the Battle of middle earth

The Battle of Middle earth:……. What the hell!?

When Lester, Ngin Jion, Jayme and Benedict went out of the castle, luckily they found some horses. “Hey! Look! Horses!” Ngin Jion shouted with excitement. “Hurry!” Benedict said. They ran towards the horses and sat on top of it. “Giddyap!.....Giddyap!..............Giddyap!” they all command their horses to move. “Giddyap….Giddyap!.Giddyap!!(4 hours later) Giddyap!...........Giddyap!......Giddyap!......Giddyap!!!!” they still wasn’t moving.

“What the hell?!” Jayme said. “Are these horses real??” he continued. “Yeah! They are pretty hard! It hurts my ass!” Benedict said. “And when you knock it makes a sound!” he continued. “Damn it!!! We are sitting on top of a fenceLah!!!” screamed Lester. “The real horses are there!!” Lester said. And they went to the real horses and sat on top. “Yes!! we have a horse!!” Ngin Jion said. “Come on! We don’t have much time cause we just wasted 6 freakin hours sitting on that damn Fence!!!” Lester said.

Halfway through, Ngin Jion started complaining “ Hey guys! I need to pee!” “Can’t you wait?!!” Jayme replied. “NOooooo!!! Please!!!!! I really need to!!!” Ngin Jion said. “Fine! Don’t take too long!!!” Benedict said. And Ngin Jion went into the jungle for a leak. “Hey let’s scare the hell out of Ngin Jion by making Snakes sounds!” Lester whispered. “Ready……………Now!.Hissssssss…………..Hisssssssssssss……”

-While Ngin Jion was pissing-
Uhhhhh…………..Guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are snakes here in the bushes!!!.........Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......Then suddenly……..Hahahahahahahaha!! Gotya! Sissy!.......... “Damn it good for nothing asshole!!! I’m not falling for that again!!!!” mumbled Ngin Jion. Then ‘Hsssssssssssssssssssssss………..Ssssssss..Hssssssssss……. This time it was a real snake!!... “Guys stop it!!!” shouted Ngin Jion. “Stop what???” Lester said. “Don’t pretend!!!!!” Shouted Ngin Jion again. “You’re crazy!!!” Jayme said. “how dare you……..Hssssssss……..SNAP!!!...........Damn it!!!!!(the snake bit him.) “What happen!?” Lester said. “Sounds like Ngin Jion is in trouble!!” Jayme said. “quick bring him out!!” Benedict said. He went into the jungle in search for ngin Jion and found him lying there with a snake. He threw the snake towards Lester and jayme and carried Ngin Jion to them. “Hey! Ngin Jion are you okay?” Jayme asked. “The snake bit me!!” Ngin Join said. “Where!?” Lester said. “At my dick!” Ngin Jion replied. “It’s no big deal!......You were just bitten by a………………..RATTLESNAKE!!!!...........You’re going to die!!!’ Shouted Benedict. “quick cut off his dick before the poison spread.” Lester said. “NOoooooo……” Ngin Jion shouted.

Before he knew it his dick is gone. “I got an idea!” Lester said. He sew the body of the snake against Ngin Jion’s Ripped dick. “Whatya doing?” Ngin Jion said. “ A little bit here…..A little bit there…..Cut here…..squeeze here….Wala!! a new improve snake skin dick!!” Lester shouted. “Wow!!!! A 15 inch dick!!!! Wendy is going to be Happy when she sees it! Thanks!” Ngin Jion said. “Now we had solve your problem. Can we go now!??” Jayme said. And they continued their journey.

Halfway through. It’s started raining cats and dogs. “Hurry! There’s cottage in front.” Lester said. And they ran to the cottage. Benedict knock the door………..Knock!!.........Knock…………….. then it slowly creak open…….CreaKkkkk…………And the first thing they saw was a lady in black. She seem nice and invited us in. They sat down. She introduced herself, her name was Little miss Florence. She took of her black coat, “Holy crap!!!! What happen to your boobs?!” Shouted Lester. “Damn!!! One is unnaturally big and the other one is really small!!!” Benedict shouted. “Oh my boobs…………you see……..last month I had a plastic surgery for my boobs………The doctor fell asleep…… and the next thing I know is that one of my boobs become humongous with the other one miniscule.” Florence said. “Actually…….the doctor was doing fine but stupid me had to fart……….and that make the doctor fainted when he was cutting of the skin…………and he accidentally cut both of my boobs……….” Florence continued. “Gee……then what happened?” Lester asked. “Then he wanted to replace it with fake silicon boobs but they aren’t any…………….so…….He took a Watermelon and a grape and placed it on my chest then he sew them on……and that’s how my boobs become like this!” Florence said again. “But…..Why a watermelon and a Grape?? Can’t you use anything else like 2 tennis balls?” Jayme said. “Well on the first place he wanted to use 2 ‘Langsats’ but I firmly rejected for a much bigger ones……So…..He replaced them with a pair of watermelons.” Florence said. “Then why is it that one of your boobs is watermelon while the other one a grape?” Lester asked. “Then doctor had a monkey…..It sort of got hungry and ate one of the watermelon and both of the langsat!!!......So we end up placing a watermelon and a grape that he found in his underwear!” Florence answered. “Wow!!! What a great story!!” Ngin Jion said. “YAWN!!!.....Do you have a place where we can sleep?” Benedict asked. “Yeah follow me.” Florence said. And they went upstairs and slept.

-The next day-

On the following day Florence woke up and found out that they are still sleeping. So she decided to pick some berries for breakfast. Minutes after Florence woke up, Lester woke up and call Benedict Nign Jion and Jayme too. “Hey! Wake up! We are going to repay Florence’s kindness by making her a grand breakfast!!” Lester said. “I suggest Bacons, eggs and French toast!” Ngin Jion said. “Good idea!” Benedict said. “Lets start cooking!” Lester said. “Wait the minute!!!!! Where do we get the bacons and eggs…..We got bread onlyLAh!!” Jayme said. Then Lester saw Florence’s pet cat……”Guys I have a solution!” and Lester pointed at the cat. “Hurry chased it before it gets away!” Ngin Jion said. And they caught it. “Here kitty you’re going to be breakfast!” Lester said. They killed the cat and sliced it into tiny pieces to make bacon. Then they cut of his testicles to make a sunny-side up eggs. “Boy! Florence will be very proud of us when she finds out that we made her breakfast!” Jayme said. They got out and forgot to turnoff the gas pipe. They set the tables and sat at the sofa waiting patiently for Florence to return.

