I am the Clown

I am the Clown


I walk across this world
Living two lives
Wondering what happened to my dreams
Why they are still just that
I have much, but it is material
I want what I cannot have
Things that cannot be held, or seen, just felt
What I wish for upon the star bright
It is not to be
So I wander lonely through this circus of life
I am the clown
With a painted face, a painted smile
Hiding my true feelings
Masking the frown
Putting on my show, making others laugh
Dancing about for loves long dead
Judging me only by my faults
Which are only part of what makes me
A clown, juggling empty dreams, while riding a unicycle
Across the tightrope that is my life
I try to be cold, not give in to emotion
Yet, I sit here alone and write these words
Some are blurry
From tears dropping on fresh ink
Quickly wiped away, but the stain remains
A constant reminder that I feel
That I can't stop the emotion
It controls me
It is me
I fight until the end of day
When sitting I write my words
Then creeping to my bedroom
The rainbow wig disappears
Make-up no longer there
No longer the clown
Just me
Crying alone in the dark
Awaiting the sandman
Eyes become heavy
I dream of darkness