Cleansing rain

-”You have cancer”. The words echoed inside her head. A feeling of her life rushing by without her being able to stop it hit her. When holding out her hands in front of her she saw them grow old, blue veins suddenly appearing.
-“You have cancer”. The doctor hadn’t told her in a way to ease her pain and panic, more as a matter-of-fact, too used to saying this too often.

She was sitting alone in the dark, in her favourite armchair in the study, overlooking the street. Wearing her biggest softest jumper and holding a cup of tea, now cold, in her hands. She was watching the activity that was going on outside in the street, while the words kept echoing inside her head.

The sound of Nick’s keys in the door, a moment later Nick entered with a sleeping Carol in his arms. He closed the door behind him, and then paused.
-“Izzy?” he half whispered, half spoke, careful not to wake Carol. Izzy didn’t reply, watching him from where she was sitting, shielded by the darkness. She could see him shrug his shoulders and then walk upstairs to where Carol’s room was.
A moment later Carol started crying, Izzy ached to go up there but found she couldn’t move. She heard Nick singing softly upstairs and then the crying stopped.
Nick went downstairs; she still made no noise as he passed the dark study where she was sitting, his footsteps moving towards the kitchen. She heard him opening the fridge, then the sound of a beer can opening and a moment later the TV in the living room. Some kind of sports game was on, crowds cheering and referees speaking.

She found herself frozen to the chair, her fingers clenched tightly to the tea cup. A part of her wanted to join him, but another part just wanted to stay there in the dark.
Raindrops started hitting the windows; slow at first, but then the rain acted as is usually did in London, hammering the ground so hard it sounded like thunder.
At one time in her life she had found that sitting like this, inside while listening to the sound of rain, comforted her, as if the booming sound shut out her thoughts of panic of unhappiness.
But lately all it had been doing was increasing these feelings of gloom.

The rain sounded like it was no way near stopping and although her feelings of anxiety were heightened by it she also felt mesmerized by it. She watched the raindrops dripping down from the full gutters forming small puddles on the windowsill.
She then looked onto the street. People were rushing by, those without umbrellas running or trying to protect themselves with whatever was possible; a newspaper, their coats, their bags.
Their shoes were splashing in the big puddles that had now formed in the uneven parts of the street.
Suddenly she saw a man standing on the other side of the street, looking straight her. He had neither an umbrella nor anything else to shield him from the heavy rain. He was just standing there looking at her.

She shuddered, feeling uncomfortable and got up, walked into the kitchen where she put the cup into the sink, letting water run from the tap into the cup, making the tea colour pale.
She then walked into the living room where she stopped and smiled. Nick was sitting in the sofa with the beer in his hand, but his head had fallen back against the back support. He was snoring loudly, but the sound was drowned by the TV, at this moment blaring out commercials.

She sat down next to him, took the beer out of his hand and put in on the table. She then put his arm around her, cuddling him, smelling the familiar and so comforting smell of Nick.
After a while she stood up, his hand dropping a little too fast down on the seat.
“Izzy?” he mumbled eyes half open.
“Sch, go back to sleep” she whispered to which he smiled and closed his eyes again.
She then went upstairs and into Carol’s room, standing there looking at her daughter, sleeping so peacefully. She smiled in her sleep and Izzy smiled too.

She then turned, walked down the stairs and out of the house. She didn’t bother to open the door when leaving the house. She had long ago discovered she didn’t have to do that anymore. She turned and looked back at her house, tears in her eyes, biting her lips to fight the urge to cry, knowing she wouldn’t come back there again.
“I love you” she whispered before turning back to the man in black who had been waiting for her.