Words On The Screen

WORDS ON THE SCREEN
By
David McClain


The neat white frame house sat in a row of neat little houses on a neat little block with a small green yard and a white picket fence. The house was perfectly camouflaged and blended into the rest of the neighborhood to the point of invisibility. Nothing extraordinary there, one might think as they cruised by on the silent street. They would be wrong, for in the house was an extraordinary woman mired in the ordinary world.

Mary Jane Dodson sat on her sofa sipping her customary cup of hot herbal tea before bedtime, and thought about her day. She sat back onto the cushions of the tattered old couch and stretched her legs out, resting her feet on the coffee table in front of her, savoring the mild drink.

The people who knew Mary Jane, mostly those with whom she worked with down at the First National Bank, would describe her as quiet and friendly; the women that is. The men usually describe her as a beautiful woman who unfortunately is an “Ice Princess”.

Mary Jane herself scoffs at the idea of any sort of beauty in herself and is not even aware of the other description at all. The point of fact is; Mary Jane Dodson was a beautiful woman. With long shoulder length auburn hair, green eyes and a fair and flawless complexion, she looked a good five years younger than her forty three years. She still had the body of a woman half her age thanks to daily runs and a healthy diet. Her five foot seven inch frame carried its one hundred and twenty pounds like a model and she had legs that turned every head of every man she walked past, but Mary Jane was oblivious to all the stares. In fact, she thought of herself as rather plain and not at all attractive.

As she sat on her couch and drank her tea, the soft strands of a Miles Davis song seeped into her mind and eased the days cares away. After the song died she sighed and got up, slowly making her way to the bathroom. Stripping off her jogging pants and tee shirt, Mary Jane stood for a moment and took inventory in the full length mirror on the door. As usual, she didn’t really see what the mirror showed her. Well rounded breasts, flat stomach, shapely hips, and firm skin. All she saw was a plain woman who had never been told she was beautiful.

As she stood in her shower and let the hot water work its wonders on the aches that came with a two mile run, she thought about how quiet the house had become since her only son had gone away to college a few months before.

Mary Jane had been married and pregnant at the tender age of seventeen. Her husband was three years older than her and she had been totally in love. The fairy tale lasted three months, the marriage lasted almost ten years. The husband had been a drunk and she quickly become his punching bag. She tried to make it work, god knows she did. But when he started to do the same to their young son, she had enough and left in the middle of the night taking her son with her. She fled not only the husband but the state and ended up across the country where she had devoted herself to raising her son and making a life for them both.

All through her marriage, Mary Jane had been told, by the only man she had ever loved that she was ugly and stupid and she could never make it were it not for him. Sadly the first part she believed, though she proved the second part wrong. She made a life but she had been wounded by the words to the point that she actually believed herself ugly and she quietly walled away her heart and gave up on love and men. She focused her energy into making a life for her and her son and never allowed anyone, especially a man close enough to do her harm again.

Mary Jane climbed into her bed and snuggled down under the covers as all these things ran through her head. As she drifted off to sleep she wondered what she was going to do with the new gift from her son. He had bought her a computer. He had told her that they could talk to each other on the Instant Message feature and save a bundle on phone bills. She had laughed at the idea but had promised him she would start using it tomorrow, if she could figure it all out.

The next day was Saturday and Mary Jane Dodson had the whole day off. She woke up early, and after her breakfast she decided to try to play with her new computer. She started out slowly, got online and went to a few sites just looking around. She signed up for Instant Messages and added her son as her first contact. Mary Jane loved reading so she decided to visit a few communities online that advertised themselves for writers. Soon she came across one named Writers Land.

Clicking onto their message board, she began to read stories written by new and want-to-be writers. Each story was critiqued by someone with the nickname of “Words”. She discovered that Words was the manager of the community and he had set it up to help new writers. Mary Jane was curious and she went to a different part of the community where Words had posted his own writings. She was instantly captivated by his words. Somehow the man’s poetry and prose touched something in her that was deep. She became lost in the stories he wrote. She finally look up at the clock on her wall and discovered, to her surprise, that she had been sitting at the computer for three hours! She was stunned. Where had the time gone?

