Bits and Pieces

After a surviving a tremendous shopping frenzy, Judy and Tilly decided to meet for coffee at the Green Frog Cafe. They discuss purchases and the dis-satisfaction over how the styles looked and how un-stylist their bodies were. Judy, small in frame, is a little plump for her 4'8" body. She was stuffed into her jeans wearing a baby blue sweater. Tilly preferred a more sophisticated look and would have preferred a taller frame. However, she carried herself well in her white dress slacks and dark blue blazer. She had style. The two settled into their booth awaiting service.


May I take your orders?" ask the Waitress. I'll have coffee and a small slice of apple pie, said Judy. No, make that an English muffin, please." "Make mine ice tea and a house salad - dressing on the side." responded Tilly."


Just then the Waitress walked away with their order, a boisterous female voice was heard from the third booth over. The booth was occupied by a couple of regular customers, Mrs. Martin and Ms. Kill. Something was obviously funny to Mrs. Martin and her laughter had drawn attention to Judy and Tilly. Ms. Kill, who has a voice that is less irritating, softer in tone, removed her jacket and sat back into the booth. She was more somber in personality. The laughter faded and normal conversation took place between the two ladies.


"Damn, I tried that but it didn't work," stated Mrs. Martin, the boisterous voice coming from the third booth over.



"But did you grease it with something?" was the question coming from the second female, Ms. Kill."

Tilly looked at Judy and smiled. Tilly didn't want to comment and be overheard, and she knew Judy would feel the same. Both ladies tried not to be disrespectful. They didn't speak they just listened.


"I did, but you know that was quite a large body part." A voice from the same booth responded.

"Yes, it was, but it is still the only way outside of using a saw to cut the bone up."

"Well, I didn't want to ask Jerry, my butcher friend who lives next door even though he probably has had experience in these things, laughed Mrs. Martin. He might not appreciate my questions. Some people frown on such matters." Both ladies laughed and continued with their lunch.


Judy looked over at Tilly and Tilly had a quizzical face, arched eye brows that were asking, what are they referring to? Finally, still not wanting to comment on the response from the other booth, Judy wrote a note on her napkin and passed it over to Tilly. It read, What do you think the 'thing' they are talking about is? You don't think it is a human body part do you?, wrote Judy.


Tilly, taking the napkin and pen in hand responded, God, I hope not. From what I can see, they don't look like killers. Judy replied on the napkin, How would you know what killers look like? "I just know, Tilly replied in a wisper. I have seen Perry Mason and Colombo on TV. I just know. They are probably just moms like you and me", said Tilly.


The lady with the softer voice in the third booth stated, "I probably could call Susie Bone; she was mentioning last week that she had recently disposed of a smaller one. I am sure she knows."

"Well, you just can't put it in the recycle. Wait a minute. We could make soup out of it and take it down to the shelter. Why waste it! I am sure Sadie and Pete would love it!", the boasting voice commented.


At that point, Judy looked like she was going to loose her lunch. She held a finger to her mouth and then she lip synced to Tilly, "soup", and "the shelter?"


Now Judy and Tilly were both feeling they should do something. But what? They couldn't just confront the two in the booth about who they murdered, if in deed that's what it was, murder. What else could it be?


Tilly slipped a napkin note back to Judy. I am going to call the cops before they leave. She started dialing 9-1-1 on her cell phone as she proceeded to step outside of the cafe. Several minutes later Tilly came back in and sat down. The Waitress came by for coffee refills. Judy waved her off and stated, "I'm good." Water refills were given and they waited till the Waitress left before speaking. Judy asked Tilly, via napkin communication, what she had said to the police. Tilly wrote, I told the desk officer that my friend and I had overheard two ladies planning to dispose of a body, Judy wrote. I hope we're right or we are in big trouble.

Pushing the napkin aside, Tilly asked, "What else could it be? Your right, Judy.responded. The ladies in the third booth asked the Waitress for their bill. Judy looked with urgency at Tilly. Tilly whispered, "We have got to stall them." Judy nodded an affirmation.