When Florence returned, they surprised her. “Wow thank you!!! You’re the greatest!!!” Florence praised them. “Where you get the bacons and eggs?” she asked. “ the eggs are kinda small and the bacons are hairy?” Florence asked. “That’s easy!” Lester said. “After a few minutes of planning, we managed to find a cat and turn it into Bacons and eggs!” Lester continued. “What does the cat look like? I have a cat it’s black it colour, blue eyes…….Fine tail” Florence said. Lester interrupt “Does it have a collar with the name Tom written on it and one of it’s testicle are gone?” “Yeah how did you know? Are you psychic?” Florence asked. “ Oh no!!!” Lester said. Then he whispered to his pals “Guys we killed Florence’s cat!.....Somebody gotta tell her!” “I will!” Benedict said. He look at Florence and smiled sweetly.”Yes what’s this another surprise?” Florence asked. “Uhmmmm….Yeah! sort of……..” Benedict said. “Well what’s it?” Florence asked. “Please don’t get mad!!” Jayme said. “I won’t. “Florence replied. “you swear, cross you heart and hope to die?” Lester asked. “Yes I swear, If I get mad my house will burnt down.” Florence replied. “It’s like this, before we started cooking….We don’t have bacons and eggs……We was about to use carrots and pebbles when suddenly we saw your cat, Tom and killed it. Then we turned him into bacons and eggs.” Lester said. Florence was eating when she heard it she spit the bacon out and vomited. “You what?!” She screamed. “I’ll get you!!” she continued. “Guys! We better run!!” Jayme said. “I’m with you!” Lester said and they dashed out running to god knows where never looking back.

Florence took out her flamethrower and just about when she was about to lit the flame…..her whole house blow up!
BOOM!!!!..... “What the hell?” Lester said. “What happen? Why did the house blew up?” Lester asked. “Damn it! I forgot to turn of the gas pipe!” Ngin Jion said. “Good job! Give me five!” Benedict said. “Now that she’s dead we could go back and find anymore remaining utensils that we could use in our journey. And they went back to the cottage.

When they arrived they saw their horses. “hey look! Overthere! Our horses are alive!” Benedict said. “Wait the minute those aren’t horses they are cows!! We were ridding cows all along!!” Lester said. “So what at least we got rides. “ Jayme said. Then got on the cows and continued their journey.

Sometime after 7 hours…….”I’m thirsty!” Ngin Jion said. “Me too!” Lester said. “Ah-ha! Kan cows got milk!” Jayme said. “Yeah! Star sucking the cows nipples!” Benedict said. “But the milk is not processed yetLah!” Ngin Jion said, “Screw you!! Who cares! At least we got beverages!” Lester said. And they began sucking the cows nipples. “Hmm! This is good.” Benedict said. “Yeah! Refreshing! And Tasty too!” Jayme said. “Hey mine tastes funny!” Ngin Jion said. “What the hell? Why are you sucking the cow’s Cibai?!” Lester said. “The cows Cibai? I thought it’s her nipples!” Ngin Jion said. “no wait you must be joking! I won’t fall for that anymore!” Ngin Jion said and he continued sucking. “Why is it that the nipples that I’m sucking is not juicy at all like the ones you have?” Ngin Jion said. “I told you once and I told you twice! You are sucking the wrong part!!!!!!” Lester said. But still Ngin Jion was stubborn. “Forget it!” Lester said. The cows that we suck were angry so we had to tied them up to stop them from moving but Ngin Jion’s cow was very pleased.

After few hours we were satisfied but the most satisfied was Ngin Jion’s cow! And they continued on. Suddenly Ngin Jion got stomachache and had diarrhea. He went to the bush to do it. After 5 minutes, “Hey I’m done! I need some tissue papers!” Ngin Jion said. “We don’t have any! Just use the leaves around you!” Benedict said. “Noo!!!!” Ngin Jion said. “There’s no more choice! You them or just forget it!” Lester said. “Fine you!!” Ngin Jion said. He plucked some leaves and wiped his ass. “Hey this leaves look nice! I’ll get some for souvenir and just in case I need to go again!” Ngin Jion said. He went back. “Done?!” Lester asked. “If I’m not done
then what am I standing here?!” Ngin Jion said. “O yeah! Then carry on!” Lester said. Then they got on their horses… I mean cows and started ridding again.

All the way, Ngin Jion can’t stop scratching his ass. “What’s up with you and your ass!!! It’s disgusting!” Jayme said. “I don’t know?! It’s so itchy! It’ so irresistible!” Ngin Jion said. “Stop it! I’m going to puke if you continue!” Benedict said. “I can’t I think that my anus is infected or something!” Ngin Jion replied. “How did it happen?” Jayme asked. “Well, I shitted took some leaves and wipe my ass and the next thing was I can’t stop scratching my ass!” Ngin Jion said. “I also took some leaves for remembrance! I think that they are cursed!’ Ngin Jion continued. “Show me the leaves that you took!” Lester said. Ngin Jion then handed Lester the leaves. “What the hell these are Poison Ivies! You mean to say that you just wipe your ass with poison ivies?!” Lester shouted. “Hahahahahaha!!! What a fool!” Benedict said. “How am I suppose to know?!” Ngin Jion said. “Does your hand feels itchy when you touch them?!” Jayme asked. “Yeah kinda!” Ngin Jion said. “There you go! That’s how you know whether it’s poison ivies or not!” Lester said. “Oooo….I get it!...How in the world could I stop this itchiness?!” Ngin Jion said. Then suddenly he got stomachache again. “hell no! I need to shit again!” Ngin Jion said and he ran into the woods. “Told you that you was sucking that infectious cow pussy!!’ Lester said. “Serves you right!” Benedict said. “And make sure that you don’t wipe your ass with poison ivies again.” Jayme said. ‘Hahahaahhahahahaha!” They laughed.
When Ngin Jion finished. He used leaves and this time he makes sure that they are not poison ivies. When he wanted to stand up he slipped and fell on top a cactus plant. “TAMADEK!!!!!” Screamed Ngin Jion. “What’s the problem now?” Jayme shouted. “I fell and sat on top a cactus plant!” Ngin Jion replied. ‘Hahahahahahahahaha!” everyone laugh. “Wait there I’m coming to save you!” Lester said. He went to Ngin Jion and carried him back. “Oww! It hurts dearly!!! Make it stop! Make it stop!” Ngin Jion said. “At least it stopped the itchiness!” Jayme said. “yeah..yeah!.....shut up!” Ngin Jion said. “Now I have to pull the thorns out one by one.” Lester said. “God bless my soul!!!” Ngin Jion said. And so it began. ‘uh…..owww!!!....hey!!!....softer………argghhhh!!....Fuck!!!!”

