Hard Truths and Innocents

from: Ivan Turgenev

"To you who desire to cross this threshold, do you know what awaits you?
I know, replied the girl.
Cold, hunger, abhorrence, derision, contempt, abuse, prison, disease and death!
I know, I am ready, I shall endure all blows.
Not from enemies alone, but from relatives, and friends.
Yes even from them...
Are you ready even to commit a crime? Do you know that you may be disillusioned in that which you believe, that you may discover that you were mistaken, that you ruined your young life in vain?
I know that, too.
Enter!
The girl crossed the threshold, and a heavy curtain fell behind her.
Fool! said someone, gnashing his teeth.
Saint! someone uttered in reply."



Hard Truths and Innocents


Not even the silky long sleeved, jade green suit could hide my visibly shaking body as I slowly and carefully lowered myself onto the hard seat of the uncomfortable orange chair.

This was the annual general meeting of Orchidland Community Association (OLCA). Orchidland is a rural subdivision with no water or sewer lines from the county. Each lot owner owns a small share of all the roads and we have an annual road maintenance fee to fund the road maintenance. Elected volunteers run OLCA board and the Road Maintenance Committee.

My mind traveled back to the, “beginning,” Dave, my husband, came home late from a road committee meeting, down heartened, he sighed, “We are in trouble. No one wants to be a Road Maintenance Committee member and we need one more person. We can’t pass any resolutions without the required number of members. We’ve EVEN asked the wives of volunteers! How are we ever going to have decent roads if no one cares enough to help?”

Although I didn’t understand what he was talking about, and my only thought was to cheer Dave up, I said, “You didn’t ask me!” Instead of the expected laugh, (because we both knew how I hated meetings), Dave’s face lit up and he excitedly asked, “Oh, Sweety, would you do that, what a God send you are!”

“Oh Dear, I’m in trouble," I thought, as I diplomatically tried to back out by bringing to his attention the fact that I knew nothing about roads or the rules of such meetings. Dave assured me it would be easy. “All you have to do is sit there and vote when necessary, Sweety!” What was a girl (old girl) to do?

Well, the meetings were just as Dave had promised. I sat there and quietly absorbed the process of how the meetings were run and the roads maintained and eventually felt quite relaxed. That, however, changed very quickly and dramatically as I was unexpectedly thrown right into the thick of it!

Never, had I ever, imagined myself standing in front of so many people, I am completely terrified! How I wished I was sitting invisibly at a meeting now, but instead, I am reading the yearly road maintenance report in a husky—scared-stiff voice, trembling hands clutching the finely printed pages. Someone interrupts me just as I feel like I can breath again.

A well known, respected man of our community is standing. He looks directly at me and says, “I move that a vote be taken to remove the Road Maintenance Chair from the board of directors.”

Shaken as I was, it took me a moment to understand he was talking about me! But, still, it didn’t register. This was not on the Agenda!
All of the Board members were shocked. The President didn’t seem to quite know what to do.

An officious looking woman quickly stood and read the, “charges,” that I had misused funds for my own ends, that some funds were missing entirely, and that the roads were not being maintained properly.

One prissy lady stood up to tell everyone how I had cheated the community. She made two inaccurate statements before I realized that no one would stop her. Without hesitation, I rose up out of my chair and stood facing my accuser. “Excuse me,” I loudly said.

She stopped and looked at me with acid in her storm gray eyes! The President started, “Pat...,” but I held up my hand, palm facing him to indicate, “stop.”

All eyes were on me as I, clearly and firmly proclaimed, “Mrs. Carter, if you tell one more lie about me, I WILL sue you!” She gasped in outrage, snorted through her long nose and stomped away without another word. I had indeed been bold this day.

Many people, including the board members, stood up for me and disputed the charges.

Someone yelled, “Vote, vote!”

The President reluctantly drawled, “All in favor of the removal of the current Road Committee Chair please raise your cards. The volunteers can begin counting.”

While awaiting the outcome of the vote, I sat quietly wishing that someone had warned me that I was entering a war zone when becoming the road chair. I’d had to battle to help this community, but I’d refused to be a part of the politics which other volunteers seemed to accept as normal.

