Alonnie's Story

As his bride walked down the aisle of the church Brian had a flashback to the first day they met. He remembered seeing the 5”9, 290 pound, light brown girl arguing with a white boy that Affirmative Action is not racist. From the first time he saw the 18-year-old girl with the short curly afro with red streaks, he knew that he had to meet her. He walked over and introduced himself and when his eyes met her gray ones he knew that he could not let this girl go. A year later marrying her, his beautiful Alonnie.


Alonnie put the last of her clothes in the red and white suitcase. She was excited at the thought of her new life as Mrs. Alonnie Danielle Jackson. For most of her 19 years she had dreamed about being married and now her dream was true. Brian, who was 6”3, 270 pounds of muscle, early morning brown, and wise beyond his 22 years. He was her Prince Charming. Though she was excited she was also worried. Her new husband wanted to go and get his Masters in Theology and become a pastor. She supported his dream, but she was never a church person. Her mother and grandmother always told her that she could worship God by herself and that the church was a phony institution created by man. Alonnie’s beliefs were too liberal for the church in her opinion. She was pro-choice when it came to abortion, rooted for gay marriage, and supported sex education. Her husband respected her opinions and never tried to sway them but she knew that people in the church would.

***
The restaurant lights were dimmed low and there were low conversations though out the room. Alonnie and Brian had a little booth in the back of the place next to a big window.
“I’m going back to my hometown to work at the church I grew up in,” Brian said at the restaurant.
“You mean Sandusky?” Alonnie said as she cut though her grilled chicken breast.
“Yea. So we have to move.”
Alonnie stopped in the middle of her cutting, looked up at him and started to speak in a hushed voice.
“So what I’m suppose to do?! Just up and move?! I transferred to a different school once already. I am not doing it again.”
“Well maybe you could get all of your classes in one day. That way you can drive down there once a week.”
“Brian, that’s not realistic. Why can’t you find a church in Ashland? I only have one more year of school. When we got married I left Michigan State and moved to Ohio so I could be with you. Why can’t you make a sacrifice for me?”
“My church wants me to come back. I told them I would. I know we can come up with some type of solution.”
“What if I stay here and go to Sandusky on weekends? It’s only an hour away.”
“I hate not seeing you everyday,” Brian said as he took Alonnie’s hand.
“It won’t be for long. I’ll come stay with you on weekends and Holidays and days I don’t have classes.”
“This is not suppose to be a sad day. I don’t want to argue. Today is my graduation and your 21st birthday. We are suppose to be celebrating,” Brian said as he lifted his glass.
“You’re right. I should be excited about my first glass of wine anyway.”