-3 hours later-

“Hurry!.......Oww!..........Owwwwww!!!!......”Ngin Jion screamed. “Hold on! Ah-ha there’s one! Another one and the last one……..Done!” Lester said. “Finally!” Sighed Ngin Jion. “Now that we solve all of your problem we must cut the fuss and continue! We haven’t got all day!” Benedict said. And again they continued.

That night they slept under a big oak tree. Luckily it did not rain.

-The following day-

“TAMADEK! I wet my pants!!” Ngin Jion shouted. “What a big baby!” Jayme said. “No time to waste! Quick change you pants and we can go on!!” Lester said. After Ngin Jion changed they carried on. Up ahead they saw something extraordinary! “What in the world!?” Jayme said. “Cool! Up ahead is Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli!” Shouted Ngin Jion.

-Meanwhile with Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli-

“Look up ahead!” Aragorn said. “What the hell!? 4 idiots ridding cows?!” Legolas said. “They are heading this way!” Gimli said. “Be alert! They could be enemies!” Aragorn said. “Let’s find out!” Gimli said and they went towards Lester, Benedict, Jayme and Ngin Jion.

-Back to Lester and friends-

“Shit! There are heading this way!” Ngin Jion said. “It’s my lifetime dream to meet Legolas!!!!..........Oh! he’s so cute!!!!” Ngin Jion continued. “When I grow up I want to marry him!” Ngin Jion said. “Gay!!!!” Jayme said. And then both of the group met each other. “Hi!” Lester said. “Hello!” Aragorn said. “Yo!Yo!Yo!” Benedict said. “Shut the hell up!!!”Was the reply by Gimli. “Hi! Handsome!(blushing)”Ngin Jion said. “What are you? Crazy!?” Legolas replied to Ngin Jion. “Can’t we be friends?!” Lester asked. Then Aragorn and his pals group together for a discussion. “Hey! They are stupid!!!” said Gimli. “Why in the world are they ridding cows?!” Legolas whispered. “I think we should stay away from them!” he continued. “Wait for a moment! We are short of supplies………….Maybe we could make friends with them and steal their food!” Aragorn suggested. And then they turned back to Lester. “Friends” Aragorn said and held out his hands, “Yeah Friends!” Lester said and shake his hand.

They made a tent together and then cooked dinner…….’Hey let’s trick this fellas!” Gimli said. I’m with you!” Legolas answered. “How!?” he continued. “Lets poisoned them!” Aragorn said. Then the put some laxative in Lester, Jayme,Benedict and Ngin Jion’s food. “Here you go!” gimli said and handed the food.

While eating………………..”Aaaaargghhhhhh!!!!”Our stomach hurts!!!!! Lester and his friends moaned. “Excuse us we need to shit!” They said. “I know!” Legolas said. “How?!” Lester said. “Cause I just put some laxative I you food!” Gimli said and then they laughed. “Damn you! I’ll deal with you later!” Benedict said and they rush into the woods. “Hey, just in case they trick us back….We better apologize and end this!” Legolas said. “Good idea!” Aragorn said.

-when Benedict and his friends got back-

“Uuh….Guys I’m sorry for what I did….” Aragorn said. “It’s okay!” Ngin Jion said and then he turned back to Lester “Afterwards it’s pay back time!” Ngin Jion said. Then Lester, Benedict, Jayme and Ngin Jion turn back and said “We accept your apologizes!” “See! I solve the problem!” Aragorn whispered to Legolas and Gimli.

That night, Lester and Ngin Jion pretended to be asleep and Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli were asleep, they counter back by tricking them cause sorry no cure. “What are we going to do?” Whispered Ngin Jion. “I know!” Lester said. He took out Aragorn’s sword and threw it away and replaced it with a bamboo stick!. “What about Gimli?” Lester asked. “This one I know!” ngin Jion answered. He took out his shaver and shaved Gimli till he was as smooth as a baby’s bottom. Then he put some make up on him and dressed him with a dress. “Haha! Wait till he wakes! He will be really shocked!” Ngin Jion laughed. “What about Legolas?” Ngin Jion Said. “I’ll handle this one!” Lester said, He took his bow and broke it! Then he replaced it with his lastic and some pebbles he found. Then he dyed his hair purple and shaved the middle part off! “aaaaa……..I feel great!” Ngin Jion said. “Lets go back to sleep before they wake up! Lets not let them be suspicious of us!” Lester said. “What if they asked us how did this happen?” Ngin Jion asked. “Lets just say that the tooth fairy came and got angry.” Lester answered. “Good one!” Ngin Jion said. Then they went back to sleep.

-The next day-

Gimli woke up first. “Arghh!.....What a nice day! The birds are chirping, the sun is shinning and the air is fresh and windy” he said. “Think that I will wake Legolas and Aragorn!” Gimli said. He woke Aragorn up when he opened his eyes………..”Holy crap!!!! Mom what are you doing here!!?” Aragorn shouted. “Mom?” Gimli asked. “ You mean that you’re not mum!? Then who the hell are you!?” Aragorn asked. “It’s me! Gimli!” Answered Gimli. “But you are shaved and wearing a pink dress!” Said Aragorn. “ Gimli look down, “Apa ini!?” he screamed. Then he ran to the pond and looked at his reflection………instantly he faint.

