Oh My Darling

Anger boiled beneath the somewhat calm exterior Tattie was struggling to project. Horrible people, she thought staring at the group currently populating the chamber. They were busy preparing to retreat underground for the day. The three women gathered up toys along with the eating mats, placing them in the large cloth slings that hung from their shoulders, while father and son perched atop fluffy cushions on the stone floor and consumed the last of the morning meal. Two little boys padded sleepily behind the women, glancing once or twice in Tattie’s direction. Tattie sat in the corner, her mouth watering from the scent of the spicy sauce that was drizzled over the bread.


Her in-laws had offered her only shelter for the night, excluding her from meals and denying her anything to drink. They hadn’t spoken either, except to point out the relief room and where she might lie down. She hadn’t expected to be treated so poorly. At the very least, she’d anticipated being given grudging hospitality and maybe less Sharing than was customary. Never would she have predicted a complete absence of the Remembrance Feast and the sly indignity of silence. Your son’s dead, she wanted to shout, and this is how you honor his memory?


Her stomach growled loudly and Tattie quickly placed her hand over it. Beneath her fingers, the child stirred, a tiny fluttering that sent her heart soaring. A frail smile crossed her lips and she looked up in time to catch the old man staring. He averted his gaze immediately and began speaking with his eldest, now only, son. The faintest hint of dawn had begun to fill the chamber and the old man’s features stood out in stark relief against the dark stone and resin floor. He looked like Ravi, same eyes and chin, though his expression was stern and forbidding. None of the friendliness or kindness that had been a part of Ravi was apparent in the old man.


The oldest woman approached the men and murmured something. Both men rose and she scooped up their cushions, packing them away in her sling. Tattie turned her scrutiny from the old man to the woman, Ravi’s mother. Very little of Ravi could be seen in her, she appeared tired, beaten down, as if life had drained her of emotion. Sympathy kindled in Tattie as she wondered if she had the same appearance. Losing Ravi had been worse than losing her parents, though the two experiences had been similar. Mining accidents were not common, but they did happen. Tears threatened, brightening her eyes and constricting her throat. Passing a hand over her face, she moved to a crouching position. The position was one favored by miners and had a calming, comforting effect.


One of the boys began to fuss, and the young woman bent over him. Her soothing murmuring quieted the child as Tattie watched. What was the girl’s name? Ravi had mentioned her several times when they were dating. He’d clearly adored her, but after the marriage he’d stopped discussing her along with the rest of his family. Of the group, she was the only one who’d met Tattie’s appearance at their door with concern. Her face had softened considerably on taking in Tattie’s swollen belly and the glance she’d cast in her father’s direction had been one of apprehension and fear.


They shouldn’t have been surprised at her arrival, Tattie thought. The Journey of Solace included the immediate families of the deceased, disowned or not. When her father had died, she and her mother had made the trip, stopping at all their friend’s homes for a night. The Remembrance Feasts had been small but the Sharing of Experiences had been long and full of anecdotes of her father. When she made the trip again a few years later for her mother, she’d been wrapped in the concern and warmth of her fellow miners. She hadn’t expected the same consideration on this Journey. Ravi, the son of a shipping magnate from the upper classes, had given up his influential and pampered life for her, embracing the mining lifestyle. Miners were a cliquish lot and she would have understood had she been given only what was considered polite, but the miners adopted Ravi as their own and were truly distraught by his death. She was subsequently shocked by the lack of grief shown by Ravi’s family. Their reception had been so cold, she thought they’d send her back into the tunnels, but the public heating units had already shut down and the temperature had fallen well below what she could survive for an extended period of time, even in her mining gear. After many exasperated looks, they allowed her to follow them to the sleeping chambers.


The enormity of their wealth hit Tattie when she stepped from the tunnel into the transparent surface chamber. Surface-sleep chambers were expensive luxuries that required the services of highly skilled workers. A small fault in the chamber ended in disaster. One cost more than Tattie could make in ten years. Ravi’s family had three, one for the children, one for the parents, and one for the eldest son and his wife. The chambers connected to each other with a central room, where she now squatted near the transparent walls, large enough for the whole family to take their meals.


