The Genii of the Box

The Genii of the Box

By

David McClain

Joe Garza was deeply involved in his favorite pastime, he was surfing the net. Joe had come to the computer late in life. He had bought it himself last Christmas and was soon lost in the wonderful world of the information highway.

Joe paused with his fingers poised above the keys and, as he waited for his slow dial up to make a connection, he thought about that first day online; the day a whole new world had opened up to him. It had been amazing, he could go anywhere, find any kind of information and all at a click of a button. Joe was instantly hooked. He loved it, but then he made the ultimate discovery, he found the chat rooms.

Now, armed with multiple nicknames and matching profiles, Joe found himself something of a social gadfly. He was popular in his favorite chat room and he visited many others using different names. Joe had soon found himself spending all his spare time in front of the computer, much to the chagrin of his wife and children who rarely saw him anymore unless he happened to stop for a meal on occasion. The net had become Joe’s life and he loved it.

Joe Garza’s thoughts were interrupted by the beautiful sound and the little blue box popping up to tell him that not only was he online but he had six new emails. Joe happily delved into his email like a man possessed. He answered the first five letters very carefully wording each one just right. Boy oh boy, he thought to himself, he was gonna have fun online tonight if these mails were any sign.

The final email, though, made Joe stop and scowl. It was from one of the managers of his favorite chat room. The manager was sending out the mail to inform his friends that they were no closer to stopping the hacker who was at the moment harassing the whole room. The hacker defeated all the bots in place to keep his kind out. He came in and posted crude, vile threats to certain popular members or he came in under different nics and stole the profiles of the other chatters then used them in porn sites. In general, the hacker caused major chaos in the room and people were leaving by droves.

Joe wanted more than anything else to be able to stop this vicious prankster. He knew that if he could somehow find a way to thwart the hacker then he, Joe Garza, would be everybody’s hero!!! He would OWN that chat room!!!

Being the hero of the room was something that really appealed to Joe and for a very simple reason; In real life Joe was a nobody. He was one of those people whom others paid very little attention. He was a rather dull, drab man of fifty. Overweight and balding and with a plain face, Joe didn’t have a personality strong enough to overcome his many physical short comings. As a result he had very few friends and almost no social contact outside his family.

The room had changed all that. In the chat room he had discovered he could be anything he wanted to be. God he loved that.

Joe’s only problem was that he was sadly lacking in the computer skills it took to stop a hacker. Hell he could barely Cut & Paste without making a mistake. That wasn’t going to stop Joe, though, and with his face set in grim determination he brought up his trusty search engine and typed in the first thing that came to mind: HACKER REMEDY.

His computer flashed a blank blue screen then up popped a new window:

ONE SITE FOUND……… www.GeniiHelp.com.

Joe stared at his screen for a moment wondering if maybe he had made a mistake again. ”GeniiHelp” what the hell is that, he thought. After only a moment of hesitation, Joe clicked on the site.

Joe read silently. The more he read the more he was convinced that the site was a joke of some kind. It was started, so it said, by a gypsy woman who had studied the great mysteries of the east. She had learned how to tap into the nether world of spirits and demons, the strongest of which are known as geniis. She guaranteed to be able to solve any problem a chatter might have; for a nominal fee that is.

Joe laughed to himself. What the heck did he have to lose? He sent a hurried email to the address listed in the site and outlined his problem. Joe asked if maybe the gypsy would be able to help with dealing with the hacker.

After sending the email he started to open the link to his chat room. "Time to play" he thought. Before he could click on the link, there was a loud crash coming from his closet followed by an angry yell.

“OUCH!!! WHO THE HELL TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?”

Frightened by the sudden noise, Joe jumped up, ran over to his closet and threw open the door. A cloud of mist rolled out of the closet. When Joe could see, the sight that greeted his eyes almost made him faint.

A tall man dressed in flowing purple robes, wearing a cowboy hat and boots, was standing in the small closet. Some of Joe’s clothes which had been hanging on the rack were now draped across the strangers neck and shoulders.

“Who are you” Joe yelled at the man. “What the heck are you doing in my closet?”

The stranger looked at Joe with piercing brown eyes, a scowl of anger on his lips.

“I’m the damn Genii you called for, you dummy! Now help me outta this dang man-trap!”