Now she was consumed with curiosity and she applied to join the community. Having applied, she left the community and got up from the computer. She had shopping to do and a thousand errands to run and she was already woefully behind.

The rest of the day Mary Jane went about her usual routine. She did her grocery shopping, cleaned the house and did some yard work. But the whole time she was doing these things she was thinking about the wonderful stories she had read and wondering about the man who had written them.

That night she once again sat back down in front of her computer and check her email. The very first email she had was a reply to her application. It was from Words and it informed her that she had been accepted as a member and included a short welcome from the manager himself.

She was delighted and she clicked onto the community right away. There on the message board was a welcome to Mary Jane from Words and she spent the next half hour figuring out how to reply to it. Finally completing that task , she went poking around in the rest of the community, reading everything she could find.

It was then that Mary Jane found that the community had it’s own chat room . There was a short cut from the community to the chat room on the “Welcome Page”. She sat very still for a moment, debating with herself wither or not to go in. Like most people she had heard all the horror stories about chat rooms and she sure didn’t want to become involved in that scene. But these were writers, she reasoned, surely they would be different. Finally she took a deep breath and clicked on the chat icon.

Mary Jane Dodson was not disappointed. The chat room was fun and it was full of creative people who discussed writing. She loved being a part of it. She had been there about ten minutes when Words came into the room and said Hi to her. Here was the man who she had been so curious about.

He was friendly and nice and was actually talking to her! Time passed but she was unaware of it. She laughed and talked to all the different chatters and she got to know them. She shared with them her secret desire to write. Something she had shared with no one else and they all encouraged her to try and to post her stories in the community. Words encouraged her as well and she was drawn to him. She wanted to write and she wanted his opinion.

Finally she said goodbye to the chatters and left the room with a promise to write something soon. Mary Jane was shocked to find that it was almost two in the morning. Where had the time gone? Tired, but happy, Mary Jane went off to bed and looked forward to tomorrow so she could start writing.

The next day she posted her very first poem and it was well received by the other members who posted their opinions. Words also posted. She could not remember ever feeling so pleased with herself.

The weekend ended and on Monday she went back to work. It was then that Mary Jane fell into a pattern. She spent her days at work and her nights writing, and always went into the chat room for an hour or so to meet with the other members…….and Words.

At work the other people began to notice a change in Mary Jane. She started to act more self-assured, more outgoing. She smiled more. The word got around the water cooler fast: Mary Jane must be in love! Had she heard this rumor Mary Jane would have been shocked. She didn’t consider herself in love with anything but the written word. She finally had an outlet for all the feelings within her and it was an exhilarating feeling of freedom that affected her in every other aspect of her life.

It was sometime in her third week as a member of the community that Word whispered to her while she was in the chat room. Mary Jane was totally flustered. She had no idea how to handle a private conversation. In fact, Words had to ask her in the open room, to please turn on her whisper option so he could speak to her, which embarrassed her to no end. She turned them on, and right away Words spoke to her. He was very polite and very nice. He complimented her on her poetry and he asked her how long she had been writing. It was all very innocent and she relaxed and enjoyed the talk. After that they talked every day in whisper. Always about writing, and a little about their personal life. He was divorced, though he never went into any details about it. Slowly, over the weeks he and Mary Jane grew to be friends.

One night, in the room she asked Words why he didn’t have a picture posted in his profile. He merely laughed and told her it was because he was way too ugly to take a picture. Besides, he said, I am merely words on a screen and you can't take a picture of those can you. She had laughed and said no more about it, but she was curious now. What did this man look like, and come to that, why was she so dang interested? She had to laugh at herself at that thought. One day Words asked her if he could add her to his IM list and she happily said YES. From then on they talked on IM everyday and they became closer. He shared with her his hopes and fears and listened to her as she told him about her disastrous marriage. An emotional bond formed.

She learned that Words real name was Jason Beck and he had published seven books. Even though he loved writing, his real passion was helping new writers to perfect their craft, thus the community was started.

More and more she found herself thinking about Jason Beck when she was not online. He was always there, in her thoughts. She went out and bought a copy of all his books and she read them all. It was then that she noticed something funny. Nowhere, on any of the books cover pages or bio pages was there a picture of Jason. She still didn’t know what he looked like and it started to bug her a little.

