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 |  Now my story begins in nineteen-dickety-two... |
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2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to -Breathe(2AM), Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** For Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day. -Homer Simpson Homer, Please Don't Hammer 'Em ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
If we shadows have offended,/Think but this, and all is mended,/That you have but slumber'd here/While these visions did appear./And this weak and idle theme,/No more yielding but a dream... -William Shakespeare, A Midsummer's Night Dream |
| Wow. Haven't done an entry at all this month. I don't have much to say. Which really isn't true. I suppose there's a ton I could say, I just don't want to at the moment. The second half of my work day is rapidly becoming the moment I am most aware of my lostness. I think it's pretty safe to say I'm lost. What's weird, I'm not sure if I really care. I must on some level or I wouldn't dwell so much on getting unlost. |
| As I mentioned earlier, my sister has moved away and my friend left for another year in the Middle East. Next week, my husband starts his new shift 2-11pm with Sundays and Tuesdays off. Which means on my days off, Friday and Saturday, I will be left to my own devices. I'll admit, all that time seems daunting. On the other hand, a part of me sees an opportunity to work on different things such as my yarn work and writing. And playing Skyrim. The video game buzz will pass and I shouldn't be playing it from the time I get up until I go to bed. I'm hoping it also means I'll be able to control my eating a bit better as I won't be going out as much. I've kinda stalled in my weight loss journey. But I've been doing a new exercise routine for the past week and it's a 90 day program. Not that I can just quit exercising after 90 days. But I'm excited about it right now. Benn's already been doing it for a month and I can already tell it's changing his body. There's an acquaintance I've gotten to know a smidge better this past year. She's moving back here in the spring and there is talk of that starting some of us hanging out together. My friend who left wants to do something over the summer like we did for two years in a row when we went to Florida. Now, she wants to go somewhere like Mexico, Canada or Paris. Which will involve a passport and money. I'm not sure how that's going to work out. Hopefully, this will be a time of self-discovery and blossoming. As long as the depression doesn't return... |
| I did get a cold, but it didn't get too bad. Now, I'm just trying to get through this week. I only have a few hours of work left and then I'm off til Monday. I hate this time of year working wise. No one is around. It doesn't help that most others seem to get this week off. That would be so nice. My mom's side of the family is having their Christmas tonight. I haven't been able to go to it for years because I have to work. I'd ask for it off, but by the time they decide when they're having it, it's too late. Time off requests for this week go quickly. I'd need to know before Thanksgiving. Although, I do keep saying that I'm going to take this week off, but I never do. Until the week is upon us, I don't always recall how excruciatingly painful it can be. It's usually a shorter week so my first thought is, yeah, sure no problem, I can work it. Then do I really want to give up vacation time for it? This year, I probably have plenty of days left to use for vacation. Blah. Perhaps I'll have a more interesting blog next year. But probably not. |
| I've been a little bit stressed as of late. I know it's normal for most people around the holidays, but comparatively, mine usually isn't as stressful as others. Ever since my dental appointment last week, I had appointment or errands to run before work. Due to being sick so much this season (I woke up with a sore throat today, btw), I didn't get the gifts made this year like I had planned. So, I had to face the stores to do Christmas shopping. It wasn't so bad. My Christmas list isn't as extensive as it once was. I still have to finish a blanket for my grandmother. It wouldn't be so bad if the yarn I was using wasn't a pain in the ass to sew with. It was fine to knit the panels with, but to sew with, not so much. I asked for Thursday off today just to give myself an extra day to get it done. There are four panels to sew and I just finished sewing the first two this morning. I started about a week ago. Granted, I got frustrated with the yarn and had to take breaks. But in order to finish, these breaks are going to have to be shorter. But we finally got Skyrim and it was a good excuse to take a break and play it. But now it will have to serve as a reward for finishing. :( My sister is moving about three hours south of here on the 31st. Her husband finally found a job for his degree. My friend that was in Saudi, she accepted a job in Dubai for another year. This time her husband is going with her. She's coming home the week after New Year's and will be off to Dubai at the end of the week. Which pretty much leaves no one in this town my husband and I can depend upon. We've talked about moving ourselves since his job is about an hour away from us. This just makes it easier. At least we know more people in Indy at this point. I've been seriously ignoring my exercising. I'm managing to keep my weight steady, but I need to get back to the exercise soon. The same could be said for my writing. |