Aragorn then woke Legolas up, “What in the world happened to you!?” Screamed Aragorn. “What! What!?” Legolas asked. “Here take a look!?” said Aragorn and handed him a mirror. “AAHHHHH!” Legolas shriek and he too fainted. All the screaming and shouting wake Lester, Jayme, Benedict and Ngin Jion up. “What’s the problem! Can’t you see that I’m sleeping!” Jayme scolded. “Yeah! Asshole! Looking for trouble!?” Benedict said. Then Lester pointed towards Legolas and Gimli. “Look!” he shouted. “Wow! Hahahahahahahahahaha!” They laughed. “Psss………….” Lester called Benedict and Jayme. “What’s up? Did you do this?” Benedict asked. “Yeah! While you guys were sleeping, Ngin Jion and I sneaked up and vandalized them. “Good job!! Well done!” Jayme praised. “Shhh…..Don’t tell them!” Ngin Jion said. “Or else we are in deep trouble!” he continued. “Okay here they come! Act natural!” Lester said.

Aragorn approach them, “Did you do this?!” he asked. “Nope! Why would we do that to our best friends!” Benedict said. “Yeah! What are friends for!” Ngin Jion said. “I must be those damn monkeys!” Lester said. “Monkeys?..............Ooooooo Monkeys! Yeah that’s right! The monkeys did this!” Jayme said. “Fine I trust you!” Aragorn said.

A hour later, Gimli woke up. “Gee! I had the weirdest dream last night, my beard was shaved and I’m wearing lipstick and eye lashes. And my clothes turn into a pink dress!......Then” Gimli said before he could finish Aragorn handed him a mirror. “Mother Fucker!!!!!.....” he screamed….’Thump!” he fainted again. Then Legolas woke up! “Damn I had a nightmare!....I was,,,,” Legolas said until half and was interrupt by Aragorn “Here take a look!” He said and handed him a mirror. “Hey how did you know?!” he said. “It looked exactly like me in my dreams! You’re a good painter!” Legolas said in excitement. “I did not.” Aragorn said. “Hey lester did you draw this?!” He asked. “ Nope!” Lester asked. “Ngin Jion?” Legolas asked. “Hey look at me! Do I look like an artist?” Ngin Jion asked. “Nope! Then it must be you! Jayme or Benedict!” he shouted. “Hell no! Why would we draw you!” They answered back. “Then who did it! It can’t just dropped down from the sky! Come on Aragorn tell me!” Legolas said. “ Nobody drew it because…………..” “What!?” Legolas asked with anxiety. “Because…its all real!” Aragorn said. “Now don’t panic!” Aragorn said. “You must be joking!” Legolas said then he touched his head and found a bald spot. “O my god!” THUMP!! He fainted again.

When Legolas woke up, luckily Lester and Aragorn calm him down. At first he fainted again but they woke him up. “What the hell happened to my once beautiful long blonde hair!” he screamed. “The monkeys did this!” Aragorn said. “The what!?” Legolas asked. “Monkeys!” Aragorn answered. “Do you expect me to believe this!?” Legolas screamed. “Yap!” Aragorn answered. “Then I will!...........Why!?.............Why!?.............Why me!” Legolas moaned. “Not only you! look at Gimli!” Aragorn said. “ My goodness! He’s a girl!” Legolas said. “Lets wake him up!” Jayme said and they woke him out. Before Gimli could say anything “I know that you would say that you had a dream that your beard was gone and all those crap!” Aragorn said and handed him a mirror. “Bloody hell! What happened to me!?” screamed Gimli. “Last night some monkeys came and did this to you and Legolas.” Jayme explained. “Durse you Damn monkeys!!!” Gimli scolded.

Then Legolas whispered to Aragorn “You know, I think that those idiots did this lets counter it by sending them Mordor to destroy the ring!” “Why? We got Frodo and Sam!...........Shit! Where are them!?” Aragorn said. “Curses! I left them in the toilet! I bet that they are still there!” Gimli said. “Why!?” Aragorn said. “I can’t even reached to the door handle! Do you think that they could!?” Gimli said. “O yeah! They are pretty short! What to do?” Aragorn said. “Never mindLah! It’s their problem now!” Legolas said. “But they got the ring!” Gimli said. “Not quite! They got the ring but I got the real one!” Aragorn said. “Great lets give them to Lester and his freaks then it’s their problem to destroy it at Mordor!” Legolas said. “Hey Lester! Her I want you to have this!” Aragorn said. “Thanks! What’s this ring!?” Lester asked. “It’s an evil ring! And It has to be destroy!” Said Aragorn. “why me can’t it be anyone else?” Lester asked. “Because if it falls on the wrong hands, something very bad will happen!” Aragorn said. “Bad like what?” Lester asked again. “I’m going to screamed and cry like a baby!” Aragorn said and his eyes turned watery and a little bit red. “Okay! Okay! I will do it!” Lester said.

Then Aragorn handed him the ring. “One more thing! Do not lose it!” he said. “You have my word!” Lester answered. Then he met with Ngin Jion, Jayme and Benedict “Guys, we have to go to Mordor and destroy this stupid ring!” Lester said. “Any rejections!?” He continued. “Nope!” Jayme said. “Fine with me!” Benedict said. “ What in it if we do it?” Ngin Jion asked. “We go on a free trip!” Lester said. “Great! Then I’m in too!” Ngin Jion said. “If it doen’t work out! I could be a king!” Lester said. “how in the world could you do that!” Benedict said. “Then Lester showed Aragorn’s sword. “Wow!” Benedict said. “It’s a proved that you are a king. It’s once Aragorn’s but now it’s mine!” Lester said. “What about Aragorn? What if he realized that his sword is lost!?” Benedict asked. “He won’t! I replaced it with a bamboo stick!” Lester said. “Good thinking!” Benedict praised. Then the remaining day was all fine except for Legolas and Gimli, It was a living hell for them. The whole day, they bu kan yian. Before Aragorn and his friend sleep they set up some traps in case the monkeys come again but they won’t because they didn’t come.