What was I doing here? Going through one of the most difficult ordeals of my life—defending myself against the accusations that I was a liar, thief and cheat

I’d spent the last 9 months teaching myself how to chair a community meeting effectively. At every meeting I always took my glasses off so I couldn’t see the people at the meeting—because I still, “shook in my boots,” up there. I learned how to be brave, say what needed to be said, and keep the meetings in order, but I never conquered my fear.
I made it my business to learn all the different processes of road formation, and then how to pave a road. Looking at every aspect of the OLC Association, I systematically initiated new bookkeeping, banking, insurance, hiring, recording and check systems to run our volunteer organization like the business it is. I learned how to talk to city planners, burly grader operators, and little old ladies who had complaints or compliments. It was more than a full time job—it took over my life!


My wandering mind quickly snapped back to the present as a deep, familiar voice suddenly demanded, “STOP, I have not had my say, and nor has the Road Chair been given the opportunity to defend herself!”

Walter, a popular board member, but one I had clashed with many times because of his politically motivated agenda, laboriously lifted his stout frame to a standing position. He did not wait for anyone’s approval and apparently he was a board member who knew what this was all about.

In his loud and slightly obnoxious voice, Walter flatly stated, “This is not about Pat and any actions on her part. There are members of this community who are afraid. This is a lynching.”

“With the way our roads were being maintained there was no chance of this community ever developing, we’d just continue to struggle on and on. Pat has put in hours and hours of time researching and presenting to us ways of improving our systems. She has inundated us with reports!”

“Due to Pat’s efforts we now have an economical, easy to run, efficient association. This year, for the first time ever, we had enough money left over from the road maintenance funds to allow us to pave some of the road.”

“Yes, it is clear, some people are getting desperate and would rather accuse an innocent person of cheating than see paving and progress in this subdivision. Be careful, be very careful!” Walter warned, as he unceremoniously plunked himself back into the quivering chair.


All eyes were then focused on me. It was my turn to say something in my own defense. I thought there was no need to say anything. Walter and the board members had already said more than enough. Then I heard mumblings, “Come on Pat. Tell’um. Give it to them Pat.” I pondered, “What could I say?”

Unexpectedly, I felt myself standing. I didn’t feel like myself. Nor, did it sound like me, as without thought, words began to flow out of my mouth.

I told them all how a previous road maintenance chairman had overspent and been forced by some of the community and board members to resign. I told of how no one would accept the road chair position after that, and I had been convinced to consider accepting it.

I told how I had meditated and prayed for hours, hoping to receive an answer to this request. Desperately, I threw the, "I Ching," to see if I could get information from, “The Book of Change,” a book older than the Bible.

Finally, here was an answer. It was profound, and very clear. Put simply, “I Ching’s,” answer was: I should accept the position in question. I should change the inadequate system. I should be honest and non-political at all times. I would have to be brave and bold for the good of the community. It ended with the statement that I would learn greatly from this experience.

“Therefore, I accepted the position of Orchidland’s Road Maintenance Chair, but only after I promised myself that, unlike the previous Road Chair, I would NEVER, ever take ONE STEP without the written permission of this board. Nor have I.”

“I want you all to know that however you decide to vote, this is a WIN—WIN situation for me. If you decide to keep me on the OLCA Board, I will, with pleasure, continue to work hard for improvements in this community. If you should vote for me to step down from the OLCA Board, I will be thankful for all I have learned, but, joyfully accept my life back.”

I floated back down into the now, magically comfortable, orange chair. It was one of those moments that one could hear a pin drop in a crowd. Suddenly, people stood and I heard applause, loud applause, long applause, and cheering. I was dazed, but could feel a, “Mona Lisa,” smile on my face, and a deep peace in my heart.

The vote was taken. “I am thankful for all I learned and joyfully accept my life back. I wish someone would have warned me that I was entering a war zone.”

“Fool! said someone, gnashing his teeth.
Saint! someone uttered in reply.”