Mary Jane and Jason’s relationship entered new territory one night on IM. They had been talking for hours, off and on, and Mary Jane was about to sign off when she typed:

Mary Jane says: Jason I gotta get to bed, work comes early tomorrow…see you tomorrow night….love ya!

She sat there for a moment, shocked that she had used that word…”love” and she stared at the screen, suddenly afraid of what he might say in return. Had she overstepped the boundaries of friendship? Would he take offense? For a few seconds he said nothing, then he typed

Jason says: God help me, I love you too.

Mary Jane felt as if an electric current had flashed through her body. She wasn’t sure what to say, but before she could recover Jason went offline! He was gone and she sat there in the dark room staring at the computer screen and wondered what she had done. Then she realized a truth she had not allowed herself to think………she really did love this man. It was a terrible shock to her. How had this happened? When did it happen? Mary Jane slept very little that night.

The next night, on Instant Message, they met and they talked about what had happened. He told her that he had fallen in love with her and she admitted to him that she too had fallen in love and the act of voicing these feelings had an effect on both of them. They accepted the truth of these feelings and they began to revel in it. They became an “item” in the chat room and they loved letting the other chatters know that their relationship had evolved to this new stage. For Mary Jane it was as if she had been reborn. Her writing became easier and full of emotion that she had always denied in the past. Jason published his eighth book and dedicated it to her, with love. He sent her an autographed copy which she proudly brought to her work and showed the ladies in the office.

Mary Jane Dodson was happy for the first time in a long while. She felt feelings she had only dreamed of before. She wanted more. She wanted to meet Jason. She wanted to hold him in her arms and kiss him for real. She now craved a real love in real life. She told Jason this one night and got a shock.

Mary Jane says: Darling, I think its time we met don’t you?
Jason says: No baby, we can never do that.
Mary Jane says: WHY NOT? I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME!

There was silence for a moment then Jason typed again…..

Jason says: You remember what I told you once? I am merely words on the screen…..well that is all I am and all I can ever be my love. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. I will always love you……but we can never meet in the real world……I’m sorry.

Mary Jane was crushed. Tears were running down her cheeks and her hands were shaking…THIS COULD NOT BE HAPPENING TO HER…..the words screamed in her head. She quickly signed offline without saying goodbye, ran to her bedroom and threw herself on the bed and began to cry.

Mary Jane could not sleep that night. So many things were going through her head, so many possibilities. What if he was really married? Was that the reason he would not meet her? Why had he never talked about what he looked like? Why were there no pictures of him anywhere?

The next morning she awoke with a new resolve. She was going to find this man and she was going to talk to him face to face. She was determined to know if it had all been a lie and she was determined to know what secrets he might be hiding. She called her job and gave them a story about a death in the family and said she needed to take a week of her vacation. Her boss was very understanding and told her to do what she needed to do and her job would be waiting when she got back.

Then Mary Jane Dodson went to work on her problem. She knew his name, she knew what town he lived in. She made some calls, got on the net and searched for some information. Within a few hours she had his address. Then she called a travel agent to make reservations for a flight.

That night Mary Jane Dodson arrived in Tampa Florida. She rented a car at the airport and drove to the city and got a hotel room. Early the next morning she was on the road with a map of the city streets. It took her almost an hour to find the right house. She pulled up in front of the large Spanish style home with a large front lawn. She did not get out right away, she just sat in the car and watched the house. There were no kids toys in the front yard. That was a good sign she thought and there was a light on in the front room so someone was definitely home.

She was suddenly assailed with doubt. What would she do if a woman answered the door? What, come to think of it, was she doing here at all? Banging her hand down on the steering wheel of the car in frustration, she said “To hell with it!”

Quickly she got out of the car and walked up to the front door. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she knocked on the front door. She heard footsteps approaching from within the house and she stood straight and stiff backed as she waited for the door to open.

The door opened and Mary Jane caught her breath. The man in the doorway was tall, over six foot tall with long black hair that showed a touch of gray at the temples. He was handsome with the build of an athlete and his green eyes seemed to pierce her as he stood there in front of her.

“May I help you?” His voice was deep, just like she had imagined.

