For my sake.

Complete darkness surrounds me. Inside the walls of my nightmare, the long road ahead leaving everything to my imagination. It seems as if I’ve been walking for days, the sunlight doesn’t show for me, not anymore. Just darkness and silence, my only friends. I don’t know how I’ve made it this far, my legs push me into nothingness, no longer do I want to exist. For her, I’ve done everything, the energy I once had drained, destroyed. If only I’d done what they said, followed the road they thought out, the road they pushed me toward. But why, why would I do that, why would I follow something I don’t want? God please help me to overcome this demon inside me. If you're real, push me into my future, take the emergency brake off. I’m tired of being here, this dark desolate place only destroys what’s left of me. I feel at peace only in her arms, my heart feels so whole within her grasp. Without her, I’m a useless piece of human flesh. Doomed to walk this useless earth forever. This sick and filthy place we all call home. It does nothing for me. I want to tell her to come back, I want to tell her how much I love her, how many times I would die for her. I want to tell her that i'll always take care of her, i'll always be here for her, how i'll build a wall to push everyone out. But I feel that she’s grown tired of my words, my dreams, my hopes, all of it. With her I could take the whole universe, I could do everything I’ve ever dreamt of. My inspiration, my love, I could feel it all again. I could do anything but I can’t tell her, I’m too, shall we say, pessimistic. I think only of the way she would turn me down. It would kill me for good, I can’t allow that to happen. But it will, eventually. I’ll lose all control of myself. Come back please. I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying. But it’s pointless and I can’t take enough Xanax to kill myself. I love the torture too much, the pain of waking up. I'm a dreamer. Hopefully not the only one.