Tattie shifted her weight, knowing she should offer to help the women, but finding it hard to muster the courage to approach them. She was intimidated by them and ashamed of it, which added to the anger. Shrugging her shoulders she sighed, no doubt they would put her lack of manners down to her class status. Her stomach growled again, the child kicked vigorously, and Tattie shifted her weight once more to make it comfortable.


One fine-boned hand reached out and slid practiced fingers over the surface of the stone floor. The floor, cut in one large piece at extremely cold temperatures, had come from the mine Tattie had most recently worked. Definitely quadrant A, she decided, but much higher quality than what they’d removed lately. That meant it had probably been cut and placed well over a hundred years before. She’d looked at the much newer floor in the children’s section the night before. Likely, this was the first chamber to be built and had served the entire family several generations ago. There was a thick layer of synthetic resin pounded into the porous surface of the stone. The resin had been replaced recently and expertly. Little designs stamped into the surface identified the artisans that had sealed the stone. Her heart lurched suddenly as her fingertips brushed the mark of a friend from her crew. Mining was much needed extra income for his family of six.


She turned her attention to the red and orange disk rising over the horizon bringing the planet’s cratered and scarred surface an eerie beauty. Regolith cast odd elongated shadows, causing the resulting patterns of light and dark to give the illusion of movement to the barren landscape. Beams of light spilled through the layers of transparent mineral and onto the floor, warming the stone beneath her touch. The ore, sealed inside the stone, would soon begin liquefying and absorbing the heat as the resin became soft and pliable sealing the pores while still allowing the rock and metal to expand. The metal cooled slowly releasing the heat throughout the night keeping the family warm. The system was problematic as the resin had the tendency to break down under the intense heat and had to be frequently replaced.


The sun was now one-quarter up and the resin was soft to the touch. Tattie’s boots would scar the surface if she weren’t careful, though that didn’t seem to be a concern. The men left impressions of their heels, some deep enough to last for days, as they continued their conversation. Tattie found her friend’s mark again and, gently working the resin with her thumb and forefinger, erased it. Putting one hand on the wall, she steadied herself as she stood. The chamber was becoming uncomfortably hot, though the mineral in the building absorbed or deflected harmful radiation it allowed some of the longer wavelengths to pass through, heating the stone and the air in the chamber.


Tattie stood and tossed the jacket over one shoulder, while perspiration began to bead on her skin and then slide slowly downward. Soon the soft slippers worn by the women wouldn’t be able to protect them. They would have to move underground. The men and Tattie, with their heavy footwear, could remain longer.


Ravi’s mother, sister-in-law, and sister herded the boys to the tunnel that led downward to the rest of the home. What was her name Tattie mused silently, stubbornly refusing to look aside as the girl met her gaze and held it for what seemed an eternity. It started with a D, she realized just as the girl finally glanced away, blushed and slipped from sight. Tattie moved out of the corner to stand behind the men. Slightly more than half the sun showed above the horizon.


The son, she couldn’t remember his name either, was gesturing emphatically making a point. The conversation between the men grew louder. She moved in closer to listen and discovered the argument was about import fees. She followed the conversation intently as they discussed the ship and its destination, a planet with an atmosphere where people lived on the surface. Ravi had traveled to such places when working for his father. Tattie had gone with him often to the public observation chambers where, edged up against the walls, he’d pointed out different stars and told of the planets circling them. She never got tired of the stories.


The last bit of the sun cleared the horizon. Tattie was sweating profusely, and so were the men. They turned, fixing her with a disapproving stare. She spun around immediately and made her way down into the tunnel, hoping to avoid any comments they might make about her breach of protocol. She should have exited with the women, but having lived her entire life underground, Tattie, like most, was fascinated with the surface. A bold idea began forming in her mind even as her heart quailed at the idea. A picture of a chamber above ground with green plants around it, the kind they had in the import store, flashed through her head. The picture shifted to a place where the child could play in sunlight without walls for protection. Ravi would have approved the idea, embraced it even. The thought of his smiling face brought hot tears and she swallowed hard, brushing them away.


