44 approaching 45

second thought
I think I'll stay 44...approaching 45.
I like seeing my daughter
sleepy eyed in the morning smile at the cat....
I like knowing my kids are old enough
to get themselves off to school...
and young enough to be wide-eyed
on Christmas mornings...
Heck, I'm wide-eyed on
Christmas mornings...
and I'm 44...approaching 45.

I like knowing that my kids
will still come to me when they have a bad dream
and know that Mom can chase
all the demons away
and I like rolling over in the middle of the night
and snuggling with my love...
knowing he will hold me close
if I have a bad dream
and I don't even have to get out of bed
and run down the hall to mommy...
and I'm 44...approaching 45.

I may not like the worries
I have over bills and work and
how to pay the dentist or can I afford to
fix the brakes this week,
but I love the feeling of making through the week
and having enough left over
to take the kids to McDonalds
and we sit there munching BigMacs
and sharing fries and our day
and still liking the toys
that come with happy meals
and I'm 44...approaching 45.

I still get excited finding change in the couch,
and I can reach inside the dryer
which is a much better change source....
I still enjoy
making the swing make me feel like I can fly,
splashing through puddles,
climbing rocks and flopping
on the big branch in the tree...
I'll still hopscotch...when I see
one drawn on the sidewalk and
I can beat the kids at tetris.
I can stay up late just because I want to,
not clean my room and not get into trouble,
and I make the rules and decide how flexible they are
because I'm 44...approaching 45.

I survived the disaster movies and marriages,
and learned that death isn't necessarily an ending.
I've held my new grandson and felt the thrill
of emotion wash over me and fill me with joy.
I remember the first time I rode my bike...and drove a car by myself
and watch as my kids drive to the store 'cause I 'forgot'
to buy milk....but then my memory
may not be what it used to be
as I'm 44...approaching 45.

I look forward to 6 year old story times again,
Christmas shreddings, lost teeth and magic rocks...
the 'can I keep him, Grand?'s
and the swoop-in hugs...
and I look forward to the last kid leaving and having the house
to myself till they drop in or need a place to land...
when I can not wash the dish or two
though I'll make my bed because I want to
because I'm 44...approaching 45.