-Then next day-

“Good morning!” Said Lester. “Today is a big day!” He said again. “What big day?” Ngin Join asked. “Today we are going to destroy the ring!” Lester said. “Okay! Lets get moving!” Benedict said. “Don’t we need to prepare something and how in the world are we going to get they by cows!?” Jayme asked. “We are not using cows!” Lester answered. “Then what!?” Ngin Jion said. Lester pointed toward Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas horses. “We got horses now!” Lester said.

They packed all their belongings and Aragorn and his friends too. To show pity, we left them with 3 carrots and an apple. Then they took off. Hours later Aragorn, Legolas and Gimle woke up they were about to go for the battle at Minas Tirith when suddenly, “What the hell happened to our horses?!” Gimli screamed. “It appears that they turn into cows!” Aragorn said. Then they were interrupt. “TAMADEK! Where’s the chicken, beef pork, wine and rice?!” Legolas said. “Damn! What have we got left!?” Aragorn asked. “Only 3 carrots and a loaf of bread!” Legolas said. “I bet that it’s the doing of Lester, NginJion, Benedict and Jayme!” Gimli said. “I want to kill him!” he continued. “That won’t be necessary!” Aragorn said. “Why!?” Gimli asked. “I sent them to Mordor to destroy the ring and face the Eye of Saruman. No man has ever returned when there went there. “Ha! That will teach them a lesson!” Legolas said. “come on lets get going!” Aragorn said and they got on their cows and went on a journey to the battle for middle earth.
-With Lester, Ngin Jion, Benedict and Jayme-

“Are we there Yet!?” asked Ngin Jion asked. “Nope!” Lester said. “I don’t even know how Mordor looks like” he continued. “Then how are we suppose to get there when we don’t even know where it is!?” Benedict asked. “Hey! I found it!” Jayme said. “How do you know we are here?” Lester said. Then Jayme pointed towards a sign that reads ‘you are entering Mordor’. “Wow! What a cool sign!” Lester said. “yeah! It has neon lights and glittering words!” Ngin Jion said. “Now we had arrived lets go and destroy this ring.” Lester said. “Where do you suppose we destroy it?” asked Jayme. Then they saw something. “guys! Hide ! there’s the eyes of Saruman! Quick before he sees us!” Lester said.

They hid behind some rocks and waited there. “ Hey its moving away!” Jayme said. “I think that it is watching the battle between Aragorn and his army against his!” Lester said. “Here’s our chance!” Benedict said.

-Meanwhile with Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli-

They were face to face with their enemies, Orcs! “Fellow teammates! Today we are gathered here to defend ourselves if we don’t succeed! We will die trying!” Aragorn said. Then he pulled out his sword which was a bamboo stick. “Attack!” he screamed. Just as he was about to strike he noticed something. “Hiyaa!” He pierce an enemy but it won’t go through. “What the hell!? A bamboo!? What happened to my sword!” Aragorn screamed. “ Tamadek! Lastic and pebbles! You gotta be kidding!” Legolas shouted when he found out that his bow and arrows are missing. “What are we going to to!?” Legoals asked. “Continue fighting!” Aragorn said. So the Battle of Middle earth began between humans and Orcs. The Orc’s Generals are well equip with a sword shield and armours while the human’s general Aragorn with a bamboo stick and nothing else, Legolas with his godforsaken lastic and pebbles. How in the world are the humans going to win with some stick and stones!? Hell no! Luckily Gimli stiil got his trusty axe.

Halfway through the battle suddenly, Pap! Gimli’s axe handle dropped off. “Shit!” He shouted. “What!? Aragorn said.” “My axe!” He said. “Don’t you dare tell me that it turned into a lollipop or something! I had enough trouble already using a bamboo stick in a battle!” Aragorn said. “It didn’t turned into something! The head dropped off!” Gimli replied. “Fuck! Well put it back on!” Aragorn said. “I can’t!” Gimli said. “Why!?” Aragorn said. “I the head suddenly flew away when I was swinging it around. It landed somewhere far far away!” Gimli shouted. “ use other weapons!” Aragorn said. Suddenly, Legolas screamed. “Aragorn get down!” and he took some pebbles and lastic an orc that was going to whack Aragorn. “POP! SPLAT!” “Yeah! Got you!” Legolas hit the target. “I’m really good with this!!” Legolas said.

Unexpectedly, Aragorn and his armies are wining! When suddenly the enemy’s reinforcement came! “O dear lord! We are going to lose now!” Aragorn said. Just as he finished his sentence, his stick broke into half! “@#!#!@#!” Aragorn swear. “Damn it!...............What to do?” Aragorn wondered as he fought with his broken stick, “Ah-ha!” He screamed. He took out his belt and started whipping like hell. Legolas on the other hand was on top of a tree having the greatest time of his life. Pap! Pap! “Ha! Got another one!” Legolas said. Gimli, was still searching for his axe till he slipped, fell down and knocked his head. Now he is unconscious.

-Back to Lester, Jayme, Benedict and Ngin Jion-

“Which way?” Jayme asked. “There!” Lester said. “Where!?” Benedict asked. “Up to the flight of stairs!” Lester replied. And so they ran up the stairs to destroy the ring. “Finally we arrived!” Ngin Jion said. “I’m exhausted!” he continued. “Look! The eyes of Saruman!” Lester said. “How in the world are you going to do that!?” Benedict said. “That I don’t know!” Lester replied. “Come on! Let’s brain storm to find a way!” Jayme said. “Okay!” they replied. After 3 hours, “Ah-ha!” Lester said. “What!?” Benedict asked. “Uhmmm………..forgotliau!” Lester replied. “Think again!”Benedict said. Then a hour later, “Yes!” Jayme said. “What!?” Benedict asked. Jayme took something out from his pocket. “what’s that?” Lester asked. “Eyemo!” Replied Jayme. “Use to wet your eyes and to relief pain!” Jayme continued. “Great how are we going to defeat those burning eyes with some water!?” Benedict asked. “Easy!” Jayme sneak to the Eye of Saruman and drop a few drops. Instantly the fire was put off and they won! “Yeah! We did it! We did it!” Lester said. “WE!? More than I did it!” Jayme said.