On Friday Brian and Alonnie traveled to Sandusky to go to his home church. When Alonnie entered the place she felt a chill shoot down her spine. She hasn’t been to church since the weekend of her wedding two years ago. That time when she went to Brian’s church she felt out of place. The church mothers starred at her faded blue jeans and t-shirt with her hair in an afro. The older men felt insulted when she was talking about politics and her views of the world. She heard the whispers in Brian’s ear saying she did not stay in a woman’s place and how she is not wife material. She couldn’t believe that she was back at this place. Since she knew what to expect this time she wore a long beige skirt that came to her ankles, a long sleeve white button up shirt and she straightened her hair. She hoped that they would give her a second chance like she was giving them.
After the service people came and congratulated Brian on his first sermon and his graduation from grad school. Alonnie was proud of her husband and she loved to see him happy. She looked around the small sanctuary at the people chatting quietly. She saw the old women in white walking towards her. Alonnie put up her guard not knowing what they were going to say to her.
“Your husband sho’ did preach a nice sermon,” One of the women said.
“Thank you,” Alonnie replied.
“Well I’m Mother Williams, and this is Mother Moore, Mother Starks, Mother Ingram, and Mother Taylor. We just want to welcome you to our church.”
Alonnie sighed with relief.
“Thank you so much. But why do you call yourself mothers?” She asked.
“Well we are the mothers of the church. We take care of the pastor and we do things through out the church,” Mother Williams said.
“Oh,” Alonnie said.
“So when ya’ll gonna move here?” Mother Moore asked.
“Well Brian moved back already and I’ll move up here next year.”
“Where you live at?” Mother Taylor asked.
“I still go to Ashland University. I transferred there so that me and Brian could go to the same school.”
“Back in my day, a woman didn’t live separate from her husband,” Mother Moore said.
“I’m coming back on weekends and days I don’t have class.”
“It’s not right. A woman suppose to be with her husband where ever he is.” Mother Ingram said. Alonnie realized that she put her guard down too soon.
“Excuse me ladies. I hear my husband calling me.” Alonnie said as she left the group of elderly women.
The phone rang as Brian and Alonnie entered the house. Brian ran to the phone trying to answer before the voicemail picked up and he was successful. Alonnie went to the bedroom and started to take off her clothes.
“Alonnie, pick up the phone!” Brian yelled up stairs.
‘Hello,” Alonnie said into the phone receiver.
“I knew you would be there,” A familiar voice said. Alonnie smiled.
“Hey mama.”
“Well how was church for you?”
“Brian preached a good sermon today.”
“Did you like it?”
“I felt uncomfortable. I was nervous because of what happened the last time I went to his church.”
“Did anything happen?”
“The church mothers told me that I need to move back with Brian now.”
“Don’t they understand that you are in school?”
“They were saying that I am suppose to go where Brian goes.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I think it should be between me and him.”
“Right. They don’t have to live with you. It’s none of their business anyway. Your father and grandmother would roll over in their graves.”
“You think?”
“Yes! Lonnie always said that he wanted his daughter to do anything she wanted to do and not just stand quietly behind a man.”
“I’m not transferring again. I’m too close to graduating.”
“That’s my girl.”
“Well mama, I have to go. I’ll call you when I get back to Ashland.”
“Okay sweetie. Love you.”
“Love you too. Oh and kiss Danielle for me.”
“Okay. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Alonnie hung up the phone and went to her dresser. She fumbled through the socks and pulled out a picture. It was a picture of her mother and father. They both had big Afros and were wearing all black at their Black Panthers meeting. Her mother was six months pregnant at the time with her. Two days after the picture Alonnie’s father was killed. A month later her mother and grandmother moved to Michigan for their safety.
“Hey Alonnie,” Brian said to get her attention.
“What?”
“I invited some of the church mothers to have dinner with us after church next Sunday,” Alonnie sat upright on the bed.
“Why did you do that?”
“I didn’t think that it would be a problem.”
“Did you forget that my mother and Danielle would be here?” Alonnie said. Brian hesitated.
“Actually…yea.”
“Great! Now everyone is going to talk about my parents.”
“Is she technically your parent?”
“You mean Danielle? She’s been in my life since the day I was born.”
“But she was the doctor that delivered you.”
“You’re right but her and my mother fell in love and they raised me. I got her name as my middle name for Christ Sakes. She is just as much a parent as the next person. Now how would your church mothers feel if they knew that their future pastor has two in-laws who were homosexual? I am trying to make a good impression on these people and that would not help at all.”
“Forget what I said. I’ll just uninvited the mothers.”
“Thank you.”
***

For six months Alonnie traveled from Ashland to Sandusky whenever she could. She missed when she was away but they always found time for each other. One day on a warm October day Alonnie was in the apartment that she and her husband use to share. She was watching television when a special report came on. There was a twenty car pile up on U.S.-250.
“Oh my God.” Alonnie said aloud. She remembered talking to Brian as he and Pastor Stocktan were traveling on that freeway to go to a conference. Alonnie jumped up and ran to the phone. She dialed her husband’s cell phone number. His phone went straight to voicemail. She hung up and dialed again. She got the voicemail. Alonnie called Mrs. Stocktan, the pastor’s wife to see if they called her.
“Hello.”
“Hi Mrs. Stocktan, this is Alonnie.”
“Hello dear.”
“Um, I was wondering if you heard from Brian or Pastor Stocktan?”
“No I haven’t. Has something happened?”
“There was a twenty car pile up on U.S.-250 and I remembered that they were traveling on there.”
“I’m pretty sure that they are alright. You know how men can be. Inconsiderate sometimes. They’ll probably call us when they get to the hotel”
“Maybe I am worrying for nothing.”
“Just pray for the people who were in the accident. That’s all we can do right now.”
“Well if you hear from them can you tell Brian to call me?”
“Of course dear.”
“Thank you.”
Alonnie hung up the phone and sat back down in front of the television. She began to pray for her husband and Pastor Stocktan’s safety. Twenty minutes passed before her phone rang. Alonnie jumped up and ran to the phone.
“Hello.” Alonnie said out of breath.
“Alonnie?”
“Brian? Why haven’t you called me? I’ve been worried sick.”
“There was an accident., Brian said crying.
“Are you okay? What about the pastor?”
“He didn’t make it,” Brian said sobbing.
“What happened?”
“He had took off his seat belt so that he could re-adjust it but when we got hit he flew out of the window.
“Oh my God. Where are you?”
“I don’t know. I’m at some hospital.”
“I’ll find out where you are. You just stay there.”
Alonnie hung up the phone, grabbed her keys and ran out of the apartment.

