The Tooth Angel's Picture

Dear Timothy,

          Congratulations on losing your first tooth, Timothy old boy! Aren’t you a little young for that though??? I thought I had another year or so until I had to come again. You see. Central Dispatch finally agreed to let me come only upon the losing of first teeth, since the assignment at your house is so hazardous. Oh, well. It has been several years since my last disastrous visit, so I suppose I can’t complain. Much.

         I understand you want to see me so that you can know what I look like. *Hee hee* Ahem... well, I really don’t think that is necessary- I’m just your typical gorgeous, humble celestial being: nothing special. I’ve enclosed my most recent picture so you’ll see what I mean.

         You guys have had a couple more kids since my last visit!!! Just when I thought I could start dreaming of retirement, too! I should have received immediate notification of their births. I suspect I wasn’t told because they were afraid I would run away. To paraphrase St. Peter: “To whom could I go?” So how did I find out? Well. I did make it upstairs to deposit your cash, Timothy, and couldn’t help but notice more beds and more lumps in them. Thank goodness Elizabeth is far from needing my services (My, she is FAT. What do you feed her???) And Stephen’s teeth look pretty solidly attached for now- since he was conveniently sleeping with his mouth open (how like your Dad!), I was able to complete a quick inventory.

         About the rest of your family- don’t you think it’s a lot to expect of a poor overworked Tooth Angel to keep up with all those teeth??? I have absolutely lost count of them all. And Hannah & Tim will be losing more soon, I see, AND the Orthodontics Division has advised me of coming extractions for Becca. Even your father lost a couple! I do feel that 42 is rather old to be utilizing my services, but they tell me that he deserves it, poor man. Fine. Tell your Dad that I direct deposited his money with his oral surgeon. That story they gave him about professional courtesies because of his relationship to your Grandpa- well, that would be just plain laughable if it wasn’t so insensitive to my feelings. At least I could get some credit for all my services to your family.

         Anyway, I actually managed to visit your home without any major “incidents”. I suppose the battalion of angels they sent with me may have helped. They shot sleep powder through the heater vents (and you thought it was that wretched movie that put you to sleep!) and surrounded each member of your household with heavily armed guards while I did my stuff. It was simple.


P.S. I have been informed that lying is unbecoming of a member of the heavenly host, so I must ashamedly tell you that the above picture is NOT me. The actual regulations state that we should never be seen and can never leave pictures. I just figured it wouldn’t hurt for you to imagine your own personal Tooth Angel as totally elegant and gorgeous. *Ok, OK, I’ll tell them! (they’re reading over my shoulder to make sure I humiliate myseIf totally) I am neither gorgeous nor elegant. I am actually rather sturdy and big-boned and ... *0W!* OK, if you must know, I am short and fat and I have kind of short spiky hair. There, does that satisfy you?

Humbly,
Your Tooth Angel