Pain Of Love

August 5th 2005, the day I first entered the bigbrother house for the first time. I didn't know what to expect, would it be fun inside? Or maybe will it be just hell? I really did not know. I had been preparing for this day for a long time, because I had been in hiding for a few weeks, so as not to get spotted by a photographer or something.
As I put on my outfit for that evening, my legs suddenly felt like jelly and I needed to sit down. I was worried if I went in to the house and fell over, or if I said the wrong thing to somebody.
I was also excited, I mean I had never done anything like this before, so it was completely new to me. I had been having dreams in which I would fall in love with a handsome man and become a couple outside the house, but what were the chances of that happening? I don't know, maybe one in a million.
Anyway, on the night, I remember stepping out of my black limousine into the bright lights. People were screaming and shouting and wanting my autograph. I didn't have a pen, so I just said to them, "I'm sorry, I can't do autographs!" I just carried on walking and I could see those steep steps ahead of me. They looked so terrifying! I thought to myself 'I knew I shouldn't be wearing high heels!'. The house was completely white on the outside and the closer I walked towards it, the more frightening it became.
Well, after what seemed like a long time, I was in the house. I stepped through the large automatic doors with my destiny for the next few weeks would be decided. There were steps leading to another door that I opened and revealed my fellow housemates for hopefully the next eleven weeks. I was numb, I couldn't feel anything! I looked around and people were saying hello to me, so all I could say was hello to them as well. I tried to look for a handsome young man and I found three! I thought I was so lucky and maybe I will get the man that I had been dreaming of for so long!
Well, for the first week, nothing really happened, because we didn't know each other very well. It felt as though I was starting school for the first time again, what with all these strangers around me. But this time I didn't wet myself, but maybe that was too much information! Well, towards the end of the first week, I found myself up for eviction first and I didn't want to get evicted! Luckily I wasn't evicted, so I thought to myself, now is the time to make action to these guys.
I started with a guy name Adam, he was born and raised in Spain, which I found fascinating and soon I was always with him. He had beautiful dark eyes, his smile always lightened the room and he had shaved his beard so there was a line of hair leading from his mouth to the bottom of his chin! He had dark hair as well and he always walked around with no top on, which I always admired about him. We had so much in common and eventually he even let me share his bed! But nothing happened in there at that time. But eventually, we became a couple in the house and we were always kissing and cuddling. I felt so special!
There was one room that you could have a bit of privacy from the other housemates. Adam and I went there often and one night, we were all playing a drinking game and Adam and I were dared to snog each other, which I found no problem doing. He then took me to the secret room and we made love! It was amazing, I remember it well and I really wanted to do it again.
The next morning, Adam was talking about some of the things we did the previous night, but he never mentioned the sex. I noticed one of the other lads looking at me, at first I just thought he was interested in what Adam was saying, but then when I got up, he got up. I went into the bedroom and he kissed me, I asked why he did that and he said that he was jealous and me and Adam together and he said that we were breaking his heart. Ofcourse, I can't bear to see a man upset so I agreed to talk to him later.
Things were not really going my way, because soon this man, Darren, was kissing me and cuddling me in the secret room and we had sex, but I rushed afterwards and went to the diary room and confessed my sins and wished to be forgiven. Bigbrother did not have much to say on the matter but I felt better, but Darren wouldn't leave me alone and he threatened to tell Adam. I was so upset and decided to tell my best friend in the house about it and then she went to talk to Darren and soon he left me alone.
The last week was me Adam and Darren, I was gutted when Adam was evicted first and me and Darren were left alone. Darren kept looking at me and just walked out of the room and to the bedroom. Darren followed me "Leave me alone and get a life!", but he was having none of it and decided to admit his feelings to me. He made me cry because he felt so hurt and so we kissed again, but when Davina's voice was heard again, I shouted "Adam I am sorry that I have hurt, because you probably know by now!", but I couldn't hear his voice. Davina said that he was waiting for me, so I felt relieved. Darren held my hands as she prepared to read out the winner of bigbrother. Before she said the name of the winner, I only just thought, I have got to the final and this was the end of my time in bigbrother, I couldn't believe it.
A few seconds later a name was read out, "Debbie!" My name was read out as the winner! I was numb, just like when I came in, I jumped up and down and forgot about Darren and started shouted thankyou and I love you all! Darren left the house and soon I left the house as the winner. As I stepped out, the presenter was there and fireworks were set off and I was so happy. I stepped down the steps and into Adam's arms. I saw Darren sitting with the other housemate's who had left before. He had a black eye, I was thinking how he had got that, but then I realised that I loved Adam so much.
Adam admitted that he had hit Darren after what he had done to me. I was very grateful and I soon had £100,000 in my bank account. Ever since that day I have been living a dream. I cannot believe it. Darren still writes to me as my pen-pal, but I hope to stay with Adam forever.