Twitter-Head

Twitter Head

Marvin couldn’t believe it; she’d finally done it. His own mother betrayed him. He was only at the tender age of thirty-six and she threw him out of her basement like he was some kind of common leech.
Her exact words were, “Get out of my house you freeloading leech. Go out and get a job like the rest of us have to. All you do all day and night is sit on your fat ass and talk with people who are as useless as you on that goddamn computer. Go out and make some friends, get a real freaking job, and most of all get your own apartment.”
“But Mom all these people on Twitter and Instagram depend on me.”
“Do they pay you on Twitter and Instagram?”
“Not yet, but sooner or later…”
“I don’t give a damn anymore. You’ve given me the same story for years, just go and do it somewhere else. “You can pick up your stuff when you get settled, Good luck.”
Marvin was dismayed and pissed; thousands of users depended on him online. How would they know what to think without his brilliant posts? His thousands of followers depended on him.
Of course, all this was the government’s fault. He posted a single comment about how he would love to get rid of Biden and replace him with everyone’s favorite, AOC. The very next day two hulking FBI agents were knocking on his mother’s front door. The agents made it perfectly clear it was alright to threaten and even kill any critic of old Slo-Joe but never, never criticize him online or anywhere else.
The visit scared the crap out of his mother. He guessed that was the last straw. She’d been telling him for months to go and find a job and a life. She just couldn’t understand how important his posts on social media were. He explained to her how many “likes” his posts received.
All she said was, “Likes” don’t pay the rent. Get a real job and start paying your own way.”
It took about two seconds on the street to realize he had nowhere to go. All his friends were only screen names on his computer. All he managed to take were a few clothes, a toothbrush, and his beloved laptop. His mother gave him two hundred dollars and a swift kick in the ass on his way out the door.
Marvin didn’t like it one bit being out here in the real world with real people walking the streets. Every person he passed was some kind of threat to him. He had to get off the street. He could go back to his mother on bended knee and beg for forgiveness. He could even promise to start looking for a job. He decided it was too early for such a move. It would be better to wait a few days and let her cool down a bit.
Billy, it suddenly occurred to him. His cousin, Billy was one of his Twitter followers, and if he remembered correctly, he had an apartment a few blocks uptown. The cousins weren’t close, all Marvin could remember about Billy was he liked to call him Cus. He found Billy’s number on his phone. Billy answered on the second ring.
Marvin explained his situation. Billy said, “You mean the friggin FBI came looking for you Cus?”
“Yeah, they questioned me for a few minutes. I was pretty scared. They told me not to threaten anyone online or anywhere else. They would be monitoring my posts and my movements. When they left, I posted to the world about their threats. I expected a great uprising, but all I got was silence. Instead of the great revolution I envisioned, I got nothing. I guess the FBI could scare anyone. I lost two-thirds of my followers within hours.”
“They scare me too Cus. If you want to stay for a couple of days, it will be alright. Just don’t bring any of that FBI shit with you. You have to sleep on the couch and the place is kind of a mess.”
“Thanks Billy, I appreciate it. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Billy was correct, the place was a dump. Empty beer bottles and empty Chinese food containers were everywhere. Billy looked like he belonged right in the middle of the mess.
“So, what’s your plan, Marvin? You gonna get a job and get your own place or go back to your mother?”
Truthfully, Marvin didn’t have a plan. He had no idea of how to live in this world. “I guess I need to find a job and get a place of my own.”
“Well, you can stay here for a while. If you don’t mind hard work, I can get you a job with me loading trucks at the Potter Warehouse. The pay isn’t great, and the work is hard on the body, but the people are nice and the check is there every Friday.”
“Sure Billy, I appreciate it.”
“OK, we leave at seven in the morning. You got any work clothes?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Ok, I got extras, they might be a little too big, but they’ll do until you can get your own.”
Right away Marvin realized he’d screwed up big time. The work was backbreaking, and Marvin was in no physical condition to lift heavy cartons onto big trucks. Surprisingly, Billy and some of the other guys helped him out. He didn’t quit and made it through the first week.