The church was packed with people from all over to pay their last respect to Pastor Stocktan. Brian did his funeral though it was hard for him. Alonnie sat in the front row with the pastor’s wife comforting her. After the funeral the mothers of the church came up to Alonnie and Brian.
“This is a sad day,” Mother Moore said.
“I’m really going to miss him,” Brian said.
“You know you have to be the pastor now,” Mother Williams said to him.
“I’ve only been here for six months,” Brian said.
“You grew up in this church. I remember when your mother was pregnant with you,” Mother Ingram said.
“I don’t think I’m ready.”
“God thinks you’re ready,” Mother Starks said.
“Excuse me ladies, I have to talk to Mrs. Stocktan before she leaves,” Brian said. He walked away leaving Alonnie alone with the women.
“So what are you takin’ up in school?” Mother Taylor asked.
“I’m majoring in Political Science. I want to be a Civil Rights Lawyer one day.”
“How long do you have to be in school?” Mother Taylor asked.
“After this semester I’ll have a year and half to go.”
“So you plan to live away from your husband that long?” Mother Moore said.
“If I have to I will.”
“Your husband is about to be the pastor of this church. He needs you here,” Mother Williams said.
“I know but he doesn’t want me to drop out of school.”
“He may be sayin’ that but I think he wants you here,” Mother Williams said
“He knows what I am trying to do.”
“You need to make a sacrifice for him and stop bein’ so selfish. That’s what you need to do. Education isn’t fo’ women like us. All we know is God and to support our family,” Mother Williams said to her.
Alonnie stood there and listened to their lectures about God and family. In the back of her mind she was wondering if going to school right now was a good idea. Maybe she was being selfish and maybe these women over 70 years old had a point. Alonnie went home with Brian and she sat and thought. After hours of debating with herself she decided that after December she would take a break from school and help her husband with the church.
***

Since leaving school Alonnie kept herself busy in the church. If she wasn’t organizing Bible studies she was going to meeting with her husband. Everyday she would tell herself to smile because this was not going to last forever. She felt superficial because she was not out helping people or fighting for human rights. She was not happy with what she was doing but felt that she owed it to her husband. Alonnie’s mother and Danielle were disappointed with her decision to leave school but they knew that they could not tell her how to live her life. They knew that she was not happy but they did the best they could to cheer her up. One day Danielle told Alonnie about an opening for peer mentors for homosexual teens. When Alonnie found out about the job she was excited. She finally found something where she could help people. She was hired on the spot but she knew that she could not tell anyone other than her husband about the job she got. Alonnie worked for six months before someone found out about her secret. After Sunday church service Mother Williams came up to Alonnie.
“I heard that you workin’ at that place down the street from your house.” Mother Williams said.
“What place are you talking about?” Alonnie asked.
“The place those types of people go to.”
“It’s a counseling center.”
“But I heard that only people who are funny go there.”
“What do you mean by funny?”
“You know, people who ain’t normal.”
“Do you mean gay?”
“You knew what I meant. Anyway why are you workin’ there?”
“I want to help teens come to terms with themselves and their families.”
“You not that way.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you there? All you doin’ is helpin’ these people go to hell. You need to be tryin’ to show them the right way,” Mother Williams said. Alonnie remembered when she was little people would tease her about her parents. They said that God would send them to hell and that she would go to because she was their child. Her job was important to her because she were not only helping gay teens but she was also helping teens who had gay parents. She did not tell Mother Williams about her parents and her view on gay issues.
“So what would you suggest that I do?”
“Child you need to quit that job. I don’t know how long you been workin’ there but Mother Ingram saw you last week. Who knows who else saw you. How would it look if people knew that the pastor’s wife was workin’ with people who ain’t right? And knowin’ that you are sending these people to hell. If you want to save your husband’s and this church’s reputation you need to quit.”
Again Alonnie was put in a situation where she had to choose between what she wanted and what the people of the church wanted. At the center she connected with teens and formed a bond with them. She couldn’t turn her back against them. Then again if people saw her working there it could make her husband and the church look bad. She had an obligation to her husband and the church but she also had an obligation to the people at the center. After thinking it over she decided to put in her two week notice.

