with them. I'll listen to someone fight for their violent beliefs just as quickly as I'll listen to someone fight for pacifism. The only catch is that they have to be outspoken at the right time/place and they have to know their shit. My father spoke of prophecy To think that I believed is self-centered of me There was something I was trying to say But then I choked on it and now it's getting kind of late |
Artist: Brand New Album: Your Favorite Weapon Song: Logan To Government Center (Demo) [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics BCOF: Let's play with some verbs: Racket, snug, green, spoon, boggle, and snake. I bet you are going to say, these are not verbs. Verbs are sometimes a matter of opinion. Use the verbs in any way you wish... write on ! So, listen wants us to boggle up some verbs out of this list? Well, I'll just use it as a way to snug this blog entry. I need an introduction, after all. My head started hurting again yesterday, but I don't get to spoon the doctor until Friday.  Wait a second, spoon is a verb.  Anyway, I was able to racket up some poems yesterday for Give It 100. I'm only six behind now including today, but I'll snake (also a verb) some in here at some point. I guess I fit all the 'verbs' in and I'm good to green the rest of the entry now! WTMR 3. What is the longest time you have gone without speaking to another human being? What were the circumstances that caused it? I'm not sure if this question is asking the longest time we've gone without speaking to any human or if it's asking the longest time we've gone without speaking to a specific human. If it's any human, the answer is not long. I think I'd go crazy if I didn't talk to another person for a long period of time. My mind would start running wild. I'm assuming time spent sleeping doesn't count toward this because that isn't time where speaking to someone is even an option. I think the longest I've gone without talking to another human is around 10 hours when I used to work at my old job. Ten hours would include commute to and from work. I used to file papers at a hospital and that involved a lot of time spent in medical records with a few other workers who were also filing papers. We talked quite a bit at first, but then it got to the point where we were on rushed deadlines and didn't really have anything to say anyway. I know I got annoyed with them one day because they were blaring this horrible music when I got in and it gave me a headache. They eventually turned it off, but I still didn't talk to them for the rest of the day because I was irritated and had a headache. So yeah, that would be around 10 hours total and then I'm sure I complained to someone once I got home. I dunno, talking is just a normal human thing. I can't imagine not doing it for any serious length of time without losing my mind. Definitely not my style. If it's any single person, the answer to that is obviously way longer. I mean, there are of course still people I don't talk to now who I once talked to all the time, so those are sort of continuous silences. They don't count though. Counting people I've talked to a lot and then stopped talking to and then started talking to again... I definitely didn't talk to my parents for crazy long periods of time, especially considering the fact that I'm only 23.. I'd say my dad is probably the longest I've gone without talking to someone who I'd typically talk to on a regular basis. That was like.. years. WTMR 6. If someone has a problem with something you’ve done, do you prefer they confront you directly? Why or why not? When you're the one who needs to tell someone about a problem, what's your method of doing so? Sometimes I just want to scream at people when I know they're mad at me but they won't say anything. Just confront me! Bitch me out. Let me know what I've done wrong so I can try to correct it somehow. There's nothing worse than the silent treatment, especially when you have no idea what the other person is mad about. I hate that feeling where your mind is racing and you're trying to think of what you could've possibly done wrong. Direct confrontation is the best. It might be more difficult initially, but it saves time in the long run. I'm also really bad at hiding that there's something wrong, so if I get pissed off, anyone who knows me at all is going to be able to tell immediately that there's something wrong. It's actually really annoying because sometimes, I'm upset about something, but I know it's trivial and pointless to discuss, so I try to just forget about it. Then whoever I'm upset with comes around and is immediately like, "Are you mad at me?! What did I do?" If you wear your emotions on your face like I do, direct confrontation is the only way to do it. Sometimes I'll try to deny it for a few minutes because I don't feel like getting into it, but then I'll just break and tell them what they did that pissed me off. If I have something genuinely serious to talk to someone about, I try to make sure that I do it at a time where the atmosphere is relaxed and they're going to be willing to hear me out. If you try to confront someone with a bunch of other people around, it always ends badly. That's one thing I've learned about confrontations. The person ends up feeling especially attacked because you're confronting them in front of other people. I'd rather just go off to a quiet place with the person and be straightforward about what's bothering me. Listening is important too, probably more important than talking. You're a blue eyed lightning bolt I'm a national phenomenon Nothing's absolutely definite 'til it's absolutely Definitely gone |