-Meanwhile with Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli-

Aragorn was busy whipping the hell out of come bastard when suddenly all of them turned into little fluffy bunnies! “What the hell just happened!?” Aragorn said. “Great! We won!” Aragorn said. “Guys! Rejoice! We had won the battle!” Aragorn told Legolas and gimli. “But how!?” Gimli asked. “Lester, Jayme, Ngin Jion and Benedict must had destroy the ring or the eyes of Saruman!” Aragorn answered.

-Back to Lester, Jayme, Ngin Jion and Benedict-

“Yahoo!” shouted Ngin Jion. “Lets celebrate!” and he took out some firecrackers, “We are going to make some fire works!” Ngin Jion said. “Great! And I’m going to cook barbequed Chicken and pork!” Lester said. “Where did you get them!?” Jayme asked. “I just borrow them without asking from our good ole friends! Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli!” Lester said. They set up the fire and started cooking. “Now let’s play those firecrackers!” Jayme said. Ngin Jion lit it! “5,4,3,2,1, Blast off!” They shouted. “BOOM!BANG!BING!PHEW!!!!!” the fireworks roared.

Suddenly one of it’s sparks dropped on the extinguish eyes of Saruman! “Boom!” it was alive again. “Take cover!” And they ran away hiding behind a rock.

-Continue with Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli-

“Look how cute!” Aragorn said. “I’m going tokeep this as a pet!’ Aragorn said as he carried a adorable white furred rabbit. “I’m going to name it………….Fluffy!” Aragorn said. “Mine is going to be………….Snow white!” Gimli said. “And mine would be………………King Arthur!” Legolas shouted.

They were playing and admiring the transformed bunnies. Suddenly the rabbits which were once cut and cuddly change into orcs again! “Rrrrrrr!” the rabbits started to change! ”Whoa!” Aragorn screamed. “What’s happening!?” Gimli asked. “Why are these rabbits changing back!? I like them that way!” he continued and started sobbing. “Lester, Jayme, Ngin Jion and Benedict must had woke up the Eyes of Saruman again! Damn it!” Aragorn said. “Those idiots!” Legolas said and climbed up a tree. There he began shooting pebbles and stones. Aragon luckily managed to grab one of the swords which are on the ground and all of them began fighting again! Gimli, was searching for his axe, and embarrassingly he slipped, fell and was unconscious again. What a stupid day!

-Follow on with Lester, benedict, Jayme and Ngin Jion-

“Now what!?” Benedict asked. “We accidentally lit the fire again!” Lester said. “ialah! Fuck you Ngin Jion! Play with firecrackers!? To hell with that!” Jayme screamed. “stop complaining! I got a solution!” Ngin Jion said. “ Who needs to pee!?” he asked. “I do!” Lester said. “Me too!” Jayme said. “I’m already going! But I can hold on!” Benedict said. “Why!? You want to drink our peekah?” Lester asked. “Nope! Follow me!” Ngin Jion said. He went near the burning flame of the eyes of you know what then he unzipped his pants and started to pee. “I get what you mean!” They said and they too unzipped their pants and started to urine. “Pssssssssssssss………………………..” Slowly the fire went out. “Yes! We did it again!” Ngin Jion said. “Hurry! Lets get out before we lit it again!” Lester said. And so they packed their things got on their horses and went back to Aragorn and his friends in Minas Tirith.

-Again back to Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli-

Suddenly the orcs change into rabbits again. “Yeah! They did it again!” Aragorn said. “Don’t stop! I don’t want to take chances!” He continued. “But…But!” Gimli said. “We could cook them into rabbit stew!” Legoals said. “Great! What are we waiting for!” Gimli shouted.

And they began slaughtering the harmless rabbits. “Take that! And that! And This and that one!” Aragorn shouted as he killed the rabbits one by one. Gimli, Was killing rabbits when he suddenly sipped, fell and was unconscious again! What a Clumsy asshole! About a hour later, all the rabbits are gone. They packed them and returned to the castle at Minas Tirith.

-Meanwhile with Lester, Jayma and Ngin Jion-

On their journey, suddenly a weird being appeared, it was actually Smeagol but what do they know. “My precious! You stole my precious! Give it back!” Smeagol screamed. “What the hell is it?” Lester asked Benedict. “I think it’s a shaved monkey!” Benedict replied. “That can’t be! Monkeys don’t talk!” Lester said. “Then it’s it a skinny retard!” Benedict said.

Then Smeagol approach them in an aggressive manner. “GIVE IT BACK!!!!!” Smeagol roared. “Never!” Lester answered. “Over my dead body!” he continued. “I’ll teach you a lesson!” Smeagol said and jump towards Lester. “Fuck you! Cari gaduh!” Lester shouted as Smeagol bit him. Lester pushed him to the ground and began whacking him. “guys! Some help!” Lester shouted. Soon he was joined by Ngin Jion, Benedict and Jayme. “No! No!NOooooooo……”Smeagol moaned as he was brutally beaten.
“AAAAAWOOOOOOOOO………’ a pack of wolves are approaching. “Lets run before those wolves gets us!” Jayme said.

And they leave the mangled Smeagol alone facing the wolves and ran away as quick as light. Smeagol was terrified, “Nice doggie! Good Doggie!” Smeagol said. “RRRrrrrrrrrrrr……………..SNAP! BITE! CRACK! SLASH CHEW!” Smeagol was killed and eaten by wolves.

-now with Aragon, Legolas and Gimli-

“I wonder how Lester, Jayme, Benedict and Ngin Jion are doing?” Aragorn said. “ I are fine!” Gimli said. “What makes you say that!?” Legolas said. “Cause they are right in front of us! Dummy!” Gimli replied. And they called them. “Hey! Lester! Jayme! Ngin Jion! Benedict! We are here!”

-With Lester, Jayme, Benedict and Ngin Jion-

“ Hey! Someone or something is calling us!” Ngin Jion said. “Yeah! Lets run! Don’t look back or we will be dead meat!” Benedict said. And they rode off as swift as the wind.

