The Bus down town

If she hadn't loved him she'd be dead.

Khelia D. Had come home from a lonesome night of wandering aimlessly in Downtown Detroit. It was so quiet and bars and taverns were closed. It was her guess that the snow and black ice and slush had a lot to do with the sham of many business Downtown. She had got off the Dexter Downtown just to walk around. The ride was quite, long- about an hour- and the bus that was usually chaotic and stinky in the afternoons now was dingy and empty. The smell during the day moved and shifted with every passenger but now stuck to the garments of the seats and the leaving dark brown spots for dress.
From here on down the only passengers were he and her misplaced thoughts like a dispelled anger she couldn't quite shake. The sporadic drunks who'd board with the drunken melody of James Brown and the woes of their tarnished lives. And the bus driver to whom many would think nothing of but he too is a passenger going form destination to nowhere and back again. Like all the bus drivers she encountered, he wants to know "where are you going, do you have a boyfriend, who are you, hey can we talk."
She used to enjoy these talks thy put her mind at ease. A rough pushy little thought would spill richly like clotting blood forcing its way through the billions of cells carrying intelligence if she weren't talking to someone. Someone to relieve the tense feelings for the man she left at home.

She wanted to sit in the back so not ot be seen by anyone. She wanted to be a filthy seat on the bus. The bus driver would forget she was there and stop at the end of the line for a Break. Talking to himself; touching himself on Beaubien Ave. Where no one goes.
But something told her to sit and listen to the whirring of the omnious specters outside the bus doors. Listen, shh, listen to the coins being counted, the dollars being shifted; the hum of the hum of the engine being drowned by tthe loud racket the unstable vehicular vessel that immured her.
"It's awfully late for you to out isn't it a school night?"
"What's today. Tuesday? I guess it is."
"So what are you doing out so late all the clubs are closed. Bars are doing last call if not closed already."
She looked at the man'ts profile as his focus attained the road. He probably forgets the tings he says as he says them. A man of many contridictions she could probaly talk to him and spill this clotted tension and ambivlence in his ear and he wouldn't be the wiser. She didn't answer his question not because she didn't wnat to but because she had caught a glimpse of the fast moving parked cars and the blurr of buildings lit and unlit signs and neons lights that melted into the hub of her mind. It had reminded her of bein in the white Astro van. Jon P. was swerving so fast that night two nights ago. The snow was just beginning to settle good in the streets making it a soft white pillow on the unwalked side walk. But the streets had remained black as tar.
She was yelling at him because he had not returned any of her calls and would ignore her when he come to visit her dad. TOnight though he had come to pick her up and wnated to explain to her why he couldn't talk. But she wouldn't let him talk she just kept yelling , badgering him. "Why did you come here of all nights. For two weeks you don't talk not even a hi and you wnat to talk. . . now." She persisted as quick 'buts' 'hums' and 'uh's' chirped out of his mouth only to be shut again.
"The Dexter runs all night, right." She turned and looked at the drivers cap it fitted losely on his pointy head like a bad tupae. SHe watched as his mouth moved. When he talks he leans his head and then focuses on her. An actor studying his accents and cues.
"Yeah pretty much but you have to be at a certain place at a certain time. Say, where are you going?"
"I don't know just to walk I guess it's a nice night."
"I guess that depends on who are. To me it's so ugly and lonesome."
"How can you say that when it's so lively. There are many things to do when you're outside alone. You figure things out you know."
Her face had remained assiudous on his hat and the way his head tilted to push the hat in the center. But it just hanged and twisted ugly like as an antique hat rack harboring contemporary dull baseball caps.
"Would you look at this idioit he's on my blind spot I could hit him. I should just hit him because he's crazy."
HE paused and re-entered the conversation saying "that's not exactly what I meant I mean whou would come out here. And if you go home you gots nothing to do. Nowhere to go It's just lonesome and sad."
She looked at him. AT HIM. her eyes squinted a little.

The words poured in her mind like rich mild so simple yet she wouldn't think of it herself.
"This guy still isn't going anywhere. Why the hell won't he back off."
She stared again at the abyss of thick patted snow and slushy steps as the bus roared fast trying to steer away from the blue van the steps seemed to be running faster. Sprinting.
"Sorry. This guy is nuts. I'm going to call DDot. I'm pulling over.