Artist: Public Enemy Album: It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back Song: Rebel Without a Pause [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics I promised myself I'd get some poems done for "Give It 100!" today. Check "Invalid Item" a little bit later and see if I've actually accomplished anything. You can also sponsor me over at "Give It 100!" . You know I'm good for it! I'm over halfway through. As soon as I get caught up, it'll be smooth sailing, I think. It was super easy to get behind during finals and I've been totally just trying to enjoy my time off from school the last week or so. We'll get it figured out.. maaaaaaaybe.WTMR 1. Growing up, children and teenagers are often heard to say "I'll never say/do that when I'm a parent!" Which of your parents' traits did you want to exclude from your own parenting (or just from your own personality if you're not a parent). Which of your parents' traits or techniques did you want to emulate? Were you successful? Did you change your mind when your circumstances changed? I'm not a parent, but there are things I want to exclude from my parenting style if I do have kids. I think that all kids are different. If you have five kids, you can't raise all five the same way. You can't discipline or teach them all in the same way. When I was younger, I pushed back against authority a lot. I didn't want to be told what to do without being given a specific reason. I hated when I was told to do something "because I said so". So, if I ever have kids, I want to make sure that they understand why things are the way they are instead of just telling them that things are the way they are because I said that they're that way. Personality-wise, I always wanted to be more patient and less quick-tempered than the house that I was raised in. I found out a long time ago that if you flip your shit over small things, you're just asking for people to be dishonest with you. Instead of not doing things that got me in trouble as a kid, I just got better at hiding the things that got me in trouble. When you're too afraid to go to someone for advice or help, it just gets to the point where it's easier to lie and say that nothing's up. I think I've done a pretty good job of not following that model because the people around me will tell me messed up stuff they've done to me and expect me to take in stride, which I pretty much do. I'm sure there are some things that I took away from my parents without realizing that I ever would. I definitely appreciate them more the older I get. I'm more understanding of what it must have been like trying to raise me. I think the thing that changed me the most was getting away from my parents for several years. I had a new perspective when I came back into their life and I could understand it when they flat out told me that they did their best with what little knowledge they had. They didn't know what to do with me. It's still a process I'm going through. Just a year or so ago, my father randomly said to me mid-conversation, "Man, I really fucked you up." It made me sad to think that he carries around guilt like that, but it sort of made me feel better at the same time. I feel like as I get older, we can finally relate. WTMR 4. Have you ever yelled at an authority figure? If so, what was the reason, what did you say, and what happened afterwards? If not, was there a time you wish you had but didn't? Keeping with the same theme, the answer to this question is a thousand times YES. As I mentioned before, I did not do well with authority as a kid. That went for every sort of authority figure in my life. I didn't want to be told what to do. That was the bottom line. I'll talk about one specific time that comes to mind though, for the sake of the prompt. In my 7th grade English class, a kid spit a spit wad at the dude sitting next to me and hit me IN THE FACE with it. Furious doesn't even begin to describe how I felt in that moment because saliva fucking disgusts me. I jumped up and went into immediate "you're dead" mode. The teacher ran up and grabbed me from behind and started screaming at me to get out of her class because, get this, I apparently cursed in the middle of all this. I said a cuss word and she kicked me out of class for it, but said nothing to the kid who had just spit in my face. I think I said, "What the fuck, dude?!" when it first happened and that's when she decided to spring into action. Being 13 and super pissed off, I turned around and started bitching out the teacher, finalizing it with that 'see you next Tuesday' word that we aren't supposed to say, like ever. I'll never forget the look on her face. I don't think she'd ever been called a.. ahem.. before. I ended up getting a week of kitchen duty, which is where you wash dishes in the cafeteria before school and during lunch, PLUS a week of detention, so I was legit at school for like 10 hours a day for that entire week. Meanwhile, the Captain Spit Wad got nothing. The justice system sucks dick. Yes - the rhythm, the rebel Without a pause - I'm lowering my level |
Artist: Jaws Album: Milkshake Song: Stay In [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics I'd definitely be enjoying my time off from school more if I didn't have a banging headache every day. It seems like the second I get it to go away, something else triggers it to start up again. Yesterday, it was doing work that started it again, but I was okay most of the day before that. I didn't even end up getting much done because, if you've ever had a migraine, you know it's basically impossible to work with a really bad one. You have to hide away in a dark, silent room and tough it out. I didn't get a lot of stuff done that was due at work yesterday, but there was nothing I could do about it, sadly. Total suckage and not how I want to spend my time off from school! I have a doctor's appointment set because I don't even have any medication to take right now, and of course they refuse to just call in the script over the phone. Blog City: Put on a cape and declare yourself the super-duper hero of something...properly conjugated verbs, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, run-on sentences, maybe the best photographer...whatever sweet place you are ready or not ready to claim as yours. Tell us all about it! Shape yourself or shake yourself into this new role... I have faith in your abilities. I declare myself the King of Annoying Slang. Can I bum one, bro? Cause, like, my head is hella bangin' and I'm jonesin' like a mofo. I'd bum one from that dude, but he's sketchy af and lookin' kinda crossfaded. Seriously, 90% of the slang I use I started using as a joke and it just stuck. 