Joe took a quick step forward and took hold of the genii’s arm guiding him out of the closet and into the room.

“How did you get in there?” He asked his visitor, not knowing what else to say.

“Trade secret.” The genii retorted. “Now what can I do for you?”

Joe favored the genii with a look of skepticism as the genii made himself comfortable in Joe’s favorite chair in front of the desk.

“You expect me to believe you are a real genii?” Joe asked. “What kind of fool do ya take me for?”

The genii stretched his legs out and rested both boots on the top of Joe’s desk, ignoring the man’s disapproving look. He tossed his cowboy hat on top of the computer monitor.

“Friend,” he spoke with a soft Texas drawl. “You don’t want to know how many different kinds of fool I take you for. Now just tell me your problem and let’s get this dang show on the road shall we.”

Garza stared at the strange man for a minute, then slowly he told his story of the hacker and how he wanted the man gone.

The stranger listened to Garza until he finished. Then in the silence that followed, he stood up from the chair and raised both arms out to his side. The flowing robes he wore seemed to expand, caught by a wind that didn’t exist, and he grew in stature until his form filled the room.

“I AM THE GREAT GENII OF THE ELECTRIC BOX,” he intoned. His voice seemed to fill the entire house with sound. “YOU MISERABLE HUMAN, YOU CALL ME FORTH AND EXPECT ME TO COMMIT SIMPLE MURDER?”

Garza turned pale and cringed against the door, suddenly afraid for his life. His voice broke and quivered in fear.

“I--I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you really, I just don’t know how all this is supposed to work.”

Instantly the genii shrank back down to normal size and his voice came out at a natural volume.

“Oh don’t get your panties in a wad, Joe.” He laughed and the laugh was deep and pleasant. “I am just required to look all genii-like at least once during the first interview. Now relax and let me tell you how this thing works.”

Garza studied the genii, totally confused. “How do I know this isn’t all some kind of trick.”

The genii smiled and reached into his robes and withdrew a small white business card. Garza caught the small card and turned it over

JIM BOB BROWN esq.

GENII

COMPUTER DIVISION

“This is just unbelievable.” He said quietly. “How long have you been doing this job?”

Jim Bob, the genii got this far-away look in his eyes.” Would you believe I was slain by a jealous king in the great country of Babylon, five thousand years ago, and have been a spirit of great power ever since?”

“Uh…No.” Garza replied with a gulp.

“OH ok, would you believe that I was sitting at my computer two years ago chatting in a chat room, getting cybered by this little blonde. Then bolt of lightning struck the computer while I was typing ’Oh baby, oh’ and fried me and the machine both. I woke up and I was suddenly in the genii game and now I have to make things right, kinda making amends for my past life I guess.”

Garza thought about this a minute. ”Yea I can buy that” He replied.

Jim Bob walked over to Garza and put his arm around him and begin to walk him around the room.

“Ok, so here is what happens,” he said. “I will hunt this little butt up and deal with him, then I will come back here and report to you when it is all finished.”

“That’s all there is to it?” Joe asked.

“That pretty much covers it.” Jim bob replied lightly. “Now if ya don’t mind I think I will get started.”

There was a large puff of smoke and the Genii was gone!!

****************************************************************


Three days passed and Joe Garza had not heard a word from the genii. Maybe he had just imagined all that stuff in his study that night. Maybe there was no such thing as a genii. Dinner was done and he had retreated to the study and locked the door. His wife and kids were doing whatever it was they did nowadays, he really wasn’t sure anymore.

He had just turned on his computer when there was a large puff of smoke in the room... genii had returned!

Joe jumped out of his chair and ran over to the genii who stood in the middle of the room with his arms folded, watching him.

Jim Bob was now wearing a pair of levis and a denim shirt to go with his boots and hat. But Garza noticed that the shirt and pants were all ripped and tattered and the hat was missing part of it’s back.

“What the hell happened to you genii?" "You look like you walked into a buzz saw.”

“Well I tell ya what, this teleportation aint what it’s cracked up to be,” Jim Bob answered him as he took off his hat and inventoried the damage. “I accidentally materialized in the middle of the local zoo just now. Right onto the back of this big gorilla who decided I was his blind date for the evening!”

Jim Bob shook his head. “Not a pretty sight, let me tell you.”

