Love Even After Death

          "Drink down that Gin and Kerosene and come spit on bridges with me..."  
          His voice singing those words had been constantly ringing in my ears lately and, like the song always did, it sucked me back into the memory of when nothing could go wrong and everything was great. No, this isn't about a romance with me and one of the Fall Out Boy members if that's what you're thinking since the lyrics there are from a Fall Out Boy song. This is actually about me and my three best friends, Tyson, Luke, and Viv. We were the closest group of friends you could've found anywhere and because of the fact that we've practically known each other since forever; we often told everybody how we'd be friends forever. 

          Tyson's voice was the one that has been singing to me...calling me back to the summer before our junior year. Well, it was more like the day summer ended.  

          "Summer is over and school starts tomorrow! OH, the horror!" Tyson yelled at the top of his lungs. I giggled and Viv mumbled something that sounded like, "Here goes the hyperactive dumb fuck again," earning her a shove from Luke, who decided to join Tyson in complaining. We were all in my backyard just lazing around...or at least Viv and I were. Tyson, as always, was filled up to his nose in energy and couldn't stay still for very long. He soon got bored of thinking up complaints about school and went on to singing. Yes, singing. I'm telling you, Tyson was one overexcited guy. 

          "Drink down that Gin and Kerosene and come spit on bridges with me. Just to keep u- AW FUCK," Tyson cried out as Luke landed on him from a tackle. 
          "Shut the fuck up with your Goddamn singing!" Luke yelled playfully as he pinned Tyson to the ground. No matter how a day was going, they always ended up wrestling except today was different. Tyson hardly struggled at all. Instead he turned a bit pale. 
          "C-c-can't b-breath," he managed to get out. Luke hurried and got off of him. 
          "Shit! Dude, are you okay?" he asked. He never meant to hurt anyone intentionally and whenever he did, he'd apologize like crazy. I used to find it odd how Luke had these hard looking hazel eyes, but when you looked close enough they were as warm as anybody's. 
          "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just...I'm gonna just go inside for a second to cool down," he said, stumbling into my house. I followed to make sure that he was really okay and not just faking it. It wasn't like I was going to enjoy staying outside anyway. I saw Viv stiffly flipping her shoulder length blonde hair out of her blue green eyes and that could only mean one thing. Luke was going to get a nice long lecture about how much of an idiot he could be. I didn't feel up to hearing another one of these so I left, ignoring Luke's desperate cries for help. I guess he was getting pretty sick of hearing how he could be such an asshole. 

          "How're you feeling?" I asked when Tyson stopped at the kitchen. I knew I could be really annoying sometimes with worrying, but I couldn't help it. I was the paranoid one in the group who usually expected the worse. 
          "Never been better," he grinned. I shook my head. Here I was all worried when he was fine as can be. 
          "Ugh! Remind me to never care again," I said, leaning against the counter. He walked over and shook his head slightly so that the brown strands of his hair were to the side and I could see clearly into his ocean blue eyes. I swear I could get lost in all that blue if he'd just let me stare into them. 
          "So, you like the song I was singing?"  
          "Yeah! How'd you know that 'Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner' was my favorite song?" I asked suspiciously.  
          "Oh, I have my ways, Haley," he laughed, "Tell ya what. That being both our favorites, it could be our own special song," he said with a smile playing on his lips. Then his eyes changed. I never saw them like that before, but it was sort of cute. It was like he was sparked with curiosity. 
          "What're you up to, Ty-" he stopped me in mid sentence by placing his lips on mine, giving me a light kiss. Then he pulled away in a rush with his eyes wide. 
          "Oh, shit. I'm so sorry, Haley." I was too busy fighting the urge to throw my arms around him to figure out why he was so sorry. 
          "It's okay. I-I liked it," I said a bit shocked. He stared at me. 
          "You did?" he sounded so surprised that my smile grew bigger. 
          "Yeah, I did," I made to kiss him again, but he stepped back. He seemed like he was...afraid? Afraid of what? Me? No, that couldn't be it... 
          "God, I'm so sorry, Haley." 
          "What? I said it was okay," I've always had a little crush on him and this was what I've always wanted, but he just kept backing away. I didn't get it. He was the one who kissed me. 
          "Look, I'm just really sorry, okay? Let's forget this ever happened." He muttered, already heading back out. 
          "Okay," I whispered before following. You couldn't imagine how much my heart ached just then. 