'Bro' was totally that way. I started calling my friends 'brah' or 'bruh' just being goofy and then it became part of my vernacular. Same with pretty much everything else I say... "dude's salty af" was a complete joke at first. "We finna get hyphy!" It's like silly things you've heard here and there and you say them as a joke and everyone laughs about how stupid it is, and then you accidentally start seriously saying it and you're like, "why the fuck am I saying that?" What can I do with my superhero power though? That's the real question. Confuse people? Maybe. Annoy people? Definitely! I could even stop crime by coming in and saying something like, "Oh snap! I'm buggin' out and shit's about to get cray so you better dip." The perpetrator would probably just look at me in confusion and maybe a real superhero could come along and save the day. WTMR 3. Do you live by any motto or philosophy? If so, what is it? Why does this resonate with you? I don't have, like, a specific mantra or sentence that I subscribe to in life. I know some people live by the Golden Rule where you treat people the way you'd want to be treated. I think that's a good rule, but never works because most people don't follow it. If you're the only one around following the Golden Rule, you're going to end up getting walked all over in life, and we just can't have that, can we?  Other people have the "you can do anything!" mantras going on. No shame in that game, for sure. I don't do real well with super motivational quotes though. They always come off as somewhere between a little bit corny and so corny that I'm legit blushing now. I especially hate when they're worded as though what's being said is super complicated, but you think about it for half a second and realize that it's just common sense and completely unimpressive. So.. I guess my life motto is just to weigh my options in every situation and choose the one that is going to benefit me and the people I care about the most. Possibly the most selfish mantra ever, but fuck it, you've gotta watch out for yourself and the people you care about because no one else is going to. That's how I get through life too- just one decision at a time and small bites.. always small bites. WTMR 6. What was the last good film you watched? Why did you consider it to be good? Hmm, I'm trying to think really hard about the last movie I watched, but nothing's coming to me. I know I watched Fury with Brad Pitt somewhat recently. That was a pretty good movie, but doesn't really stand out much in my mind. For some reason, movies that happen all at once don't do much for me emotionally. A movie that spans a week vs. a movie that spans years, is what I mean. I don't know how long Fury was supposed to span, but it didn't seem like more than a week to me. I like movies like Sleeping with the Enemy where it spans months or even years. I don't want everything to happen all at once. I need chill moments to process things and changes in scenery. During the last couple weeks of the semester, I was watching a lot of movies while studying. I like all the 90's thriller movies. I watched Single White Female, Dolores Claiborne, Primal Fear, and a few others too. I had seen most of them already, but I love anything that I can half pay attention to while doing schoolwork. I also watched What Lies Beneath, but I think that came out a little bit later. I don't watch a lot of new movies. I just don't find a lot of them to have super interesting plots. I like when you get to know the characters and you sort of 'feel' for them throughout the movie. There's nothing worse than the climax where one of the main characters dies and you're like, ..so what? because you didn't care about the character to begin with. I like characters that are easy to relate to and storylines that present realistic problems. I like when you can't tell the ending of a movie five minutes into it. I'm pretty much down for most movies though. It's just not a huge deal to me when a movie isn't great because it's only like 90-120 minutes of my life. Then I can say, "Oh yeah, I saw that movie. It was awful/awesome." WTMR 7. Are you generally a good judge of character? What's a time you felt you had a good sense of someone, only to have it turn out you were completely wrong? I think I'm an okayish judge of character. I can usually tell when someone is bad news. Whether I continue to get to know them or not is another story, but I do typically understand the difference between a "good/bad" person. One of the biggest tells for me is how someone treats the people around them. You can tell a person's true character by the way they treat people who can't do anything for them. If someone is still nice to people who can't do anything beneficial for them, it's indicative of their kind nature. Similarly, if someone gets enjoyment out of putting people down or are only happy when they're on top, it shows that they aren't a good-natured person. I think my worst judge of character was my brother's girlfriend. I thought she was really cool at first because I wanted to get along with her, basically. I think it's important to get along with someone who your family member is going to be with for a long time. I always try to get along with my friends'/family's girls, so I did the same with her. I definitely ignored some of her major character flaws in the beginning. Stay in Stay out I don't wanna know Where you're gonna go |