-Meanwhile with Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli-

“Tamadek! They are running away!” Gimli shouted. “They want to play huh!?” Aragorn shouted. “Lets catch them!” Legolas said. They whipped their cow to make them move faster. “MOOOOooooooooooo!......Whoosh!” And off they go.


-back to Lester, Ngin Jion, Benedict and Jayme-

“I think we lost them!” Jayme said. “Hey! We’d arrived!” Lester said. And they went into the castle. They king greeted them warmly and showed them their rooms. Then at the castle, they went sightseeing and saw Gandalf sleeping in his bed.

“Ngin Jion! Give me your spray paint!” Lester said. “What ya going?” Ngin Jion asked. “I’m going to give that oldman a makeover!” Lester replied. “Which colour!? Pink, Yellow, Blue or Green?” Ngin Jion asked. “Hmmmmm………Pink!” Lester answered. Then Ngin Jion handed him a pink sprayer and Lester went to Gandalf who was still fast asleep. “Here goes nothing!” Lester said and pressed the button. “Psssssss….Psssssssss……” Afetr 3 minutes, “Done! What now? Ah-ha the eyebrows!” Lester said. “Pink use already! Ngin Jion give me the Green one!” Lester asked. “Here you go!” replied Ngin Jion and threw the green sprayer to Lester. “A little bit here, a little bit here……..done! My masterpiece is done! Perfecto! And the hair! I almost forgot! Ngin Jion give me the blue one!” Lester shouted. Then Lester used the Blue sprayer and colored Gandalf’s hair blue Gandalf suddenly moved, “Shh! He’s going to wake up! Lets get going!” Lester said and they move on.

After disturbing Gandalf, there was not much to do except to go back to their rooms and have a nap. Oh! And they also accidentally broke Gandalf’s staff when they fought with the prince. (The prince got hit in the head and fainted and they hid him in the stable.)

At dinner, “My, What great warriors you guys are!” The King said. “I’ll knight you!” The king said. “Thanks!” They replied. The king took out his sword and asked them to kneel. Ngin Jion went first, “I, King Bob, Knight thee……..” The king said. “Kiu Ngin Jion,” Ngin join replied. “Thee, Kiu Ngin Jion, Sir Kiu!” The king replied. Then it was Lester turn, “I knight thee……” “Lester Lai, “ “Thee, Sir Lester!” and he continued with Jayme and Benedict. Just when they were about to began eating, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli appeared. “Your highness” Aragorn said. “Pardon me! Our horses were switch by those idiots with cows!” Aragorn said. But the king wasn’t listening, he was busy looking at Legolas’s and Gimli’s new look. “Holy shit! What happened to you!? Legolas and Gimli!?” The king shouted. “you look like hell!” He continued. “ We were attacked by monkeys! They did it to us!” Legolas and Gimli replied. “Monkeys?..hahahahaha!” The king laughed.

“What a great day!......Hey where is Gandalf?” The king asked. “Guards! Call Gandalf for dinner.” The king ordered. And the guards went to wake Gandalf from his sleep. “Whoa!” the guards shouted. “What happened to you!?” they asked Gandalf. “Huh!?” Gandalf said. “You better not be playing with me!” Gandalf warned. “Nothing!” The guards were terrified. “what brings you here?!” Gandalf asked. “The king asked you to join him for dinner and by the way Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli are back from the battle!” The guards said. “So….Who won?” Gandalf asked. “We did………and I almost forgot! They brought along some friend who helped destroy the Eyes of Saruman! The king just knight them!” The guards said. “Great1 I must see them!” Gandalf shouted. “But you look like…….” The guards said. Just before they could finished the sentence Gandalf got up and ran to the dinner hall.

The king was drinking his soup when suddenly Gandalf went in. When he saw his Green eyebrows and pink beard he choked. “Shit! That old man we disturb was Gandalf!” Lester whispered to Ngin Jion, Jayme and Benedict. “Don’t say a word!” Lester continued. The king was still choking ‘CHOKE!CHOKE!CHOKE!’ and he fainted everyone was too bust helping the king that they haven’t seen Gandalf the clown. “NOoooo! The king is dead!” Cried Gandalf. “I killed him! Damn it!” he continued “Not to worry! I know what to do!” Benedict said. He went there and perform CPR. “1,2,3 blow!.......1,2,3, Blow!” “O my god! He kissing the king!” everyone was astonished. Then the king awoke but as he saw Gandalf again, he fainted. “What is wrong with the king!?” Aragorn said. “Yeah! Every time he saw Gandalf, he just fainted.” Legolas said. “What’s so funny….” They turned to Gandalf. “Mother fucker!! Gandalf what happen to you!?” Aragorn said. “Hahahaha!” Gimli laughed. “The monkeys got you like they got me!” Gimli said. “What’s so funny about me!?” Gandalf wondered. “Here take a look!” Benedict said and handed him a mirror. “What in the name of Christ!!!” he screamed. “What happen to me!” He screamed again. “I seems like the monkeys got you too!” The king said. “Do I looked like a fool to you!” Gandalf shouted. “Yeah! As a matter of fact! You’re do look like fool with your green eyebrows and pink beard.!” Lester said. “I’m Going to……..” Gandalf said when they were interrupt by one of the guards, “Sire! Permission to speak!” “You may! What seems to be the problem!?” The king asked. “I found out that your son, Prince Henry lying half dead in your horse stable. “we are in deep shit!” Lester whispered to the others. “Why?” Ngin Jion asked. “You know the guy we just beaten the crap out of!” Lester said. “Yeah! What about him!? He wants a rematch!?” Jayme asked. “Nope! He’s actually the prince!” Lester continued. Jayme, Benedict and Ngin Jion spit out their food when they heard this. “the what!? “ Benedict asked. “The Prince!” Lester replied. “As in the king’s son!?” benedict asked. “Yes!” Lester said. “May God bless our souls!” Benedict moaned. “Sire, I think that we should investigate!” One of the guards said. “To hell with it! I don’t give a damn! It’s about time that little jerk learnt his lesson! Good for him!!” The king shouted. “Very well…….Hmmmmm….what shall we do to the prince?” the guards asked again. “I will give you some choices, a) we beat him up again, b) we leave him there, c) we threw him into the sea, or d) All of the above!” the king asked. “ Your highness, I will probably choose (d)!” the guards answered. “good choice!” the king praised. And when the Guard was about to go, “Wait! Come back here for a moment!” The king shouted. “Yes? Your highness?” The guard said. “from this day onwards you shall be a General Since that our recent general, the prince is half dead!” the king said “Thank You !” The guards replied happily and went back to work.