“Jason?” She stammered, “It’s me, Mary Jane. Please can I come in? We need to talk”

The mans voice became cold and his eyes were hard. “I’m sorry, You have the wrong house!” He started to swing the door closed but stopped as another voice sounded behind him.

“Let her in Jerry….it had to happen sooner or later I guess.” This voice had a weird sound to it, like a computer voice, not human at all.

Jerry sighed and opened the door a little wider. “Come on in Mary Jane.” he sounded so sad when he said this that Mary Jane didn’t know what to do….finally she walked through the door.

In the hallway, behind the man at the door, she saw something that almost made her faint. There, in a wheelchair, was what looked like a carbon copy of the man at the door. Except this man’s body was wasted to almost skin and bones. His body was held upright in the chair by straps and there was some sort of computerized machine in front of his face from which his words were coming.

“Mary Jane, meet my brother, Jason.” Jerry stepped around the staring Mary Jane and walked over to stand next to the wheelchair. “He has been like this for ten years now, ever since a car wreck damaged his brain stem. Its called the “locked in” syndrome. He can't talk, he cant move on his own. His wheelchair is powered by his breath and the voice is computer generated and he controls it with his eyes.”

As if to demonstrate this, Jason spoke again. “It’s true Mary Jane.” he said and the weird emotionless computer voice assaulted her ears. “This is why we could never meet. This is why I always told you that I am only the words on the screen. This is who I am now. So now I have to ask you….. Can you still love me?”

Before she could answer, he spoke again. “This is my twin brother, Jerry. He has been caring for me since my accident, when my wife found out she couldn’t love me either. I like to think that Jerry is how I used to look but now THIS is who I am.” The computer generated voice that issued from the chair seemed devoid of emotion. Cold and empty words each of which stung Mary Jane like angry wasps, caused her to stiffen and she felt the tears overflow her eyes and began to course down her cheeks.

She stared into Jason’s eyes unmoving, until tears slowly burned away his image. Jerry grabbed her elbow as she wept and seated her on the couch, close to the man she had grown to love. Composing herself, she apologized and finally smiled tenderly as she lifted her face to him. " My words, they came from my heart, as I felt yours touching me though your love. They came from knowing each other for ourselves." Mary Jane reached out to him, her calmed hand touching his frail body gingerly " Jason, you filled an emptiness inside me with your soul, it will always be part of me, I want you in my life.”

Jerry sat down next to Mary Jane “Do you understand that this is as good as it gets. He can only stay up in the chair a very short time and then he has to go back to his bed.” His words were soft and not meant to be hurtful. He just needed her to know the truth.

“I understand Jerry.” Her voice came out almost as a whisper. “Now can you please give Jason and I a few moments alone. Please.”

Jerry stood up and rested one hand lightly on her shoulder. “Of course. If you need me I will be in the den. Just call out.” Jerry stood and looked down at her for a moment then, shaking his head sadly, he turned and walked out of the room.

Now it was just the two of them. Mary Jane sitting on the small couch, half turned and faced the man she loved. Jason’s eyes seemed to be boring into her as the silence stretched out between them.

Finally she sighed and placed a hand on one of his wasted legs.

“Well my love you certainly know how to throw a girl for a loop.” Her smile was bittersweet.

“I never wanted this Mary.” the voice so devoid of feeling. “I DO love you, but now you know my secret…..I can not love you.”

She closed her eyes and took a calming breath. “Yes darling. I can see that but it can’t change my heart you know.”

“I know,” he said. “But for me…please darling. You must turn around and walk out the door. For me. For us my darling….you must go.”

Slowly Mary Jane stood up and took a small step toward Jason’ chair. She bent down and tenderly kissed his cheek. Then for a moment she held her face against his soft skin. Her tears mixed with his in joint misery for a moment, then she straightened up, turned and walked to the door. As she opened the door she paused and looked back at the man she loved.

“What about the future, what about us……online?” Her voice was stronger. She had made up her mind and she had accepted.

“I will always be there for you Mary Jane.” Jason replied. “I will always love you and I will always be the ’Words on the Screen’ my love.”

Mary Jane Dodson smiled then. “I will talk to you tomorrow when I get home then sweetheart. I have a new poem I want you to read.” With that she walked out the door and back to her life……but not out of his.

The End