Artist: Elliott Smith Album: Figure 8 Song: Stupidity Tries [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics I'm so far behind on poems for Give It 100, but I know I can eventually catch back up, so I'm not too worried about it. Today is the first day of my break from school and of course I got a migraine immediately following my last final yesterday. My body was only holding up through finals and it totally crashed straight after. Hopefully I won't be nursing this for the next several days.  Blog City: Ann Bradstreet said, " if we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant." Would you agree with that statement? Do we need to have the unhappy side of something to fully experience its happier side? Why or Why Not? This kind of reminds me of that saying about the grass always being greener on the other side... only the exact opposite. I agree with the statement. Not everything can be great all the time. I try to tell myself that whenever something isn't going well for me. I don't think life is about eliminating the bad times; it's more about appreciating the good times when they come.Even from a scientific standpoint, it makes sense. I mean, if you never knew anything other than happiness, you would have no idea that what you were feeling was happiness. At best, it would be a comfortable contentment, but even that seems unlikely. Someone who has a lot of rough times is usually more grateful for their happiness when they have it. I think we've all met people who we'd agree don't have any 'real' problems, but they continuously play the victim as though they do. I try not to be like that, but none of us are perfect. WTMR 3. Do you think of yourself as an honest person? Can you think of a time where you lied to someone, just to make them feel better? What did you say? I don't consider myself to be an 'honest' person, mostly because I don't consider myself in that way at all. I've never really thought about it until I saw this prompt. I think that I look out for myself before I look out for most other people. If that means being dishonest, then it sort of just happens that way. I know that's not a 'good' response because most people pride themselves on their level of honesty, but hey, it's an honest answer, right? Oh the irony! I've definitely lied to people to make them feel better. Let's face it, sometimes it's just easier that way. If the consequences are minimal and it makes the other person feel better, it's almost criminal not to lie to them. It's like a civic duty or something like that. It's a mutual thing though. If I'm being totally crazy about something and I ask a friend, "Am I losing my mind here?" It's pretty much a rhetorical question. I don't need anyone to be like, "Yeah, you're off your rocker!" I wouldn't be asking the question if I didn't already have the answer in my mind. That's the best way I can describe the things I'll lie to someone about. Not like, "Does this dress make me look fat?" but more like, "Everything's going to be okay, right?" There's no reason not to cushion the fall in most circumstances. You can get a point across without slapping someone in the face with it, and I think that's what a lot of lying to protect someone is about. It's about saying things like, "Well, I don't exactly agree with A's point, but I don't necessarily agree with yours either." Soft landings are just better for all involved. WTMR 5. What is your opinion of religion? Is the world a better or worse place because of it? I think that religion is very scary. I mean, it actually freaks me out when I meet someone who is over-the-top religious. I think that the world is a much worse place because of religion. We have billions of people who were born and told to believe X, so they grew up believing X. Sometimes, people are wiling to die for X. Most of the time, they have even explored A, B, and C. They were just told that they believed X from the time they were born, so they grew up feeling very strongly about those opinions. I don't have a problem with religious people. The issue for me is that religion is like going to the bathroom. If it must be done, you don't really need to tell everyone about it. Celebrate it in your own way. Appreciate that not everyone is going to believe what you believe. Know that there are millions of other people who were raised to believe that your beliefs are wrong. Everyone thinks their religion is the tell-all of life. It confuses me how someone could be so confident in their religion knowing that if they had been born in a different place, to a different family, their religion would be something completely different. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with being religious. I just think that there's also nothing wrong with not being religious. Got a foot in the door God knows what for And he'll cut me down to size Stupidity tries |
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I'm still so confused. How did they get to senior-level finance with so little know-how. I don't get it. 
It's great to see you back around. I'm sorry you've been having life issues. I hope you're doing much better now? You know I have a foul mouth. 
People definitely tend to jump straight to the worst conclusion when any problem arises, which is why you so frequently hear, "My computer is broken!" when there's really a simple fix. 
Just why. It's so gross. We need to get you some personal finance help! This is only tangentially related and not a statement on you, but one of the nonprofits I work with consists of me making budget plans for people who were recently homeless and have just gotten back on their feet. A lot of the people I work with have only been at their job for less than a month or been in an apartment for a week or two. My role is to gather all of their financial information and then consult with them on their bills, disposable income, purchases, and stuff like that. It's shocking to see the financial decisions people make after just being homeless. I'm like, dude, you were just homeless 2 weeks ago. 
I have seen so much of the disasters it has caused with some people. I have in the past been unconsciously roped into financial situations that were most unpleasant and having to make sensible plans to unravel them.