Sliding a hand on the rock wall of the tunnel, she moved along rapidly, traveling steadily down the steep incline. Climbing the night before had been an ordeal. Between the incline, and the babe, who stole her breath and slowed her down, she’d had to brace herself against the wall halfway up and rest. She’d been crying then too, unable to control her grief. Going down was much easier, she decided, glad of the solid grip of her boots against the rough rock. The tunnel was much darker than the surface chamber, though here and there small florescent buttons clung to the wall casting a greenish light. The mines had similar devices as well as light tubes, to brighten an entire area. Her eyes adjusted quickly, but she kept her hand on the wall, her sensitive fingers automatically cataloguing the type of rock and mineral veins that slid under them. The tunnel turned sharply and continued downward, turning again every thirty steps or so, while the temperature dropped steadily. Tattie slid on her jacket, not bothering to close it up. The heat from the sleep chamber and the day rooms leaked into the tunnel and kept it warmer than the free tunnels. Almost like work, she thought, soothed from the routine movement. By the time the tunnel widened out into the small chamber that began the day rooms, she was in control.


Tattie halted by the thick metal door that opened onto the free tunnels. Etiquette demanded she thank her hosts for sheltering her through the night. They don’t really deserve it, she decided as she listened to the trudging footsteps of the men. A debilitating wave of sorrow swept through her settling in her bones making her feel heavy and very tired. She glanced at the metal door again. Ravi’s face flashed in her mind’s eye and she pushed it aside swiveling her head and meeting the eyes of the old man as he emerged from the passage followed by his son. Hatred radiated from his body and the glare he sent her nearly knocked her down. Instinctively she took a step backward. They stood in the welcoming room silently for several long moments. Tattie perched awkwardly on her toes while the men stood with their arms crossed.


Why do I feel like I’ve done something wrong, Tattie asked herself? She took a deep breath and began, “Thank you for letting me stay the night.”


“It was not my doing,” Ravi’s father growled with a dismissive wave, “my wife would not allow me to let you die in front of our door.”


Tattie shuddered, struggling to maintain at least an outward calm. Closing up the front of her jacket, she mumbled softly, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”


“Of course you are,” the old man snorted. “You would’ve enjoyed being thought of as family. I saw the way you inspected the sleep chambers. Already hoping to spend some of our money weren’t you?” His son placed a hand on his back and murmured something Tattie couldn’t hear.


Her mind whirled, unable to decide how she should react. Words stuck awkwardly in her throat and her face began to burn in the lengthy silence. She watched as his mouth twisted cynically into a smirk. The expression caused the simmering anger she’d felt since arriving to bubble out. “You disowned him, I’m not entitled to any money, even for his child. It’s too bad since I would have enjoyed spitting on it and throwing it in your face.” Both the father and his son flushed red. Tattie turned red too. “He was your son, you could have been respectful to his memory,” she ground out, her throat aching.


The father opened his mouth but his son interrupted. “We don’t want you here. You have no claim on us since Ravi was no longer part of our family. All you’re doing is upsetting my parents. Please leave.” Both men turned and vanished into the passage leading to the underground part of their home.


Tattie spun, yanked open the metal door, and fled into the main tunnel. The door slammed behind her and she leaned against the rock taking several deep breaths while her heart pounded wildly. The air was heavy, stale and extremely cold. Drawing breath made her lungs ache and she quickly pulled up the ventilator on her collar.


Minutes passed as she collected herself and finally moved away from the wall towards the center of the tunnel and took a step towards town. Only the twilight tubes in the center of the passage were lit, the day tubes wouldn’t click on for several minutes yet. It saved energy for the city, and besides, no one traveled at night. The tunnels were too cold with the heating units turned off.


The ventilator began whirring softly a sure sign of strain. It wasn’t meant to warm the air more than a few degrees. Its primary job was to filter out harmful gasses and it wouldn’t last long if the heating and circulation units didn’t start up. I don’t care, Tattie thought. I’d die before I’d go back there. She’d taken quite a few deep puffs when there was a groaning, grinding sound and the compressors came on.