As the two ladies in the third booth started to leave the cafe, and as they passed where Tilly was sitting, Judy intentionally with great force, pushed her coffee cup sideways and it went flying off the table toward Mrs. Martin. Judy jumped up immediately offering her apologies for her clumsiness and offering to pay the dry cleaning bill. Covered with coffee, Mrs. Martin assured Judy it was an old garment and no harm had come since she didn't get burned! Tilly replied under her breath, "Not yet."

The lady who just had coffee spilled on her looked at Tilly and said, "excuse me?" Tilly looked back and said, "I said, my friend, Judy, is just concerned."


Within seconds a police office came through the entrance of the cafe and approached the ladies who were talking. It appeared to the officer that these four ladies had to be involved in the call that he responded to. The desk officer, who received and patched the call through to Officer Smith, indicated a young female placed the 9-1-1 call. Officer Smith, asked, "Which of you ladies place a 9-1-1 call?" Tilly spoke up that she had placed the call. The lady who just got drenched in coffee stated, "No reason to call the police. I wasn't going to press charges."


Judy smiled at her but immediately looked at the officer and stated, "These are the two women, officer!" pointing to the lady she just had spilled coffee on and her friend standing beside her. "They are the two ladies who were discussing how to get rid of the body parts," said Judy. Mrs. Martin, who was drenched in coffee, started to laugh hysterically while looking at her luncheon friend, Ms. Kill.

Ms. Kill looked back at the confronted friend, and asked, "Is this one of those Candid Camera gigs? Where is Alan? I just love his sense of humor!"


The officer told Mrs. Martin, point blank, that the police had received a call indicating a conversation was overheard whereby the topic was how to get rid of a body part. "Could you explain that, Ms. ...?" Mrs. Martin interjected the rest of her name. "Martin, it is Mrs. Martin." Trying to regain her composure, she told the officer she would gladly update him on her and her friend's plans to rid themselves of the body part in question, once she could regain her composure.


The Officer said, Mrs. Martin, "Just tell me." Adjusting her wallet after showing her identification, she smiled and proceeded to tell Officer Smith, she was speaking of a large, butt portion of a hog she purchased from her neighbor down the street. She thought of grinding the bone up into bits and pieces, but had trouble getting it into her grinder. She indicated it must be that when she was speaking to her friend, Ms. Kill, the other ladies overheard what she and her friend were talking about and assumed it was a human body part. Mrs. Martin started to laugh again, but she assured the officer that the evidence was still on her kitchen counter top if he would like to follow her home and look. The officer told her he had better things to do and was sorry to detain her and her friend any longer. With a stern face, he said, to Judy and Tilly, "Next time you might want to engage in the conversation while you are eavesdropping."


Mrs. Martin told the officer it was an honest error and that besides, the lady offered to pay for the dry cleaning; that would be more than sufficient. Judy quickly wrote a check and gave it to Mrs. Martin. The officer excused himself and left the building. Mrs. Martin picked up her check, smiled, thanked Judy and started to escort her friend by her arm out of the building. Judy apologized to Mrs. Martin and smiles were exchanged by all. The two women left the coffee shop.

Tilly, staring at Judy, said, "I feel dumb. How about you?"

Judy said, "At least we didn't have to go down to the station or involve our husbands." Oh my God, said Tilly, can you imagine?"


Mrs. Martin pulled into her driveway and parked her car. She and her friend got out of the car and went inside. Once inside, she stated, "I was sure once I put on the hysterical act they would think I was telling them the truth. Come on, she said to her friend, we have work to do getting those parts cut up. I think the donation of soup to the shelter is still a good idea. Pete and Sadie and the others will have never eaten so well.

How right you are, said her friend, Ms. Kill.


(time goes by)


Several weeks went by. One morning Judy was reading a local newspaper when, an article caught her eye. She read, "James Martin, President of Smart Corporation, has been reported missing after going on a hiking trip three weeks ago. Anyone with any information ...."


Draft:4rd Rev 01/24/24