King of Snake

The king Of snake



“Not again Jonathan.” Rob put one hand on his face, and left the other free for his beer. “You do this every night”

“Yeah I know, it’s only because I want you to be happy man. To many a nights have you gone dateless, and spent them playing halo in your apartment. As good as your getting at that game, you need a girl, man. Look, right there. A woman, she’s gorgeous, she’s smart. Or at least she’s got glasses, and that means she’s smart right? Anyways she’s the catch of the day.” he said grinning wildly, a strand of hair falling on his slightly pudgy, and tomato colored face.’

“I don’t know man, I don’t think I should. I mean she might not want me over there”

“What are you talking about!?” yelled Jonathan, “This is your one chance for happiness and your worried that it might not be to her convenience? This is what your going to do. Your going to go over there, sit down, ask her name, and possibly get her a drink. Understand?”

“Yeah I understand,” rob sighed and hoisted himself off his seat, taking another swig of beer, “By the way, doesn’t it need to be to her convenience as well if I’m going to just go over there?” Jonathan just shooed him off irritably.

He approached the girls table cautiously, avoiding looking at her directly even though she barley noticed when he sat down in front of her. She was searching for something in her purse and seemed fairly oblivious to anything surrounding her. She had auburn hair and glasses as Jonathan said, and She had 20 freckles in all. Finding himself quite pathetic for counting he said, “Hello!” the woman didn’t answer as she kept rummaging through the depths of her purse. He felt shot down before he even took off, but decided to take the chance that she just hadn’t heard.

“What’s your name?” he asked nervously.

“Lori, not that it’s any of your business.” Rob was taken by surprise, “By the way you can tell your little friend over there with the bald spot that I am in no way a catch of the day.”

Rob blushed a little as his stomach did a back flip, narrowly missing landing on his spleen and apparently spraining it’s ankle in the process.

“So you heard did you?” he asked meekly.

“Of course I heard. The whole stupid place heard, in case you hadn’t noticed the place is not that big.”

“Right, I see that now. Well since I’m here anyways, would you mind if I bought you a drink?” he asked, one hand in his pocket, and the other scratching his head. It had been a long time since he had used that phrase seeing as he spent most of his spare trying to get the high score on his cell phone games. He wondered if she knew she was speaking to the undisputed king of snake

“Your not very good at this are you?” Lori asked, finally looking up. She had found a small piece of gum and popped it into her mouth, then smiled at him. Rob looked away quickly, he wasn’t used to girls smiling at him. Especially ones who had just been referred to as the, “Catch of the day.”

“No, not really but stick at it I always say. Besides Rob Schneider isn’t very good at acting and he seems to be doing well for himself. Poor guy sticks to his stuff.”

“I guess your right.” Lori laughed and pushed a little piece of paper across the table, “I think I’ll take that drink.”

Rob slowly unwrinkled the piece of paper only to find a phone number. He decided to assume that it was hers, and not her weight lifting boyfriend. His brain devolved in that short time between the laugh and the phone number, and it seemed that the only thing he could say was, “Oh,” or “Ah.”

When the time came for him to order the drink, he had to think quite a bit to evolve his brain back to its normal state. The process went quicker than he imagined, although not as gracefully. He managed to pick up a few personality disorders such as saying umm to much, and picked up a few memories of his recently deceased gerbil. All in all he got his wits together just enough for a coherent sentence.

“Can I get a beer for the lady?”