| Today, for the first time in over ten years, I went to the dentist. This is mostly because I have a fear of dentists and until five years ago I didn't have insurance. The insurance was a nice excuse while it lasted. Although, Dad often offered to pay for me to go. But I didn't want him to do that. I was prompted to find a dentist because I noticed a toothache the day before Thanksgiving whenever I ate something a little too hot or cold. Mostly cold. Then being sick the following week delayed the search. Upon coming back to work, my co-workers were talking about dentists and I saw this as a sign by the universe. One of my co-workers called her dentist for me and gave me the info to call myself. Her dentist is sensitive to the anxieties one has about dentists. The good news is that I don't have a cavity. My gums are infected and my last wisdom tooth needs to come out. He thinks both of those things my be contributing to the tooth pain. So I have a series of cleanings to go to next month and in the meanwhile brush my teeth with peroxide. Thinking about my fears of going to the dentist, I realized it not only comes from unpleasant experiences while there, including not being numb enough on two different occasions. In kindergarten, we watched a film on caring for your teeth. It scared the crap out of me because plaque was represented by little monsters. I came home that day and hid under a blanket on the couch. Mom asked me what was wrong, but I wouldn't tell her. Then I remember another time in fourth grade where the guy doing the narration for the film was using a creepy voice and villainous laugh throughout the whole thing. All the other films we watched in elementary school were more of the same. Sure, fear can motivate you to get something done, but too much fear just freezes you into inaction and trying to avoid the thing you fear. The dentist office even had plaque represented by monsters. Sure, I'd probably look at that stuff now and laugh at the lameness, but that stuff scared the crap out of me back then. I did love Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors. Though it did not help my view of dentists nor dentistry. Being a tea lover, my teeth were horribly stained. Today, I'm enjoying my nearly stain free smile. I now have to get out of the habit of hiding my mouth when I smile... |
| Sick. Again. I had a good immune system once. This is getting annoying. |
http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_c3#/video/us/2011/11/21/hln-man-learns-to-read-... Two lessons here: 1. I have no excuse. 2. It's not too late. (I think that maybe the more important one.) |
| I'm sick, again. Nothing as bad as the pneumonia. At least not yet. Just sick enough to be annoying more than anything. Today would have been a wonderful day for laying under a blanket avoiding the day. But, this is the last day of work for the week. Just have to get through the next 2 hours and 45 minutes. |
| Sundays still suck. However, we've hired a new guy and they changed the schedule of his position so that he too works Sunday - Thursday. Once he's done with his first 90 days, I can ask to work 2-11 on Sunday, like I do Monday-Thursday. There are advantages to working 9:30 - 6:30 on Sunday, but not enough to outweigh the disadvantages. I never feel totally rested on Sunday so even if I have something to do Sunday night, I'm too tired to really have fun. If I can change my schedule it won't be til about December or January. That's about the time Benn will be on his new schedule. He'll be working 2-11 but have Sunday and Tuesdays off. The way they do the scheduling at his new work place is weird. Every six months they get to change their shift. A combination of seniority and doing a good job gets the employee high on the list. The higher on the list, the more choices you have in your shifts and days off. But the really bizarre thing is that all the employees have to be there on day the shifts are decided. They start at the top of the list and call the person's name. The person has like a mintute to decide what their shift is. To me, that just sounds way to chaotic. There has to be a better way to do that. I worked at a nursing home where full time was four work days in a row and then two days off. That way, everyone eventually got a weekend. *shrug* The six month thing isn't bad, it's just the whole calling out names when there are hundreds of employees sounds a bit chaotic. If they only had 20 employees, maybe not so much. This has been another fascinating article, I'm sure. |
| One of my friends became a masseuse a couple of years ago and settled down at a hair salon that wanted to offer massages as well as other cosmetic services. I started to go to her because she said deep tissue massage could help straighten this slight hump on my back that I got from a hanging cast when I broke my arm in the fifth grade. It was working, but she came down with fibromyalgia and couldn't continue being a masseuse. Which is a shame because she was really good at it and had spent so much time and money getting her license. She offered to continue working with me and I said I would be interested, but I haven't pushed it because I don't want to make her condition worse. Whilst going to her I did learn some things about massage. For instance, that deep tissue massage is not necessarily the relaxing kind. It can be once the knots are unknotted. But even the next day should you touch one of those spots or move in certain way, it still hurts. It can hurt for a few days after. I went to the mall on Friday and a spa opened up in one of the store places. There was a Koren guy sitting out front offering flyers and free 'samples'. He approached me and I found it difficult to get around him so I let him give me a free sample. He worked on my shoulders and neck and there was nothing pleasant at all about it. As I mentioned above, it can take awhile for the muscles to feel pleasant. The whole time he was chanting something along with "$12 for 10 minutes". I was almost under the impression he was trying to hypnotize me. But I was busy and had already been talked into something by a salesman so I took off after he was done. He seemed pissed. But the whole free sample massage thing doesn't seem to be very effective. For one, it didn't feel good until he stopped touching me and then my neck hurts in places even today. If you didn't know about how massages worked, you might think he did something to hurt you. I'm thinking that could lead to all sort of unpleasant things for a masseuse. Even if you could prove to a court that it's supposed to hurt, you'd still have the hassle of the court case. And hurting someone whose never had a deep tissue massage is not going to encourage them to follow you into your store. What if you approach someone who hates to be touched and you're too aggressive for them to fight off? That's whole 'nother can of worms. Of course, maybe people know more about such things than I did. That's entirely possible. |
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