Jon P. had fallen in love with Khelia D. He was in her fathers band and had come over often even without notice; just to see the gleam in her eye when she answered the door. Her surprise. He would hug her in that way you'd hug a lover rubbing her back and letting his fingers drift to the small of her back and to the top to her youthful buttocks. Her back turned hot and sweaty a rush of hot flashes beaming through her body all the wy to that place where things happen. She could never resist that feeling and when there bereft meeting would end and he would talk to her dad she would go into her room an lay flat on her small bead thinking school girl daydreams.
After a while and she was a senior in high school she would go on these mock trips to the mall with his daughter. And her father didn't even know that April P. had gon to live with her real mother. And now it was just Khelia D. and Jon P. alone in that white astro van on some abandoned road in the woods. SHe wanted so bad to consumate their love but he wanted to talk all the time about when he served in 'Nam because he had left home several years before the war. SHe lov to listen sometimes but other times she just wanted to love.

As the bus slowed down the van had begun to jog foward fast.
"wht the hell was that guy's deal. SO where are you going to."
"I told you walking. Could you drop me off here."
"Sure."
She stepped down and helod on tho the door. She let go and finally touched the earthe she desperately wanted to feel.
"So what stop will you be running."
"Beaubien Ave. which is the end of the line and Capitol park, you know where that is?"
"NO not really but I imagine I'll find it while walking."
"Capitol Park; real easy." He pointed aimlessly all around not really sure which way it was: You know where American Coney island is? Well it's across the street wher eall the buses go. There's a 99 cent store sittin' catty corner. Now you wnat to say inside it's--"
"Thanks, I get it."
"Alright little lady stay safe the devils are out."
He closed the door and swerved off leaving landing strips of slush. She walked passed closed shops and expired meters.
Alot of these closed shops still had their lights on and you could ssee the sort of bygone apparel that hung loosely on the manequins. On the corner of myrtle ther's a faded painting on the side of an abandoned building that always caught her eye while riding to her mothers house.
WJZZ. There was a circle of Paradise around it deep electric blue and a yellow moon or sun in the upper extreme of the graffiti. It cast a reflection in the faded water that was also same tint but because the paints were different the fater faded fater into a chipped powder blue. The land was black as to indicate if you were her you wouldn't need land. You could just fly.

As Khelia D. walked she thought more and more. The thoughts clotted so much she began talking to herself about herself. Why did she feel so for Jon P. They were very discreet and clear during their two month courtship.

Jon P. had finally stopped the van and grabbed her arm he talked to her, yelled at her, then pleaded for ther forgiveness. He had toyed with her feelings. He thought that because she was young she'd get over it and hopefully forget about him. She could not understand why had he done this. She was in love with him now.
"I don't get it why are you sayint these things you're crazy."
She said sobbingly and frustrated. uncertainty seemed to have halted at her doorstep and invited itself in.
"I'm sorry baby please listen to me. She found out and she said she'll leave if I don't stop.
"So what about me. You don't want to be together. April is with her mother now. You don't have to worry about her."
"Oh baby." He leaned back a little to examine her. To see where her emotions were going . How far would they take her. He put his hand on her face and rubed it. He felt the soft skin he yearned to touch with that hardened muscle.
"Can we just go I can't believe you could do this to me. I'm not some old bitch you can fuck then leave. fuck leave fuck leave fuck leave."
She ranted as if turned mad."
"Now wait baby we never had sex."
"Fuck leave fuck leave." She didn't hear him she couldn't even hear herself. THe words just jumbled from her mouth. Some words gathered to pervent herself from flailing and fighting.
"Khelia! Listen to me!"
"What!"
"We never fucked! He shouted impatiently.
"You're right. I'm young and I do stupid things.
Just do me one thing please."
"Look you're not stupid and I will always love you its just that--"
"I know but before we end this do me a favor."
"What baby, anything"
"Just take me to your wife. Let me apologize and explain."
"No, No way! I can't. I won't do it."
"What, why? I want to tell her I'm sorry. I won't do anything I promise."
She leaned clost to his face and pecked a soft moist kiss on his thin brown lips while whispering redunantly, "I promise, I promise."
"No its not a good idea." He had tried with little effort to push her away. But her youth. THat inocent sensuality had persuaded him and he surrendered. She continued to kiss him ont eh neck licking his ears and back to his mouth. She slipped her tongue in his mouth. His body had turned to jelly only moving with the rhythm as she rubbed his thighs and pursing into his pelvis. She tried to unbuckle his pants but he stopped her and pushed her away. He didn't even look at her. He turned the ignition ardously. He hated to do it but he had to. He had to go.

"You brought that scruvy bitch here in my house are you fuckin' stupid."
"Hope, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for all this and you'll never have to hear or see me again."
"Look bitch, you fucked up my family and you're gonna pay.
Hope P. know that her husband had been with her tonight and had saved a bullet for him. But she didn't think he'd be bold enough to bring her. She had to choose but it was too late and Khelia D. had chosen for her she shot them both. Without a pause. Eventually she planned the other bullet for herself. She couldn't let hem live if he was going to hate her for what she did even if she spared him in exchange for her own life. You see, if she didn't love him she'd be dead too.