         Coming out I heard Viv and Luke yelling, "This is going to be the best year ever!" Tyson just smiled weakly... 

          The best year ever...
         Yeah, right. It was more like the worst year ever. Somehow, we all drifted apart. Viv became one of the popular girls and her new friends didn't like me very much. You see, they didn't consider me normal, which is a load of shit. Just because I didn't spend hours in front of the mirror and I had red streaks through my long naturally black hair didn't mean I was some kind of freak, but try telling them that. 
          Anyway, Viv became popular and Luke started playing sports, becoming a jock. He spent most of his time with his football buddies, while Tyson was hardly ever at school. I had no idea why and since I've never bothered making any other friends, I was somewhat of a loner. I didn't even try to make new friends because I wanted to keep things the way they used to be. I was trying to hold on to the past. 

          Then things just got worse two weeks before school ended. I got a call from Tyson's mom saying that he had been sick this whole time. He had...oh, God, he had cancer. I cried until I couldn't spare anymore fluid. I found out he'd been in the main hospital where we lived and that he probably wasn't going to make it through the night. I've heard that line so many times on T.V. and read it in books, but I couldn't believe that this was real. 
          When I got to the hospital, I saw that Luke and Viv were there, too. Tyson wanted all of us together. We got to go into his room where his fragile looking body laid. He grinned with tears in his eyes. For a while, we talked as if our friendship never fell apart; four different kids together once more; a beautiful popular girl, the handsome jock, a sick beyond belief boy, and me, the apparent loner who could barely hold on to her days. It was like old times going into childhood, but then we noticed Tyson was having a hard time breathing. 
          We all sat around Tyson's pale body as the last of his breaths ran out. Nobody moved as we stared at the body. I felt a sob coming up my throat and figured that this was the last time we'd all be in the same room together. By the horrified looks on Luke's and Viv's face, I knew that the thought had just dawned on them, too. Tyson was gone and we'd never be the same again. 

          Days after the funeral, Tyson's mom gave me a letter. She said that he had written a letter to each of his closest friends, meaning Luke, Viv, and me. When I read the letter, I cried another round of tears. I knew that I would always keep it and cherish it. 
          It said that he loved me... 

          If you thought that the whole thing with Tyson's death would've brought Luke, Viv, and I close again, you're wrong. Luke couldn't take going to our school here anymore. There were just too many memories and I think he felt guilty for not trying to find out what was wrong with Tyson sooner. I think we all were, so his family ended up moving across town. Two months later, Viv's family moved out of the state. 
          Unlike Luke and Viv, I didn't want to leave any of the memories of Tyson behind. I never wanted to forget him and I couldn't believe that just a year ago we had been so close. We had all been joking around and complaining about another end to a summer without knowing that...that it was the year our friendship would die. The year Tyson would die. 

          I spend much of my time at Tyson's grave thinking over the events leading up to the worst day ever, now. I always seemed to come to the fact that we thought our friendship would last and that I didn't enjoy life anymore. I was just waiting for it to end like Tyson waited for his life to end. 

          Whenever I'm done with thinking, I'd whisper up to the sky, "I loved you before death, during death, and I'll always love you after death..."

         It was my favorite line from Deryck's letter, which I've read a thousand times since I first received it.


Haley, 
          I'm writing this on the same day we kissed. Just thinking about it makes me smile. You don't know how long I've dreamed of your sweet, cute lips on my own cute lips (I know you think they are...or am I just kidding myself?). Anyways, believe me when I say that I never wanted it to end, but I hope you understand why I can't let you and me become an 'us'. That would mean Hell for you. I know I probably should tell you how sick I am, but I can't say anything. Not to you or the others. Everybody is just so happy now and I don't want to ruin it for you guys. 
          Well, since you're reading this, I'm guessing I'm, uh, in Heaven or Hell or wherever. I just wanted you to know, I love you with all of my damn heart. 

I've loved you before death, during death, and I'll always love after death. 

Love, 
Tyson 
P.S. Don’t forget our song.