Marvin’s body hurt in places he didn’t know he had places. He kept at it though. He enjoyed the interactions with his co-workers and Billy. These were real people, not names on a computer screen. He rarely posted anymore. After a couple of months, he found an apartment in Billy’s building. The place was small and cheap, but it was his. He bought furniture in the secondhand store down the block and for the first time in months, he slept in a real bed. Life wasn’t great but at least it was real. He was proud of himself.
Linda was one of the many secretaries in the office and Marvin had a big crush on her. He would visit the office whenever he could without looking like an asshole. On one occasion, as he approached the office, he heard a shrill voice scream “the networks down.”
He then heard another voice, “Not again, that’s like the third time this month. Somebody call that IT asshole.”
More to impress Linda than anything else he asked, “Why does the network continue to crash?”
“Beats me, Marvin, the IT guy we hired has to show up here at least once a week, sometimes more.”
“Why don’t they hire another IT guy?’
“The bosses contracted the IT work out to this idiot. He had some big-time credentials. So, they paid him a lot to design and maintain the system. He’s under contract so he’s required to maintain the IT stuff.”
Marvin took a shot, “do you think they’d let me take a look at the system?”
“Hell no, Marvin. Why do you think you can fix the damn thing?”
“I have a degree in Computer Science, and I’ve spent a lot of time working on systems.”
“Then why the hell are you breaking your hump on the loading dock?”
“It’s a long and sad story, Linda. I just want to take a look. It might be something simple.”
“Let me ask Mr. Hunter. It’s his company, not mine.”
She called the boss, but Marvin could only hear Linda’s part of the conversation. She hung up the phone, looked at Marvin, and said, “I don’t know why, but he wants to see you. His office is at the end of the corridor, good luck.”
Mr. Hunter had the look of a man who might have worked on the loading dock in the not-so-distant past. He took a look at Marvin and said, “I’ve seen you around the loading docks. Mary says you’re a good worker. Tell me why you think you can fix our network problems.”
Marvin explained that he had a degree in Computer Science and he’d spent most of his life around IT stuff.
“So why do you work on my loading Dock?”
“I made a lot of bad choices in my life Mr. Hunter. Your company gave me a chance and saved me. I want to return the favor if I can. I will only look. I won’t touch anything unless I’m absolutely sure of what I’m doing. Look at it this way, it can’t get any worse.”
“Go ahead and good luck. My secretary will show you where the equipment room is.”
The room was a mess. He’d never seen anything like it. The equipment was state of the art. The programming and wiring were a complete disaster. Whoever installed it had no idea of what they were doing. It was a miracle that it even worked sometimes. He did a quick reboot of the system, and the network came to life. How long it would stay up was up for debate.
Mr. Hunter was thrilled that the network was up and working. He wasn’t happy about what Marvin told him about the state of the network. “Can you fix it?”
“Sure, Mr. Hunter, but it will take planning and time.”
Mr. Hunter called his secretary and told her to get the IT guy on the phone.
“Hey, Tim… you are fired. I’m about to tear our contract into a thousand pieces. Sue us and I’ll have your ass for breach of contract, goodbye Tim.”
“OK Marvin, have at it. We’ll talk about your new salary and benefits later. I want you to document everything wrong with the network and how you fixed it. I want it on the record of how incompetent Tim is in case he sues us.
All Marvin could stutter was,”Thanks Mr. Hunter, I won’t let you down.”
It took months of hard work, but Marvin had the network purring like a kitten. Mr. Hunter couldn’t have been happier. He had three other warehouses, and he gave Marvin the IT responsibility for all of them. He even had two very sharp employees to help him.
Life was good for Marvin. He reconciled with his mother, he stayed friends with Billy and the rest of the crew on the loading dock, and he married Linda.
Not all went well though, Linda kicked him to the curb after a few months of wedded bliss.