THE BARENESS OF EXISTANCE

The small room was dimly lit, from the single bare light bulb that hung, from it's place, in the center of the ceiling. It was 5:00 A.M. and the sandy -haired young man had been sitting at the rickety, wooden, kitchen table all night. His muscular back was hunched over the red and white checkered oil cloth. His arms were folded, with his head leaning on the crook of his elbow, lost in his thoughts, feeling, and wanting to cry but afraid if he did; he would not be able to stop. An outsider would say he looked as if he had lost his last friend in the whole world. He lifted his head and stared out of the small window into the early dawn light and watched the rain coming down.

From the next room he could hear the gentle sounds of sleep coming from his young wife Linda. " What am I going to do?" Thought Tom"," Linda is due to have our baby any day. here I am out of work, not even a glimmer of hope of finding a job and not a cent to our name."
'Why can't I control my temper? So what if I had to take guff from that jackass John. Isn't it worth it to be able to care for my family." "What a jerk I was to fly off the handle at him and get fired."

" The landlord will be knocking on our door and demanding the rent again and i don't have it." " How can I bring another human into this world? How can I take care of a baby, if I can't take care of Linda and myself? "What a failure I am as a husband and a man."

He sat there for a long time; lost in his thoughts and thinking , "I can't do anything for Linda and our baby, I can't feed them , clothe them or even keep a roof over their heads". There is only one thing I can do."

He picked up the torn kitchen towel and proceeded to stuff it under the only door to the room, all the time thinking " this is right! "It's the only thing I can do." He took one, two, three steps across the floor over to the old kitchen gas stove and began to turn the knobs on one by one, each time he could hear the hiss and smell the sickening sweet smell of the escaping gas beginning to fill the room.

" Linda will not even know what is happening, she will continue to dream her sweet dreams until the end thought Tom"

After he was finished he stepped over to the window to make sure like the door it too was closed tight. " It shouldn't be long now, he thought." "We will soon be free".
He walked into the tiny, cramped bedroom that contained their bed and the small broken night stand with the miniture lamp and alarm clock. He looked at the walls with the faded flowers and peeling wallpaper. "What a dump" he thought".

He went over to his sleeping wife and lay down beside her, as he lay there watching the hands on the baby ben clock turn, he began to break into a cold sweat and could feel the beads of perspiration falling down his forehead. He looked at his softly sleeping wife and tenderly placed his hand on her bulging stomach and thought he felt his child kick him back with recognition.

"Oh God! he prayed, how long is this going to take. Please don't let Linda wake up! " At that moment Linda began to cough from the fumes now enclosing the tiny bedroom. " Oh God is this right he thought." Do I have the right to make the decision over whether my wife and unborn child lives or dies"? "Could I be wrong?" He looked at the clock it was 6:15 A.M. an hour and 15 minutes since it all began.

He sat upright and said out loud "No, No, this is wrong!" "I don't have the right to take their lives. I'm not God!" "Linda he shouted, Linda wake up we have to get out of here now!"

Tom jumped up and sprinted over to the stove; with it's promise of death and turned each knob off and ran over to the window and flew it open; to make sure the pure clean air was coming in. Linda was awake now, crying and scared, running to the door to get out of the death trap Tom had created for them.

Tom joined her in the hallway, as he was holding his trembling young wife he felt an icy, cold, shiver run down his spine, as he thought about the terrible thing he had almost done. "My God Linda could be dead now and our baby too he thought" What was I thinking?"

Looking at his frightend wife, Tom said "Honey, please, please, for the love of God please forgive me I am so sorry" I was so stupid!" "Please give me another chance to prove to you how much I love you and our baby".
"I swear to God in heaven and you Linda, I will never, ever do anything to hurt you or our baby again."

Closing his eyes, he prayed silently" please dear God let her forgive me", then he felt her touch his face and she kissed him softly. Tom knew, he still had a chance to make it up to her because, she still loved him.

He could feel the tears of releif beginning to fill his eyes thankful that Linda and his unborn child was okay.
He began to feel hope about the future again. " I will get a job tomorrow he said to himself" I will find a way to take care of my family, I know I can".