And so it begins...

I'm starting this new account as a new me. The goal is one post per day.

I started this account with the intention of posting something, anything, at least once per day and I missed the first day. I have a habit of looking backwards, no matter what. Haha… that’s how quick it took me to get introspective. That’s how quick it took me to become self aware. Now, this is going to start today. Post something once per day regardless of it’s insightful gold or random keys on the keyboard.
I write how I talk in a bad way. Before I type, I go over the sentence in my head instead of writing as it comes along. I edit myself. I do it when I talk. Instead of saying something and being myself, there’s a gap between the thought being generated in my head ready to be shared and when it comes out. It spends too long in my norepinephrine deficient prefrontal cortex. Pretty sure I’m able to type what I’m thinking now because of Strattera. Let’s see how this goes.
Once per day. Type anything. No rules. I’m pretty sure at some point I’ll share this account with my wife and daughter, but for now, it’s just for me. The problem with that is honesty, so maybe that’s what this is practice for. Not that I’m trying to lie, but being my honest true self and being vulnerable enough to put my true self up to take criticism. I’m embarrassed by myself and don’t deserve to be. I’m trying to brake out of that. Again, maybe this is practice at being able to put my thoughts into words. Maybe this helps my concentration. Maybe this helps process emotions. I know I should write. It helps, but it’s not immediately rewarding. Call of Duty is rewarding the instant the game starts but even that takes me a while to get into. Writing takes a minute, but maybe not as long as I though. My second sentence on this was introspective and I didn’t mean to be. What can I find out about myself it the voice in my head actually does the typing and not the me who is trying to force humility and self-deprecation into everything I do. I want this to flow.
I don’t think it’s going to make sense all the time. I’m ok with that. Sometimes writing whatever comes to my head and maybe work on some things to. Maybe enter competitions. The only thing I’m holding myself to is once per day. Doesn’t even have to be a thought. Just a check in to keep the habit forming is the minimum.
I wanna wrap this up. I really want to keep going, but I am done on this first thought and want to learn when to move on. These are my thoughts. I looked back very little over what I wrote and just want to get used to being ok with that. Posting without going over and rewriting and editing is horrifying. I spell checked the words with the little red lines cause I can’t spell, but I just want to post freely. I stopped posting on social media a decade ago. This is scary. Let’s see how this goes.