Gandalf got tired of waiting, “Cut the crap! Back to me! I’m pretty sure that you guys did this!” And he pointed to Lester, Jayme, Benedict and Ngin Jion. “We didn’t! it’s the monkeysLah!” Jayme replied. “I believe that they didn’t do this! So shut up and sit down asshole! The king shouted. “Fine You!” Gandalf said and sit down his eyes started to turn red and watery. After dinner he approach Lester, Benedict, Ngin Jion and Jayme, “I’ll be watching you tonight! So………….BEWARE!!!!” Gandalf said in an angry tone. “Fuck off! You want some of this!” Lester showed his knuckles. And before you can say ‘I’ a chicken!’ Gandalf ran into his room.
They went to their room, there Ngin Jion got worried, “Hey1 do you think that Gandalf is watching us!?” “I don’t know! But I think that he is just saying bullshit!” Lester replied. “What if it’s true!?” Ngin Jion asked. “Yalor! HowLeh!?” Jayme asked. “Hiyaa! Let’s check the room! If you find anything suspicious, tell us!” and they began searching the room from the top to bottom. Suddenly they found some screws beneath the carpet, “See! I told you that he’s watching us!” Ngin Jion said. “I’ll stop him! Give me a screwdriver!” Lester said and unscrewed it.

-At Gandalf’s bedroom (below Lester and friends room)-

He was sleeping soundly when suddenly the crystal light on top of him started shaking, “What the hell!? My room has ghost?” he wandered. “Wait for a moment and surely will stop oneLah!” Gandalf said

-Meanwhile with Lester, Jayme, Ngin Jion and Benedict-

“The last one!” Lester said. “Done!” He shouted.

-In Gandalf’s room-

The lights suddenly dropped down giving Gandalf the shock of his life. “Whoa! What happen!?” he screamed.

-Back to Lester’s room-

“I think that it is save to sleep now!” Lester said. “I don’t think so!” Ngin Jion said. “Fine! Lets double check!” Lester said and again they search the room. Before they knew it, they found another set of screws. “See! Told you!” Ngin Jion said. “Fine! Give me the screw driver!” And Lester began to unscrew the screws.

-At Gandalf’s room-

“This is really a weird night I hope that it will not happen…………..” Bang!!!!BOOM!!!!!AAHHHH! “………again!?....................Duh………????” Gandalf said. Oops! They did it again!. After being severely hit on the head twice, Gandalf became retarded.

-At Lester, Jayme, Benedict and Ngin jion’s room-

“I think we are save now!” Ngin Jion said. “Yeah! Me too!” Jayme said. “Lets go to sleep now!” Lester said. And they went to sleep.

-The next morning-

The next morning, they woke up and went down for breakfast. “Good morning king!” they said. “Good morning!” The king replied. “Hey where’s Gandalf!?” he asked. “Gandalf!! Gandalf!! Come and have breakfast with us!” the king shouted. And few minutes later Gandalf came, “How are you?” the king asked. “Duh…………”Gandalf replied. “I said, how are you!?” the king asked. “Duh……………….”The same response. “Are you listening!?” the king said. “Duh…………”Gandalf said. “Hey! Talk to me!! Asshole!” the king shouted. “Duh………………………….” Still with the same response. “what the matter! You kena hit in the headkah!?” the king said. As usual “Duh………………………………….” “Forget it! Chef! What for breakfast!?” the king said. “Corns! Sire!” the chef replied. “Not again! Any others!?” The king asked. “Let me check!” the chef said. “I’ll be back In a moment!” And the chef went to the kitchen. Minutes later, “So what’s new!?” the king asked again. “There’s corns, corns, corns, corns and more corns………………Hmmmm………….Basically we only have corns” the chef said. “Corns!? I don’t want to have corns for the rest of my life! You better come out with something new or this is the last day of the rest of your life!” The king screamed. Then Benedict got an idea. “Your highness, Let me introduce to you something new, something great, something yummy. Something other than corns. “Okay, what’s it!?” the king asked. “You really want this?” Benedict asked. “Yeah sure!” The king asked. “O.k as you wish!” Benedict replied. “Gandalf! Look! A puppy!” He shouted. AS Gandalf look away, without hesitating, Benedict pushed him down the stairs………….PING!PIANGPUING!!BANG!.............Puff!! he became Coco Crunch! The chocolaty breakfast for everyone. “Wow! What’s that!?” The king asked with anxiety. “Your highness, I present you……….(drum starts playing)……… Coco Crunch!” Benedict shouted. “Coco Crunch!? What’s that?” The king asked. “I don’t know, but here taste it!” benedict said. He put some on a bowl, poured some milk and handed it to the king. The king tasted it, “Hmmm!! This is great!! From now on! I will have Coco crunch for breakfast!” The king said.

Suddenly, Puff!......”Muahahahahahaha……..” A ghastly laugh, “Out there at the window!” Lester said. “It’s a pigeon, no! a statue! No! illusion! No! it’s Superman!!!! What the hell!? It’s Dracula!!!” Lester screamed. “Bingo! We got a winner!” Dracula said. “But I thought that we trapped you in a room!?” Ngin Jion said. “Well, I got out! And now you are dead!” Dracula said. “Who the devil are you!?” the king asked. “I thought you never asked! I’m the magnificent, the incredible, the elegant………DDDDRRRRAAAAACCCCUUUUULLLLLAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!......” Before he could finish his sentence a strong gust of wind came and threw him down the cliff! “Pardon me!?” the king asked.