“Tatiana,” the voice came from behind Tattie, startling her. She turned, focusing on a shadow that she’d missed in her hurry to escape Ravi’s family. The sister stepped into the light. She was covered in thick robes belted at the waist. A brightly colored scarf covered her mouth and nose. Tattie recognized the cloth. It commanded a high price in the shops because it had its own bio-chemical heating and filtration system. “Here,” she said producing a shawl of the same material and holding it out to Tattie.


Tattie took the shawl and wrapped it slowly around her shoulders all the while studying the girl intently. The material provided instant warmth that seeped quickly through her clothes. In minutes she would be hot, she decided fingering the fringe on the shimmering cloth. “What do you want?” she asked as the sister shot an anxious glance at the metal door.


The girl drew her attention back to Tattie, licking her lips. “I wanted to tell you that…” she hesitated, then began again. “My father… we were only told that Ravi had been killed. I wanted to know what happened.”


Tattie felt her expression harden. “It’s big news, they’re still talking about it. I can’t believe you don’t know.”


The girl examined her feet, avoiding Tattie’s eyes. “My father is very strict about what we’re allowed to see and hear.”


The silence following her statement was so intense that they both jumped when the day tubes clicked on. Tattie turned the collar down and closed off the ventilator letting out a deep sigh. Her breath formed a cloud of steam in the frigid air. “We were working not far apart when a meteorite struck the surface right above us. The impact caused the roof of the tunnel to cave in. There was a vein of denser rock where I was standing. It cracked but didn’t collapse right away. I was able to escape,” her voice trembled slightly. “They said I was lucky. They still haven’t recovered all the bodies.”


Ravi’s sister was regarding her carefully now, her eyes filled with sorrow. “I see,” she looked away. “Thank you for telling me.”


“You’re welcome,” Tattie responded rocking on her heels. They endured another long silence.


Finally, the girl drew in air sharply. “What will you do now?’


Tattie felt a burst of anger, but she quickly squelched the impulse to tell her it was none of her business. The sister waited nervously, but her interest seemed genuine. She certainly acts sincere, Tattie thought feeling a sudden sense of relief, as though an upside down world had righted itself. “I’m going to sell everything I own, which isn’t much, and buy passage on a ship.” She paused, surprised at the words. For a moment she thought to retract the statement, but there was every reason to do as she’d suggested and none to stay. “I want to live on the surface where I can look up and see something besides rock, where our child can look at the sky.” As soon as she spoke, images of new places formed in her mind, bright places, where people were happy and unencumbered by outdated traditions.


“A beautiful idea that Ravi would’ve loved. You must take the shawl. If you need to, you can sell it. You should always have a little extra, just in case, for the child,” the sister urged.


Tattie stood still. She hadn’t expected the girl to react with generosity. “Why would you care what happens to me?”


The girl smiled slightly. “Ravi married you against my father’s commands. He must’ve loved you very much, and he wouldn’t have loved a woman who only wanted his money.” She glanced over at the metal door, nervously. “However angry you made my father, you made my brother happy. I will always be grateful for that.” She took an agitated step toward the entryway and then unexpectedly placed a delicate gloved hand on Tattie’s arm. “Good luck, Tatiana,” she whispered as she glided over to the door, opened it and disappeared within. The door closed behind her with a clang.


For a minute, Tattie stood in the middle of the tunnel staring at the door aware that her opinion of her sister-in-law had undergone a profound change. “I don’t even know your name,” she said out loud. It was some time before she finally turned and started walking.


Trudging along towards the city, she listened for a transport on the off chance there would be one so early. If one didn’t come along, she’d have several hours of walking to think. The shawl over her jacket had her boiling now that the heating units were blasting. She unwound it and carried it in one hand picturing grass under her feet and sky above her. There’d be no problem disposing of her belongings. There were always people ready to buy used anything for the right price. Whether she could get enough to buy passage was something else. Her hand tightened on the shawl. I could get a good amount for it, she decided, but I’ll try to keep it. Having made the decision, she felt a spark of anticipation and less grief than she had for days. From behind her came the soft humming of a transport and she stood to the side giving it room. It slowed to a stop and she climbed in, stated her destination and sat back against the cushioned interior, feeling as though her life had somehow started over.