Jack and Jill

"So, Jack, what did you do before nursery rhymes."

"Shakespeare."

"You're kidding."

"Why does everyone say that? You get typecast as a children's character and no one thinks you can handle a word with more than two syllables!"

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just—hard to see you as Romeo."

"Prospero actually, but—forget it. Do I sound bitter?"

"Oh, Jack! I understand how hard it is. Believe me, I do."

"It's been rough lately. If it wasn't for the dialogue work—honestly, I don't know what I'd do."

"I know! Thank goodness for Wilcox! No one else seems interested in fairy tales these days."

"What about you, Jill? How'd you get your start?"

"Children's books from the get-go. I was classically trained at the Mother Goose Academy."

"Impressive!"

"Even so, it hasn't been easy for me either. I read for the Little Ms. Muffet role, but..."

"What?"

"Oh! They said I was too fat for the role! The nerve! 'Sorry, dearie, but the character is Little Ms. Muffet.' Oooh! Those Brothers Grimm just steam my whey!"

"Ouch. Sorry."

"That Mary wound up with the part—the strumpet! She acts all innocent with her little lamb, but what a tart! She slept her way into the Golden Key series of children's books, that's what I heard."

"She sure looks hot in the cover art for the Book Club edition. Wow!"

"Puh-lease! She's had work done, ya know?"

"Still..."

"Anyway... What are you doing when this contest is over, Jack?"

"Well, my new agent landed me an audition with Stephen King..."

"Oh! I could never do horror. I don't have the shriek for a Red Riding Hood."

"It's hard to break into children's horror. You almost have to be a wolf or a bear to get the good roles."

"Yeah. Or a witch."

"Right."

"I could be a witch. I just have to work on my cackle."

"Lotta work out there for a witch with a good cackle."

"That's what my agent says. Hey—does King write children's stories now, or are you quiting the Union?"

"After the lockout and that fiasco with the new collective bargaining agreement—I called it quits."

"Oooh. That's a big step."

"Just got fed up. Fired my old agent after the Jolly Green Giant got the exclusive Green Bean endorsement. And I was this close to a long-term deal with Jack Daniels when they backed out. Something about federal regulations, targeting minors—yada, yada, yada—bunch of lawyer-talk."

"Oh, I just loved you in your Beanstalk role! Did you do your own stunts?"

"Yeah."

"Even when you jumped from the beanstalk there at the end? Now that had to be a stunt double."

"Nope. All me. There's a trick to it. Here, let me show you. Hold the pail for a minute."

"Jack, be careful."

"I just jump and... whoa..."

"Jack!"

"...Aghhhh!!! Ow! My head! Oooooh..."

"Jack! Hang on! I'm coming! Whoops... aieee!"