On Saturday (Apr. 16) I found out my "friend" was no longer on this earth. |
Someone once said "With friends like these who needs enemies?" I grew to feel that way about you. When we were kids we all used to sit on my grandmother's porch and suck the dirt of rocks. Do you remember that? We always said that we were going to grow up down the street from each other and allow our kids to be friends like we were. Do you remember? When you saw me that day in June, my face covered in bruises, my body hurt from the hits of his fists you comforted me. Told me that I should leave him alone before he kills me. Always told me that. I loved you for that. You came to visit me in the hospital that night after he beat me until I was unconscious. You were there by my side when I opened my eyes. I said right then that you were my closest friend. Now, how see I was wrong. I think back on our childhood friendship. I wonder "What did I do? Why would the person I confided in, trust with all my secrets bear a child with the person I grew to loathe?" I asked you "Why?! How could you do this to me? Why HIM! Why the person that I was so in love with? The one who beat me and I still didn't leave. Why did YOU my BEST friend have to have a child by him?" Do you remember your response? You shrugged. You dismissed my question like I was talking to air. Months later I get a phone call from you. I smirk, holding the phone, wondering what you could possibly say to me. "My little girl's dead Shon... my baby's gone and it's all my fault." My heart felt like it stopped. I broke down and cried with you. Forgotten was all the pain you put me through. I was there with you when no one else was. I was there when you buried your only child, my could-have-been stepchild. A while later you asked, no, you pleaded for my forgiveness. Asked me not to hold your actions against you. Did you know how hard it would be for me to forgive you? You told me he wasn't good enough for me while cleaning the dried blood from my face. You told me that I could do better while helping me through the doors of the hospital everytime he placed me there. And you have the nerve to think I would forgive! I hated you! I cursed the day I met you! To speak your name would made me sick to my stomach. And yet, I did what you asked. I forgave. Never forgotten, but I forgave. As I ride down the interstate I get a call. It is one of our friends. I immediately go into detail about my actions of the day. But I notice that she is silent. As I ask what is wrong she blurts it out. Even now, it seems like a dream. "She's dead! Shounda, Charesse is dead!" All of the hurtful feelings rush me like a tidal wave breaking against the shore. I felt as if someone struck me in the abdomen with their fists.... I plead with our friend. Telling her she is mistaken. Telling her that she had the wrong person. No, not you! I can't bear to bury another friend. It wasn't you it was someone else. Now... I close my eyes and think of you. Wondering if you suffered. Hoping you did not. After all the hell we went through. After all the harsh words were said, I still considered you my friend. I know you can hear me, wherever you are. I just wanted you to know. After all is said and done, you still have a place in my heart. R.I.P. Charesse Elisabeth Killions August 15, 1982 - April 16, 2005 |