Day by day Alonnie was slowly losing sense of herself. She wanted to be a good wife and a good member of the church but it was never good enough. Brian never said anything to her but other members did.
Three weeks after quitting her job she read an article in the newspaper about a women’s’ clinic opening up in the churches neighborhood. She knew that the members would not like that. She just hoped that they did not do anything drastic to get it shut down. She was happy that a clinic was opening up to help women with different situations but she knew that others would not feel like she do.
“Mrs. Jackson, we need to organize a protest of this clinic. They will be killin’ babies over there,” Mother Moore said after service.
“What about the rights of the mother?” Alonnie asked.
“The mother has nothing’ to do with this. God is the creator of life.”
“I think that our energy should be put towards something else.”
“Are you sayin’ that this doesn’t concern you?”
“I think that we should focus on the people who are already here like battered women or the homeless. Something that helps the people.”
“Well if you had some sense you would know that we are helping’ people, just the ones who ain’t here yet.”
Alonnie knew that persuading the members would be a lost cause. These people expect her to do something.
“So what do you suggest that we so Mother Moore?” Alonnie asked.
“Well the mothers and the church members plan on standing in front of the clinic and protest. We expect you to be there. We are about to meet now to figure what we gonna do. You need to come to this meetin‘.”
Alonnie sigh as she followed Mother Moore to the meeting room. Alonnie sat there in a daze while the members of the church planned and organized. When Alonnie went home she starred at herself in the bedroom mirror. How could she help protest the clinic when she thinks that it's a good thing. Her husband saw her.
"What's wrong?"
"Brian, I am not happy," Alonnie said.
"Are you talking about us?"
"Oh no, not us. It's just that I am not happy with the person I have become."
"What do you mean by the person you have become?"
"Over the pass two years I've changed."
"I did notice that. You're not the girl I married. I remember when school and advocacy was everything to you. I hated when you gave it up."
"I did it for you."
“There was nothing wrong with you. I loved you the way that you are.”
“People were saying how I need to work more with the church and how I needed to quit my job and how..”
“Whoa! Did I tell you quit school?”
“No.”
“Did I tell you quit your job?”
“No.”
“I hated when you left school and quit your job. It didn’t bother me. You thought that you were doing it for me but you wasn’t. Baby I would never ask you to sacrifice your happiness for me.”
“You know I have to go to that protest tomorrow.”
“Yea, I know.”
“And you know that I am pro-choice.”
“I know that too. You need to what makes you happy. I will stand behind you all the way.”
Alonnie looked across the street and she saw women of all ages marching for women’s rights in front of an abortion clinic. She felt like a trader. For the past five years she betrayed herself and killed off the girl that she use to be. She gave up school and her job to become the one thing loathed, a trader to herself and to her family. The church mothers looked at her with confusion as she crossed the street and picked up a pro-choice sign. She proudly raised the sign in the air. She felt fire rush though her soul as she raised Alonnie from the dead. Her stomach filled with butterflies as she started to march and yell with enthusiasm. Alonnie vowed to herself that she would not change who she was even if it meant losing her status, or the church respect. Like her mother said, what she does is between her and God and no one else.