“Ok, never mind that, how did it go? Did you find the hacker?”

Jim Bob smiled broadly at Joe. “You bet I did and that is one ole boy that wont be hacking nobody again.”

“So tell me. What did you do to him?”

“Well he is still living.” Jim Bob answered. “But let’s just say he has mended his ways.

See, I finally found him, and popped in, surpriseing him so to speak. I threw a few mumbo-jumbo magic phrases at him, and WHAM, he is now a changed man. Every time he even thinks of hacking, he suffers menstrual cramps one hundred times worse than has ever been suffered by any woman throughout history! Just as icing on the cake, though, I also put him in a position where he has to HELP people. Not only help them, but he has to LISTEN to all their complaints. If he doesn’t try his hardest to solve their problems, he gets the big pains again.”

Joe Garza stared at the genii in awe. “You sly, clever devil! My God, you made him a manager in a chat room didn’t you? Wow! I would have been content just with his death, this is sooooo much better!”

“You don’t know the half of it, Joe.” Jim Bob stared at Garza with a funny little smile on his face. “I’m just half done. I still have my original job to do.”

Joe sat down at his desk and stared back at the genii. Something didn’t sound quiet right about that. “What do you mean your original job? I am the one that called you forth. What more do you have to do?”

Jim Bob came over and stood next to Garza’s chair and looked down at him. “Well good buddy, you see you aren’t the one that actually called me.”

"This was definitely taking a bad turn," Garza thought to himself. What the heck was this crazy spirit up to? “What do you mean? If you weren’t answering my call, then who DID call you forth to the human world?”

Jim bob didn’t answer right away. Instead he said, “Go ahead Joe, get online and go to a chat room. Maybe I can show you.”

Garza turned to his computer and clicked on the link to one of his favorite chat rooms. Within seconds he was there and his nic appeared in the room.

Suddenly his fingers flew over the key board. He typed "50/fat/married, as soon as he entered the room, to describe himself. He was shocked, his fingers had typed that without him even thinking!

Joe Garza sat there and stared at the screen in horror. ”What have you done?” he screamed at the watching genii.

Back on the screen, other chatters were laughing. All Joe could see were the terms ROFLMAO AND LOL scrolling down the screen. These were terms meaning Roll On The Floor, Laugh My Ass Off and Laugh Out Loud.

HE HAD JUST TYPED THE TRUTH!!! He turned back and looked at the genii with a look close to panic. “Did you just make me do that?” He hissed, his teeth grinding in rage.

Jim Bob nodded agreeably. “See, when I materialized in your closet, I had actually been sent by an old friend of yours. You were the original target, but after listening to you, I figured I might as well kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.”

Garza had turned pale at the implication. “Who was it? Who sent you after me and what have you done?”

“You remember an old friend of yours called KansasDoll?” The genii asked softly.

Garza almost fainted. Doll had been one of the first women he had become involved with online. He had told her, like he did all the women he met, that he was single, forty and wealthy.

She had fallen for him hard, and it was Doll who showed him just how much fun a guy could have online if he wanted to. Of course, when she had started talking about coming to visit, maybe even moving closer to him, well he couldn’t have that. So Joe had pulled a disappearing act and changed nics, profiles and email addresses. The he began hunting another woman to spice up his life.

“I can see by your face that you remember her. Well boy, she really remembers you. Wow, was that woman ever pissed off when she finally figured out what you had done. So she called me forth and as they say, the rest is history."

Jim Bob waved his hands in the air and intoned:

"JOE GARZA FROM THIS DAY FORWARD YOU WILL BE UNABLE TO TYPE ANYTHING BUT THE TRUTH ONLINE! YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN BE ABLE TO LIE TO ANOTHER WOMAN."

The Genii continued, "That was what KansasDoll wanted done to you and now its done. You have a happy life there Joe, and I hope I never have to see your sorry face again. It’s bad enough to be dead, but I shouldn’t have to deal with a scum-bag like yourself. That’s just too much even for a good ole, dead, Texas boy.”

Having said that, Jim Bob Brown, dead Texan and genii extraordinary, waved his hands in a complicated magic design and disappeared in another puff of smoke, leaving the stunned Garza to stare into the empty space where Jim Bob had been.



THEN END